On The Road With Danny Concannon: O4'05
by Ms.M
Summary: Where was Danny in season six? Read the adventures of Danny Concannon and what lead him to ask CJ to dinner in season seven. Please R & R each chapter if you can. It really helps the writer. FINISHED
1. Prologue

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DISCLAMER: These characters belong to Warner Bros Television and so forth. A few are my own creation.

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ON THE ROAD WITH DANNY CONCANNON: 'O4-'05

_A Travelogue: JUNE (2004)-JULY 2005_

_(Season Six)_

* * *

"Some folks are born made to wave the flag, ooh, they're red, white and blue. And when the band plays "Hail To The Chief", oh, they point the cannon at you, Lord, It ain't me, it ain't me, I ain't no senator's son, It ain't me, it ain't me, I ain't no fortunate one, no,"

**FORTUNATE SON** John C. Fogerty

* * *

"**Maybe this year will be better than the last.."**

**Anonymous.**

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Prologue: 

Have you ever been so tired you couldn't sleep? So hungry you couldn't eat? So much in love you couldn't feel anymore? This was happening to Danny Concannon. It was part of the job, but he was becoming more and more a shell of his former self. The world was different now. Conversation didn't seem so lively. He no longer saw that golden yellow glow that once had surrounded him and the White House. It was no more, and the world was becoming stranger and stranger by the minute. It was becoming harder and harder to see the light side of life. A dark cloud was moving farther and farther over America and farther over Danny Concannon. He seemed to have caught it like a bug; a bug that without his knowledge or approval had come from her. It was such a nasty determined strain. He didn't even have to be in contact with her to have it transferred, and he felt it in his soul--to the depths of his soul.

They said the time of idealism is over, the time of romance is over, and the time of lyricism is a thing of the past. Danny never wanted to believe it. It would never be a time past those things. It was his job to shake sense into people. After all, there is no room for hacks and no room for conformity and no room to dumb down. "Lift people up and they will rise with you." But Danny seemed to be the one in need of lifting. He was once told he was too sensitive, a sponge of sorts, for the feelings of those he cared about. This was something that helped him in his job. It made Danny's subjects open up to him. But something was trapped inside Danny, embedded in his soul and like a true journalist, and he had to ferret it out.

He was determined for this year to be different, but it wasn't starting off that way. He was determined to get her out of his mind this time, but it was wasn't starting off that way. All his plans had only embedded her along with his sadness deeper into his soul. Perhaps he would have to shake her loose for his own sanity. But first he would have to discover the problem and learn to live with it. He would have to learn to live with it or toss it aside like a bad draft of a story. Danny, of course, knew all this only vaguely. What he knew for sure was that he was lost. He was lost, and he couldn't quite say why. He had a feeling, but he didn't want to face it.

Age brings clarity and age brings bitterness---Danny didn't want the latter. To quote Bob Dylan, "the times they are a changin', and Danny didn't like the way the wind was blowing. For his own sake, for CJ's shake, for all the Donnas of the world, for the world itself, and the life he knew, something had to be done. A year of change had to be ahead. It was far from simple----but things never seemed so hopeless as staring into the belly of despair and longing. He felt lonely and loathsome---lonely for loving her and loathsome for himself, for missing her so much.

The year of change was about to begin:

* * *

**(New Theme Song:) Carry on my wayward son—Kansas**

_Carry on my wayward son  
There'll be peace when you are done  
Lay your weary head to rest  
Don't you cry no more _

Once I rose above the noise and confusion  
Just to get a glimpse beyond this illusion  
I was soaring ever higher  
But I flew too high  
Though my eyes could see  
I still was a blind man  
Though my mind could think  
I still was a mad man  
I can hear the voices when I'm dreaming  
I can hear them say

Carry on my wayward son  
There'll be peace when you are done  
Lay your weary head to rest  
Don't you cry no more

Masquerading as a man with a reason  
My charade is the event of the season  
And if I claim to be a wise man  
It surely means that I don't know  
On a stormy sea of moving emotion  
Tossed about I'm like a ship on the ocean  
I set a course for winds of fortune  
But I hear the voices say

Carry on my wayward son  
There'll be peace when you are done  
Lay your weary head to rest  
Don't you cry no more  
No

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_COMING OCT 20th _

_On The Road With Danny Concannon: '04-' 05_

_Season Six_

_

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_


	2. Half Moon Bay, CA: Summer

DISCLAMER: These characters belong to Warner Bros Television and so forth. A few are my own creation.

------- -------

Title: On The Road With Danny Concannon '04-'05 Half Moon Bay, CA

Aka H.M.B Concannon (Season Six)

Chapter One: _Break_.

Companion Piece: T.H.F. Thurmont

----

**On the Road with Danny Concannon**: _Half Moon Bay, CA_

"_I've still got sand in my shoes  
And I can't shake the thought of you  
I should get on, forget you  
Why, why would I want to"_

_--**Sand**-Dido_

Break 

He looked over the water. The sun was half way set over the horizon and the glare off the water made his eyes squint. The bay was surrounded by a gray-blue hue; a color that just about matched Danny's mood. Something inside of Danny had gone melancholy; turning a color of blue he wasn't quite used to. He had always been a happy-go-lucky kind of guy, but as he ran through his forties like a freight train, that dreariness seemed to appear with increasing frequency. It was a color he was getting more and more familiar with as it slowly crept in, like a turtle, over the last seven years.

He had tried to forget her with other women, alcohol, work, more work, and now, of course, distance, but with no avail. Yet he found himself in the most prolific time of his life. Garnering two Pulitzers, it had been his most creative period and still, somehow, the most murky. Many said, in print and to his face, that the Bartlet Administration was the best thing that ever happened to him. But Danny knew better.

Danny could feel the grains of wet sand beneath his feet, as he stood at the water's edge with his hands in his pockets, his pant legs rolled up to just below his knees. He walked a little, deep in thought, searching his mind for something, anything, to take him away from her even for a moment. But in this moment of solitude he had nothing; nothing that could anchor him to himself.

Something in Danny had snapped a few days after Memorial Day. About to embark on a plane from Seattle back to DC, Danny had stopped. He stopped cold and without rhythm or reason, he walked away. Perhaps it was sleep deprivation, or the fact that his body had been running on empty for just about a year now. He needed a break emotionally and physically.

"Sir?" He had heard the flight attendant's voice echo in his ear before finding himself back in the moment; at the terminal. "Sir? Are you boarding?"

Adjusting his bag's strap on his shoulder, Danny broke from his daze. "No." Even he was surprised by his answer. "Ah....no...no...never mind." Danny turned, shaking his head as he walked, dumping his boarding pass into an innocuous looking garbage can as he passed.

Back in present: The water broke on the shore, hitting Danny's legs and ankles, making his feet cold. He picked up a piece of sea glass from the ground and skipped it along the water. A group of children ran past, almost knocking Danny over, much as the waves would have done, had he been a bit farther out.

"Sorry." said the voice of a sweet woman as she passed, obviously the children's parent.

"That's alright." Danny said sweetly. He really didn't mind. He turned as he followed the woman with his head, taking notice of the boys who had now run into a large group of seagulls, sending the birds soaring, like a cloud over the bay.

Danny made his way over to a large piece of driftwood and sat himself down with a grunt. He looked out over the amazing vista and laughed for a moment about a speech the President once gave. He found his hand playing with a smoothed-over piece of seashell, twisting it between his fingers and feeling the glide of it against his skin. He looked down at the sand below and saw remnants of someone's initials written in the sand. He found a stick next to a piece of seaweed, and for fun he wrote his own initials in the sand: DC.

Leaving his mark on the sand, Danny looked out at the ocean to see the sun was about to set for good and he lifted himself up with another grunt. Standing now, Danny continued to make his way further and further down the shore. The water hit the sand behind him, running over his initials until the water erased the letters DC from the shore.


	3. Ismay, Montana: Summer

**On the Road with Danny Concannon '04-'05**: _Ismay, Montana_

"Tangled up in Blue"

Companion Piece: T.H.F. Thurmont

Note: The following Joe Montana remark is in fact true and not part of my strange imagination.

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"Early one mornin' the sun was shinin',  
I was layin' in bed  
Wond'rin' if she'd changed at all  
If her hair was still red."

_---**Tangled Up In Blue **__**Bob Dylan**_

**_

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_**

Chapter Two

Danny sat in the middle of nowhere, in the middle of a small cabin, in a remote but not-quite wooded area. If one didn't know any better, one might have thought he was a Unabomber of sorts.

Outside were wide and open spaces, mountain ranges in the background and patches of green and yellow in the forefront. Inside was a mess of dark shadows, and a room that had been either lived in or trashed. In the middle of the one-room cabin was Danny Concannon, sitting at a card table and for the first time in a long time, sitting not at a laptop, but an old Smith Corona typewriter. His beard over-grown and his clothes looking as if he was about to cut some wood, or fish some fish, he sat mesmerized by his own thoughts, and by the bottle of Corona next to him.

"Ha, ha." Danny nodded his head and laughed in delight at his own writing. He was in the zone, pecking feverishly away at the keys.

There was a knock at the door.

"One second!" Danny yelled, as he typed up a storm. He never took his eyes off the keys. He had to finish his thought, but the person on the other side of the door either didn't care or couldn't hear, for the knocking on the old rusty door came again. "Coming. Coming." Danny stood as he finished the last sentence and ran for the door.

"Hey." Danny said to the boy, as if they had met this way before. Danny ran his hand to his back pocket and took out his wallet.

"That'll be ten fifty, Mr. Concannon." Said the boy, who held a grocery bag in his right hand and a box under his right arm.

"Your Mom doesn't mind you comin' out so far?" Danny asked with one eye on the boy and the other on his fingers shifting threw the bill area of his wallet.

"Nahh---she likes me reportin' back about the crazy city guy livin' out here with no electricity."

"You got electricity, Arty?" Danny joked.

"Yeah, we do." He said sarcastically. "It's right next to the butter churn."

"You're smart." He handed the boy the cash in his hand.

"You're cheeky."

"Yeah, I am." Danny smiled. "Keep the change Arty."

"Hey, thanks." The kid seemed very enthusiastic about his tip.

"You know you can come into town anytime you want, Mr. Concannon. We're all nice folks."

"Thanks Arty." Danny said in his sweet laughing way. "I came here to be alone for awhile." Danny shifted his body toward the inside of the cabin, but he wasn't let go so easily.

"My aunt says no one wants to be alone—they just say they do so others will visit."

"Really?" Danny paused.

"I hear you're a reporter?"

"Town gossip?"

"I Googled your name."

"Ahh."

"You doin' a report on us?'

"No." He paused. "Got anything you think I should be writin' about Arty?"

"It's a town of 26 people—pretty much boring average city." Arty rolled Danny's money into another pile of bills and packed it back in his pocket. "We once changed our name to Joe for a stretch—but then it went back to Ismay."

"Joe, Montana?"

"Yeah. It was a tribute of sorts—"

"Kind of like the ultimate tribute band?"

"In a sense and not that many people to convince."

"Yeah." 

"Oh, my mom said to give this to you." He handed Danny the small box under his arm.

"What is it?" Danny placed his wallet back in his back pocket and took the box.

"I don't know. It was at the post office for ya." Arty started to walk away back to his truck "See ya next week, Mr Concannon." Arty yelled.

"Yeah." Danny then heard a faint ringing and was surprised Arty didn't answer his phone. "Arty I think your phone's ringin'!" Danny yelled after him.

"It's not me." He turned around and kept on walking. "It's the box! Been doin' that all day!" Danny looked at the box and it was indeed ringing.

Danny set his grocery bags by the door and took the box inside. Reasonably sure it wasn't a bomb, Danny took a knife from the dusty old kitchen and cut open the tape and turned back the flaps to find tons and tons of packing peanuts. He reached his hands into the box, removing the packing to the sides of the table and onto the floor, as the ringing grew louder and louder. Danny, of course, found a phone at the other end of box: still ringing.

"Hello?" Danny said, having a good idea who was on the other end of the phone.

"Where are you?" A voice came from the phone.

"Maisy." His instinct was right. He grunted. "Where am I? You mailed me this phone!"

"I know _where_ you are? I wanna know where the hell you are!"

"None of your business." He screeched in good humor.

"Things are crazy here. Danny!" Danny could hear the commotion in the background.

"That's why I'm here." Danny ran his hand over his face and threw himself down on his bed, back first.

"I'm serious, Danny---Albert keeps yelling at me, "Where the hell is he?" He wants you to cover the piece—"

"Maisy, I'm taking a leave okay—I need to be alone—and I know that leaves you with nothing to do—and no Lucy Ricardo adventures to daydream about—but I'm in the middle of a thing right now—maybe not the biggest thing in the world---but a thing nonetheless."

"You can't just sit out there drinkin' Coronas and sulking over her."

"Of course not." He paused. "I have Whiskey." He said trying to deflect the truth Maisy had touched upon.

"Danny." She said stressing his name.

"Maisy." He stressed her name.

"I'm serious." She paused. "I'm worried about you." She said sweetly and held back.

"Yeah." Danny stood and walked toward the door. "I'm good. I just need some time alone." Danny ran his finger over the latch on the open door, needing something to fidget with for a moment.

"I can't see you doin' that, Danny—not writing--?"

"I'm writing—"Danny looked out over the landscape from his front door. "I can never not write—it's just something different."

"Different?'

"Different, Maisy—_different_." He paused. "I'll be home soon—just maybe later than sooner." There was a long pause.

"What are you writing, Danny?" She asked.

"You'll see. You'll see." He said almost off in a daze. "I may not even publish it—I don't know..." Danny trailed off.

"Danny, I'm worried about you?"

"Don't worry, Maisy. Don't worry." Danny's tone then softened a bit. "Gotta go, Maisy. I'll be in touch." He hung up the phone, took a step outside and then threw the phone with all his strength; the cell phone landed with a distant thud, and Danny shut the door with a slam.

--

"But me, I'm still on the road  
Headin' for another joint"  
  
**_Tangled up in blue."_**

**--BD**


	4. Somewhere in Montana: Fall

**On The Road With Danny Concannon: '04-'05**: Somewhere in Montana

Companion piece: B. Wood

"MIA " 

----

DAY SIX

The TV at the Washington Post blared news of the Camp David piece accord as people milled about doing business as semi-usual. Danny's office was still empty and it would seem that Maisy's desk was the same. Or was it?

"Yes, I'm trying to locate a Danny Concannon—Daniel Concannon." Maisy spoke softly as she hid under her desk. "—works for the Washington Post." She rolled her eyes impatiently. "Last I heard he was somewhere in the surrounding area---yes, well I sent a package to a post office box and....." Maisy curled her fingers around the cord. "About six one, red hair, beard, sometimes looks like he slept in his own skin....Yes, yes...Well how long ago did he leave?"

"Maisy?" A male voice was heard from above her, making Maisy tense up.

"Yeah, thank you." Maisy said quickly getting off the phone with little information.

"Yeah!?" Maisy asked from under the desk, her eyebrows lifting and her eyes widening.

"Maisy?" Danny's editor asked, looking around Maisy's desk.

"Yeah?" Maisy's guilty head lifted above the desktop before pushing her entire body up into view.

"What were you doing.....under the desk?"

"I dropped...... a pen---what's up?"

"Ahh.." The man walked closer and took a fuchsia Post-It off of Maisy's forehead. "Montana Post Office?? The man read the name next to the number on the Post-It.

"Oh!" Maisy grabbed the Post-It and crumbled it up. "I was looking for that---had to send something to Danny---send him something he needs for a story---that's it—can I help you?"

"Yeah....?" He looked at her feeling something was up. All those years as a reporter first were kicking in. "I need to get in touch with Danny---I'd like him to do a story on this Camp David thing---well as much as he can without them letting us be there---He has to call me—" He paused. You gave him my message?"

"Yeah, of course I did. Danny's just really into a story right now---he doesn't check in too often---I mean I left him a message—on his cell phone—which of course he still has—I just---he's really.....busy."

"I see?" The man looked at Maisy, perplexed.

"You tell him he has to call me—or I'm sending Katie to Iowa—I want him on this beat—this is his thing." He started to walk off.

"He'll be here. He'll be back."

"Back?" The editor turned to Maisy.

"Back?"

"Back? Back from his story---after he posts I mean."

"Where is he?" The man leaned forward with wonder.

"Montana, he's in Montana."

"Working on what?"

"Well.....you know he doesn't tell me everything—he just has me doing phone calls---you know, like usual."

"Yeah?" The editor looked at Maisy strangely. Maisy adjusted her hand on her hip, uncomfortably, and gave him a large smile. He wasn't buying it. "He needs to check in with me, Maisy. Either he's working for us---or he's not. I don't want to be the one making that decision. Things are cookin' around here---."

"I know---He's just into something---he's got something."

"Okay." The editor had a tone of concern and love for Danny, but he knew he had to do his job. "I just need to know where he's at---I don't mind sending someone else out there---we just want our best reporter on this."

"Yeah—of course—he knows that."

"Okay." He walked off, giving Maisy one last look.

Once he was out of sight Maisy plopped down into her seat with a large release of air.

"Ahh!" She threw her head onto the desk and on top of her arms. Her long hair covered her face and from the blanket of hair her hand emerged and set the phone, from her hand, back on the receiver with a bit of difficulty. Not a moment before she was about to lift her hand off the receiver it rang, scaring the hell out of her.

"Ahh!" Maisy's head half raised as she was taken aback. She lifted the phone off the receiver, and to her ear, under all her hair. "Hello, Danny Concannon's office Washington Post." She droned. "I expect him any minute I swear."

"Maisy?" Danny's voice came through.

"DANNY!" Maisy lifted her head causing hair to fall in her face and mouth.

"Maisy?"

"Yes." She spoke as she removed her hair from her face and mouth and spitting out the last piece so she could speak.

"What did you say?"

"Nothing?" 

"Maisy." Danny spoke as Maisy looked around and covered the mouthpiece halfway with her hand.

"I can't tell people you've gone MIA."

"I don't care right now."

"You could lose your job Danny. I keep getting little visits from your editor."

"What does he want?"

"He says he'll give the primaries to Katie if you don't resurface soon."

"They're like four months away."

"You have to be here, Danny—if not physically."

"I get that."

"I tell him I have no idea where you are when the most important news event in like –a lot of years—is going on, I think he'll get a little suspicious you fell off the deep end.

"I didn't fall off the deep end. What's going on?"

"What's going on... Danny—the Israelis and the Palestinians are talking at Camp David—like for six days—how could you not--"

"Been a little out of touch for a while."

"Danny?" She was worried. "How long has it been since you read the paper?"

"I'll be back soon, just not yet."

"Where can I reach you?" Maisy stood up and walked toward Danny's open office door.

"I'll call you."

"Danny?"

Maisy leaned the side of her body on the doorway, and looked into Danny's empty office. As she did so she heard Danny's private line ring and the answering machine turn on. She crossed her white booted legs and waited for Danny to begin speaking again.

"This is Danny Concannon at the Washington Post. I will be out of the office until January 11th. But please leave a message and I will try and give you a call from the road. If this is business related you can call my assistant Maisy on the main line. Thank you." The beep went off and nothing was heard. Maisy eyeballed the machine.

"Maisy?" He noticed her pause to hear the message.

"Are you checking your messages?" Maisy asked.

"No, I'm talking to you, why would I be checking my messages?"

"Your main line is ringing." The phone ran again and the machine clicked on again. "There it goes again."

"Leave it alone."

"Someone keeps hanging up."

"Maybe it's a telemarketer."

"It happened yesterday too." Maisy walked into the office and over to the machine "A persistent telemarketer."

"I think I should answer it."

"Maisy don't!"

"Why?"

"Because it's my private line!"

"Yeah?"

"And it's my private line." The machine finished and a dial tone was heard.

"They hung up again?"

"Let it be, Maisy. It could be anyone. Some people just don't leave messages."

"You ever heard of voice mail. What is this from 1982?"

"Aren't you from 1982?"

"I take back the question."

"Leave it alone Maisy."

"Can you at least tell me where you are?"

"No."

"When will you be back?"

"I'll be back when I'm back. Anything else?"

"No, that's it"

"Yeah."

"No, wait. If you're not coming back, why did you call? I mean you don't need me. I should just go on vacation."

"Go ahead."

"I will, ya know."

"No, you won't."

"Why did you call?"

"A package."

"A package?"

"I sent you something---something I need you to take care of for a little while—while I'm away."

"Okay?

"Maisssy?"

"I'll take care of it."

"Excuse me?" A man pushed through the semi-crowd of milling people. "Hey." The man yelled toward Maisy who took a moment to move her head. "Yeah, you? You takin' packages for a..." He looked at the package. "Danny Concannon."

"Hey, speak of the devil." She motioned toward the man and waved him over. She sent her shoulder up to hold the phone to her ear while she signed for the package and thanked him.

"Okay, gotta go."

"Danny?" She spoke into the phone as the man walked off. "Danny?" She walked back to her desk holding the package. "Damn!" She set the package on her desk and with great force slammed the phone back on its receiver. More curious than any cat, she quickly found a pair of scissors and opened the box with the gusto of a child on Christmas morning. Finding her way, awkwardly, through the packaging material, Maisy reached her hands in and found what she was looking for. What she pulled out wasn't at all what she wanted to find: Danny's laptop. She recognized it immediately. A lump formed in her throat.

"Oh Danny? She spoke with all concern. "Where..........are you?" She held the laptop out and looked at it. "And what is going on with you?"


	5. Powel, Wyoming: Fall

_****_

Companion Piece: Third Day Story

_**On The Road With Danny Concannon:'04-'05**---Powel, Wyoming._

"_Danny and The Deep Blue"_

-----  
  
"I wanted you to know I love the way you laugh  
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain away  
I keep your photograph and I know it serves me well  
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain  
  
'Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome  
And I don't feel right when you're gone away

**----SEETHER "Broken"**

* * *

"He's gotta go home but he's got no home."

**----Danny and The Deep Blue Sea**

_**By John Patrick Shanley**_

* * *

The wind blew past causing the papers Danny was writing on to fly forward onto his hand. He pushed the pages down in the yellow legal pad and looked toward the direction the gust of wind came from. This caused his hair to fly back over his face. Danny ignored it and went back to his scribbling. He hadn't written in a legal pad for a long time, but his writing wasn't work-related this time, so his small notebook computer had lost its use. Again, like always, he was in the middle of nowhere, Danny sat on his large army -size duffle bag, a gift from a friend, and waited for the bus to reload after its small break. While others walked around, used the phone, and took a general walkabout, Danny did the only thing Danny knew how to do: Write. Plus his small radio was broken and he couldn't finish listening to the ballgame; or the news. Which he didn't mind. He needed to be away physically and mentally.

Something he had started back in the cabin, and Danny felt compelled to finish it. It had started out, at first, as a lark, something to take the time away in-between the silence, the thinking, and the booze, but soon Danny found himself writing something he hadn't written since before driving age: fiction. Maybe it was the characters he created or the storylines he found himself in, but Danny found the new world he created a much-needed distraction from his reality. Perhaps this would be what he needed to help him cope. His own secret, his own hobby to keep himself occupied, for too much of one thing can often be too much; good or bad.

Danny heard a commotion and looked up to find people making their way toward the bus: it was time. The dust was beginning to settle and the sun was just starting to set. Danny sat up and tossed his duffle bag over one shoulder, his backpack over the other, his papers under his right arm, and got on the bus to his next destination. Sure, Danny could have taken a plane, or rented a car, but there was something about being driven somewhere. Somewhere out of the way, taking the long way home, or the roundabout passage, those were all ways one could be alone with one's thoughts and the calm. Danny knew he had somewhere to go; he just wasn't quite ready to get there yet. Danny found his way to the back so he could keep to himself, and started writing again. The last of the passengers entered, the door was closed, and the bus drove off down the highway.

--

CJ stepped out of Leo's hospital room for a moment. She was overcome with seeing Leo like that. She lifted her eyes and set her back against the wall next to the door. Her first sight was of the Secret Service agent standing in front of her. She gave him uplifted eyes, trying not to look like she was rattled, as she continued around the corner. Where was Danny she thought? Why hadn't she heard from him in weeks? This brought her to wonder why Leo had made her think of Danny at all. This made her nervous. CJ took her cell phone out of her pocket and dialed. The number was out of service. She sent her finger into her address book for another number and brought the phone her to ear. She sent her free arm around her bent elbow and leaned back against the wall. Half way through, she had the urge to hang up.

----

In Danny's dark office, his private line rang. It rang several times before the machine, an old one that had been installed and in Danny's possession since the early nineties, clicked out and the message seeped into the air.

"This is Danny Concannon at the Washington Post. I will be out of the office until well---who knows right now. But please leave a message and I will try and give you a call from the road. If this is business-related you can call my assistant Maisy on the main line. Thank You."

After listening to his voice CJ hung up the phone.

_Beep!_

"You've gone away, you don't feel me, anymore"

**----SEETHER "Broken"**


	6. Uniontown, Kansas : Fall

**On The Road With Danny Concannon '04-'05**: Uniontown, Kansas

"And On the Third Day."

Companion Piece: Lift Off

-----------------------------

"**Well, Gail, we're not in Kansas anymore."**   
CJ to Gail in "Lift off"

------------------------------ 

On the third day. On the third week of the month and the third day of the rest of his life Danny Concannon emerged from his self-contented exile with a duffle bag, a backpack and eighty-five and a half hand-typed pages. At first he seemed like a mirage, as his image slowly came into the focus from atop the large rocks, out of the woods, away from the middle of nowhere and into somewhere. His hair calmed, his beard now cleanly trimmed, he looked like man who was ready for travel, or church. He looked like a man with a mission. A man ready to start life again. Walking along the highway, Danny found his way to the bus station, only to find it wasn't open yet.

The door of the bar opened, bringing in sunlight that the bar's patrons didn't want. Danny walked in-- his shadow becoming a human figure. The group, the bar, all looked at him as only one thing: a stranger. Danny knew that look. He ran his hand over his beard and took it all in.

"Can I help you?" The man beyond the bar asked with his lowest register.

"I'm just waitin' for the bus."

"Bus doesn't come in 'til afternoon."

"Yeah, I saw the sign. I just need a place...while I wait."

"You gotta order somethin'."

"You got coffee?" Danny asked, approaching the bar and dropping his bags. The bartender gave him a deadly stare. "Yeah, I'll have a Corona."

Danny sat down on the bar stool and took a look around, noticing the people and soon the two television sets: One behind him and the one above him.

"You think I could watch CNN? Just for a moment." He pointed to the TV. A man at the pool table hit a shot and stopped to look at Danny. This wasn't a common request. Danny could feel the eyes of the people on his back. "I've be a little outta the loop." Danny laughed, but no one laughed with him. "Yeah...."

"No cable—don't believe in it. That and reality TV. Everything's this hyperrealism. If I wanted reality I'd step outside the door."

"Or watch the news." No response from the man. Danny knew his comedy was lost on most. "You have a paper?" Danny recovered.

"What?"

"A newspaper." Danny was eager to find out what he had missed. Now that he was back in the world again, his oblivion only made him feel naked.

"You pretty eager to know what's going on."

"Yeah." Danny sure was.

The man took a paper from behind him and slammed it down in front of Danny. It was the New York Times.

"Sometimes you don't need to know everything." The man gave Danny a look.

"You don't happen to have the Washington Post." The man gave Danny deadly eyes and Danny knew when to stop. "Yeah...noo." He put his hands up. "Thanks. This is good." Danny looked up at him as the man gave him his back. Danny took the paper with both hands and ran his fingers around the edges, getting down and dirty with the newsprint. It was nice to feel the ink between his fingers again.

The articles were about what Danny had expected, just with twists and turns he needed to catch up on. He was reading about Syria and the UN. He skimmed the headlines for a moment, getting an overview before diving in headfirst. He flipped the paper to below the fold and his eyes caught the article. "New Chief of Staff?" Danny spoke to himself. He kept reading, feeling this was the article he needed to read more than any other. It only took a few moments as Danny sped down the column. "WHAT!" Danny's eyes shot out. "Whoa..." And Danny fell backwards along with the stool to the floor. "Agg." Danny laid, back first, on the floor.

"You all right buddy." Said a man from above.

"Yeah." The man took Danny's hand, and he and another man helped pull Danny up. "Thanks, thanks." Danny shook it off as a waitress lifted the stool and put it back in its place.

"You all right, buddy?" The bartender asked. "Yeah, I just feel like I fell down the bunny hole."

"I'm sorry?"

"Never mind." Danny took a breath. "CJ Cregg is the chief of staff?" Danny asked.

"Yeah, where have you been?" said a man from the back.

"Who's CJ Cregg?" the waitress asked.

"Do you ever read a paper!?" The man behind the counter spoke, cleaning a class.

"For how long?" Danny demanded.

"How long?" The man asked.

"I've been.....out for a while."

"Where?"

"Don't matter, but I'm back now—and well---" He looked around. "A little confused—as to how long I was.....?"

"She announced yesterday---well, the President announced it. It was nice. The whole press corps gave her a standing ovation."

"The President---really? A standing ovation." Danny smiled.

"Yeah?" The man looked at Danny strangely. "Were you been buddy, a cave?"

"I need to use your phone." Danny finally found a direction for his anxious feeling.

"Phone's for employees only."

"Payphone?"

"Outside." Danny went for the door.

"You gotta pay for the beer." His voices strengthen along with his head.

"Yeah, yeah." Danny turned back around. "Sorry--sorry." He quickly and therefore rather haphazardly pulled out his wallet and paid his tab. Danny went for the door again, but stopped in the center of the room. He put his hand on his wallet. "Phone card? Where can I get a phone card?"

"About five miles down the road---there's the next bus stop."

"Five miles?"

"Give or take"

"Okay." Danny lifted his bag on his shoulder.

"But, I guess you'll want to use a phone, huh?"

"Yeah....."

"Well there's no phone there."

"No phone?"

"No phone."

"So, if I want to use the phone I have to walk the five or give a take miles to the next bus stop—then walk back here to use the phone—'cause there's no phone---and you have a phone, but---your phone...."

"For employees only."

"Yeah, I got that."

"Or you could wait."

"Yeah." Danny pulled his other bag onto his other shoulder. "I've done enough waiting."

--

Tired and exhausted, Danny walked into the store and set his bags down near the corner.

"How many phone cards you got?"

"Ahhh....three 90 minute cards."

"I'll take all of 'um."

Danny slammed a hand full of money onto the corner with a bang. He looked over at the television set just in time to see a clip of CJ smiling as the press stood: a recap of the past day's news.

--

The sun was almost setting. The sky behind Danny looked like a pink/orange and blue piece of foam smoothed together like shards of sea glass. Danny moved his bags next to the phone booth and leaned his hand on the booth's edge for a moment. Only pausing for an instant, he filled his lungs with air and determination, and pulled himself into the phone booth.

--

"Danny Concannon's Office, Washington Post." Maisy picked up the phone.

"Maisy what the hell is going on there!?" Danny asked.

"Danny! Danny! Oh, my god, thank god. Where have you been? You're missing everything! I told you. You go away and things happen."

"I know—I know---"

"CJ Cregg's the Chief of Staff---the Red Sox won the pennant—All hell's breakin' loose!"

"Wait, the Red Sox won the pennant?" Danny took a breath. "How long have I been gone?"

"Too long. Come home."

"What are they thinking?! She's not ready for something like this---she has no military experience—she belongs in the pressroom--- her talent is in the pressroom—her talents are.... What are they thinking?"

"I don't know—they don't explain these things to me—Danny...?" Maisy could hear a rustling of papers. "Danny?" She took a gulp. "Does this mean you and CJ—I mean she's not in the press room anymore."

"No." He looked away almost in pain. "It's more complicated now."

"But the conflict of interest—"

"Its still there, Maisy!" He snapped at her, really being mad at the world and not Maisy. There would be no more catches of her everyday and every morning on the TV. No more excuses to talk to her. They would no longer be sharing the same sphere in life.

"Danny, where are you---I'll send a plane ticket, Danny!?" But he was gone. "Danny! DANNY!"

-----

After wiping her tears at Leo's bedside, CJ went home. She walked into her living room and let the door close behind her. She could feel her bag slipping off her shoulder and the large reports in her other arm slipping out of their neat pile. Like an avalanche or domino effect she could feel it inch on and then fall out the bottom. She tried to stop it, but the next thing she knew everything had fallen from her person to the floor. It was the final straw in a stressful, sleep-deprived day and it sent CJ to her knees. She lingered on her knees for a moment, before falling forward onto the ground and groaning to the heavens. Her head burrowed in the floor, CJ rolled herself over, not wanting to even move from the spot. Her cell phone rang and CJ ran her hand around, feeling for where the contents of her purse had fallen. She took hold of the phone, not looking at the display, and brought the phone to her ear.

"Yeah." CJ spoke in a groggy voice. She set her hair away from her face, trying to feel a little decorum.

"What is going on there, CJ?"

"Danny?"

"I turn my back for maybe two seconds---and what is going on?"

"Whoa—whoa---" She sprung up into a sitting position. "Calm down---hold those reigns----okay---can you—."

"I'm calm. I'm calm." He insisted.

"Okay." She paused. "What is in your craw?"

"My craw?"

"Sorry, cause I really need to be yelled at right now—I'm not the Press Secretary anymore, Danny, so call Carol—call the Press Office—call Mickey Mouse for god's sake, cause I don't need this from you."

"You don't even know why I called."

"Oh, well I do. Let me think. Let me think why you called me! You don't think I can do this job! I don't hear from you in months and you call to tell me I shouldn't be in this job—it's a mistake—Leo McGarry must have been on some serious _meds_ to pick that girl from _nobody_—cause as everyone else knows I got my BA in political science from the back of a cracker jack box—and I haven't been talkin' about military actions and being in the middle of it for like _seven years_---years now—so—may I suggest you _cool it_—cause if one more man—_or reporter_—or secretary of whatever treats me like I'm in over my head—I'll......"

"I'm sorry---you're right—I'm sorry. You're right." Danny said in sweet tones, feeling bad for how he'd reacted.

"Are you crazy? I'm in over my head!." CJ fell onto the couch "This is not gonna work." She slid down off the couch and onto the ground, her legs still on the couch. "This is not gonna work." She slid her feet off and held her hand to her head. "What was he thinking. I can't do this. I'm the only choice? I can't do this Danny. I can't do this! I can't do this!""

"CJ, calm down. Breathe. Listen to me."

"Okay." She paused. "Say something quick!"

"You can do this." But CJ trailed over Danny's sweet words.

"Why did he pick me? There's no reason he picked me? He should have picked Josh."

"Josh doesn't wanna be a traffic cop. He needs to be knee deep it."

"Toby? Toby could do it." She said inflecting up and not really believing it.

"If Toby was Chief of Staff they'd find bodies in the basement."

"Who says there aren't already?"

"Toby is a man of words—well written words—not those spoken without pause..." CJ laughed. "In front of large crowds." He paused. "Toby's like me. He needs to write and Leo knows that. He needed someone who can delegate. You've come a long way CJ."

"Yeah." Her voice broke as she thought of her accomplishments. There was a pause.

"Still not convinced?"

"Not so much."

"Well, you're smart."

"Well, yes."

"One of the smartest woman---people I know."

"Yeah?" She needed more.

"Diplomatic."

"True."

"You have this way of just charming both parties. Figuring things out---looking at the problem from both sides. You delegate like the best of 'um. And you know what you're doing. So I don't think it's so far fetched he picked you, CJ. You're the one on the ball."

"Really?"

"Really-- You need to look inside you, CJ. You have all the tools. You're still a traffic cop, your burg is just bigger. It's the same job, CJ..... Just with a smaller crowd...and more heavy lifting."

"Same job, this isn't the same job. My god without Margaret..... I'd be already in orbit by now."

"You have the tools already, CJ. I think you'll do fine. I'm pretty positive of that. And you can quote me on that."

"Kind of corny there, Danny." She gave him a dig.

"Well, I try."

CJ seemed to be coming over to Danny's side.

"The tools? What did you mean by the tools?"

"You have to think of it all like a press briefing—"

"A briefing? You obviously haven't been to one of my briefings in a while, Danny." She joked.

"Listen to everything---take note of all the details----you're good at that--know everything about your subject---everything—just like a briefing—you don't know what a reporter will ask and you don't know what the President will ask or need to know---that's one of your talents---Just like a Press Secretary, you're the filter. You're just briefing the President instead of the press this time. In no time you'll have the hang of it--you're a smart woman, CJ. This is something you can do. See, you already have the tools." There was a pause. "And I feel like these are things you already know." CJ laughed. "What?"

"I imagined—I mean I figured you of all people—your reaction would---"

"Like the press?"

"Yeah."

"I'm not the press today, CJ. I'm just your friend." He paused. "I'd be lying to you if I said I wasn't surprised when I found out---and I know you were just as surprised about that fact."

"Yeah."

"But, you got the job now---so you gotta do it. And I know you can."

"Talk about fitting a square peg into a round hole."

"It'll fit."

"Thanks."

"Well...."

"Yeah...."

CJ could hear the rap of a man hitting the payphone booth.

"What was that?"

"Yeah...looks like I need to go."

"Where are you?"

"Somewhere?"

"Somewhere?"

"Kansas. I'm in Kansas."

"Over the rainbow?" She laughed.

"Yeah."

"Listen Danny........."

"Yeah?" But CJ didn't say anything. "So..." he paused. "I guess I won't have so much of an excuse to talk to you as much."

"Yeah." CJ smiled bitter sweetly and her eyes became misty. She was very emotional lately."

"My cover's been blown." He laughed.

"Danny...." CJ spoke as if she had wanted to say something, but stopped herself.

"Nothing...nothing." She paused. "I just...." She paused again. "I don't think you ever need an excuse to bug me---I'll have to warn Margaret."

"I have to go now, CJ." He didn't want to.

"Yeah sure...I have to get....I have to be up early in the morning. You know in case I need to stand in a field with a cow."

"I'm sorry?"

"Just a little cow humor....you wouldn't understand---never mind." She paused. "Danny, don't go."

"My card is running out of minutes. I'll be cut off soon."

"Your card?"

"Long story."

"Okay." She smiled through tears. "Just don't...." She didn't say a thing.

"CJ?"

"Yeah."

"Some advice. Be ware of Hutchinson, he's a...."

"Son of a bitch—yeah I got that."

"Yeah." He smiled.

"Danny..." CJ spoke again, but she heard Danny yelling to someone in the background about use of the payphone.

"Yeah, CJ? What did you say?"

"Yeah....no....you go..."

"Okay." Danny nodded his head and hung up.

After Danny hung up, CJ spoke what she had been waiting to say. "I was gonna say don't go." She wiped the tears from her face and laid her hand out to her side, then clipped the phone closed. She was too tried to move and soon found her eyes drifting and her focus blurred, falling asleep on her living room rug.

Danny turned to find the man who had been banging on the booth was gone. Danny slowly dragged his body along the booth until he was sitting in the corner of the booth like a little boy. He was drained and he was full of emotions of all sorts. For many reasons he was lost.


	7. DC & ?:Fall

**On The Road With Danny Concannon '04-'05 -- ?** & DC

_"Lost"_

**Episode:** Liftoff

* * *

Maisy sat at her desk and heard Danny's phone line ring again. She looked away from the filing of her nails and toward Danny's door. She knew the person would hang up and call again. Maisy was always the curious sort and not knowing who was calling was killing her. She walked toward the door and looked in Danny's office. She looked inside and waited for the phone to ring again. After a few moments, she headed back to her desk, but halfway there, the phone rang again. Her head and eyes looked toward the phone at its first ring and she slowly made her way back toward the office. Maisy was a good girl, and she told herself to ignore it, like Danny had told her too, but the phone kept on ringing. It just kept on taunting her.

"This is Danny Concannon at the Washington Post. I will be out of the office until January 11th. But please leave a message and..." The message was broken as Maisy picked up the phone.

"Hello?" Maisy said into the phone.

"Ahh—hello." The female voice was startled and seemed regretful she had said anything at all. "Who is this?"

"This is Maisy, Danny's assistant can I help you?"

"Yes...I..."

"Hello?"

"I am trying to reach Mr. Concannon." CJ's voice was becoming very familiar to Maisy.

"He's not in?"

"Oh, well—I'll just." CJ tried to get off the phone. "No message, I can..."

"Is this CJ Cregg?"

There was a pause while CJ decided what she should do. She suddenly become calm and spoke the truth.

"Yes." CJ said in a soft voice. "I'm trying to reach Danny, do you know where he is?"

"Danny's out on the road. Can I take a message?" Maisy didn't know what to do.

"Any idea when he'll be back?"

"I... "Maisy looked around, not knowing what to do. "I...really don't know."

"Do you have a number where I can... . I just... I'd like to get in contact with him."

"I don't...I don't have that..." It hurt Maisy to admit this.

"I see." CJ didn't seem to believe an assistant wouldn't know where to find her boss.

"Believe me if I knew where he—I mean—If I could tell you..."

"He told you not to."

"No...no...I just—he wants to—I mean I know if he was here he'd want to talk to you—but he's a little outta touch right now."

"Danny Concannon, outta touch."

"I can have him call your office."

"No!..I mean, no...don't do that."

"He calls in sometimes. I can tell him you called."

"No, that's okay, it's not important."

"I think I kind of have to."

"Where is he?"

"Truthfully." She whispered into the phone. "I really wish I knew---I really wish I could tell you, Ms. Cregg."

"I see." She seemed down.

"No, don't think I'm blowing you off. Really, truly I'm not...I really don't know where he is and where to reach him---believe me..."

"You're his assistant and you don't know where he is and how to reach him."

Maisy took in a large breath. "I know it sounds crazy, but"

"Well..."

"Ms. Cregg---please don't hang up. I do know he would be truly----truly be upset if he missed your call."

"Good try, Maisy."

"No, I mean it."

"How long have you been with Danny?"

"About two years now---"

"You're the one who called all the flight schools for Danny."

"I do a lot of things for Danny." She said sweetly and innocently.

"You're a good assistant, Maisy." CJ could hear the loyalty in Maisy's voice.

"He helped me when no one else would. I owe him."

"Yeah, he has a tendency to do that." She paused."I need to go. Thank you."

"But he doesn't tell me everything."

"I'm sorry."

"But it doesn't mean I don't know it."

"I'm sorry?"

"Are you sure you don't want to leave a message?"

CJ paused, "Yeah."

"Okay--"

"Tell him..." She ran off for a moment. "Just tell him he was right." He paused. "Just tell him he was right." She paused. "He'll understand."

"Ms. Cregg."

"Yes?"

"I just want you to know that I think it's really great you're the chief of Staff."

"Thank you." CJ was touched.

"I mean it kind of came outta nowhere---but you are smart so it's not really that outta nowhere." She covered for herself. "But you know what I mean right?--And—as a woman... it feels good to know----you know---- you really make all us girls—well---you're a great role model. Makes me go, Hey if she can do that so I can---be smart and powerful---you know? You're like wonder woman." Maisy smiled and took in a breath, unsure she had made any sense at all.

"Yes, well... next time I jump into the invisible airplane I'll remember that."

"And anytime you wanna call back and listen to his voice—I promise not to pick up."

"I..." Flustered, CJ hung up the phone.

"Okay, maybe not what I should have said." She took the phone and hit her forehead with it. "Damn it, Maisy." She paused. "Oww." Maisy looked up at the heavens. "Danny! She called." You're not here and she called! She called!"


	8. Indiana and DC : Fall

**On The Road with Danny Concannon**: Indiana and DC

"Corps Response"

Companion Piece: The Hubbert Peak (6.5)

--

Monday Afternoon

"Where is he?" Katie Witt demanded, as she stood in front of Maisy's desk. Maisy quickly shot to attention and looked away from the blog regarding Josh Lyman she was reading on her computer.

"Ms. Witt, Hi." Maisy looked up at her. "I don't--"

"Where is he—I need to talk to him—?" She demanded in a commanding yet anxious voice.

"He's out on assignment..."

"Yes, I know---he's been on assignment for like three years now—we all know he's out there somewhere pullin' a nutty—but I need to talk to him now—as in right.....now." Maisy had never seen Katie so upset. "So do whatever it is you do—and get him here."

"He's not---."

"Get him on the phone—'cause I need to talk to him—."

"He's kind of unreachable at the moment."

"Unreachable?"

"Outta range."

"You know were he is—get him on the phone—or get him on a plane—'cause all hell's breakin' loose and I'm gonna lose my job."

"I really don't---" Maisy stood. "And I think I'd be a bad assistant if I put him on the phone with someone in your hysterical state." Katie's eyes widened and Maisy got a little scared for a moment. Suddenly the phone rang and the red light, line four, blinked on and Maisy's gaze ran toward the light. Katie saw the fear and uncertainty in her eyes. Katie looked at the phone and then at the same time Katie and Maisy looked at each other.

"That's him isn't?" She said in her most suspicious voice.

"How would I know?" Maisy was giving herself away.

They both looked at the phone with one eye on each other.

"It's one of the private lines—past the switch board." They eyed the phone and they eyed each other.

"It could be anyone---"Maisy's voice trailed off. Katie's eyes bolted wide open and the two women went for the phone with both hands, but Katie got to it first and hit the speaker button.

"Hey, Maisy." Danny's voice came over the speaker. "Sorry I'm calling a little late—It took me longer to find a cell phone store—I know you wanted to cut out early today." Katie gave Maisy a look and folded her arms. "At least I think it's a cell phone---the guy said it's also a palm pilot—the thing's huge---it's kinda freakin' me out--."

"Danny."Katie spoke up.

"Katie?"

"Danny—"Katie tried to speak again.

"Am I on speaker phone?"

"Danny." Maisy spoke before Katie could. "She just kidnapped the phone—there was nothing I could do about it."

"Where are you?" Danny's voice came in from the speaker.

"Where _are you_?" Maisy asked in a whisper leaning into the phone.

"I'm in Indiana---Where are you? Are you guys at the office? Katie why aren't you at work?"

"Danny—you have to call her—all hell is breaking loose—She has Toby doing the briefings and he's not giving us anything—no quotes---no information---it's like getting the news from Marcel Marceau—with a disgruntled hang over—she won't listen to us---nothing is being done----we're all gonna lose our jobs—we have nothing to write about---nothing to quote---" Katie ran on like a freight train while Danny tried to calm her down.

"Whoa—whoa—girl---calm down."

"You have to talk her, Danny---"

'Wait, what? Talk to who?—you're not gonna lose your job?"

"CJ—you have to talk to CJ—she listens to you. You have to knock some sense into her. Into somebody in that office!"

"Katie—I don't work at the White House anymore—and I'm a little outta the area right now. I kinda think you're a little over excited about this. "

"I'd say." Maisy spoke under her breath, but Katie heard and threw Maisy sharp eyes.

"I'm sure if you just talk—"

"We did."

"We?"

"We-- the Press Corps---we stormed down to her office and we told her how we felt—"

"Wait? You all went down to her office?"

'Yeah?"

"The entire Press Corps?"

"Yeah..."

"The entire Press Corps was in CJ's office—in the Chief of Staff's office?"

"Yeah?" Katie was confused. There was a small silence as Katie leaned in, unsure what she was hearing. Danny's crackling laughter could be heard through the speakerphone. Katie gave a cross face, but Danny just kept on laughing.

"I'm sorry—it's just so---ohh that's..." But Danny's laughter now sputtered out of his mouth, he was unable to control it.

"Danny..." But Danny kept on laughing. "Danny?" Still no response. Katie waited while Danny's laughter died down.

"Sorry—sorry—no, I'm good." Danny still had a giggle in his voice. He was silent for a moment, but it didn't last and he burst out laughing again.

"Danny—we talked to her and she said she'd do something—but I don't think anything's gonna change. We tried our best—so we voted to bring in heavy artillery. So will you call her?"

"And say what!?"

"She listens to you. We all know that—she trusts you among us all."

"I can call her Katie—and I bet 'ya I'll just talk to her 'till I'm blue in the face—'cause anything I say is just as effective as the entire Press Corps staging a sit-in in her office—'cause my guess is keeping us happy is not number one on their agenda right now. And when it comes down to it, she's wrong, but she's kinda right." Danny thought of Toby. "And we both know she's wrong —and she's right. There isn't nothing gettin' around that. I can't argue with that---and I'm not blowin' air and getting on the bad side of the Chief of Staff of the United States--- when I write politics for a living." Katie didn't speak for a moment as she observed what Danny said.

"I know." She paused in a frustrated voice. "But it's still crap."

"Of course it's crap. And if I was there I'd be the first one in her office, but this isn't my---it won't make any difference comin' from me now that I'm......I'm not there—it'll seemed staged—_which it is_—and just—I think dumb." He paused. "But you guys go ahead and storm her office anytime you want." He laughed. "Could you take pictures next time?" Danny laughed and Katie wasn't happy. Maisy tried to hide her own smile.

"I still vote you call—."

"I vote for the calling thing." Maisy chimed in and Katie looked at Maisy.

"Maisy, I told you not to bug me about that." Danny snarled from the speaker.

"You know she called him." Maisy said in a gossipy way toward Katie.

"Really?" Katie leaned in to listen.

"On his private line." She said with a hint of a wink coming on.

"Hey!" Danny could be heard from the phone.

"And he didn't call her back." Maisy said in a scolding way.

"She just left a message—she didn't ask me to—"Danny talked but no one was listening.

"He didn't call her back?" Katie asked.

"She just left a message!" Danny yelled.

"Sounds like the man's got issues." Katie spoke in a whisper.

"Hey—hey—I'm still here—Get me off the speaker phone—get me off speaker phone!" Danny yelled.

"She was the one who put you on—"Maisy defended herself.

"Hey, she wouldn't let me talk to you." Katie yelled and the two became a haze of voices to Danny.

"Hey! Hey!" Danny yelled and the two saw their foolish ways and the room became quiet.

"Pick up." Danny yelled. Maisy pushed a button on the phone and picked up the handset.

"He wants to talk to you." Maisy handed Katie the phone.

"Yeah—yeah." Katie nodded her head. "Okay, yeah---see ya soon, Danny." She smiled and handed the phone back to Maisy. "I gotta go back to work."

Maisy took the phone and nestled it against her ear, at the same time taking a couple of Post-It notes and writing a number on one and then on the other.

"Sorry." Katie yelled back, feeling foolish about how she acted. Maisy hung up the phone and yelled back for Katie who walked back to the desk.

"He said you should call him on this number—in emergencies if needed." She handed Katie the note. "And it's okay." She smiled.

"Huh?"

"About the thing before."

"Oh---yeah—thanks." She smiled an appreciative smile.

"You know he's a great reporter." Maisy said feeling like she needed to defend Danny.

"I never said he wasn't—he does great work—we all know that."

"But, what you said---before...." Maisy wanted to be strong, but it was hard sometimes when she didn't know people so well. "He's great at what he does—he loves his job..."

"I'm not sayin' he doesn't, Maisy—we all love Danny and we all wish we wrote half as good as he does—we all say it—the fact is..." She leaned in. "Danny Concannon is more talented then any of us...." She leaned back. "But this game." She still spoke softly. "This game of Kerouac he's playing is gonna get old pretty—pretty quickly." She gestured outward with both her hands. "That's all I'm sayin'" She smiled bittersweetly and started to walk away. "Thanks for this." She gestured with the Post-It in her left hand." I gotta go back to work. "She smiled and lifted her eyes to show she had a sense of humor about it.

Maisy went back to her desk and pasted the Post-It, with Danny's new number, on the shelf above her computer. She then swirled her chair past the computer to a small map she had tacked to her bulletin board, taking the flag she had placed on Montana and setting it in Indiana.


	9. The District of Columbia: Fall

**On The Road With Danny Concannon 04-05**: The District of Columbia

_"The Boy is Back in Town"_

**Companion Piece**: The Hubbert Peak

* * *

Tuesday Afternoon

Maisy made her way into the Washington Post bullpen. With out a beat, her hair still damp, she walked through Danny's open office door-- leaving the door open to the outside. She set her Starbucks coffee cup on the desk. If she had looked where she'd set the cup, and not gone directly to the remote control, she would have seen Danny sleeping on the couch. She directed the remote at the television, futzing with the buttons, running through the channels as they hit the middle of sentences and the ends of words, all the while walking backwards toward the couch.

"And the Dow is down ---The White House is still playing defense in the whole Joshua Lyman—I find this completely irrelevant---tell me, Big Bird what makes you so---the weather will be---Oh, Walter don't leave, don't go away." Maisy found the movie channel and felt content as she leaned back to sit down on the couch.

"Ahh, What the..!" Danny yelled as he was woken from his sleep. Maisy screamed and turned around, holding the remote as if it was a lethal weapon. Danny rolled off the couch, entangled in his blanket and hitting the ground with a thud. He leaned against the front of the couch and looked up at Maisy.

"What are you doing here!?"

"I work here! This is my office!" He looked up at Maisy wielding the remote like a dagger above her head. "Hey, Lady Mac Beth, unless you plan to wound me with bad television I'd put that thing away."

Maisy looked up at what she was doing, "Sorry." She lowered the remote and held it in front of her with both hands. "What are you doing here?"

"Aww." Danny held his hand to his head and started to lift himself. "This _is _still my office right?!" Maisy offered Danny her hand and helped him rise to the floor.

"I know, I just don't know if I've ever seen you_ actually _in it." Maisy looked at him strangely as he untangled himself from the blanket.

"Yeah, well I'm back." Danny stretched his arms and lifted his suspenders back onto his shoulders. "Messages?" He looked over his desk for anything of note.

"Tons. You're back? Like back for good? Just like that, you're back?"

"Yeah." Danny felt the stale taste of sleepiness in his mouth, still in half sleep.

"You just fall off the face of the earth and now you're just back!"

"For now." He grumbled.

"For now?

"Yeah. For know---I'm back."

"You're back?"

"I'm back!"

"He's back!" She said with glee up to the heavens.

"So where are those messages?" He smiled at her.

"On my desk." She said with glee.

"Well...Go get 'um." Danny said with a smile, knowing how much Maisy loved doing her job.

"Yes, sir." She smiled and ran past the door and back to her desk.

Danny tried to wake up further and shook his head. Maisy ran back into the office and handed him a grouping of pink messages from her message pad. Danny took his reading glasses out of his right hand pocket and leafed through the messages, his head down, studying each, deciding which he wanted to keep and which to discard.

"I can't believe you're back?" Maisy was agog.

"I came back for my laptop." Danny sent his hands through his pockets looking for something as if it was extremely important. "You got it?"

"Yeah." Maisy quickly ran out of the room. Danny took a zip disk from his bag and leaned down under the television set, opening a cabinet to reveal a safe.

Maisy walked in as she saw Danny unlock his safe and throw the disk in.

"What's that?" Maisy asked as the door of the safe was closed.

"Nothing." Danny said, for it was none of Maisy's business.

"How'd you type something without this?" She said handing Danny his laptop.

"I borrowed a friend's," he said, trying to stop the questioning.

"It's in perfect shape, I checked. I didn't look at anything. I just made sure it was safe—I kept it safe for ya." Danny started to maneuver his laptop in his overnight bag that was hanging off the arm of the couch.

"I'm sure ya did Maisy." Danny set the laptop down safely and zipped the bag closed.

"Where were you?"

"I needed some time alone, Maisy." Danny looked up at her. Maisy felt he was being way too vague.

"I know, but where were you? You had me worried." Danny stood as Maisy talked.

"I'm fine." Danny started to look around his office for something.

"You fell off the planet, Danny."

"I didn't fall of the planet, I was in Montana." Danny folded his pink slips into his back pocket, still looking around his office. For what, Maisy had no idea.

"What did you do in Montana?" Maisy asked as Danny made his way toward the closet.

"I rented a cabin—have you seen my---my-- Notre Dame sweatshirt?" Danny had his head in his closet looking around.

"In the box under your desk—what were you doing in a cabin in Montana?" Maisy asked as Danny made his way under his desk.

"Seceding from the union."

"What?"

"Nothing"

"I still don't understand, Danny?"

"I just needed a place to reflect—I have a friend—has a cabin in Montana-- writers just need a place to, ya know—get things together—"Danny stood and started walking toward the door.

"Kind of like your own Camp David?"

"Exactly."

"Camp Danny." Maisy said reflectively. Danny paused and made a grimacing look.

"Yeah...Maisy." Danny turned back toward her as he reached the door.

"I found a few more messages." Maisy handed Danny another set of pink slips. Danny started to pace as he looked at the messages.

"PBS called they're doing a documentary on the First Ladies—so they wanna interview all the biographers---"

"Yeah, it's that time of year, isn't it." He looked up at Maisy. "Call' um. See when they want it and if they're willing to send a remote if I'm in the field."

"Check." Maisy made a note in her note pad from the pen around her neck. She recapped the pen and looked up just in time to see Danny's face change. He looked concerned.

"Pen?" Danny asked, waving his hand at her. Maisy took the pen from around her neck and threw it to Danny who caught it like a championship first base man. He ripped the cap off with his mouth and slammed one of the pink messages down on the glass desk and began writing furiously. "Maisy, I need a plane ticket." He put the pink message in his pocket and found another piece of paper and wrote something down quickly before handing it to her. "Here's the info. I need the late night flight"

"I thought you were back?"

"I am—and now I have to go outta town for a few days." He walked toward the door.

"A few days—you said that last time."

"This impression of my mother you're doing is quite flawless" He smiled sheepishly at her.

"Is there anything else, sir?" She said with sarcasm followed by a small curtsy.

"Yeah," Danny motioned toward his bag. "I got notes—can you transcribe them to disk—they're in the back flap of the bag?"

"Yeah." Maisy said as if she always knew where they were. She took Danny's workbag and walked toward the door, holding the bag in the air by its strap. "Anything else?" She said framed in the doorway.

"Yeah." Danny laid himself back on the couch. "Turn off the light, I'm takin' a nap."

"Yeah." Maisy turned off the light while Danny made himself comfortable.

"And Maisy?"

"Yeah." she said as the outside light made her only a shadow in the background.

Danny turned his head out from the couch so he could catch her eyes.

"I want you to know I appreciate everything you do for me? You know that right?"

Maisy paused and smiled, "Yeah. I know that." She shut the door and went on to her work.

On the other side of the door, Danny took from his carry-on a small vodka bottle he had taken from one of his many plane trips. Opening the bottle with a quick twist he downed the shot with a small wince and an "ahh." Nothing but a social drinker, he found himself drinking more on the road. Perhaps it was the fate of an aging bulldog reporter, looking most days like he's slept in his own skin, as the miles of the road piled on his leather flesh; or perhaps it was something else.

Danny leaned into the couch, a large window behind him, and slept the night on his own couch in his own office, knowing it was an oddity in it's own right and he would soon be back on the road. Just a lay-over in his journey for the truth, his journey to forget, a journey that seemed no different than when he first started it almost a year before. A journey he knew had an end, but what kind of man would he be at the end of it? Some say the hardest journey is the last leg, the final mile of the marathon is the hardest. And it was beginning to seem like that as a new Presidential season was stampeding toward him. For now, he slept.

--

--

Danny told the driver to stop as they quickly passed along Pennsylvania Ave.

"Stop here," he told the driver, reaching his hand across the back seat divider.

--

It was late, very, very late. Lights were on dim as Danny made his slow way down the hallway of the West Wing. He hadn't intended on going to see her, it was really the last thing on his mind. It was just all too complicated. Distance had to be the key for now. It had not been his intention, but he soon found himself looking for her office. The first thing he noticed was Gail was gone from her desk-side spot. "She took Gail." He remarked to himself. Perhaps she had taken a little of Danny with her.

-----

Danny found himself stopping at the cross path between the exit and the White House Chief of staff's office. It would be strange not seeing her on television everyday. Danny took a look toward her new office and turned toward the exit.

-----

Danny walked past the briefing room on his way out and couldn't help but go in. His old haunt, so to speak, was a place he missed most of all. And an old haunt was just what it looked like. Dark and lightless, the only light came in from the hallway and the outdoor lights coming in from the window.

Danny moseyed down the stairs and looked around, feeling nostalgic. Maybe it was good CJ was no longer the Press Secretary. It all seemed like perfect timing with his state of mind. He really would be closing the door on CJ. Out of his mind, hidden in his heart, and off his television set.

He took one more step past the chairs and then something made him pause. On the other side of the wall, CJ was walking back from her office. She didn't mean to go there herself, but much like a car that seems to go home on autopilot she found herself on her way to the pressroom. Her eyes lit up as she found herself making her way back to her old home. She would miss them, too, she thought to herself, but as she reached the doorway she stopped and felt unsure whether to enter. Something was stopping her.

There they were, the two of them, unknown to each other, after two years of not seeing each other, standing next to each other with the wall between them. Both frozen, both standing there, and both not knowing why they had stopped. Just that they both felt something in the pit of their gut.

Maybe he should go forward—see her—say hello, but Danny just couldn't do it, not yet. And on the other side of the wall was CJ. CJ also felt she should enter, look around, but she just couldn't do it. It would be too hard.

After a moment, Danny turned around toward the back entrance of the Press Room. Neither, of course, knowing what had just happened. CJ was left with the same feeling in the pit of her stomach Danny always felt these days. It just wasn't the right time. Not the right time for both of them. She needed to be more settled before she changed her office, before she set foot in her pressroom again, before she did anything.

"CJ?" Margaret came from behind CJ in the dark, desolate hallway. "CJ?."

"Yeah?" CJ was taken out of her reverie. She still had that look of sleepiness on her face.

"You okay there? You're kinda freakin' me out."

"Yeah, I'm fine." She looked at Margaret. "Please don't tell me you have more reading for me?" She spoke with sarcasm, but knew it was just a fact of life for her now. Margaret was silent and CJ had a feeling as to why.

"Margaret, you can say it." She stressed.

"I have more reading for you." She said with the driest voice she had. She even looked a little frightened. "I think it's best you follow me now."

"Yeah." CJ lowered her head and followed. "You don't think there's a way I can soak my eyeballs in hot water."

"No." Margaret walked on ahead. CJ took one more fond look toward her old haunt—the Press Room. She would miss it. Being around it right now was just too hard.

------

Danny made his way out of the White House and into the cab.

"You ready?" The cabbie asked.

"Yeah." Danny said and slunk back into the back of the seat. The driver drove off.

Maisy turned off all the lights in Danny's office after having cleaned up the leftovers of his stay. All marks of him passing through were now gone and it looked as if he had never been there in the first place. Maisy gave one last look at the room. She felt something was missing. She knew she'd be alone again. At least Danny was back, but she had a feeling he hadn't vanquished all of his demons in Montana; even as much as he told Maisy or even himself. Maisy walked over to the small standing light next to the couch and decided to leave the light on. The light hit the window and out the door into her area of the office. Strangely, to her, it didn't make her feel so alone anymore.

CJ finally got herself home, not even sure if it was morning or night. It was a whirlwind of strange days and ideas. Her brain finally able to rest, she thought of him for the first time in weeks or was it months? She set her things down and sat on the couch, motionless for a moment. She looked down at her phone she had set on the coffee table. She looked at the phone with longing. After a moment she pick herself off the couch and started into her bedroom, already unbuttoned her blouse. Without realizing it, CJ had left the light on.

-----------

Pack my bag and let's get movin', 'cause I'm bound to drift a while.   
When I'm gone, gone, you don't have to worry long,   
'Long as I can see the light.

Guess I've got that old trav'lin' bone, 'cause this feelin' won't leave me alone.   
But I won't, won't be losin' my way, no, no   
'Long as I can see the light.

---**Long as I can see the Light** CCR


	10. Somewhere over the Midwest: Fall

**On The Road With Danny Concannon 04'-05'**: Somewhere over the Midwest

_"Airborne"_

**Companion Piece: **The Hubbert Peak (6.5)

* * *

Early Wednesday Morning

"The seat belt sign has been turned off, which means you are now able to walk about the cabin." The flight attendant spoke, as another female flight attendance walked down the dark row of the airplane, checking the overhead compartments, and setting her hands on the sides of the aisle chairs as she passed. "—You may also use any electronic devices..." The second flight attendant slid her hand past Danny's row as the other attendant's words ran through the air. Danny, of course, didn't have to hear the rest of that sentence; he knew what the light meant. From so many years of flying he had the whole thing pretty much memorized.

Danny had already switched the overhead light on. Most of the passengers were asleep, including the couple next to Danny, as he sat in the window seat. The quiet made him feel alone and isolated. Pretty much a night person lately, while most used late night flights to catch up on sleep, Danny used the time to catch up on work.

Typing in his password, Danny went directly to his browser and opened an Internet widow. Danny logged into the Airborne Data Server and used the code he was given as a frequent flyer. He just had to take another look at Josh and the SUV all over the Internet. He had never found his way to the blog, District Scene before, so he was happy it could give him a good laugh. Danny continued laughing to himself as he opened his email, deciding to have a little fun with his friend.

--

To: Joshlymanwhitehouse.gov

From: 

Hey Josh,

I was wondering if you were moonlighting as a stunt man? I was thinking of crashing my car for insurance purposes. Or maybe we can send you in your SUV and CJ with her purse to Gaza, we won't need the peace keeping mission.

Josh heard his computer sound, telling him he had an email, waking him for he had fallen asleep on his hands on his desk. His head popped up, unsure where he was for the moment. Josh's eyes squinted as he figured out he had an email.

Danny looked over to see he had an email.

To: 

From JoshLymanwhitehouse.gov

Subject:

Ha haha hahahaha. Oh and ha. And I already told that joke to Toby. Told him he should send CJ to Compton. I think we'd see a slow down in drug lords. What do you think?

--J

Ps. I was trying to buy a Prius.

To: Joshlymanwhitehouse.gov

From: 

Josh,

Yeah, I think CJ could take 'um. And buying a Prius? That's not what the blogger on District Scene is saying. They say the "arrogant and cocky Lyman."

--DC

To: 

From JoshLymanwhitehouse.gov

I chose to ignore it.

--J

To: Joshlymanwhitehouse.gov

From: 

Not what I'm reading, Lyman. You called her? Bad idea Josh.

To: 

From JoshLymanwhitehouse.gov

She was writing un-true gossip and I told her I was off the record. It was off the record!

--Josh

To: Joshlymanwhitehouse.gov

From: 

Bloggers aren't journalists, Josh.

--Danny

To: 

From JoshLymanwhitehouse.gov

There needs to be some integrity here. I was off the record.

To: Joshlymanwhitehouse.gov

From: 

Josh,

You think I like it?. They have bloggers doing post-show commentary on State of the Unions and debates. It's the thing of the future and we have to deal with it –or try to work with it. It is a free country – they have every right to write what they want, as I do.

--Danny

To: 

From JoshLymanwhitehouse.gov

Or delegate it.

---Josh

To: Joshlymanwhitehouse.gov

From: 

That's your job not mine. And I don't do opinion columns.

To: 

From JoshLymanwhitehouse.gov

All I'm saying is I was just buying a Prius. And why you ask? Well, I'm glad you asked that. Just because it's my job to –it doesn't mean –well you know what it doesn't mean. I'm done giving quotes for the day. Are we done with the raging? Speaking of raging – where have you been? Haven't heard from you in a few months.

To: Joshlymanwhitehouse.gov

From: 

Been good. Just busy. Took a little break. I needed to cleanse the pallet for a few. Rented a friend's cabin in Montana.

To: 

From JoshLymanwhitehouse.gov

Montana? What do people do in Montana?

To: JoshLymanwhitehouse.gov

From: 

Arts and crafts. Mostly. I made a nice lanyard.

To: 

From JoshLymanwhitehouse.gov

I hope you didn't make me a lopsided ashtray.

To: Joshlymanwhitehouse.gov

From: 

No, that's next year. So what's it like having CJ as your boss?

To: 

From JoshLymanwhitehouse.gov

I don't know--- how was it for you?

To: Joshlymanwhitehouse.gov

From: 

Ha.

To: 

From JoshLymanwhitehouse.gov

I am a vengeful god as well as being cocky and arrogant. Not to mention funny with a boyish charm.

To: Joshlymanwhitehouse.gov

From: 

That's what I always say.

How's Donna?

To: 

From JoshLymanwhitehouse.gov

She's good. Still in the cast, but she's out of the wheel chair and on crutches.

To: Joshlymanwhitehouse.gov

From: 

Great.

To: 

From JoshLymanwhitehouse.gov

Listen, Danny, you sure you're okay? It's just been awhile. Haven't seen your byline in the paper as often.

To: JoshLymanwhitehouse.gov

From: 

Yeah, I'm fine. I told you I was just a way for a while. Needed some away time. You know.

To: 

From JoshLymanwhitehouse.gov

I called Maisy -- she didn't even know where you were. She tried to cover, but I don't think she even knew where you were. If you need to talk....

To: Joshlymanwhitehouse.gov

From: 

Thanks, Josh. I'm good. If I need to talk I'll give a call.

To: 

From JoshLymanwhitehouse.gov

No, I meant I know a guy. Helped me out after Roslyn. But yeah, if you need to talk. By the way when are you coming back?

To: Joshlymanwhitehouse.gov

From: 

Not yet. I still got some stuff I need to take care of. I'm off to an interview now. I might be back for Christmas, but I may just set up shop in Iowa early. See what's going on.

To: 

From JoshLymanwhitehouse.gov

What's the rush, Danny?

To: JoshLymanwhitehouse.gov

From: 

No rush, just a new angle I'm thinking of trying. Who knows, we'll see what the day brings. Something's in the air, Josh. I have a feeling this Presidential year will be like no other.

To: 

From JoshLymanwhitehouse.gov

Well, I'm here if you need me, man. We all are. We miss ya. It's not the same with no one yapping at our heals. And let me know when you're back in town again.

To: Joshlymanwhitehouse.gov

From: 

Will do. And thanks, Josh. When I'm ready.....I'll let you know.

--Danny

That seemed to be the end of their conversation and both Danny and Josh went back to their work. Josh too felt there was something in the air, but it wasn't just about who the next President would be.


	11. Washington, DC: FALL

**On The Road With Danny Concannon '04-'05: **Washington, DC 

"_Conflict."_

**Companion Piece**: The Dover Test

* * *

A MONTH LATER:

"Conflict," Danny spoke as he underlined the word he has written on the board. "Conflict. What is it? Conflict. Without conflict there is no story. Well, story with no real interest really…." He looked over the small lecture hall of students who looked at him for some sort of guidance. He was eager to share, but unsure if he was equipped to offer anything of note. "Fiction writing, nonfiction writing. In life---for sure. In journalism, _yes_. You are writing to inform, yes, but what about? Conflict is 'a state of opposition between persons or ideas of interest.' In fiction, it is the glue that holds the story together. And it is the _thread _that links the beginning, middle and end. And does this affect you? Well….Without it there is no dramatic current. No reason. Why am I reading this story—what is my interest –my _investment_? We have to look at the work from the writer's point of view and _the audience_." Danny started to pace a little as he spoke.

"We love to read about the struggle—how someone got somewhere—what _led_ them to—what _forces_ they are working against." He used his hands to gesture wildly with the ideas. "Without struggle there is no story and without struggle _in_ your story there is nothing—it's just a series of events—journal writing. A, B, and C happened, but what is compelling about it? And that is the fight." Danny began to circle the desk in front of him still holding his chalk. "Conflict is a clash of opposite impulses, a collision. And that, my friend is what we're looking for. We're looking for the conflict. 'Cause in the conflict you will find your story—but maybe I'm getting a little ahead of myself." Danny smiled and laughed. He was about to speak again when the door of the lecture hall swung open and a young girl walked in, hurried to her core.

"Oh, I'm sorry." The girl looked down at her paper. "Is this Journalism through Dramatic Fiction?"

"Yeah." Danny waved his hand for her to enter. "Come in –take a seat."

"Journalism through dramatic fiction. Yeah, that's the name of this class—well _master class,_ as they're calling it, since it's just five classes—but I'm not sayin' I'm a master of anything. I just have ideas and if you wanna take them you can. I just recommend you try—I mean you wouldn't be here if you weren't the _slightest _bit interested—so go with it—learn it….. and if it doesn't work for you, discard it later. But you need to be open to new ideas." He smiled. "Okay. So this class?" Danny hit his desk next to him with his knuckles. "Why did I pick this subject? Well, they came to me and said I could teach on any subject I wanted." The group of kids laughed. "So that was nice—but really—I wasn't so sure I wanted to do this and then it hit me—what's missing from journalism theses days—the art. We are not broadcasters—_we're writers_—we're writers with the job to inform the public— what else?" He looked around to the crowd of students and pointed to a young girl raising her hand.

"Well, we're here to keep people—politicians for one—in check—and in turn to keep ignorance at bay."

"Okay, I like the ignorance part—good—someone else."

"Without a free press we are a nation who are not truly free." A tall boy yelled out.

"Yes—!" Danny was getting excited. "You." He pointed to a curly-haired brunette with glasses.

"To keep the level of debate high in this country…to keep the debate going, as well as to inform."

"Yes—we are here to inform and engage—debate and _conflict_—so people can make up their own minds—now the truth—it's not just a listing of the day's events and yet _it is_—therein lies another conflict. But, let's do one at a time." Danny walked around the desk and leaned against the front. "So….. we need to strip off all the layers—peel the onion and find the core of the apple—and that goes back to Dramatic Structure 101." Danny looked over at Maisy in the corner of the room at a small little desk. She took his nod as a cue to stand and walk toward the small group of students with a stack of papers.

"My assistant Maisy will be handing out some papers. Say hello to Maisy." No one spoke. "_Say hello to Maisy,"_ he stressed. The class spoke hello to Maisy in near-unison. Danny smiled at the control he had, he didn't feel like an adult, but it sure seemed to be working. Danny noticed a few of the male students checking out Maisy, in her short skirt, as she passed. All he could do was laugh. "One page is a syllabus. You don't have to read these books—but I highly recommend it—especially if you wanna pass." A few people laughed. "You didn't want work—you shouldn't have taken this class—this is an _advanced class_—mostly because I have assignments and places to be other than here with you people." He smiled and they laughed. "But truthfully I wish I could, but I can't be here all the time---So we have to make every moment count. Much like life." Danny stopped for a moment. He hadn't been letting every moment count for a while. He shook it off.

"But that's why they only let so few of you into this class.—we have a lot to cover in a short amount of time." Danny set the chalk behind him. "The second piece of paper--- I don't want you to look at it yet. Keep it face down." Danny took the chalk, back realizing he was going to need it again. "Let's start with some easy stuff---things you already know—things you've leaned." Danny faced the group in front of the black board. "Name me conflicts you would come across as a journalist. Things you'd write about—things that just come with the job?"

"Conflict of ideas," someone yelled out.

"Be more specific."

"The conflict of two parties over a bill—over ideas? The yes side of the room vs the no side of the room. Pro and Con."

"Okay—yes." Danny wrote conflict of ideas on the board. "Someone else?"

"A conflict within someone." Danny heard from behind.

"Yes, an internal conflict, yes." Danny wrote "internal conflict" on the board.

"Conflict/violence within a country or between countries." Another voice was heard.

"Yes, good." Danny added "Conflict/War" to the list. "We also want to add to that the abuse of human rights." Danny scribbled on the board.

"Conflict of interest," spoke one of the students. Danny stopped, as he was about to finish his last word.

"Yes." Danny took a breath. "Conflict of interest." Danny gave a look of recognition, but didn't face the crowd. Danny wrote "Conflict of interest" on the board.

"Conflict within society—conflict of social norms" was yelled out.

"Good—good." Danny faced the crowd. "You all get it, which I figured you would—I just wanted you to know how conflict, in this work--- in so many ways—is your main _word_—it's the core of most of what you're going to do—it's the ultimate parallel between your work and your life—for your life is your work. And so much so in fiction." Danny looked over the crowd. "Today let's just look at it from a story point of view—dramatic fiction and here is that word conflict again." Danny sat on the edge of the desk with one leg dangling off and the other firmly on the ground. "Think of your favorite movie, the novel you just couldn't put down. At it's core was _conflict._ It had to be. You put two people in a room and if they both get what they want there's no story." Danny walked closer to the group and noticed a Lord of the Rings book on top of a boy's desk. "What would happen at the start of the Lord of the Rings—if he just handed Froto the ring and said, "Hey, here ya go," The group laughed. Danny pointed to a girl in the second row—she looked embarassed to be called on. "What's your favorite genre of fiction?"

"Ahh….I like romances—romantic comedy."

"Another great example. What happens if at the start of a romantic comedy the girl and guy get together—not only is there no journey—there it is again--- _no story. _The conflict that keeps the couple together—that struggle is what makes the story. You may not realize, but if it was gone you wouldn't have the same enjoyment as much as you think you would. Any good romantic comedy has a conflict—in fact it has to---there's always a conflict. " Danny looked over the crowd and was amazed he was getting their attention. "You also have to look at the struggle and conflict from both points of view---and there of course comes your objectivity. But that's another class."

Danny walked up the row as he talked. "Thomas Paine once said, 'the harder the conflict is, the more glorious the triumph.' This is also true within yourself—in life—life is what we're taking about and life is just as dramatic as fiction. I'm not saying you need to go out there and create conflict—That's just sensationalism—and that's bad journalism. I'm saying—what I'm sayin' is-…. you have to look _deeper_." Danny was now almost at the back of the hall. "Why do you think all these tv shows now are ripping things from the headlines—because life brings you stuff that's just as or more interesting than anything you see on TV or read in a book. It's a little lazy if you ask me—but we're getting' off the subject." He smirked. "So, _we_ have the best of both words in a sense." Danny got to the back of the room and turned back around, making his way past the desks again, only in a new aisle. "Okay turn over your other piece of paper." Danny smiled as he stepped off the last step and onto the floor; the sound of papers could be heard rustling.

"These are google definitions?" A red headed kid from the third row yelled out.

"Yeah, they are." Danny made his way around the small podium and leaned his arms on the front.

"Rule number one—" the boy said in a berating manner. "Never do your research on the Internet—unless as a start to find other sources--you don't know what these---"

"Yes, that's a number one no-no—you should _never_ do research on the internet—it is unreliable---almost untraceable—right now---good—but this is not research, this is an experiment. And it can be a resource—you have to know how to use it." He stood up. "I took the word 'conflict.' A very basic word—a word we all _know_……… and I tried something. These are all different definitions, yet they all mean the same. They are all from different people….different sources of ideas on the same subject. See, the English language is amazing-- one word can have so many different meanings—so many different _perspectivess_—bear with me." He pointed to someone in the fifth row, a blond girl with short hair. "Read number one."

"Okay," she said shyly. "An open clash between two opposing groups--or individuals; opposition between two simultaneous but incompatible feelings: he was immobilized by conflict and indecision." She looked up.

"Someone else." Danny yelled out and someone else chimed in.

"The part of the plot that establishes an opposition that becomes a point of interest. Can be an opposition between characters, between a character and environment, between elements in a character's personality, etc. Plot without conflict is nothing more than a "journal" of events."

And then several more voices, male and female, came out of the crowd. "A state of opposition between persons or ideas or interests: his conflict of interest made him ineligible for the post; a conflict of loyalties."

"Opposition in a work of drama or fiction between characters or forces---especially an opposition that motivates the development of the plot."

"Disagreement or argument about something important; he had a conflict with his wife; there were irreconcilable differences; the familiar conflict between Republicans and Democrats; to be in conflict: the two proposals conflict."

"Now that's the kind of conflict I know about—" Danny laughed. "Next"

"A conflict occurs when two or more bills amend or repeal the same ORS section, although there may be no substantive conflict in the proposed legislation. The Oregon Constitution allows the compilation of more than one amendment unless the amendments conflict in purpose."

"Many scenes are about a conflict of some sort. If there's no conflict, the scene may still be truthful but somewhat dull."

"Okay--" Danny stopped them for a moment with his hands. "Ever notice how on TV a couple is about to get together and then something happens---someone changes it—it's because once the conflict is gone—it's not fun anymore. Just like when you chase after a story—once you're done then what do you do? An end has to be an end and you have to look forward to it. Or else you just don't get a good ending." Danny pointed to a woman in the front row off to the left."

"An uncomfortable internal feeling associated with not getting the things one wants or feeling undecided about what to do in a situation. Conflict is another term for a dispute."

"But wait." The brunette boy spoke up from the fourth row. "But, this is still just a google search—it's not an approved definition—a real definition---what does the dictionary say?"

"Here." Danny took a dictionary from his desk. "You tell us." Danny threw the dictionary with a direct toss to the boy who caught the force of it almost with a crack. The boy started flipping the pages, looking, and Danny went on talking.

"These are just ideas to get your brain going----see how point of view _affects_ that one word—that conflict can be so much more. Words mean so much more than the way you think you use them. And this can open up your work in so many ways."

"Well." A blond male student from the front row spoke. "Conflict comes from the Latin---to strike together."

"We got ourselves another Bartlet, here." Danny joked and the room laughed. "No—No---that was good—to strike together---and what happens when you strike two opposing things together—you get sparks. You need to write about the sparks. And also what sparks you—it's what's interesting."

"Here it is—" The boy with the dictionary found the word. "Confict –noun—one---war. Two--a clash between hostile or opposing elements, ideas or forces. Verb—to show opposition or irreconcilability—a clash."

"You'll notice how the word 'peace-keeping mission' is nowhere in that definition." The room laughed. "But, really---is that definition any different from the ones we got from the sheet, from Google?"

"No," a light haired brunette from the front spoke up. "Not only is it not any different---it's not interesting—it's not creative—."

"Yes, bingo—it takes a human touch—it's not taken through someone's individual brain and that's what you need to do." Danny looked at the clock.

"Okay we still have more to cover. I want you to do a free write for me, taking of from this idea of conflict. A story—be creative---a story or fiction—but first--" Danny took long strides to the board. "I want you to take this into consideration." He spoke as he wrote the word Crisis on the board. "Someone tell me what crisis means?"

"Isn't it sort of the same as a conflict?" A boy from the back spoke up.

"No, no, it's not—but I see where you going." He wrote on the board as he spoke. "The crisis is the point of points in the story when the conflict reaches it's peak." He looked at the crowd and Danny felt like the wind was taken out of him for a moment. He quickly found his footing. "See, it can't go on forever." He paused. "The response to the crisis leads to a climax—the end—closure." He paused. "And we all need closure." The group laughed, but Danny wasn't being funny.

"What happens after the closure?" The boy who spoke Latin yelled out and everyone laughed.

"I'm sorry." Danny looked toward the door.

"No, seriously—I've heard in creative writing classes before that crisis is the top of the pyramid---- but it's not the end result."

"He's right?" Someone else yelled out. "I just can't remember what it's called?" she looked away thinking.

"The denouement." Danny spoke up. He seemed to take a moment to look over the group. "It's the final clarification and resolution of the plot in which all the loose ends are tied up." He took a breath. "But, we're not quite there yet. We will be." He walked around to his desk chair. ".Start writing." Danny eased himself into his chair and took a breath. He looked out the window. The next thing he knew time had gotten ahead of him. Danny looked at his watch and stood.

"Okay—I think we're about done here. For next time I want you all to write me a story—and I mean a work of fiction—this time, something planned. Write me an interesting story where there's conflict. Take any of the conflicts we discussed, ideas, conflicts of interest, country—outside—inside---internal—write a good story—I want at least fifteen pages. And I want you all to take a look at a good biography—biography is also a creative element you're going to encounter as a journalist— I'm not saying you should read mine---but it is available in paperback in the school store." He smirked. "And Abigail Bartlet is your first lady...that's all I'm sayin'." People started to pack up. "Also, a little heads up—I'm gonna want you all to write a little sample bio—of yourselves." The group moaned and Danny talked over them. "And another party—so start looking for someone to interview---someone who has a good conflict. Thank you." He heard the class thank him back and he turned back to his desk while people filed out. "Oh, and remember next weeks' class is going to be an internet class so you don't have to be here—you can, but I won't---we come back for in the classroom the next week—and I'm sorry I haven't learned all your names yet—but I look forward to getting to know you through your work. Thanks." He waved and turned back to his desk as people walked to the front and handed Danny their papers.

"Hey, I'm out." Maisy said approaching.

"Okay, thanks."

"I forwarded a copy of the syllabus to your email and this is a copy of the professor/student handbook." Maisy handed him a booklet, which Danny put in his bag. "And I got a rental car when you get there from the regular place—" Maisy handed Danny another packet. "The Senator's people sent this over." Danny looked at the stack of papers Maisy had handed him.

"What is this?"

"It's from his Press Secretary."

"You're kidding." He remarked on its girth

"Not much of a page turner, but the last twenty pages—I was on the edge of my seat." She said dryly.

"Yeah, I'll be sure to read it under low lighting." Danny set the packet in his bag.

"And Capital Beat called again-they need an answer?"

"Who---who's the other guest?"

"Ahh-" Maisy looked down at her notes. "Some suit named Gibson."

"You, know they all have titles in front of those names, although somewhat arbitrary _semi_-earned…."

"Yeah, well I choice to be arbitrary in my name calling."

"What's the topic?"

"What's always the topic?" She gave him a look.

"Yeah…well, I don't feel like talkin' about war, right now…" Danny trailed off for a moment.

"You're the one going--" she scolded.

"It's my job." He said, already sick of having the same conversation over and over.

"I'm closing my mouth--I know….I know. What should I tell 'um?

"I don't think I'll make it back in time--next time."

"Okay--I'm off." Maisy started to wedge her notes into her bag.

Danny picked up the remote control off the desk and pushed power toward the TV hanging from the ceiling. As soon as the screen went from black to picture, staring Danny in the face was B-roll of CJ and the President clinking glasses, for the announcement of the Presidential Library, under words about Gaza. They had been showing the same clips all day and all night.

Maisy came up behind Danny and squinted at the television.

"What's she wearing?"

"It's a public event. She can't always wear Vera Wang." He put his hands in his pocket. They both kept on staring.

"She looks…"

"Like a Chief of Staff."

"Ahh…I'm off." And Maisy was off. She walked out noticing a few cute boys checking her out. Danny wasn't sure to laugh again or get all fatherly. Maisy noticed it too and gave him a look, mouthing. "Oh, my god they are so cute." Danny laughed at her as a young man chatted Maisy up while they left the room.

The students all said their own goodbyes and nice to meet ya's, handed in their papers, and the room was finally empty. Danny walked over to the desk chair and sat down.

Danny turned off the television and threw the remote onto the desk. He meandered around for a moment before sitting down in the desk chair in a huff. He swiveled the chair toward the window and watched the rain come down.

"Danny?" Danny heard his name and sprang up out of whatever state he was in. Danny looked toward the door to find his friend Greg standing in the doorway, holding a trench coat over one arm, and leaning into the room.

"Greg, hey." Danny stood and walked toward him.

"Good class?" He asked, walking in.

"Huh?" Danny asked.

"You looked deep in thought, there." Greg motioned toward the desk where Danny had been sitting.

"Oh, yeah." Danny turned toward the spot and back at Greg. "Nothing….how ya doing?" The two shook firm grips.

"Good, good. I wanted to say hello. And thank you for doing this---Looks really good for my tenure, I get Danny Concannon to teach a class."

"Glad I could help," Danny said with a straight face as he made his way to his belongings on the other side of the desk.

"I was kidding, Danny." He smiled.

"Yeah, I know."

"So, I heard you might be embedded for a few weeks?"

"Yeah, I go to Gaza at the end of the month." There was another silence while Danny seemed to be off somewhere.

"Yeah, well, I was sayin' you'd really be perfect for something like this—I wish it was a full class."

"Well, looking forward to learning some new things." Danny looked off, lost for a moment.

"Only you would see a teaching job as a reason for you to learn." Greg joked.

"Yeah." Danny still didn't seem quite there.

"I was thinkin' I could take you out for coffee."

"Can't." Danny circled away from Greg and over to his bag on the other side of the desk. "I have a flight to catch." He started packing up his things and placed them in his bag.

"Next time."

"No, I'm pretty much back and forth after each class—just barely….." Danny trailed off.

"Danny….Danny, you all right?" His friend asked. Danny looked down and took a breath. He looked up from his things and there was a silence before he spoke. Greg seemed to know Danny had something important to say.

"You ever bury a story, Greg?"

"No." He said with a question. "Danny---What?…" Greg moved closer.

"I'm not sayin for good—you just waited—waited because you were asked.?"

"Danny, I never knew you to bury anything."

"Me either—I did it. I don't even think I knew I did it for her—I just…." He paused and spoke to himself. "I've been runnin' ever since." He remembered the words to a Sam Cooke song that seemed to ring true.

"Danny?"

"Yeah…" He looked up.

"What are you sayin? I'm not sure what you're talkin' about, here?"

"What am I sayin'?" He picked his bag up over his shoulder. "I think I may just be back sooner than I thought." He paused "Why don't we take a rain check on that coffee."

"Yeah." His friend looked bewildered. "I'll walk you out."

"Give me a moment."

"Yeah, sure." Greg walked out of the room, leaving Danny alone with his own conflict. He took a breath and left the room.

* * *

CJ watched Toby walk away. She sat on the bench and thought to herself. Toby was right, she just couldn't let that part of herself go. She took a breath and let her head lean back to rest on the back of the bench. She started to think, and laugh, to herself, that this would be the time when Danny would probably call, catching her off guard. In the last year he seemed to have a knack for that. So off in her own world, so in need of a distraction, of someone to talk to, and there he'd be calling her. Of course lately she hadn't heard from Danny. She told him over and over again to leave her alone, and now it seemed he finally had. She started to think how long it had been since she had last heard from him. The time since she'd been made Chief of Staff was such a blur she didn't even remember what month it was. She lifted her head and looked out into the darkness. It was strange not hearing from Danny when he had been calling for so long. She had this urging to call him, but also the urging not to. She knew conflict so well. She knew all the reasons she should call him and the one reason she shouldn't. CJ took out her phone and looked at it for a moment. It wasn't that she was feeling vulnerable, or needed a man to talk to, she just, for some reason she couldn't articulate yet, she missed him. Still, her own conflict surged inside of her and she placed the phone back in her pocket. 


	12. New York, New York: Winter

**On The Road With Danny Concannon 04'05**: New York, New York  
"Just the names stay the same…" 

_Notes:_ The character of Abby Jacobs was created for the Aaron Sorkin television series, Sports Night. She gave therapy to the main character, Danny "Dan" Rydell ---one of the hosts of Sports Night. She does not belong to me-- Crossover.

**Companion Piece**: _The Dover Test._

---

"**Part of healing is going on."**

--Leo's nurse to Leo in _The Dover Test_

---

Abby Jacobs stood above her desk in her darkly lit office. It was just barely the end of the day. Her assistant was gone for the night and Abby was getting things together before she left for the evening. It was nine o'clock and the typical day's end for her. The room was spacious and had a cluttered organization to it, a desk, books and such, bookcases to place them on, a leather couch, medical degrees on the walls, and a large window with a view of the Manhattan sky line.

There was a small knock on the door and Abby looked up from beneath her reading glasses to see the man she would later discover was Danny Concannon.

"Hello?" Danny led with his head, lingering in the doorway. Abby raised her head and body up from her writing to give Danny her full view. She wasn't expecting visitors.

"Hi."

"Hi, I'm a friend of Dan Rydell's—" he said, feeling uncomfortable. Abby knew that look. "He said I could stop by…"

"You're a friend of Danny's?" She set the pen cap on the pen she had been writing with.

"Yeah---"

"You're—?

"Danny Concannon." He nodded his head.

"Another Danny?"

"Yeah."

"Dan's friend Danny."

"Yeah."

"How do you know Dan?" She circled around her desk and closer to Danny.

"Fellow journalist."

"You on TV too?"

"Ohh—noo." Danny laughed. "Print." He paused. "I'm a White House reporter." It just came out and Danny didn't even realize he had said it. He hadn't been a White House reporter in three years.

"You meet Dan drinking—but who doesn't meet Dan drinking?' She made a joke Danny didn't get. "Sit down." She motioned toward the couch.

"I don't mean to take—"

"No, no, sit."

"'Cause I could come back…"

"No…"

"Dan said--- he said you were a good person to talk to—told me I should stop by…"

"Well, my last appointment canceled so—" She noticed he still held onto his bag and coat over his arm. "You can put those down."

"Oh, yeah…sure." Danny set his things next to the couch and threw his coat on the arm of the chair. She motioned with her head for Danny to sit, but he didn't sit.

"You gonna sit."

"Sure." Danny didn't move.

"You know you can sit."

"Huh?" He leaned forward toward her.

"Sit, bend you legs—the opposite of a standing upright position."

"Oh, yeah---sorry." Danny walked toward the couch while Abby sat in the chair across from the couch, only Danny walked right past Abby and over to the window.

"Never been to therapy, have you?"

"I don't usual have the time."

"So, never." She turned in her chair to look at him.

"Well—not never—I mean a friend of mine is a therapist and last year I---but he was my friend so it was—so no, I guess no I haven't been to a ... before." He put his hands in his pockets and faced Abby. "I've always been a kind of happy go lucky kinda of a guy."

"That doesn't mean you never had problems. We all have problems, Danny."

"Not me." He said looking down and then up at her again. "Well till about seven years ago." Danny stopped as he heard the words out loud for the first time. "Seven years---man, has it been that long—see I'm losing track of time. I don't know what I've done in the last three years—it feels like hardly two—you know there's a whole year of my life I can't even remember—I can't account for a year of my life—"

"Life can do that—we do the same thing—day after day—we fail into a rut—we want more and we can't distinguish one year from the next. It's common. Monotony can cause depression—unhappiness—uncertainty. What have you been doing for the last three years?"

"I've been on the road."

"Your name's familiar, would I know you from anything?"

"I write for the Post?"

"New York?"

"Washington." Danny walked toward the window.

"Here we only have one Post, sorry."

"Well, in Washington we only have one Post."

"Wait—The Post? I know you—you broke that whole--"

"Shariff thing – Yeah—I don't like--."

"You have a Pulitzer."

"Yeah. Two."

"I meant that." She crossed her legs. "Two Pulitzers? That doesn't make you feel fulfilled?"

"Who says I'm not fulfilled."

"You're the one's who's here. Most people don't come to me because they need help _de-_filling the void."

"True." He looked toward her and back out the window as he reached it and stood.

"So, you're not fulfilled in some way?"

"I don't know---I mean I do know—it feels great—all I ever wanted to do was be a writer." Danny looked out the window again.

"Why did you become a writer, Danny?" Abby spoke softly as if she wasn't in the conversation at all, just keeping it going.

"For the same reason any man becomes—does anything---to get women.—to show off. I wanted to show off."

"Because you write like no one else?"

"I have two _Pulitzers_." Danny joked back in a dry tone.

"So I've heard." Abby gave it back to him under a half smile.

"I've always had a way with words—and when I started writing—for the first time I started to get attention from people---and I liked that."

"Who wouldn't?"

"But don't get me wrong—that's not just it—I love the attention, but I mean---I love it. Writing. The whole thing. I love the sound my fingers make on the keys – how the pencil feels between my fingers—in my hands. I hear people say that they can't wait to go home. I can't wait until I go to work. I know some newspaper men—some broadcasters---they don't read the competition—they don't know anything about it---they just do their thing and that's it. I don't understand that. They don't have the passion. How can you be in this business and not have a passion for it? How can you want to do something without wanting to know everything about it—going in with both hands? It doesn't seem right to me? I mean how can they do that?"

"I don't know Danny." She paused. "I'm not a journalist."

"Ahh—it makes sense in all things." He waved it off.

"I can see how you and Dan have a lot in common."

"I feel foolish." Danny blurted out.

"You feel foolish being here?"

"I just feel foolish."

"Okay—Danny, I'm gonna need more than that?"

"I'm stuck in this thing and I feel foolish."

"This thing?"

"A thing."

"There are many things, Danny—you can't assume everyone will know what you mean when you say that?"

"I never had trouble before." He muttered to himself. "I don't sleep."

"At all?"

"That much."

"Lack of sleep can play games with your head Danny. It messes with your chemical make-up--- the way the brain functions. Sleep and food are like what water and sun are to a flower or a plant. We need it to function correctly—make decisions. But not sleeping alone can't just be the problem. It can be an indicator---and a contributor." Danny didn't answer her. "Take a pill, then."

"You're not much help, you know that?"

"Either are you." She stood up. "You want me to help you—I'll help you, Danny—but you gotta give me something, here. You gotta help me so I can help you."

"Okay, okay."

"You wanna sit?"

"Do I really have to—I like to walk."

"Sure." She paused and no one said anything. "You were saying?"

"Yeah." He nodded his head.

"You feel foolish why, Danny?"

"I can't stop thinking about…"

"Danny….?" She tried to get something out of him.

"A woman."

"This is about a woman?"

"Yes."

"You feel foolish—this is about a woman?"

"Yes."

"We're all human. Who is she?"

"I can't tell you…."

"I need more than…"

"Let's just call her Claudia."

"Have you had a relationship with this _Claudia_?"

"It's unspoken."

"I see…." But Abby really didn't.

"And in many ways it's not."

"I still don't…."

"It's hard to explain."

"That's why I'm here, Danny. I'm here for you to explain to. We have a whole session—take your time."

"See if I just wait out a year—then I'll know my answer—then I'll know for sure and I think if I knew for sure it would be easier…then I'll get over it---then if she says no---I'll want to get over it. Now I just don't. Which means I'm fighting with myself. I got so much conflict inside of me I just don't know what to do with myself. I used to have all the patience in the world and now I can't wait one lousy year."

"A year---it sounds like she's locked off somewhere---she's not, right?"

"Like in jail? Noooo."

"Okay." She paused. "It's just hard, Danny if you can't tell me things like this---"

"I can't tell anyone what she does." Danny was resolute about it.

"You can't tell me her name or what she does—What, does she work for the government?" She paused and saw Danny's face. "Sorry. I just—is she in the witness protection program?" Danny gave her another look. "Sorry—I'm sorry." She paused. "Danny, you don't have to tell me anything you're not ready to tell me---but it's kind of my job—and if I don't know all the facts I can't help you—I can't help you help yourself."

"I feel like I'd be betraying her trust."

"Danny, this is all private—I can't tell anyone anything---if she did something---or you did something I can't tell anyone—this is all between us---like on The Sopranos—sorry I forget who I'm talking to. That usually works with all my patients." She thought for a moment to find Danny's language. "Like the second amendment." Danny walked toward her.

"The second amendment is the right to bear arms, you gonna shoot me?"

"Sorry—ahhh."

"The fifth amendment." He was now next to her.

"Yeah."

Danny sat down on the couch and put his hands together looking down.

"Danny, you need to speak for this to work—" Abby stood up and walked toward the door. "If you're going to be misleading, Danny ----I should just end this session now---I'm not interested in…."

"She's The Press Secretary." Danny looked up at Abby.

"I'm sorry?" She looked back at Danny.

"Well, she was--- ---now she's the Chief of Staff—which just makes it more complicated."

"At the White House?" She said trying not to act surprised.

"Yes."

"Okay." Abby sat herself down. "I understand now." She paused, sitting inches from Danny's face. Looking up, he stared at her. They talked in hushed voices.

"We, didn't have a relationship—we couldn't."

"Unspoken." Abby was getting it.

"Well, she wouldn't—now I understand---I never did—now I do." He paused. "I had a story—see I had this story and for all sorts of reasons it made sense for me to bury it—for the moment—in hindsight---but reporters don't do that—we don't bury stories for three days."

"You think you did it for her?"

"Looking back… Yes."

"And now you've been running away?"

"I don't know."

"You been on the road since…?"

"I don't know---a few months after I posted."

"I think you do know, Danny ---and I think you're afraid if you go back…….you'll do it again. That's it isn't it?"

"There's more."

"More?"

"She did it too."

"Did what?"

"She…." He paused.

"Danny, you need to get this out---you've been trying to get it out for three years…haven't you?"

"She gave me the heads up—she did it back to me—she did what she was afraid would happen—what we both did…"

"Danny, I need more than that—you're talking like I know---Like I was there—I wasn't there. Tell me like I wasn't there?"

"She told me to post."

"To post?"

"The story—I held it—for three days—that was the agreement—between her and me—and Leo—and I did it—I agreed—I wouldn't do it for anything other than an exclusive---but looking back…"

"If it hadn't been her?"

"I don't know---I mean they said it was security reasons….I believed them—and it ended up it was true, so I was right."

"You believed her?"

"Yes, but looking back…."

"So, she told you to _post_ your story?" Abby was backtracking because she was lost.

"Post it—send it to press—post it on line---I'd already lost my exclusive, but that wasn't her fault---although I gave her flack for it---I mean it was _their fault_ she was missing they had to know that…"

"Who was missing? Are you talking about Zoey Bartlet—was this about Shariff?"

"It doesn't matter—we both did something we shouldn't have—the conflict of interest I said would never happen came and bit me in the ass…..irony for ya—I got sucked in and then it all came back to haunt me. She told me to post—she knew they were going to bypass me and announce….and she told me to post." He was getting teary eyed. "It was the greatest gift she ever gave me---. I couldn't even begin to thank her. And there we were…………and that's when I left."

"So, now on top of this longing—you feel guilt?"

"Yeah." Danny leaned in toward his hands and Abby leaned in toward him.

"So you can't go back because you love her and she won't have you—and you can't go back because you're afraid you won't be able to do your job. Even if she's not Press Secretary?"

"Even if she's not Press Secretary."

"A whole new ball a' wax?"

"You said it." Danny looked at his watch. "I have to go." He said through a small rasp.

"We have ten more minutes." She stood as Danny did.

"I'm sorry I know, it's just that I have a flight." Danny picked his jacket up off the couch and put it on, and instantly he was back in work mode.

"Why did you come now, if you had a flight?"

"I had a lay over."

"Wait, you scheduled therapy for yourself in between flights?"

"Yeah, I had time, I stopped by..."

"That's . . ."

"My job."

"Weird."

"It's my job, I'm sorry—really sorry." He slid his bag over his arm.

"Okay?" She didn't know what to make of it. "Why don't we look at our schedules and see what time would work for next week.

"I can't come next week, I'll be in Houston."

"Danny, are you really going to take this seriously? If you want help—like you say you do—you have to take this seriously."

"I do. I want to. I just don't have the time right now—I'm always traveling and I live in DC anyway."

"If you live in DC—you should see a therapist there."

"I'm never there." Danny made sure he had his ticket.

"And you don't think that maybe you're just avoiding all this by being on the road?"

"It's my job. I don't like it. But it's my job."

"You're not trying to avoid her."

"At first maybe—but now I really do have things to do…" Danny looked away knowing full well what he was doing. She folded her arms and gave her a look. "Listen, thank you---this was a help." Abby didn't seem to believe him. "This really is my job—I go where the stories are."

"You said you're a White House reporter."

"It's an election season!"

"Not last year."

"It's always an election season."

"Don't be cute. I have never found cute interesting or beguiling."

"Oh." There was a silence. "I've always had that to fall back on."

"Listen.' She paused, circled her desk, and pulled out a business card. "This is my card." She walked toward Danny and handed him her card. "We're going to set up a time for you—once a week."

"I.."

"Once a week." She shushed him with her finger and continued her sentence. "This is my last appointment of the day—I'll be here—you can stop by—you can call me—you can not call me. Whatever you want? But I'll always keep this half hour open." Danny looked at her, not believing her. "I'm serious." She paused again. "And I'll only charge you if you call—so don't think this is some kind of scam 'cause it's not." Danny didn't respond. "Do we have a deal?"

Danny looked at her and saw something in her. He trusted her, and yet he wasn't sure.

"Okay." Danny took the card. "But no promises."

"Same here."

"I'm sorry?"

"No promises, here either."

"Okay." Danny looked at the card. "You spell Abby without an E," he bemused.

"Yeah?" she wondered why he asked.

"It's just I was thinkin' before, the last time I was interviewing an Abby like . . ."

"This wasn't an interview, Danny."

"Sorry---last time I was in with an Abbey like this, she spelled her name with an E.Y."

"Oh, really who was that?"

"The First Lady." Danny put the card in his pocket.

"Of the United States?" Her voice cracked and she stopped in her tracks as much as she could since she was standing still.

"Yeah."

"Abigail Bartlet—?" Abby was impressed and taken aback "You call Abigail Bartlet—Abbey?"

" I did." He laughed. "Now I just call her Ma'am."

"I see." She took a gulp.

"It's okay—I'm sorry…. it's old hat for me --I forget most of the time. Really."

"Yeah…" It was suddenly hitting her what would be in store for her. "Don't you have a flight?"

"Yeah." He started to leave.

"And please do call me, Danny." She spoke as he left. Danny turned to her.

"Yeah." He said, his voice rising up, in a way that seemed very non-committal. "I should get going." He motioned toward the door.

"Healing is moving on, Danny, but in a different way. You can go on with your life and you can wait—and live in a small case of denial--but that doesn't mean you can't ask for help along the way." She paused.

"Yeah." And Danny was gone. Abby, with no E, circled toward her desk again before standing behind it like she had when Danny at first entered.

"I hope you do call Danny." She spoke to herself. "I hope you do."


	13. Vermont & Houston: Winter

**On The Road With Danny Concannon '04-'05**: Vermont & Houston

"_Pink Elephants and Off White Flamingos"_

**Companion Piece**: A Change is Gonna Come

-------------------

ALMOST A MONTH BEFORE FRIDAY NIGHT:

"Well, Peter, I'm just up here helping out a friend—he asked me to give a lecture and I was happy to give it—and as I remember, Vermont isn't in New Hampshire —or Iowa for that matter---unless I didn't read the paper today." John Hoynes laughed, as did the small group of reporters in the hotel ballroom as tape recorders and so forth were thrown in his face. "You can see it all next month when I go on Diane Mathers---but that's all I'll say for now---I think that's enough boys." He noticed a woman. "And lady. This is really just a vacation for me and my family. I just did this lecture as a favor to a friend. Thank you all. I'll see you all again at the book launch, I'm sure." Hoynes waved with his hand for the reporters to disperse and they did; all but Danny.

"Mr. Vice President—can I have a few words with you." The reporters all dispersed, but Danny was still present.

"Danny Concannon." Hoynes turned to welcome Danny in his own way. "Just when my dreams of killing you subsided—there you are---and please call me John," he said with his politician smile.

"Nice to see you to, Sir." Danny said straight.

"Suit yourself." John poured himself a glass of ice water. "But then again, I should say you've been more of a pain in the ass to the Bartlets than me over the last few years and for that _I am_ thankful." He turned and offered Danny a glass of water. "Off the record of course." Danny acknowledged with a no thank you to the water. John gave Danny another suit yourself look and placed the water pitcher back to its place. Danny tapped his pencil on the top of his notebook. "What do you want, Danny?" John took a drink and set the glass back next to the pitcher.

"Sir?"

"You obviously have something you didn't want to ask me in front of the crowd. Something only _you_ want to know? What is it?"

"The book, sir?"

"What about the book—?" He motioned to a woman with long legs. "Gladys, can I get a glass of tomato juice." The woman nodded her head and walked off. The room was now empty. "Do you want any?"

"No, thank you."

"You sure? Tomato juice-- good for the digestion. Drink it all the time now." Hoynes circled toward the door.

"The book, Sir?" Danny tried to get him back on topic.

"The Book? The Book? Well, it's about to come out—I've leaked it to every news outlet in the country---you wanna copy—I can get you a copy—Patricia." He called to another assistant outside the door.

"No, no sir, I've read it."

"I see." He paused not knowing, or pretending he didn't know where it was going." Then what's the trouble, Danny? You want an exclusive, 'cause I think about forty or fifty news outlets got one over you on that one."

"I have a report you heavily cut your book before it went to press."

"All books have their amount of editing, Danny. You of all people should know that."

"Yes, sir. It was about what was cut out—several things you said in the Times magazine article--- that aren't in the book."

"I was very angry at the time, Danny—I said some things I shouldn't have—decided they were already out there---I didn't write a book for gossip, Danny." Hoynes took another drink from his glass of water and set it down.

"The cuts sir? I heard it was more than that?"

"I don't think I get what you're getting at, Danny?"

"I think you do, sir."

Johns looked like he would explode in anger at any moment. He stepped close to Danny, speaking in a hushed and angry voice. "See that much sass as a reporter would have gotten you into a trouble when we were in the White House." He held in his anger and calmed himself down with breathing through his nose. Danny stood his ground.

"No disrespect sir, I just wanted an answer to my question."

"I think I answered it." John walked away and looked toward the door, looking for an exit.

"I don't think you did, sir."

Honyes turned back toward Danny. "Well, I think that's your problem."

"Not if I write about it, sir." Danny never lost his cool.

The woman from before entered the room with Hoynes's glass of juice. The two men stopped as they noticed her entrance into the room.

"Danny," John said in his condescending way and secured the bottom of his suit down. "Yes, there was a great deal of cutting before the book went to press—" Hoynes took the drink from the woman. "Thank you, Gladys." He took a gulp as the woman left. "Hummm, I mean really good, Danny—I'm not kidding—you should really try it."

"No, thank you—you were saying, sir." Danny heard the door close behind him as Gladys exited.

"How good of you to remind me." John said with sarcasm. " _As I was saying_----As with any book---as with any good book with a great publisher… a certain amount of cutting can occur---as for what was taken out—well that's just private, Danny. And private not because it's about anything lurid or nasty—but because it's well-- none of you _damn business_." One of John Hoynes's great talents was his ability to say the nastiest things with the greatest of charm. "It's private things, Danny---- I chose—last minute—not to tell the public—something that's my right, Danny."

"Depends what it is, sir."

Honyes laughed, "You know what, Danny, I should have had you help me as a ghost writer—because you really do have a way with words—now in person you can take that as sarcasm, but in print I actually mean that." He took a drink of his juice. "Danny, I took out certain sections of my book 'cause it just wasn't any good—among other reasons---you can ask my publisher." An male aid entered the room holding a folder in one hand and the door opened with other hand. The aid and John exchanged eyes. "Is that enough for you—I have to get going." He smiled.

"Yes sir." Danny said in his very polite way, but he didn't mean it.

"Good. Great." Hoynes walked past Danny smiling and patted him on the back.

Danny watched John Hoynes start to leave when he motioned toward his aide to wait a moment.

"Danny?" John motioned with his finger for Danny to come closer. "Just a little advice." He leaned down and whispered in his ear. "I'd be careful." He paused leaning in even closer because one day—someday. You're gonna dig so _deep_ you'll be sorry what you'll find." Hoynes nodded and walked out the door. Danny leaned in.

"Are you telling me to look for something, sir?"

"I'm just telling you to be careful, Danny. As a friend." John smiled and turned toward the door. "I'm telling ya, Danny, try more tomato juice." He yelled with his back to Danny as photo flashes entered the room onto Danny's face from the hallway and John Hoynes was gone; for now.

Danny was left wondering if he had just been threatened or he had just been directed toward a story.

--

FRIDAY NIGHT

In the present, Danny watched the end of John Hoynes's Diane Mathers interview with the same questions in his head, as he remembered, from his time with the ex-Vice President. The TV light glared on his questioning face as he began to roll his prize major league baseball around his palm and fingers. John Honyes book sat next to him on the coffee table.

A relieved CJ raised her glass to Toby in the back of the ballroom. For the first time in a long time she was able to breathe. Danny's mind, the mind of a reporter, the mind of the man who found Shariff, Danny's reporter's mind, that figured out and hunted down mysteries -- like the way he went after CJ – Danny's mind, once a question was planted in it he could never get it to leave. Danny sat in front of the television's cold glow, deep in thought. CJ and Toby listened to the music.


	14. Houston, TX: Winter

**On the Road With Danny Concannon 'O4 '05: **_Houston_

"Other Sam Cooke Songs that remind me of you."

**Companion Piece:** A Change Is Gonna Come

----------

**"I'm in a sad mood tonight—my baby's gone 'dun and left."**

_Sad Mood- Sam Cooke_

**THAT'S WHERE IT'S AT**

"Tonight…..at the White House." The radio announcer spoke as Danny packed his bag in the hotel room. "The medals of the arts winners were celebrated with a dinner and concert. Among the honorees, posthumously—which was the first time this has happened, was the late great Sam Cooke. One of my favorites, that's for sure—so, in our little tribute, here's a block of some Sam Cooke." The music started soft and low and soulful.

_Lights turned way down low. _

_And music is soft and slow. _

_With someone you love so. _

_That's where it's at, yeah. _

_Your whole world turned upside down._

_You're making not a sound. No one else around. _

_That's where it's at, yeah._

CJ slid past her light switch, bringing a little light into her living room. She threw her bag onto the couch and paused, the moonlight from the window just hitting her eyes. Those eyes, and the way she could look in moonlight, were some of the reasons Danny first fell in love with her. She rolled her coat off her shoulders letting it fall to the chair below. She would find a place for it in the morning when she returned to the room to begin another weekend of reading.

_Let me tell  
Your heart beatin' fast. You're knowin' that time will pass But a-hopin' that it lasts_

Danny listened to the music and he thought of CJ -- what it would be like to kiss her in the moonlight and dance with her to the music. He smiled and let the thought pass. It was hard, but he had to keep going on. He pushed his folded shirt down in the suitcase and reached for his small travel bag.

_That's where it's at, oh yeah  
That's where it's at, pretty baby  
That's where it's at, oh yes it is  
That's where it's at, pretty baby  
That's where it's at, oh yeah_

CJ tilted her head in the mirror, pulled her last earring off her ear, and placed the earring next to its mate on her dresser. She then led her hands to the back of her neck to undo her necklace. "That's where it's at, pretty baby

_That's where it's at, I know that's where it's at  
That's where it's at, pretty baby  
That's where it's at"_

Danny reached for a few extra ties and set them into the free space of the suitcase before zipping the bag closed.

_Let me tell just one thing  
To say it's time to go  
and she says "Yes I know"  
But stay just one minute more._

CJ sat on her bed and picked up the CD she had been given: Sam Cooke: Portrait of a legend 1951-1964. She opened the CD and walked toward her player.

**BRING IT ON HOME**

_If you ever….. change your mind  
About leavin', leavin' me behind  
Oh, oh, bring it to me  
Bring your sweet lovin'  
Bring it on home to me, oh yeah._

CJ listened to the music while Danny sat on his bed and looked up at the ceiling. His radio played and the sounds and the words spoke volumes into his soul.

_You know I laughed…. when you left  
But now I know I've only hurt myself  
Oh, oh, bring it to me  
Bring your sweet lovin'  
Bring it on home to me, yeah (yeah) yeah (yeah) yeah (yeah)_

CJ sat on the bed and lifted her leg up to slip her shoe off. She did the same with the other, leaving a moment to rub her foot before dropping it to the ground. She wandered over toward her window, pulled the curtains aside, and gazed sleepily at the streets below. It had just started to snow a little, flaking really. Still dressed in her purple evening dress, she watched the crystals fall.

_I'll give you jewelry, money too  
And that's not all, all I'll do for you  
Oh, oh, bring it to me  
Bring your sweet lovin'  
Bring it on home to me, yeah (yeah) yeah (yeah) yeah (yeah)  
Yeah._

Danny lifted his laptop bag over his shoulder and picked up the small suitcase in his other hand. And there he was, back on the road.

_You know I'll always be your slave  
Till I'm dead and buried in my grave  
Oh, oh, bring it to me  
Bring your sweet lovin'  
Bring it on home to me, yeah (yeah) yeah (yeah) yeah (yeah)_

The driver helped Danny put his things into the cab. Danny sat and looked out the window as a light snow started to fall. The radio still played the same radio station as they drove off.

_I try to treat you right  
But you stay out, stay out late at night  
Please bring it to me  
Bring your sweet lovin'  
Bring it on home to me  
Yeah (yeah) yeah (yeah) yeah (yeah)_

**NOTHING CAN CHANGE THIS LOVE**

SATURDAY AFTERNOON 

The next day CJ sat in her pajamas, curled up in her chair, doing what she did for every weekend since what seemed like the dawn of time: read. She took a sip of her coffee and set the mug down on her coffee table.

_If I go a million miles away  
I write a letter each and every day  
'Cause honey, nothin',  
Nothin' can ever change this love  
I have for you_

_Ooh, make me weep,  
You can make me cry  
See me comin'  
And you can pass me by  
I know that nothin',  
nothin' can ever change this love  
I have for you_

_Oh, you're the apple of my eye  
You're cherry pie  
Oh you're cake and ice cream  
You're sugar and spice  
And everything nice  
You're the boy of my, my, my dreams_

Danny lifted his coffee cup to his mouth and took a drink as he waited in the airport terminal. 

_If you wanted to leave me  
And roam  
When you get back  
I'd just say  
Welcome home,  
I know that nothin',  
Nothin' can ever change the love  
I have for you _

Danny held his carry-on and walked through the cold across the tarmac and onto the plane. 

_I know that nothin',  
Nothin' can ever change the love  
I have for you._

** I'LL COME RUNNING BACK TO YOU**

_Just like a king, I've lost everything  
I sit all alone on my throne  
I've got my pride deep down inside  
I'm yours, I'm yours alone_

_I try to forget, had no regrets  
This love about could always start anew  
Just call my name, wooh, I know I'm not ashamed  
I'll come running back to you_

Danny kept typing on his laptop as the plane coasted through the sky. He had a job to focus on and that was what he would do.

**A CHANGE IS GONNA COME**

_"………….. I've been running ever since. It's been a long, long time coming. But I know a change gonna come. Oh, yes it will. It's been too hard living. But I'm afraid to die. I don't know what's up there beyond the sky_**_."_ --- Sam Cooke  
**


	15. Wentzville, MO : Winter

**On The Road With Danny Concannon: 04'-05'**: Wentzville, MO

"In THIS Room"

**Companion Piece**: In The Room (6.8)

* * *

_Drink up baby down  
Are you in or are you out  
Leave your things behind  
'Cause it's all going off without you  
Excuse me too busy you're writing your tragedy  
These mess-ups  
You bubble-wrap  
When you've no idea what you're like  
So, let go, let go  
Jump in  
Oh well, what you waiting for  
It's all right  
'Cause there's beauty in the breakdown._

_Let go **Frou Frou**_

* * *

In this room he could touch her. He could slowly slip her camisole off her shoulder and kiss the skin wrapped around it. The rain would fall against the window causing the glass to be a haze of white and gray. In this room they wouldn't speak. In this room there would be no sound of words. She could come to this room without fear of repercussion and in this room he could tell her all his dreams and all his fantasies, and he could believe in her, and she would know him. This room didn't exist in a fishbowl. This room didn't exist in a memory or flight of the imagination. It was the real thing on so many levels. He would smell her hair and she would feel what was beyond just his kiss, just underneath his skin and through his eyes. In this room they could be themselves. Free of all the words, labels and man made devices; they would just be Daniel and Claudia. Pent up frustration sent to the wayside after eight years of waiting; after eight years of wanting-- Neither knew how deep it existed; how deep it ran. In this room it would just be the rise and fall of breath together as one, and together as two. He just wanted to bury his head in her neck for days and all she wanted was to feel him close. Closer than she ever thought she would.

Danny ran his fingers along the bedspread on the bed, trying to find an excuse to call her and making up his own excuses why he shouldn't. Trying to accept the room of his mind and the motel room of his reality as he waited. He tried not to think of her, which only made it worse.

CJ drank her cup of coffee and was brought into her present, trying to figure out why she was thinking of Danny again. It had been awhile since he had been in her dreams, a long while; she had pushed it out again. It had been even longer than that since she had thought of him _that_ way. She threw it off as daydreaming, boredom, fatigue, and loneliness. She just had him on her brain, having realized it had been almost six months since he had called her. She had pushed him away and never meant it and now he was finally away and she missed his calls. Again she threw off the idea. When he was in her subconscious dreams again—then she would really need to worry. From outside the Oval Office, she walked into the room.

Danny dosed off again. He had been waiting for hours. Hours for his source to call him only to fill his time with hot coffee and vending machine snacks. The day had turned to night, making his current situation worse. The wind blew outside like it was coming directly from the mighty hand of god.

Danny took a small whiskey bottle out of his bag and took a quick swig. He winced and took another before placing the small bottle back on the side table with a crack. With the same motion, he pulled himself off the bed. Danny turned on the news and tried to concentrate, but he couldn't. He looked at the television screen; one of the deputies was running the press conference. He felt as if he was going through CJ withdrawal. One day he could look at her everyday and then suddenly he couldn't. He'd always had the ability to look each day, to see what she looked like, if her hair color changed, everything.

"And the President leaves tomorrow for China in—" Danny clicked off the TV.

He hadn't been able to concentration all night—nothing seemed to help. Trying to sleep, being awake, it was all the same. He just saw memories of her and sights and sounds of her. He couldn't get her off his mind. He knew it was from lack of sleep, lack of food, going days and nights from one place to another, but he still felt like he was going crazy. Memories and images of her that had once pleased him were now, again, growing dark, cloudy, and more and more painful. He was falling deeper and deeper into his own black hole.

Danny popped a few sleeping pills but found the effort useless. He paced in his bare feet along the carpeted floor. He reached his hand to his brow and found he was sweating profusely. It ran down the side of his head and into his beard.

Danny ran to the bathroom and splashed his face with water, trying to knock some sense into himself, and then he just looked at himself in the mirror—not recognizing who he saw. He took a towel off the towel rack and dried his face.

In this room she would be all his and he would be hers. It was the waiting that was the worst part. If there had been another reason why—if they had been two ships in the night—any other excuse why they never were able to connect, he could have accepted it. But the only obstacle he could ever get her to admit, the only one he could accept, was the "conflict of interest." And as they both got closer to the so-called end of this conflict of interest the curiosity grew stronger inside of Danny and he couldn't shake it. The not knowing, the longing was eating at him. It was the reporter in him that made him want to know. He had to know what her answer would be, he had to wait, but the waiting, in the final mile, was becoming the worst yet.

He had stayed on the road to forget it, he had locked himself up in a cabin in Montana to forget it, but just when he thought he was free—back it came. Would he ever shake it, or would his chronic love, his chronic caring, be the end of him? Something inside of Danny knew it would come to this. Something inside of him knew he was getting himself in too deep. He had started it and now he was paying the price. It was the same thing inside of him that just knew from first sight she was the one. It didn't materialize in words until later, but there was something about her from the moment he met her. Something inside of him that made his heart override his brain. It was also the part of him that knew his feelings could never go away, that knew they would always come back.

Still he waited; still he kept the flame inside of him alive. Even if she said no at the end, even if he tried his best and she pushed him away, he would obey. A part of him would always love her, but it was the waiting and the unknown that kept him going.

It was a double-edged sword. It was the longing that kept him living and it was the longing that just might kill him. Not all the days were like this, but it was his own form of relapsing remitting desire. He could go days without thinking of her. Days without thinking of her in just a way, just a heart-wrenching way, but in the last few years when it came on, it came on hard, and lingered for who knew how long. It seemed to be worse each time and last longer and longer.

The walls in the hotel room felt like they were closing in on Danny as he paced and paced around the room. He felt so small, so suffocated, Danny felt held-up in the room. Climbing the walls was the only expression he could muster. He finally collapsed against the foot of the bed, surprised by his own body's behavior. Breathing heavy, his breath labored until his hands and arms felt like lead bricks and Danny slowly felt himself falling asleep as the sun began to rise outside his window. Finally crashing, Danny slept, wishing this were the last of such nights in his lifetime, not knowing or ever thinking he could be on her mind, too. All he knew was he had to shake it---he had to let go.

------


	16. St Louis, MO: Winter

**On The Road With Danny Concannon '04-'05**: St. Louis, MO

"Running on Empty"

**Companion Piece**: In This Room

* * *

THE NEXT NIGHT:Lambert International Airport

Danny sat in the airport terminal, his bags under his chair, deep in thought. The night before had left him disheveled, haggard, and war-torn to the world. It was taking all his energy to keep awake, to keep going. Emotionally and physically he felt like he was on his last legs. The bags under his eyes matched the luggage under his chair and yet he journeyed on. His tired eyes, they were the same blue eyes that were the last window into the true man he was and not the lump of clay he had become.

Danny pulled his wallet out of his pocket and took out a small white business card. He held each end of the card with both hands. Leaning in toward the card, he looked at Abbey Jacobs's name written in block letters with the word "psychiatrist" written underneath it. Danny looked up again, this time taking note of the television set flashing Bartlet and his staff as they boarded Air Force one that afternoon, for the china trip.

"It must be killing you to be away." A man, sitting next to Danny in the airport, dressed in a rumpled trench coat and looking well-traveled, questioned him.

"I'm sorry?" Danny looked away from the television set and at the man next to him.

"Being away from Washington——with all that's goin' on?" Danny looked at the man wondering if he knew him. "I'm sorry—" He extended his hand. "I'm Matt Wick, from the DC area." Danny put the card back in his wallet and extended his hand. "You're Daniel Concannon—well, everyone calls you Danny—well, the Press Secretary does---sorry, I watch a lot of CSpan—recognized you right away—" Danny shook the man's hand. "Although I haven't seen you around the Press Room much since they found Zoey Bartlet."

"Yeah, I've been on assignment---nice to meet you." Danny nodded and set his head into a resting position against the back of the chair slumping back in his seat. Danny wasn't in too much of a mood to talk, but he was always polite.

"Nice detective work on that one by the way---I mean the whole Shariff thing—well, it won the Pulitzer—"

"Yeah," Danny laughed. "I wouldn't call it detective work---just my job." Danny moved his eyeballs toward the man at his right.

"So, what brings you to these parts---I do a lot of business here myself. You here for a story?"

"Yeah, thought I was." He laughed. "Got kinda stood up."

"Oh." The man didn't quite get it. "You writing anything new—books, I mean---I heard about that book---good buzz—been meaning to pick it up—always looking for a good flight book."

"Sorry---I don't have any copies with me--"

"No, No I wasn't asking for—" The man put his hands up to be sure Danny knew he wasn't fishing. "What do you think we're gonna do?" he motioned his head toward the television.

"About what?"

"About it all, Gaza-China—Korea?"

"Who knows?" He laughed.

"But you have your ideas—_come on,_ you know Bartlet better than anyone in that room other than CJ. Cregg."

"CJ Cregg's not in that room anymore." He looked up at the TV and happened to get a clip of CJ. "She's in a _whole _different room."

"Yeah, I always forget—I mean not that she's the chief of staff—I just mean—they run so many of those deputies---going in and out of that room it's hard to keep track—I mean other then Toby Ziegler and that blonde chick. I got a thing for blondes."

"Annabeth Schott."

"Who?"

"The blonde."

"Well, none of them are as memorable as CJ Cregg."

"Yeah." He still looked at Ken. "I agree with that." He smirked and looked back at the TV, folding his hands, in front of him.

"I just get worried. First Gaza---now China."

"It's just a summit—they have those things all the time—well every few years."

"I just know what it's like to know your days are numbered. I had a cancer scare a while back and I see that same look in his eyes—that, "this may be my last chance thing." I'm _not _sayin' I think he's gonna croak anytime soon—I knew this guy had M.S. ---went _years _without symptoms. I just don't know what he's thinkin'…and that kind of scares me. Like he feels he needs to prove something since he's out in a year."

"Well, Bartlet is a man of words—I'm sure he's tryin' to figure out what he can say to save the world." He laughed.

"President as Superman?" The man laughed.

"Yeah," Danny laughed. "Only Superman's figuring out he's really only human."

"Yeah." The man nodded his head. "So who do ya think's gonna get the nomination?"

"Republican—I don't know—some people are really pushin' for Walken—I don't see it. Democratic—Baker's got it."

"Baker hasn't even announced yet."

"He will."

"How you so sure about that?"

"See, there are two things in life that are 100 percent predictable—One." He put up his finger. "Politicians. And two." He put up his second finger. "Politicians." He paused and laughed a little. "Now politics, that's the unknown variable sometimes—but it's old hat in Washington and people fall into lines and graphs and each action brings about the same reaction—the same thing. Maybe I just see it 'cause I know what I'm looking for—like when an astronomer looks up at the heavens-- he connects the stars into pictures and planets—but all I see are dots. I know how to connect the dots. He's running."

"You didn't seem so cynical when you wrote about Bartlet on his campaign."

"Yeah, well, not everyone's a Bartlet. I don't think we'll see another Bartlet for a long time."

"After everything, you're still a fan?"

"After everything—yeah. . ." Danny trailed off. "I guess I'm still a fan. He may have faults, but he had—has this idealism I don't think we'll see again---not for a while. He's almost a fairy tale."

"When ya think we'll know that?"

"I'm sorry?"

"When will we know _he's_ come."

"You mean the second coming?" Danny laughed. "I don't know I guess we'll know when we see it—but Baker's for sure the best man we got—it'll be a good choice. —."

Danny looked up at the TV and saw something that caught his eye. His face gave a "huh?" look as he saw Eric Baker on the television set.

"No..." Danny stood.

"What?" The man asked.

With his mouth open, Danny stood and walked closer to the TV as he focused in on the Governor's speech. "This is unbelievable." Danny spoke to himself and put his hands in his pocket.

"He's not running—he was the front runner, right?" The man asked, having come up behind Danny.

"Yeah."

"Wow…." He paused. "Just goes to show ya—the path isn't as predictable as we think."

"Bingo." Danny said with disdain and bit of irony.

_To Be Continued….._


	17. St Louis, MO :Winter part 2

**On The Road With Danny Concannon 04'-05':** St. Louis, MO pt 2

_"The Goldfish Syndrome"_

**Companion Piece**: In The Room

* * *

_"Two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl. Same old fish._

_Wish you were here. Wish you were here."_

_**---Pink Floyd**_

**

* * *

**_FIVE MONTHS BEFORE: THE CABIN IN MONTANA _

_I'm weary and I'm staying up late  
And the rain hits my roof so hard  
You know I'm no longer thirty  
These days I'm happy to play  
One or two hands of cards  
I hate flies in the kitchen buzzing  
Disturbing the peace I've found  
Fortune and fame is so fleeting  
These days I'm happy to say  
I'm amazed that I'm still around _

_---The Weight of the World—Elton John_

The rain hit the roof hard. Danny sat on the bed, writing on a small pad. He'd gotten tired of sitting at the table and knocking his fingers against the keys. He soon grew tried of all of that, or lost any ideas and he tossed his legal pad onto the bed next to him. He took a swig of the beer in front of him and took a deck of playing cards from the side drawer and held them in his hands like a pack of cigarettes, although he had never been a smoker. The rain was coming down, sounding like music on the tin roof, and being amplified by the silence. Danny laid out the cards on the blanket in front of him and set up for a game of solitaire. Keeping focus on the game like he would study a story—looking for leads, he systematically and with fervor set the cards in the proper places. The cards snapped as he set each card down on top of the other. It was a game he had become accustomed to and had perfected -- perfected to the point that it was no longer a challenge.

The sound of the rain began to change, drifting into an uneven rhythm. Danny raised his eyes up from their sockets toward the left side of the room, his baby blues shimmering in the glow of the light next to his bed.

As the rain softened, he began to notice a pinging sound, and he made his way toward it. Into the kitchen, which wasn't far, he swatted a fly out of his way and soon found what he had been looking for: a leak hitting the kitchen counter and of course missing the sink completely, not that it would matter, for the sink was filled with dishes Danny just hadn't gotten to yet. He took a tin can from the kitchen table and set it under the leak, changing the sound. He then made his way back to his game of cards.

_And the weight of the world is off my back  
When we fell, we got up  
And crawled out the cracks  
Excuse me if I take some comfort in that  
Happy today, happy to play  
With the weight of the world off of my back _

Humidity hangs like a curtain  
Oh, it fogs up my glasses sometimes  
You know I've still got my eyesight  
These days I'm happy to see  
A sunset instead of a line

And the weight of the world is off my back  
When we fell, we got up  
And crawled out the cracks  
Excuse me if I take some comfort in that  
Happy today, happy to play  
With the weight of the world off of my back

There's a long list of names  
That I don't recall  
Even though my memory's good  
The rain washed away  
The lemons and weeds  
When the weight of the world weighed more than it should

_--The Weight of The World Elton John _

PRESENT: The Airport

Back in the present, Danny played another round of solitaire, really wishing he were playing poker. Poker was really his game, but he was reminded of the last time he played solitaire, back in the cabin. He remembered how peaceful he felt and how, for once in a long time, he had felt the weight of the world lift off his back. Part of him wanted to go back there and part of him didn't. Just like part of him wanted to get on that plane to Washington and the rest of him didn't. He knew the pros and he knew the cons even if they were hazy. What he was sure of was he couldn't go back to that cabin in Montana—as much as he wanted. He went there to exorcise his demons and when he was done, he cleaned himself up—got into a nice pair of clothes and he walked away.

Danny paused, with the card in his hand, but pushed the idea out of his mind and continued his game. His phone started to ring, and he lifted it out of his pocket and flipped it opened. He put the phone to his ear as he finished his game with the other hand.

"Ah…yeah." Danny said in his nasal tones.

"I have bad news." Maisy spoke on the phone. "But good news."

"I'm not interviewing Baker." Danny smirked and leaned back with a grin on his face.

"You're near a TV."

"Ah…yeah."

"His office called and canceled a few minutes ago."

"Yeah,… they say anything about a follow up?"

"No follow up interviews."

"Yeah, figures." Danny slumped in his seat.

"Sorry."

"No, problem."

"But I do have good news."

"Yeah?"

"I made a few calls—checked some underground internet chat rooms—and I have it on pretty good authority you can exchange your one way ticket to Pennsylvania for a one way ticket to Washington, DC."

"You don't say." Danny humored her.

"Yes, I do." Maisy stuck a bow on top of a gift she had just finished wrapping. "And you'll be home just in time to be home for the holidays." She made her way to her next gift.

"Maisy, I don't know what I'm doing for Christmas yet, I'm seeing if I can get standby for California. I got a source says Arnold Vinnick'sflying home tonight and announcing in the morning—if I can get on this flight I can be there when he lands—he's on…" Danny took out his notebook. "Flight 110, getting in at , gate 15."

"Danny—you don't have to be there—you don't do that kind of amateur stuff---that's below the fold, maybe right at the fold _small_ story."

"Not if I get an exclusive."

"Danny…." She ran off. "I think you should come home."

Danny rolled his eyes, took the phone off his ear, and set it down on the table in front of him.

"Danny?" Danny could hear Maisy speaking. After a moment, he took the phone to his ear.

"Yeah?" Danny was tired of hearing this.

"Do you know how many Christmas invites I am turning down for you?" Maisy held the phone against her shoulder and her ear as she wrapped yet another present.

"You're turning down _for_ me—or _because_ of me?

"For you, I'm outta here for Christmas—you don't get me for that day." She placed the sticky bow on top of her gift with glee.

"I have Christmas invitations?"

"Well…one."

"Yeah…" Danny grumbled

"Your brother wants you to go down to Florida with the family."

"Yeah…I know—I don't know."

"And you're always invited to Mr. Brantley's house---which I don't get why you turn down."

"When you have a lot of journalist hardware you are allowed to do that. Besides I went last year."

"No, it was two years ago."

"Really?"

"Yeah, I remember 'cause you told me I couldn't come to the party and you kept calling me Lucy." Maisy stood and walked over to her printer.

"Yeah." Danny laughed.

"Damn!" Maisy hit the side of the printer.

"What?"

"This printer is still blinking red and green dots at me. I was so sure I fixed it." She hit it again. "Come on!"

"It's not working?" Danny asked.

"Either that or it's celebrating Christmas." Maisy said dryly.

"Really, I was pretty sure it was Jewish."

"I find most laser printers to be agnostic." She said again dryly.

"Veryyy funny." Danny said, impressed.

"Hey, I'm smart—I'm a _cool _cat."

"Cool cat?"

"I just tend to sometimes—not all the time---but often --- come off as _ditsy_. I know. But, Pretty much I think it's due to my good nature and all around ability to just want to have a good time—_that_ and the natural lack of calcium and forfeited foods in my diet."

"I see."

"I've been taking vitamins."

"Good for you."

"Wait, do you hear that?" Maisy asked in her paranoid way.

"No?"

"You don't hear that?"

"No."

"You don't hear that? It's someone else's conversation."

"No, I don't hear that."

"Okay…just be careful---don't give out any credit card information."

"Yeah……'cause you know I'll be doing that sometime soon."

"You sound tired."

"I didn't sleep much last night."

"She's in China."

"I know…. it's sort of all over the news."

"I'm just saying you could come home." She paused. "She'll be back in a few weeks…and you don't have to be in Iowa 'till..."

"I don't want to discuss this…she's not the reason…"

"Aren't you tired, Danny?"

"I have a job."

"You need to take this as a sign, Danny."

"Take what?"

"Baker."

"You think the playing field for the Presidential nomination was just leveled like a nuclear winter as a sign for me to come back to Washington."

"Yes, I do."

"Ahhh." Danny looked up to find Ken, the man he had been talking to earlier, walking toward him mouthing hello. "Listen, can I call you back?"

"It's a sign, Danny."

"I don't believe in signs—I'll call you back." Danny hung up the phone and stood as the man approached. He put his hands in his pockets and raised his eyebrows at the man as a hello.

"You wouldn't want a goldfish would you?"

"I'm sorry?" Danny's breath stopped and his eyes seemed to bug out, if that was possible.

"A goldfish." Ken's hand emerged to show a bag of water filled with a small goldfish. "I'm sorry to ask—you just seem like a nice guy—I got the fish for my niece—she has a huge aquarium—well, that's not important—anyway, I don't know anything about fish."

"Neither do I." Danny laughed knowing he didn't know about them, but yet he did.

"I can't take it with me---seems my flight's too long and these little things can't stay in the bag for two long."

"They suffocate."

"Yeah, I thought you didn't know anything about fish?"

"I don't. " He paused. "But I've had some experience in the purchase of 'em." Danny raised his head and rolled on his feet.

"I'd just hate to see this little thing die. I was hoping you could take it off my hands."

"That fish's name's not Gail, is it?" Danny said in his own suspicious, creeped out way.

"No?" The man looked at him strangely. "I didn't name it. I thought my niece would?"

"They didn't name it in the store?"

"No—"

"'Cause usually they name it in the store."

"Not really."

"When I brought one, they named it in the store."

"They didn't name it."

"Okay."

"I would just really appreciate it." Danny took his eyes off the fish swimming in the bag. "It's kind of sad—I feel bad for it—it may not know if it's in a bowl or a bag—but I think it does—just swimming around—it's not like the bowl where they have things to play with—even though they're being stared at all the time, in this bag it has nothing—makes you really see whatever monotony you think you have just ain't nothin'. I know it's the lack of air—but I like to think it wants to break free and it can't—so it just dies." He looked up at Danny. "You can't keep anything locked up for too long before it dies. I should have known that."

"I'm sorry?" Danny felt a lump in his throat and couldn't take his focus off the fish.

"Would you help me out?" He paused. "Will you take the fish off my hands?"

--

Danny sat in his airline seat, tapping away at his laptop again. He loved late night flights. Everyone trying to sleep, the quiet, it let Danny get things done. He had his airborne card in and used the time to catch up on some email. He answered emails from his family, from his editor, and a few friends. As he was about to exit the email window, an IM from Josh filled his screen.

"Where are ya?" the box read.

"In transit." Danny wrote laughing to himself.

"You spend too much of your time on an airplane." Josh typed and laughed as Donna entered the room.

"What ya doing?" Donna asked in the doorway.

"I'm IM-ing Danny."

"Since when do you know how to use an Instant Messenger?"

"I'm a modern guy."

"Yeah, right." She gave him a look. "You ready for that meeting?"

"What meeting?" He looked up.

"With me."

"Yeah, Yeah. Let me finish this—one sec."

"Yeah…" Donna walked away not really believing him. Josh went back to the screen to read Danny's new message.

"And you spend too much time in a big White House."

"You used to do the same thing—so don't talk."

"When are you coming back? Wait, what am I saying? I don't think I'll still be in this place when you get back."

"Think again." Danny typed.

"Christmas?"

"Sooner." Danny paused and waited before typing. "How about we meet for drinks tomorrow night---my treat."

"The usual place?" Josh typed.

"Sounds good."

"I'll call if I get held up."

Danny smiled as he leaned back. A little uneasy, he was making a big step for himself. He'd be home for Christmas this year.

-----

Danny walked out of the terminal, his carry on bag over his shoulder, looking tried and spent. Danny had a look of contentment on his face. He looked around, happy to be in familiar surroundings, when his eyes caught another half-way familiar face.

"Maisy, you didn't have to meet me." Danny spoke happy to see the girl, but she didn't have the same feeling in return. "Look, I got a fish." He raised the bag filled with the fish up towards his head to show it off to Maisy. His voice was cheery and happy for a change, but Maisy was not. Danny knew something was wrong. "What's wrong, Maisy?" She tried to speak, but words eluded her. "What? What else could have happened?" He laughed. "Did Toby Ziegler become Secretary of State?" His laughter soon subsided as he saw that Maisy wasn't laughing along with him. "Maisy?" He was a little frightened now.

"Danny, I'm sorry….." She couldn't get the words out. "I'm sorry…" She started to hold back tears herself, but held it in for Danny. Danny was about to ask her, "what" again when Maisy handed Danny a pink message paper with the words she just couldn't say.

Danny opened the paper and read what was written inside. When he did his face turned ashy and white. Danny held back his own tears, as his face seemed a combination of anger and deep sadness.

"There's a plane leaving in thirty minutes." Maisy handed Danny a plane ticket.

"Yeah." Danny took the ticket and placed it in his inside jacket pocket.

"Terminal G. Gate sixteen—you can take the—"

"Yeah I know." Danny said in a monotone. "I know."

Maisy watched him walk into the distance. He walked up the ramp, passed the small amounts of people, up the escalator, past the flags, and away from Washington.

_Sometimes I wonder if I'm ever gonna make it home again,  
it's so far and out of sight.  
I really need someone to talk to,  
and nobody else  
knows how to comfort me tonight.  
Snow is cold, and rain is wet.  
Chills my soul right to the marrow.  
I won't be happy till I see you alone again.  
Till I'm home again and feelin' right.  
I wanna be home again and feeling' right. _

_Till I'm home again and feelin' right. _

_I wanna be home again and feelin' right._

_**Home Again Carol King**_

_To Be Continued……._


	18. Lansing, MI: Winter

**On The Road with Danny Concannon '04-'05: **_Lansing, Michigan _

_"The Other Danny, Part 1"_

**Companion Piece**: In the Room

* * *

Special guest star Jane Kaczmarek as Linda.

_

* * *

_

The car door opened and Danny Concannon stepped out into the quiet suburban street. At almost five in the morning, the street was like a ghost town as commuters and day workers slept their nights away. The driver handed Danny a large shoulder bag and his carry-on from the trunk. Danny paid the man and as Danny put the carry-on over his shoulder, the driver drove off down the street. Danny looked up at the house, a house he remembered with fondness from his childhood. It still looked the same.

Danny approached the house and slowly walked up its stone steps. The porch light flicked on at his presence. Just as he reached the porch with a creak, Danny heard rustling and the door slowly opened. A hand pushed aside the screen door.

"Danny," a tired woman's voice was heard, as the source of the sound emerged from the house. Dressed in a flannel nightgown, and about the same age as Danny, she emerged from the darkness to greet him, her arms holding her robe close to her to warm her body.

"Hey, Linda," Danny said with bittersweet sadness, not to mention tiredness from the flight and his last twenty-four hours. But before Danny could even drop his bags or finish another sentence, he felt the woman's arms around him. She was in need of comfort, but she pulled away quickly.

"I'm so glad you came." She said as tears spilled from her eyes.

"How could I not?" He said softly.

"Come inside." She said looking him in the eyes and motioning with her hand.

* * *

Danny followed Linda into what seemed like a guest room, lit only by a small light next to the bed. 

"This is where Dan's mother used to stay when---" She looked down as she spoke.

"It's fine." Danny set his bags down.

"Good." She looked at him and then back at the bed. "There's an extra afghan on the bed—well, I guess you see that—how silly of me—of course, you'd see that—" Danny saw her fluster, but didn't know how to react as his heart bled for her. "There's linens in the closet if you need more--"

"I'm sure I'll be fine—"

"Bathroom's down the hall if you don't remember, but I guess you know the place so well from when you and Dan were kids…hasn't changed—Dan's mother would never have that…." she looked at Danny. "He would have loved that you came, Danny—so much—he talked about you all the time—I'm so glad you're here—" She finally lost it and her full emotions came through like a waterfall breaking the dam. Linda made her way to the bed to shield her emotions from Danny.

"Linda." Danny dove for her, and sat down next to her, holding her to his chest.

"No, no—I'm good—I'm good—" She broke away. "Ahh." She wiped under her eyes. "I'm good. I'm good."

"Okay." Danny knew she would talk when she needed to. They sat in silence for a moment at the foot of the bed.

"You good?" Danny tried to smile half-way, to make her laugh

"Yeah." She nodded her head. "I'm good."

"Okay."

They sat in silence for a moment.

"Linda?" Danny spoke up.

"Yeah?"

"You good?"

"No… Not doing so well, Danny." She looked at him and laughed. "Thank you." She said taking hold of Danny's hand. "You know, it's just so weird not having him around?" She spoke looking out into the room, still holding Danny's hand.

"Yeah." He knew she just needed to talk.

"I mean the little things—I turn over in bed wanting to ask him a question—or tell him something about the kids—just ask him what the weather is and he's just---" She sucked in her emotions. "Well." She stood. "We can talk in the morning—you need your sleep and I need to drive Lindsey to get her driver's license tomorrow—she failed the first time—it takes three months to reschedule." She turned to walk away still holding Danny's hand. As she slipped his hand from hers, Linda looked back at Danny. "And I need to stop by the funeral parlor—would you come with me?"

"Yeah." Danny didn't have to be asked.

"Okay." She turned for the door, but stopped again. "I'm just so glad—" She turned to Danny. "I'm just so glad you're here, Danny."

"He…" Danny was choked up for a moment himself. "He was my best friend." Linda nodded her head and half smiled to Danny before walking out of the room. Danny was left alone again.

* * *

Danny wasn't sure what time he woke up, but it felt like he had slept way too much. He ran his hand through his nappy hair and yawned. The door was slightly ajar and he could hear noises in the hallway and downstairs.

* * *

"Mom, where's the peanut butter?" Danny heard the voice of a mature child as he walked down the stairs into the kitchen. 

"Behind the can of Fluff?" Linda yelled from another room.

"Hey." The redheaded girl of about sixteen said to Danny in a high-school monotone.

"Hey?" Danny wasn't sure who the girl was. She had to be Lindsey, but it had been so long since he'd seen her.

"Hi," said the soft voice of a boy about ten, sitting at the center counter top, playing with trading cards, his hair as brown as his mother's.

"Hi." Danny said with his boyish grin.

"You guys remember Danny?" Linda said with enthusiasm as came into the room and ran her hands around the her son's shoulders.

"Yeah, hi." The girl said, and turned for another cabinet. The boy said "hi" and couldn't keep his eyes off Danny.

"Danny, your father, and I—went to high-school together—he was your father's best friend in the whole world—" She said in an over enthusiastic voice for her children. They didn't seem to care. "I'm sure he can tell you wonderful stories about your father." At those words, the boy jumped off the stool he was sitting on and walked into the other room.

"Patrick!" Linda yelled after him. She smiled at Danny, pretending she wasn't upset.

"Lindsey—Danny's your godfather—I don't think you've seen him since you were… thirteen was it?" She looked over at Danny

"Yeah." Lindsey looked at Danny. "Hey." Lindsey took an apple off the center counter top and walked out of the kitchen.

"Those are my kids." Linda said with sarcasm. "Dan was sick for so long I don't know if it's set in with them yet."

"It's okay." Danny walked into the kitchen as Linda started to clean up.

"I know—I know—I just want them—I thought…..they could get to know you, while you're here."

"That's my fault."

"No—no. You were busy—it's fine—"

"What time is it?"

"I let you sleep—don't worry—what'd ya want to eat?"

"No—I said I'd go with you—"

"It's done---I did it—you needed to sleep—you needed to rest—so." Her voice perked up. "What 'd you wanna eat?"

"I'm fine—I'll go find a diner somewhere—"

"No, no—I'm sure you haven't eaten a home cooked meal in a long time---"

"What are you, my mother?"

"Closest thing." Linda sassed him back and leaned on her hip.

"Linda."

"Shut up—Daniel Concannon, I'm cooking you food—go in the other room, read the paper—watch CSPAN---I got you the Washington Post—it's on the coffee table in the living room." She motioned toward the living room for him to scurry on away.

Danny again wanted to protest, but Linda had already given him her back so he did what he was told. Danny walked across the foyer, over the brown parquet and into the brown and tan living room. He found the paper on the coffee table next to the remote control. He ran his eyes over the headline: "Bartlet: no comment" and made his way down toward the fold to find the smaller headline, right above the fold, "Vinnick announced today."

"I knew it." Danny scolded to himself and the air. He hated being scooped, even if it was small potatoes.

Danny lifted the remote and switched the channels until it hit CSPAN and he decided to leave it on for a while as he drifted through the paper. Danny picked up the front page, perusing the flag story, which he was sick of reading about, and found another article to dig into. When he was done with the front page, he opened the paper to the inside cover. He was half way through reading the second page when he felt the distant feeling he was being watched. Danny peeled the paper to its side to find a small, female, child about twelve, brunette, standing in front of him.

"Hi," the girl said.

"Hi?"

"You're Danny?"

"Yeah?"

"That's my dad's name."

"Yeah?" Danny didn't understand why he was being questioned.

"You don't seem so sure?"

"Don't know why you're askin'?"

"Doing some recognizance."

"I see." Danny was impressed by how smart the girl was.

"I have a very large vocabulary."

"I see."

"You're a reporter?" she prodded.

"Yeah."

"So am I."

"Danny Concannon, Washington Post." He put his hand out.

"Petra Sullivan, Mohawk Lane Press." She shook his hand.

"Pleasure."

"Likewise." She nodded her head.

"We're starting in a few small markets—my mother's kitchen—my aunt's beauty shop—but were trying to move into larger circulation."

"I see."

"I have to go now."

"Okay."

And Petra walked off. She looked back one more time to check Danny out and then walked off again.

Danny found himself feeling like a stranger in his own home town, even in a house he used to spend all his time in as a child—the house his best friend grew up in. He spent the day with the family he might have had if things had been different. After dinner, Linda looked worn and Danny, ever the trooper, told her to go to bed, he'd take care of the mess. It was what he had been doing all day. Always the one who helped others, Danny was the rock people needed when they needed a rock. And no matter what, Danny always played the part.

Once the dishes were all set away, and all was done for the night, Danny walked into the living room. He walked through the living room and through the house, past the pictures on wall units and shelves, diplomas on the walls, and out the back porch. Danny sat down on the back step and ran his hand over the back of his head looking out at the dark sky, feeling so far away from everything, and he cried. It started in spurts at first, as the grown man tried to hold his emotions in with his hand, but it couldn't be helped, and soon Danny Concannon sobbed, alone, on the back pouch.


	19. Lancing, MI: Winter

**On The Road With Danny Concannon 04-05: **_Lansing, Michigan_

"_The Other Danny, Pt 2"_

**Companion Piece:** Impact Winter

* * *

_Special guest star **Jane Kaczmarek** as Linda._

* * *

The next day Danny stood at the foot of his best friend's grave. He thought about the boy -- now the man -- who had known him the longest in his life, other than his family, and now that man was gone. Danny looked over the tombstone of a man who he'd shared so much more than their names.

It had been a quiet ceremony.

Danny surfed the crowd and saw faces he remembered and faces he tried to place, but just couldn't yet. It was and reminder of what he had left behind. Danny was a pillar of strength. He had to be, for Linda. It was the least he could do.

* * *

The day turned into night and Danny found himself lying on the bed in the guest room with a strange feeling in his stomach. He laid on the bed like he did when he was a kid not wanting to go down the stairs to the grown-ups below. He wondered if he could take a nap and not wrinkle his suit, so no one would notice. He adjusted on the bed, flattening down the back of his jacket, and setting his hand under his tie to smooth it down. Maybe he would just sit there all night. Maybe not. 

Danny's phone rang and without moving from his spot he was able to reach for it, flip it open, and bring it to his ear.

"Yeah?" Danny said in a strong nasal tone, trying to hide his feelings from the caller, but no really succeeding.

"Danny, it's Maisy." She said in a small voice.

"Hey." He spoke with sweetness and a strain in his voice.

"Is this a bad time?"

"Nooo. No." His voice grated.

"Did I wake you?"

"No." His voice sounded fatigued.

"How ya doin?" She said with all her concern.

"Okay." Danny said lying through his teeth. "Let's get this over with," Danny groaned and lifted himself up against the back of the bed. He ran his hand over the side of his forehead and sighed.

"Okay." Maisy opened up the message planner on her computer. "I tried to reschedule all your pentagon interviews. Most seem to be okay with the twentieth—but it looks like you'll have to fit them all in real tight. Hutchinson says he can see you December 23rd at 3pm. But you only get twenty minutes while he walks from his office to the car."

"Okay—sounds good."

"But if this thing with Bartlet gets hotter I have a feeling he'll cancel on you." She paused and clicked. "Unless of course he feels mad and chatty like the last _last _time."

"Yeah." Danny had a small laugh in his voice. "How is the President doing? Any new stuff coming off the wire?"

"No—just that he's doing well and he's in China."

"Okay…."

"The rest of the things I believe are in January—the week before you go off to Iowa."

"Yeah, I remember."

"Are you doing a run over to New Hampshire first?"

"Not sure." Danny wasn't really ready to think that far ahead.

"Did you have an interview with a William Arnold?"

"Yeah. I told him to call the office to reschedule."

"I don't have him in the book?"

"I do make appointments on my own, Maisy."

"Well, I…." Maisy was going to reprimand him but decided not to. "I set it up for next week."

"Okay." Danny paused. "We done?"

"Yeah." She said in sweet, concerned tones. "I have you on a flight the day after tomorrow."

"Okay."

"I am sorry, Danny."

"Yeah, Thanks Mais. I'll see ya next week." Danny hung up the phone.

* * *

Danny walked in slow motion through the crowd of young and old. It just didn't seem to be real, maybe that was because it seemed more like a high-school reunion than a walk -- teachers and old friends, parents and old nemeses. He caught up with Bobby Fifer and was happy to talk with his old journalism teacher. 

People offered their stories of Danny and Dan, the best friends with the same names. They offered their apologies to Linda and the kids, to Dan's parents. All the while Danny felt like he was just an observer in the whole thing, wafting through the wake like a disembodied head. He felt so far removed from everything, wanting to participate, but feeling like he couldn't—or wouldn't. He felt like he was in a haze as he went from person to person, like going from rock to rock across the pond till he reached dry land.

* * *

LATER:

Danny slid opened the doors that connected the living room and small study/family room, to reveal total darkness except for the hum and light of a television set. He walked forward toward the large armchair where Linda sat watching the news report. She leaned on her right hand and rested her left on the arm of the chair. Danny closed the doors and walked toward her.

"Your father sent me lookin' for ya?" Danny spoke with his eyes on the news report of Bartlet in China.

"Yeah…" She trailed off, looking toward the television.

"Hey," he said looking at her and taking her hand and squeezing it.

"Hey." She looked up at him with her red eyes. Danny smiled at her and she tried to smile back. He lost her focus as her eyes went back to the television, which was now talking about Bartlet's health. Danny held onto her hand, watching her every move as he saw how distracted she was. Linda was like a sister to him, and Dan a brother, looking at her was like seeing the pain of a family member.

"Is the First Lady a strong woman?" She paused. "She seems like a strong woman?"

"Yeah….." Danny asked with a question "She's a very strong woman." He looked at the television and saw what Linda was thinking before she could say it.

"I just feel bad for the wife—that's all." Still off in a daze, Danny leaned down and rested his chin on her hand, still holding onto it.

"Come back inside, okay, don't be alone." He kissed her hand and remained, sweetly, resting on her hand. Linda looked over at Danny and lackadaisically ran her hand through Danny's hair. "Come on," he said.

"I just feel bad for the wife, that's all."

* * *

Danny walked into the bedroom where he was staying. He wanted to get away for just a moment. He could hear the people downstairs, and the light came into the room from the hallway, making this place a haven from the downstairs world. He hadn't planned to sit, but he found himself sinking down to the edge of the bed. He needed a breather. With his back to the door, he checked his cell phone, which was sitting on the dresser, for messages, and then looked away before glancing toward the right corner of the room. That's when he saw her. CJ walked out of the shadows looking just like she had the last time he'd seen her on television. 

He would pack her up in his suitcase for she would always come with him; she was always there. Packed in his valise under his heart and tucked in there between his shoe leather and his notebooks.

She walked over to the bed in silence and sat down next to Danny. There were no words. For a change he didn't need words. She sat down and squeezed his hand. They both smiled bittersweetly and looked into each other's eyes. Without words, she ran her hand through his hair, and Danny leaned down toward her. He slowly laid his head on her lap and she ran her fingers through his hair.

"Danny?" A woman's voice was heard and Danny lifted his head off the pillow in an empty room. He looked at Linda in the doorway.

"They're making the speeches."

"Ahh, yeah." Danny stood. "I'm coming."

"Well, I'm here to talk about my friend Dan, Danny—The other Danny." Everyone laughed. "I really should say that the other way around, 'cause when Dan was around I always the _other _Danny." He looked down and ran his fingers around the plastic cup in his hand. "It's hard for me to just come up with one story that sums up Dan—I mean when you know a guy your whole life—when he grows up down the street—there're just too many—and my memory is long…_very_ long. I guess when I think of Dan, I first of all always think the memories are of us as kids….but, really—the memory—that I most like to think of is the man he became. I'd call him from the road and I'd stop by on my way through town and we'd talk about sports and sometimes we'd talk about politics—but the one thing I could never get him to stop talkin' about…..was his kids—his family. He couldn't wait to tell me about Pat's softball game, Petra's book report, or how he watched Lindsey go out on her first date—and how he stayed by the window the whole time." Linda smiled in recognition and Danny caught it. "And Linda." He motioned his cup toward her. "The love of his life. I can only be half as lucky…if a woman as decent as her accepts me into her heart--- Linda, his family, that was his pride—that was his joy and you heard it in his voice and you saw it in his face---it was his jewel—nothing was more precious. He took pride in it and he should have 'cause it is the legacy—the rock he leaves behind. And that is what he'd want us to celebrate---and promise never to let his jewel lose its luster." Danny raised his glass and his eyes welled up with tears. "To Daniel Sullivan." His voice broke. "I'll miss ya old buddy." The group raised their glasses to the toast.

Danny made his way through the crowd of well-wishers. "I don't know why some woman hasn't snatched you up yet." A woman of about eighty squeezed Danny's cheek making him feel embarrassed.

"Ahh…I don't know, Mrs. Doyle." He said and quickly got away from her grasp. Danny was getting a little hot under the spotlight, so he found his way out of the living room and into the foyer. He sat himself down on the second step of the stairway, and stared at the front door.

He needed air. He needed to get out and away from everything. He grabbed his coat and found himself on the front porch, and then walking down the cold street into the darkness. He walked a few blocks and found himself running, just running as fast as he could, his breath catching in the cold air. He ran as fast as he could, until he couldn't stand it any longer, somehow finding himself next to the fence of the old high school ball field. Danny leaned over and tried to catch some air. He looked up to see his own breath. Suddenly a searing memory came back to him as he took in a breath and let out a stream of heat.

* * *

"Come on, come with me, Dan." A young Danny asked his friend Dan, a young man his own age, tall and lengthy, with sandy hair and brown eyes. 

"Danny—" Dan said with a long whine.

"No, come on. You and me—"

"You have a job in Dallas, Danny. I don't."

"So, what—you're just as good a writer as I am—a damn good one---better than I am."

"No one's as good as you, Danny." He spread his hands out in gesture.

"Whatever, I don't believe that—_come on_."

"I love Linda—I'm gonna marry Linda—"

"Bring her with you—"

"Danny, you ever think that's not what I'm cut out for?"

"What? And you don't want to see if you could?"

"I could do it here—I want a family, Danny—I want to marry Linda and have my kids grow up here—I like it _here_—here, Danny---this is what I want."

"You want to stay here and be just like our parents."

"No, no way—You think I want to be like my dad—work in the plant all my life—live in the same house I grew up in…but what if I did—what's so wrong with that. I love Linda and I want a family, Danny. Don't you?"

"Yes…" Danny spoke with surprise. "Yes, if I meet someone and I fall in love…yes, I'll want to have a family—but not at the price of this. It's not worth it to me to lose my dream. For you?"

"It's your dream, Danny---not mine."

* * *

Danny shook the memory away and took in another large breath. He looked up and slammed his back against the fence, making it sound with the hit. He sank to the ground and hit it with a thud, letting out a sound and running his hands over his face, then slowly leaning his head back as he let his hands fall to his side. 

"Well, I'm staying." He heard his friend Dan's voice. "This is what's important to me. You need to respect that. We each have our own life's Danny boy—we all have our destiny. This is mine. This is what makes me happy Danny. This is it. This is what I want. This is what's important to me."

Danny shook it off again and looked out into the distance, watching his own breath, heavy in front of him, his eyes tearing up.

* * *

Danny found his way back to the house through a back path from the school, which led him to Dan's backyard. Danny made his way into the backyard, passing the basketball hoop, and caught his eyes on Dan's son Patrick. Patrick sat on the back porch, holding a basketball and looking up at the hoop. Danny put his hands in his pocket and walked up to the boy. In that moment he saw his own pain meant nothing compared to the pain of a young boy losing his father. 

"Hey." Danny sat himself down. Patrick didn't answer. "Yeah." Danny looked out into the darkness with Patrick, stuffing his hands in his pockets for warmth. They sat in silence for a moment, each waiting for the other one to speak. Finally Patrick spoke.

"My dad talked about you a lot." Patrick spoke in a small voice.

"Funny?" Danny looked at the kid. "He talked about you a lot."

They sat in silence again for a long moment.

"You play basketball?" Danny asked.

"Yeah." Patrick looked at Danny.

"I played with your dad a lot."

"Me too." The boy looked at the ball and nothing else.

Danny rose and put his hands out. Patrick tossed him the ball and Danny made a basket. Danny retrieved the ball and threw it back to Patrick. The next thing the two knew, they were playing a game of ball, and for the first time in a long time Danny felt some kind of purpose.

It started to get colder and Patrick ran into the house. Danny slowly followed as he watched Patrick turn and smile back at him. He ran past Linda who had been watching from the door.

"Nice, job—he hasn't smiled all week." Linda smiled back at him. "Everyone's gone, we're going to finish some of the actual edible food." Linda opened up the screen door for Danny with a creak. She walked toward him holding the door open for him.

"Your assistant called—she couldn't get you on your cell—she's Fed-Ex-ing your plane ticket over---it should be here in the morning."

"Linda?"

"Yeah?" She looked at him with a half-crooked grin.

Danny stepped forward. "I was thinking I could stay a little longer, spend some time with the kids—with you. If that would be all right? If it's okay with you?"

"Sure, Danny," she said, unsure why he felt he had to ask or why he felt the need to stay. "But, you don't have anything waitin' for you in DC?"

"Waitin' for me in DC?' Danny put his hands in his pocket. "Naw. I don't have anythin'" He shook his head and smiled before moving past Linda, but Linda saw a strangeness in the smile. Something she felt in her gut – Danny was dealing with something else, something besides his grief over her husband, his friend. Danny made his way past Linda and she watched him walk back into the house.

_To Be Continued….._


	20. Lansing, MI: Winter Pt 3

**On The Road With Danny Concannon 04-05: **_Lansing, Michigan_

"_The Other Danny, Pt 3"_

**Companion Piece**_: Impact Winter_

* * *

"People Move On."

_**Leo McGarry "Impact Winter"**_

* * *

THREE DAYS LATER:

Danny walked in his stocking feet between the rug and the hardwood floor, really flexing his toes into the floor. It felt good, it felt cool between his feet, and it was somehow a relaxing way to pace. He paced, back and forth, searching for something. He stretched his arms out and laid his hands on the back of his head with his elbows out. In the corner his laptop sat on the desk unused and untouched. Soon Danny found himself leaning against the wall next to the open door. He slid down the wall until he was on the ground, his back against the wall, his legs bent and his feet firmly planted on the ground. Linda approached the doorway and noticed Danny out of the corner of her eye. Still in her winter coat only un-buttoned and open to the wind, she leaned against the doorway with a smirk.

"How ya doin"? She leaned down against the wall with him. Danny rolled his head against the wall and looked at her. Linda looked at him with one eyebrow raised.

"Okay." Danny looked back ahead and they stayed in silence for a moment.

"How ya doin?" Danny Linda asked not looking at him.

"Where' the kids?" Danny turned his head and asked her quickly.

"I had them stay at my parents—Danny we need to talk." Danny didn't know how to respond to Linda's directness. "What's wrong Danny?"

"What's wrong?" Danny was confused and agog. "_Linda_." He stressed. "Linda I just lost—you just lost…" He stood and walked to the other side of the room.

"Danny that's crap and we both know it." She lifted herself off the ground. "Since you've gotten here there's been something going on with you Danny—I can't explain it--." She saw the look in his eyes. "I'm not saying your not grieving for Dan—but there's something more Danny**_." _**She walked toward him as she talked. "You can tell me. I'm worried about you." She took his face in her hands. "You have this sadness. Your just so sad Danny. I don't think I've ever seen you so sad." She stroked the side of his face and Danny's eyes started to well up. "I know there's something else Danny—let me help." Before Danny could let his eyes tear he broke away from Linda giving her his back. "And I found this?" Linda took a plane ticket out of her pocket and threw it on the bed. Danny looked at what had been thrown as Linda spoke."That ticket was for yesterday."

"I told you I wanted to stay a little longer…I can get another flight.."

"And after Christmas."

"I don't know?"

"Also, your assistant called—_Maisy_ I think she said her name was—she told me you canceled all your pentagon interviews—you told me you didn't have plans."

"I don't—I didn't—_this is more_ important."

"You're not doing The Primaries—_yeah_, she told me that too."

"_Just Iowa_."

"Why?"

"I just don't feel like going, okay. I just don't. Bob Russell's the front runner nothin' exciting there—Vinicks got it…."

"Danny, something else is going on here."

"Ahh…." Danny knew he was caught and he gave Linda his back while he contemplated his next move. After a moment his voice became hushed and quite as if he was in confession.

"I was in Montana this summer." Danny spoke with his hands in his pocket and not looking at Linda. He stared up at the walls.

"Yeah." Linda spoke encouraging him to open up to her.

"I…I.." His guilt made the words come out stuttered at first. "I needed to get away—from work from—everything—everything…this thing inside of me I just….I needed some air-some space—to get away—away from everything---clear me head—away from it all.. I cut myself off—no phones, no laptop--nothing. I rented a cabin, I stayed there…..I went kayaking in Colorado, and then at the end of the summer I came back…..like it never happened."

"I still don't understand Danny." She walked up to him and Danny looked her in the eye. "Help me understand--I want to help you—like you've helped me—today and tomorrow and everyday--." She looked into his sad eyes. Danny looked away and Linda pushed harder. "What did you do in that cabin Danny? What happened? Why…" Danny walked away from her and opened up a small drawer next to the bed and took out a stack of uneven typewritten and handwritten pages. The drawer was closed with a crack and the next thing Linda knew she was presented with the stack of papers. She looked at the pages and took them with bewilderment and saw the genuineness in Danny's eyes.

* * *

Danny dribbled the basketball in front of the backyard hoop while Linda held a handful of beaten up pages. 

"This is good Danny." She removed her reading glasses and stuck them in her coat pocket.

"Ya think so?" Danny said not believing her and shot a basket. Linda could feel the coldness.

The papers were Danny's way of sharing. She needed to get more out of him. More than the conversation they had in the kitchen, only moments before, about CJ and his past with her, before she read the papers, and even more answers than after she red the pages. She wanted to help him with all her heart.

"It is….It is. It's like what you use to write in high school—" Linda encouraged him as Danny retrieved the ball for another shot.

"That was high-school." Danny dribbled the ball and shot again, hitting the backboard.

"But it was good—I always thought you needed to write more like this—." She gestured with the paper. I teach high-school Danny and I never see kids who write like _you did_---like _you do_—you have talent—a great talent for what you do."

"I don't write fiction." He bounced the ball in front of him.

"I have pages that beg to differ." She waved the pages in her hand toward Danny.

"I mean I don't write fiction—"He shot a basket and retrieved the ball. "I don't need fiction in my life—I have enough reality to deal with." He threw a basket and the ball swooshed out the bottom.

"Sometimes we all need a little fiction in our lives." Danny didn't acknowledge her.

"Is it true?" Linda asked after a moment of silence.

"I just said it was fiction." He shot another basket.

"I know its fiction, Danny---but the girl in this.." She gestured with the pages at Danny while he retrieved the ball. "The girl in this—the girl's CJ?"

"I don't know." He looked at her letting the ball stay under the net.

"Danny---." She set the papers behind her and placed a rock onto of them.

"_I don't know_—I don't know why. I just wrote it--- just came out of me—its nothing."

"Danny." She stood "You've been hiding this inside of you—." She demeaned. "I see It—it's so strong it's _over flowing_ your eye lids…..and you know that---"

"I can't explain it. I just can't explain it. It just happened. I was fine. I was fine before I met her and I was find when I left four years ago."

"Something tells me you weren't." She spoke, but Danny just kept going on.

"I had to leave…"

"I know, you told me." She assured him.

"I had to leave…. it was getting….. Between us too much—too much between our jobs and I'd…I'd…but then she had to come see me—she….she came to visit me in New York--when I got the Pulitzer and she kissed me. She had to kiss me… and all of it-- all of it….that had been inside of me for three years---churning—in the next few weeks---just exploded out of me like a volcano—and it was like the sun was covered and everything was cold—there I was lost without a map—and this pain in my heart I just can't shake." Danny was rambling and shaking his head not giving Linda his eyes.

"Like a Volcanic Winter."

"What?" Danny finally looked at her.

"Sorry….I was helping Petra do research on the internet on that asteroid—scenario/ definitions --which of course led us to _Impact Winter_, which led us to _Nuclear Winter_ which led us to.."

"Volcanic Winter." Danny repeated in half a voice.

"Right. A Volcanic Winter is when the reduction in temperature caused by the volcanic ash after a _Volcanic explosion_…" She smiled at him slyly as she approached him. "Somehow the droplets of sulfuric acid block out the sun—leaving a part of the earth cold. The explosion of Krakatoa in 1883 caused a Volcanic Winter that was so cold it took _four years_ before it was warm enough to snow."

"Four years you don't say." The irony was not lost on Danny.

"'_A Year without Summer'_…I thought that sounded very poetic." She smiled. "The point is it lifted. It always lifts Danny. Your year without a summer will come to an end, you just have to believe. Stop hiding. Stop hiding and it will fix itself. For us both."

"I'm not hiding. I want to stay here, Linda This is my _choice_."

"What? Out 'a guilt. I won't have that. Danny. Stop this.."

"I let him down…"

"No you didn't!"

"He _called _me Linda."

"I know." Her voice was soft.

"When I was off in Montana. I was selfish and he called me and by the time I called him back….he asked me to come Linda….he asked me to come and I didn't—I kept putting it off."

"He wanted you have your life Danny—he was so proud of you---he didn't want you giving up your job to run to his bedside. He didn't want that."

"I was in Montana to get away from my job…I could have been with him. I knew he was sick…and he tried to tell me…I should have picked up on what he was sayin'. He's gone, but I'm not. I can be here for you, Linda. I want to be here for you and the kids. I choice this!"

"Okay—shut up—just shut up—Danny. Look at me." Danny wouldn't. " You're running away. " She got in his face and he was forced to look at her. "How many people are gonna have to tell you before you face up to it. Me, that therapist woman you told me about, _yourself_…"

"She's not my---I just…I know where I stand I don't need to face up to anything, okay." Danny was at his defiant best.

"Danny! In that _cabin_ in Montana---You weren't getting _air_ and you weren't on vacation and you _weren't _getting away from _the work_. _You _were running away from…."

"Just stop this okay…. I shouldn't have showed that to you." He tried to go for the papers, but Linda got between him and his action.

"Look at me Danny---You were hiding. You……….. were……… hid--ing." She over pronounced each word. "And now your talkin' about not even going to The Primaries---Not on my watch your not---And don't tell me its _just Iowa_ ---oh, your running away god knows you are and I'm_ not_ gonna let you hide here. Not for your sake and sure as hell not for my kids sake. It's not good for my kids and it's not good for you. You need to move on Danny and I'm not _just _talkin' about therapy _'cause_ I'd put you on _that list_—but with your life. This is not you Danny---this is some other person I see in front of me. Some other Danny—'cause this sadness is making you sick—and I don't just mean about Dan….'Cause he's not coming back and as much as I wish it and we both beat our cheats and our selves up its not gonna happen….don't feel guilty Danny---for CJ for Dan….he wouldn't want that---_she _wouldn't want that. What woman would? I know you think if you hide out here and take Dan's place your be making up for your mistakes—but you won't. You'll just be making it worse…. worse for us all and _deep down_ in side you know that too." She leaned in closer to Danny and rested her hands on his chest. "We both got some movin' on to do—and the best way is day by day—'Cause the sky's gonna open up and its gonna be warm enough to snow." She rested her hand on his heart. "You think with this too much sometimes. I love you for it…but I hate to see it be your downfall." She smiled. "The Danny I know is optimistic. The Danny I know makes me have faith that this world is safe---'cause my friend Danny Concannon is out there tellin' it like is. Keepin' everyone in check. Please don't take that away from me. Don't take that away from Dan. You want to pay him back—you wanna make things even." Linda's eyes filled with tears, which she pulled back through ironclad teeth. "You do this for him." The tears started to fall off her cheeks.

"It feels like this all the time…it feels like losing Dan everyday." He paused and walked away from Linda to compose himself, but it was hard. "I just love her so much." He wouldn't look at her. Linda gave him a look of sweetness and "ahh." She looked at him for a moment before speaking.

"Oh, Danny, Danny boy, Danny, Daniel." She said with the upset sweetness, noslogic and respect.

"Don't call me that." Danny demanded like he had heard it to many times before.

"Danny Concanny." She spoke with fun. Her tears beginning to dry, breathing in through her nose, and whipping the stream of water under he eye lids.

"Stop that!" Danny turned hating any childhood nicknames. He gave her a disgruntled word to prove he was serious. Linda laughed while Danny turned and picked up the basketball, which had rolled, near his feet. He held it in his hands. He looked up at the hoop he and his friend use to play at.

"Give me that." She took the ball from Danny.

"Hey." He tried to grab it from her. Linda gave Danny her back and shot the ball making a basket.

"Ha! Yes!" She jumped for joy as Danny retrieved the ball. Linda smiled at Danny as he approached back toward her with the ball. Linda took it from his hands and bounced it against his head.

"Aww." Danny said in a monotone way; only to joke of course.

"Tag your it." Nothing seemed to get Danny out of his mood. She took the ball and rested it against her hip.

"You can stay through Christmas, but then you have to leave." She said with calm sincerity.

"I understand." He said sweetly and calm. He paused. "I just don't know what to do?"

"You need to move on. _People move on Danny_, its what happens. We all move on. We can do it together.."

"I wouldn't be going back to DC anyway. I have Iowa and…" Linda smiled.

"Yes…yes you do."

"We've got a lame duck president--- I don't go back to the White House until after we have a new President. That's what I do…that's what I always do."

"Then do that—go to the Primaries—do what ever it is you do---." She joked and Danny gave her his first joke face of the night. "And yes I know what you do, but I'm venting right now and I don't feel like going into detail—but you got one year to go and I know its hard, but you gotta get back out there. You have to travel to get anything done—_standing still does nothing_. You knew that when you left Montana or else you'd still be there—your outta the woods—no pun intended."

"It wasn't actually the woods…"

"Don't sass me."

"Yes, Ma'am." He joked back at her. His heart was feeling warmer for a change. Linda smiled.

"And don't call me that. You know this is outta love." She signed. "Everyday activities Danny—life. "_You don't have to go home, but you can't say here_." She smiled bitter sweetly

"Yeah." Danny knew what she was talking about.

"You need to _go on_ with your life Danny. _And _when you go back." She paused. "You need to go back for her—not _because_ of her. And if she says no."

"She won't."

"Then wait." She set her hand against the side of his face and smiled. "But where are you going until then Danny?"

"Iowa."

"And after that?"

"New Hampshire."

"And after that, _that_?"

"Arizona, Delaware, Missouri, New Mexico, North Dakota, North Dakota, Oklahoma, South Carolina."

"And after that." She smiled as each state gave Danny confidence.

"Washington & Michigan."

"Whoo hoo." She laughed. "And after that."

"Maine, Tennessee, Virginia, Nevada, Wisconsin, Hawaii,  
Idaho."

"And after that?"

"Super Tuesday."

"And _way_ after that?"

"Conventions." He smiled.

"And after that?" She smiled still resting her hands on his chest.

"Elections."

"And after that?" She stressed speaking even more slowly then she had. They both began to well up. Danny paused before he spoke giving it even more importance.

"Home." He tried to smile, but the fighting of his tears got in the way. "Washington."

Linda smiled and placed her hands on the sides of Danny's face.

"Godspeed, Danny." She lightly pressed her lips against his forehead. Suddenly the two felt a cold wetness on there heads, white and breezy. They both looked up.

"It's snowing." Linda spoke with glee. Danny laughed. Linda looked at Danny and smiled.

"Looks like it's warm enough to snow."

"Yeah." He smiled back. "Come inside. Come on." Linda walked into the house, but Danny didn't follow. He looked up at the snow failing and let it fail on his face. Linda watched from the door for a moment and let him have his moment.

"I want Leo on the phone." CJ demanded with glee and vigor a lightless in her eye as she walked down the hallway of air force one; Toby to her left and The President and his entourage to her front. "Have you seen my cell phone?" She asked Toby.

"I had it—I gave it to someone." Toby told her.

In Dan and Linda's backyard Danny looked up at the sky and the snow and did something he didn't think he would do. He knew he shouldn't. He knew Linda was right and he had to be ready before he went back, but he was feeling so good. Danny took his cell phone from his pocket and dialed her number. He listened to the phone ring and ring and no one answered. Maybe it just wasn't time. He was just about to hang up like he always did, but something stopped him as he listened to her voice and her message. There was a small silence as Danny was caught with what to say.

"CJ." He paused. "It's Danny." He paused again. "I just….in case I don't see you." He paused again. "I just wanted to wish you a …Merry Christmas." He paused again and smiled at the snow coming down on him. "Merry Christmas." He said soft and slow. Danny smiled and heard the message beep off his time. He took the phone from his ear and looked at it pushing the button off. Danny looked up at the snow failing

_So this is Christmas_

_And what have you done_

_Another year over_

_And a new one just begun_

_And so this is Christmas_

_I hope you have fun_

_The near and the dear ones_

_The old and the young_

On Air Force One CJ watched Abbey close the door while her cell held a message waiting for her.

_A very merry Christmas_

_And a happy New Year_

_Let's hope it's a good one_

**_Without any fear_**

In Michigan, Danny smiled bitter sweetly feeling drained and unsure of his own future for the first time in his live. The snow kept on failing; failing, Failing, failing over him from above.

_And so this is Christmas. War is over_

_For weak and for strong. If you want it_

_For rich and the poor ones. War is over_

_The road is so long. Now_

_And so happy Christmas. War is over_

_For black and for white. If you want it_

_For yellow and red ones. War is over_

_Let's stop all the fight. Now_

**John Lennon**

**Happy Christmas (War Is Over)**

THE END OF PART ONE(Season Six)


	21. DC, USA: January

On The Road With Danny Concannon: DC, USA

"_A Sense of Balance"_

* * *

"But what was I suppose to do. Turn down an opportunity to serve the President of the United States, who I believe in and adore.

You just want to share it all with someone, you know."

**C.J. Cregg –Faith Based Intuitive.**

* * *

TWO WEEKS LATER:

"Danny!" Maisy's shining face beamed with joy as Danny walked off the elevator from his travels. "You're back?" Danny stood in front of her for a moment, rumpled shirt, rumpled face, and rumpled bag over his left shoulder, his laptop bag on the other.

"Just a pit stop, Maisy." He smiled slyly as he walked past her. Maisy's first thought was he looked worse for wear, but she wrote it off as jet lag and was quickly at the back of his heels like a loyal puppy.

"What's that?" she said, looking at the large hard-cover book in his left hand.

"Here, you want?" Danny lifted the book up over his shoulder as they rounded a corner of desks. "It was waiting for me at the door." He tossed Maisy the book and she caught it, gazing at the cover of John Hoynes' book. "Merry Christmas, Maisy. Enjoy" He said sarcastically. "Hey, Randy." Danny spoke as he turned another corner while looking at a man in the other direction.

"Hey, Danny, welcome back." The young man walked past Danny.

"Yeah, thanks." Danny laughed it off, for he knew he was never really back.

"Really, you don't want it?" Maisy flipped through the pages.

"Ahhh. I got plenty more."

"The media's use of free swag never ceases to amaze me."

"And corporate's need to deluge us with a dozen or so copies of everything."

"Any good?"

"Depends, if you find door stops a nice read?"

"The New York Times would seem to differ." Maisy looked up from the cover.

"When you see the words _New York Times_ anywhere around this place, you let me know there, Maisy." Danny gestured with his free finger.

"Funny…"

"Nothing new. Nothing of note." Danny turned around another desk.

"Hey, Danny." A woman on the phone spoke while she held a phone to her right ear.

"Hey, Susan." Danny spoke as he rounded the next corner.

"The book, right?"

"Yeah.."

"Not me?"

"Never." Danny looked back at her slightly for a moment. When he looked back he had to move his bag out of the way of the top of another desk, as he and Maisy got closer to his office. He paused for a moment as if he didn't know which way to go. Maisy gave him eyes and pointed to the left. Danny gave her a look back as if to say he knew that.

"A book for the masses?" Maisy asked as they reached her desk.

"Just enough pomp to make the public love you."

"You don't buy it?" She paused at her desk as Danny faced his office door.

"Well, I don't buy much of anything----had my credit card declined too many times--go ahead take it. It's interesting--you need to know what's going on if you work for me." Danny opened the door with his back, and flipped his light switch on with his free hand, while Maisy followed behind.

"Scandal and pomp, sounds like my kind of book." Maisy draped herself in the doorway.

"There's no romance in this Maisy, so it may not be your kind a' book." Danny looked around for a place to set his bags.

"I'm sure I'll find one somewhere." She smiled. "I'm good at that." Maisy flipped through the book again and landed on the index.

"Finding something when there seems to be nothing there…." Danny dropped his carry-on bag to the ground with a bang and a breath of air. "I thought that was my job." He set his laptop bag down next. His first stop was going through the set of messages sitting on his desk.

"CJ's not in the book?" Maisy lifted her nose out of the book.

"You checked to see if CJ's in the book?" Danny looked up at her and then back at his messages.

"Didn't you?"

"I don't read backwards, it's not the Torah." Danny gave her an eye as he spoke before going back to his messages.

"That's strange?"

"What?" He flipped through to the last message.

"You don't find it strange CJ's not in the index?"

"No, not particularly. " Danny was of course lying, as he quickly changed the subject. "You get that fax in today?"

"Yeah, it's on my desk." Maisy walked into the outer office and Danny followed her. Maisy set the book on the top shelf of her desk/cubical and sat herself down in her seat. Danny stood over Maisy's desk while she sifted through papers.

"She didn't call did she?" Danny finally asked after much deliberation.

"Who?" Maisy continued her looking. Danny leaned in and whispered.

"CJ?"

Maisy paused for a moment before leaning in. "No…..why?" Maisy asked concerned.

"No, reason…never mind." Danny lifted his head upright.

"Danny….?" Maisy smiled and leaned in. Danny avoided her eyes. Maisy was about to speak again when they were interrupted.

"Danny?" A man, just a few years older than Danny, stood in front of him.

"Art, hey." Danny looked up and the two men shook hands.

"Welcome, back."

"Thanks."

"You following Hoynes to South Carolina?"

"Yeah, tomorrow, stopped by to drop off—pick up a few things."

"Good." He nodded his head. "Let's talk in my office," Art said with concern, his hands never leaving his pockets.

"Yeah." Danny nodded his head. "Yeah." Danny looked as if he had been asked to the principal's office. He followed Art toward his office.

Maisy handed Danny the fax she had been looking for. Danny looked at it. "Noo. This isn't it. Let me know if another comes in." Danny rolled up the paper into a ball and took a step with Art toward his office. As he rounded Maisy's desk, with Art in the distance, Maisy spoke with one eye on Danny.

"If you ask me, you should be the one calling her?" Danny stopped in his tracks." I mean if she has a reason to call you—you should…"

"Maisy." He paused and turned toward her, leaning in and holding onto the top of her shelf. "I have enough to deal with right now, Maisy, and calling CJ isn't going to help me with any of them." He saw Maisy about to speak. "It just isn't." He gritted his teeth. "Maisy." He snarled. Danny looked away and leaned in. "I have a job I adore at a place I have worshiped since I was who knows how old –I can't just give it up for…" He paused and seemed to drift off.

"Give up what Danny?" She had an idea, but she wanted to hear it from Danny.

"I just can't." He leaned back and put his hands in his pockets. "This year, I've decided to live in reality, Maisy."

"What, like a New Year's resolution?" She whispered toward him.

"Yeah…something like that. This year I'm gonna try and not cause myself pain—and that means not putting my hand directly in the fire for a change—so don't bother me about this, okay."

"Danny, you comin'?" He heard Art yell from his office door.

"Yeah." Danny yelled back and looked for Maisy. "Just trust me—when I say this is the best thing for….everyone concerned." Danny didn't look too happy with his choice like was taking about eating his vegetables. "I just have to do this."

Danny turned and threw the rolled up piece of paper in his hand toward the garbage pail, against the wall, next to Maisy's chair. It was an easy shot, but Danny missed it. Danny didn't miss baskets. It stopped him in his tracks, as Maisy looked up at him agog. She could see Danny was pretty shocked by the whole moment. Maisy gulped, but Danny quickly shook it off.

"Danny?" he heard Art yell.

"Yeah…." Danny walked away. Maisy noticed his walk seemed different.

* * *

AN HOUR LATER:

Maisy knocked on the glass window of Art's office. Danny turned around in his seat to see a portion of Maisy's face peaking through the blinds.

Maisy waited impatiently as she heard Danny walk up and pull on the other side of the office door.

"Yeah?" Danny asked in an assertive whisper, leaning in toward her as he held the door closed half-way, to block the room from his conversation. "I'm kinda in a meeting here….."

"Yeah…"

"An important one.."

"I know." She paused. "It's about CJ." She whispered in toward him.

"She called?" Danny's voice changed to a tinge of anticipation.

"No."

"Oh." Not the news Danny was hoping for. Maisy still didn't speak. "Yes…"

"There's a blog on the internet about CJ." Maisy was concerned and serious. This was something she felt was important.

"You know about two years ago all the words in that sentence wouldn't have made any sense." He took a beat. "Maisy, I really don't have time to listen to some gossip you found on the Internet."

"But, it's saying..."

"Maisy…"

"It's saying CJ's a lesbian." She whispered hard before he could finish.

"Wait, what?" Danny smiled. "You're kidding." He half smiled. Maisy handed Danny the page from the blog she had printed out. Danny looked down at the paper, but before he could even really read the whole thing he started laughing in spurts of laughter. "Sorry, Sorry." Danny ran his arm over his mouth to stop the laughing, but it still took a moment as he giggled and laughed like a frat boy. "Okay, this is funny, I grant you. But, I really I should…"

"You should call her like you did with the Taylor Reed thing and…"

"Maisy, I have this meeting."

"I say calling her would be good."

"I've decided not to call her Maisy."

"Something's off with you—like your equilibrium is off….. you can't not ever call her …"

"I got a year—let's see how I do." He said the words flatly, like he was afraid to show what he really meant by the line.

"A year---you'll never last that long……"

"I have to go." Maisy tried to protest, but Danny closed the door in her face.

Art watched Danny close the door and walk back into the room, shaking his head and laughing as he read the paper.

"What was that about?"

"Huh?" Danny looked up.

"Something funny?" Art asked sternly from behind his desk.

"Oh, it's nothing." Danny rolled up the paper and tossed it toward the waste basket next to Art's desk. He missed it.

"Looks like you're off your game, Danny?" Art joked.

"Yeah." Danny tried to joke back as he stretched out his fingers and rubbed the inside of his palm. Something wasn't right.

"So where were we..?" Art asked and trailed off.

---

"…He's putting a rider on the budget banning gay marriage." Maisy stuffed a paper into Danny's hand as they spoke just moments after he stepped out of Art's office. While they walked off toward Danny's office, a man met Art outside his office to look over some copy.

"You're kidding?" Danny asked, taking a paper from Maisy, leaving Art behind them. He looked over the paper as they walked a few more steps.

"You getting fired?" Maisy asked as they were away from Art's earshot.

"Just barely." Danny went directly to the business at hand. "What else?"

"It's in every news outlet—every little piece of nothing line item gets to mention it 'cause it's now concern in the budget.—it's just snow balling."

"Any statement?"

"No statement."

Danny stopped to look up at a television clip of the current news report. Maisy looked up with him. When CJ appeared on the screen, Maisy changed her gaze toward Danny. She saw she still affected him.

"She should come out with a statement." Art spoke as he walked behind Danny and looked up toward the television. A boy walked by and Art handed him a piece of paper.

"Saying what? She's not gay but not that there's anything wrong with that. Any statement she makes would come out ridiculous. Besides, the White House Chief of Staff shouldn't be making personal statements like that—"

"You didn't think it was yellow journalism when you wrote about a certain memo a White House staffer wrote."

"That concerned politics. This concerns a person's private business."

"If she puts out a statement that says she's gay—then it affects politics—then it's a story."

"She's not."

"How do you know?"

"I know."

"Yeah…. how?" Art asked.

"I just do." Danny looked up not sure how he could say what he wanted and not go into detail. "I just do." He paused. "I just….know these kinds a' things." Danny joked.

"Aren't you going to South Carolina?"

"In the morning."

"Good." Art smiled. "See ya in March, Danny." And Art walked away. Danny's phone rang and Maisy reached for the phone.

"Danny Concannon's office." Danny walked toward her as she spoke. "I don't know about that…yeah... let me…" Maisy rolled the phone off her shoulder and held onto the receiver. "You posting tonight?"

"No." Danny spoke in a monotone. He looked away in melancholy and placed his hands in his pockets.

"No, he's not posting." Maisy yelled toward Danny for a moment as he entered his office. "I left your message on your desk." And her voice faded away as he walked further and further into his office.

He walked directly toward his desk and picked up the one pink message on his desk. He balled the message up and shot it toward his small basketball hoop above his garbage pail, only to miss it again. His whole body felt fatigued as he ran his hand over his beard.

_ I'm so tired, I haven't slept a wink  
I'm so tired, my mind is on the blink  
I wonder should I get up and fix myself a drink  
No,no,no._

"**I'm so Tried"**

**(Lennon / McCartney)**

"Uhh" Danny sank into his chair back first and pushed his hands into his face. He took a large breath through his nose as he slid his hands off his beard as if he had been awakened quickly from a long sleep. Danny found himself feeling tried and shaken a lot lately.

_I'm so tired I don't know what to do  
I'm so tired my mind is set on you  
I wonder should I call you, but I know what you'd do_

_You'd say I'm putting you on  
But it's no joke, it's doing me harm_

Danny lifted his wallet out of his back pocket and took out the business card, again, and set his wallet on his desk. He leaned forward and fingered Dr. Abby Jacobs' card between his thumbs. Danny leaned back in his chair. His body felt tired for so many reasons. Danny stood up and walked toward his couch and sank into its corner. He looked at the card again, but decided to put it back in his pocket.

_You know I can't sleep, I can't stop my brain  
You know it's three weeks, I'm going insane  
You know I'd give you everything I've got  
For a little peace of mind_

"**I'm so Tried"**

**(Lennon / McCartney)**

* * *

THE NEXT DAY

Danny sat in his desk chair staring at the garbage can surrounded by snowballs of crumbled up paper at its base; he was still unable to make a basket.

Danny leaned back in his chair, took a page from his notebook and crumbled it with his right hand, and with much force and precision missed the basket again. Maisy draped herself in the doorway.

"Damn!" Danny winced.

"Losing your sense of balance?" Maisy asked.

"No." Danny looked up at her. "I wouldn't call it that." Danny stood and started to button his top bottons.

"You been here all night?" Maisy walked in the office toward the desk.

"Yeah." Danny's eyes looked spent as he stood and snapped his suspenders on, and pulled them over his arms and onto his shoulders.

"Danny!" Maisy squealed as she took an almost finished bottle of whiskey off his desk

"Don't worry, I drank it last night. I'm not drunk." He paused and yawned. "I just have a hang over."

Danny lifted his coat onto his shoulders and put his hand out to Maisy for the bottle. With a cross face, Maisy plopped herself down on Danny's couch and held the bottle to herself. Danny gave her a "suit yourself look" and continued getting ready for his trip.

"You should call her?" Maisy spoke in the silence.

"No, I shouldn't." He gritted his teeth. "Maisy…my god,--you're like a broken record."

"Why?"

"Why are you like a broken record?"

'Why won't you call her?"

"I told you—'cause I can't keep doing this anymore." He took off his coat and balled it up in frustration, throwing it on the floor. He took a breath and leaned his hand against the wall, not looking at Maisy. "'Cause I'm tired." He took a breath. "I'm tired of it all. Tired of this cycle ---this spiral I keep putting myself through. "I call her, I get sucked in again—it's as easy as that. I need to find a balance here."

"Well, you know what I think?"

"What do you think, Maisy?"

"I think not calling is messing with your sense of balance ---"

"My balance isn't off 'cause of that. I'm just tired."

"I beg to differ."

"I can't call her."

"Why?"

"Cause I can't call her."

"But, why?"

"Because I did call her, Maisy." Danny walked over to the door and closed it. He paused for a moment, as he wanted to open up to someone, it just usually wasn't Maisy. " I did call her and missed her and she called me back and I missed the call---and so I think maybe she'll call again and then I'll be sure……but, I keep doing this 'cause then I just know what I'll do--- if I call her back and we finally talk---she won't be mine. She's not mine and maybe that's why I'm so messed up right now—why I have this thing—this pain again—I'm just starting to feel good---just a little—"

"I don't see that."

"Yeah, well I need to get rid of it and calling her is just gonna make it worse."

"Don't you want someone to share it with, Danny? Share your life with."

"Yes, yes." He shouted. "That's the problem. I have these great things happen to me and I wanna share it with her—I start to feel great and I want to share that feeling—that moment with her and I call her---and then it'll start again and we'll talk and I'll love it and it'll be great---but when it's all said and done—when I get off that phone—when I get off the road—she's not mine."

"Maybe not now, but.."

"I don't know that, Maisy."

"What happened to you? You always know that."

"No."

"Deep down, you still do, Danny, I know you do." She paused. "Besides life's not worth livin' without a goal…."

"No…no.. Maisy…" He lashed out at her. "Will you just stop it—just stop being such a damn hopeless romantic for one moment—'Cause I can't do it anymore. Do you hear me? I can't. I can't be some vessel for your everyday hopes and dreams about love, I'm a human being for Christ sake---and it may look romantic from your point of view, but from this side of the shore—when you're livin' it—it's not that romantic---and it's not that wonderful. In fact it's pretty damn painful. And if I have to destroy that little fantasy you have in your head so I can get rid of this pain in me—so I can actually go on livin' my life before I go crazy--so be it." He looked at Maisy and noticed his words had hurt her. "Maisy, I'm sorry…"

"No, no you're right.…" She walked toward the door with your head down. "I'm sorry I was trying to help…I.."

"Maisy, I'm just upset—don't take what I said…"

"You've lost your hope, Danny." She looked at him. "I never thought you'd do that—you of all people—I mean in the world we live in---I just..." She paused. "We all need hope sometimes, any place we can get it."

"You can't look to me for that—you can't look to me to help solve your problems, Maisy. Even your figurative problems."

"You can't just cut off all ties to her…you can't do what you're saying completely---to really try this experiment of yours---"

"I won't cut off all ties. I still have my access." He paused. "I can't see her anymore, and it's best I don't call her, but I still have my access—I still care how she's doing. I'll never lose that—and I don't want it--"

"You've just lost your hope."

"Sometimes hope's overrated." He paused. "It's not real."

"You don't mean that."

"Hey, just ask the Democratic party."

There was a knock at the door. Maisy took a breath and opened the door.

"Hey." A young boy appeared in the doorway. "I was told to come tell you Matt Santos is about to announce his runnin' for President. The White House just put a statement out." The eager boy ran off.

"Hey, wait." Danny yelled as the boy ran off. "Why would the White House be putting out a statement on Matt Santos running for President?"

"'Cause Josh Lyman left the White House to run his campaign." The boy caught Danny's eyes and then he was off. Danny, looking more and more a shell of himself, draped himself in the doorway, not quite getting what he heard. He looked as if he'd been shot.

Maisy grabbed the remote with a short fumble and turned on the television, already on CNN. Matt Santos's voice came booming into the room.

"Danny..." She ushered him toward her. "Danny, come see this." Danny followed toward the television with a sense of awe and sadness. "That's him right?" Maisy pointed out Josh in the crowd. "That's your friend, right? There's Josh?" Danny saw in fact it was Josh in the background of the small crowd.

Danny paused for a moment before speaking to himself. He saw in his friend the strength he himself seemed to lack, the strength he felt America was lacking. Josh had set his thoughts into action.

"Good for you, Josh." Danny spoke softly. "Good for you, Josh." Danny smiled bittersweetly. "Bad for me." Danny spoke to himself. Maisy looked over at Danny.

"This is good right? This is a good thing?" Maisy was excited again.

"Good for Josh. Bad for me." Danny was fixated on the TV.

"Why?" Maisy asked. Danny turned to her.

"I just lost my access." He looked at her and saw her eyes slowly fade to sadness.

"He was the last person…." She saw the conflict in Danny's eyes.

"I've lost all my insiders." He mocked himself. "I guess that happens when you're gone for too long." Danny lifted his bag over his shoulder.

"Please, Danny, I'm begging you—deep inside of you—don't let this get you—you still have to find your…."

"..Hope." Matt Santos spoke from the television set. Maisy and Danny turned toward the set with a feeling of strange serendipity. Danny fixated on the television while Maisy walked up behind him. "….. And I am here to tell you, hope is real. In a life of trials in a world of challenges-- hope is real." Maisy squeezed Danny's shoulder and the hardness of his last year filled his eyes.

"You okay?" Maisy asked him.

"Shh…" He quieted her as he listened to the television.

"Hope is real…" Matt Santos spoke.

"See, hope is real, Danny," Maisy whispered in his ear. Danny lifted up his finger to her.

"Hope is real. Hope is what gives us the courage to take on our greatest challenge--- to move forward together, but hope is not up for debate…." Matt Santos voice boomed into the room. "There is no such thing as false hope. There is only hope. And with your help and your hard work. And the hope of good people all across this land.…." Danny walked toward the door, but stopped at the last words. "I hearby declare my candidacy for the Presidency of these United States." Danny's eyes were wide as he heard the statement in his ear.

"Now, we have a ball game." He seemed to speak to no one in particular and then he was gone.

"Don't lose hope, Danny. For all of us. Don't lose hope." Maisy's face gleamed.


	22. Charleston, SC: January

_**On The Road with Danny Concannon '04-'05**: Charleston, South Carolina_

_"Claudia Everyday"_

* * *

"But what was I supposed to do. Turn down an opportunity to serve the President of the United States who I believe in and adore? You just want to share it all with someone, you know."

**C.J. Cregg –Faith Based Intuitive.**

* * *

CJ held on to the grocery bag with one hand and tried to open the back kitchen door with her key. Her hands and body bobbled as she tried to hold onto the grocery bag and her purse strap fell slowly off her shoulder. In classic CJ style, she just about made it inside the house before anything fell, but almost lost everything. With a large breath that sent the hair over her eyes up and over her face, she set the bag on the countertop in the middle of the kitchen. She set her keys next to the bag with a clank and found herself tangled in her own purse strap. Squinting her eyes and flailing her arms to get herself out of her klutz entangled tryst with her own pocketbook, CJ looked like a spider caught in her own web. Finally getting herself free, she threw the pocketbook to the floor.

"Ahh!" CJ yelled and took a breath.

CJ took a step for the door only to notice her bracelet was now, somehow, attached to not only the threads of her jacket, but the weaving on the outside of the canvas bag.

"Tough day?" A red-headed girl with the look of twelve but the maturity of thirty stood at the food of the stairwell.

"Yes."

The red-headed girl walked over to CJ. "Stuck again?"

"Yes." CJ felt deflated as the girl tried to help untangle her.

"No, no—I'll get it."

"I left the door open—I left some bags in the car."

"Okay."

"No, come here."

"What?"

CJ tried to hug the girl, but realized she couldn't, for her right arm was the one attached to her coat.

"Come around, come around." She motioned with her head.

"This can't wait?" The red-headed girl said as she circled CJ.

"No—it can't—" CJ spoke as she held the girl to her chest and pressed her head on the girl's head. "I missed you."

"Me too." The girl smiled.

"Okay—go-" She let her arm up. "Wait—you did your homework."

"Yesss."

"Okay—go—." The girl ran off toward the stairs.

"The bags, Beth!" CJ yelled at her.

"Sorry!" The girl turned back around toward the back door.

"Thank you!….Where's your father?" CJ yelled as the girl left the kitchen.

"He had an interview!" The girl yelled.

"Great." CJ spoke under her breath as she continued to try and free herself from her self-made prison.

Beth brought in the remaining bags and took an apple from the center of the countertop and began to walk away again.

"Hey." CJ said in a quite pathetic voice. Bethany smiled at her mother, at how crazy she was, and took a walk toward her.

"I don't know how you ever left the house before I was born." She joked.

"No comments—that's your father's job." She said dryly.

"There." She smiled and let go of her hands to show that CJ was now free.

"Can I go roller-blading with Nancy?"

"How 'bout you unpack all these bags—and then you go roller-blading."

"Moomm!"

"Bethhhhenyyy." CJ joked back. "You wanna eat---I got food—unpack it." She joked with her daughter and looked around for the bags with the non-perishables.

"If I wanted to eat—I'd ask Dad."

CJ found two shopping bags as she heard her daughter's comments.

"Okay--" She paused. "That would be true." She smiled. "Unpack—I'll be right back and I'll help you finish." CJ left her daughter behind and walked into the living room holding the larger bag in her hands and the smaller bag on her arm.

"Nice place you got here, CJ!"

"AHHHGGGHHGHHGHGHH!" CJ dropped the bag in her arms with a crash and the other bag went flying toward the front stairs.

"Although, I'm not the biggest fan of chintz." Toby took a bite of an apple as he sat in the darkness of CJ's living room.

"Toby, what are you doing here!"

"Mom what happened!?" Bethany ran into the living room.

"Nothing---nothing, I'm fine." CJ looked down at her disaster. "Ahh---I just bought these." She looked at Bethany. "Can you get me a broom and a dustpan, sweetie?" The girl looked at Toby who was now standing before them.

"I know you?"

"Yeah." Toby paused. "I know you too." Toby took a bite of his apple.

Bethany paused and gave Toby her mother's look, which she always gave him, "I'm glad we had this chat." And she disappeared into the kitchen.

"She's so big."

"That tends to happen when people _age_." CJ spoke from the floor. Toby took a bite of his apple.

"You don't just do that---you don't just walk into someone's home and sit in the dark like some character from the Godfather."

"I like the Godfather." He swallowed the food in his mouth.

"Well, I don't." CJ stood up. "You shouldn't do that, ya know?"

"Well, You shouldn't leave the door open."

"Mom!" Bethany yelled from the kitchen."

"It's in the closet!" CJ yelled back.

"I don't see it---oh okay!" Beth's voice trailed off.

"So what has graced us with your presence?"

"Here." Bethany was back from the kitchen and handed her mother the dustpan.

"Thanks—" She took the dustpan. "Honey—you remember Toby—Toby's your godfather."

"I thought uncle Josh was my godfather."

"Well—he's your other one." She said with her own brand of guilt on Toby.

"Toby Ziegler." He introduced himself and Beth gave him a quick look over.

"Yeah—yeah—I remember you---I think I was six---you were thinner."

"You were shorter."

"Aren't you the guy who only won one political race in your entire life?"

"Ahhh…" Toby looked to the side and then forward again not believing and yet believing he was being insulted by a kid, only CJ's kid. "Yeah." CJ tried to hold in her laughter.

"Beth, baby, why don't you go over to Nancy's house."

"Okay." Bethany broke off and was gone.

"She's…. big." Toby said once she left.

"You said that." CJ looked up from her now crouched position as she used the dustpan to clean up the extra shards of glass and dumped them back in the bag with the rest.

"She looks just like you."

"Really—I think she looks like Danny."

"Yeah—I could see that."

"I can't believe how old she'd gotten." CJ lifted the bag up as she spoke.

"I can't believe I'm the father of two sixteen year olds."

"Yes, that is hard for me to believe." CJ walked back toward the kitchen as she spoke, but was stopped in her words as the bottom of the bag fell from under her next to the stairs. "Yeah—okay." She looked down at yet another disaster. "I'm just gonna leave that there." And she walked away from it toward Toby.

"You must be great at house work." Toby took a bite of his apple.

"I have my own secret." She looked up at Toby as he walked toward him. "It's called a housekeeper."

"What was this?" He looked down at the mess on the ground.

"It was a booowl." CJ looked at it in despair. "Let's have a drink." She opened the cabinet next to her with a crack.

* * *

Danny entered his house like the proud papa he had been for the last twelve years or so with CJ. He set his laptop by the door and his keys on the table.

"Hello!" He yelled through the house.

"In here!" He heard his wife's voice. He made his way though the foyer and into the living room, past the stairs, and toward the center of the room, eyeing the broken glass by the stairwell and the half-empty wine glasses on the coffee table.

"Do I wanna know about the glass by the stairs?" He motioned with his head behind him as he stood in the border of the darkness of the room and the light from the living room.

"I've decided to try decoupage."

"I see." He laughed and walked closer to her on the couch.

"It's part of my new journey into my artistic side." She stretched out on the couch, letting her long legs fill the length of it. Danny just looked down at her, thinking how amazing she looked.

"What? What?" She looked at him.

"What do you mean what?" Danny crawled on top of CJ.

"Danny!" She laughed as he playfully nibbled on her neck.

"Ohh…gross me out!" Bethany yelled from the door and ran off.

CJ and Danny looked toward where Beth had exited and broke into hysterical laugher.

* * *

"Tell me more about the dreams?"Dr. Abbey Jacobs asked Danny as he held the phone to his ear, sitting in an airport phone both for privacy.

"I wouldn't call them dreams—not anymore—I just day dream about her and then I work to _not _think of about her--- and _then _I can't sleep 'cause I'm up so late working and so I think about her—I think about her---I just can't seem to stop."

* * *

It was later in the evening and Bethany has gone to bed. Danny was busy tapping away at his laptop in the study he had built for himself off from the living room. He liked having a room for himself downstairs, and not upstairs, so he could work with sounds of his family around him.

"So, did I mentioned Toby stopped by today." CJ leaned against the doorway with a new glass of wine swishing around as she held it.

"Toby?" Danny turned from his chair. "Was here?"

"Yeah?"

"Toby, haven't seen him in five years, Toby."

"Yeah."

"Where has he been?"

"Looking for the new hope for the Democratic party."

"I mean other than that."

"I really mean it, Danny."

"He found someone."

"Yeah." She smiled. "And he really thinks this is the guy."

"He wants you to help him?"

"Yeah."

"Do you wanna go?"

"Yeah." She smiled.

"Then you should go." He stood up and walked toward her.

"I should go?" She said not really believing it.

"Why do I feel you're not as sure?" He took hold of her waist.

"I just." She lowered her head

"CJ."

"I told him---I don't do that anymore—I'm not in politics—I mean I don't work in politics—I talk about it—or I write about it—but not like that anymore."

"So just go listen to this guy—I'll go with you—we'll all go."

"No—see—no—this is why I can't get us entangled in all this."

"What, us?"

"Yes, us—It's a conflict."

"That shouldn't stop you, CJ—you gotta get over that. I'm not the problem—if you want to do this, you should do this—I don't want to stop you from doing something—you wanna do---I love you, Claudia."

* * *

"So why did you call me, Danny?" The psychiatrist asked him. She was like a disembodied voice in the darkness.

"I want help?"

"What kind of help Danny? You want to forget C.J.?"

"Claudia—we said we'd call her Claudia—makes me feel out of it."

"Okay—Claudia—do you want these sessions to help you forget Claudia?"

"No, no, I don't want to forget her."

"Then, what Danny? The first step is telling me what you want—I'm not your friend---I'm not some guy you drop in on, on your way in and out of town—If I'm gonna be your psychiatrist, you gotta be straight with me."

"I wanna stop feeling foolish—I wanna stop feeling this way—this pain—I feel if I didn't think she felt the same way---it'd be so bad…..but I won't know the truth for another damn year…. and I've always been a patient guy, but for the first time in my life I can't wait another day---I feel desperate and tired. I'm just…..I just need a rest. I'm tired of traveling---"

"Yet—you continue to travel?"

'Yes, I continue to travel."

"What are you really tired of Danny?"

"I'm tired of carrying all this inside. I want to be able to live with it—I'll always love her I know that….."

"When you dream, Danny—when you have these day dreams do you see the future or the present?"

"What'dya mean?"

"Do you dream about being with her _now_---do you see her now--or in the future?"

"Now---always now. I just see her now."

"You said you felt foolish? Why do you feel foolish, Danny?"

"I know—I don't….I feel foolish how I'm acting, what it's doing for me—when I'm sure it's not---if only I knew she was thinking about me too—that she dreamed of me—that she even thought about our future for one day—which again makes me feel foolish because there's no **we**—or our." Danny couldn't help ramble off again. "There is no us. And sometimes---just sometimes I wonder if that confidence I have---I had…." He blew off his last comment. "That sureness that she felt the same—still feels the same….. is just my imagination. I guess I just need a sign." He laughed, thinking of the last time he was told about signs.

"So you don't see her anyplace but the present?" Abby had to be sure one last time.

"No, I can never see beyond that."

"Just everyday things?"

"You just want someone to share it all with, you know." He paused. "Yeah, I just see her everyday……….. everyday."

* * *

"Danny?" CJ asked her husband. "Come with me?"

"On the job with Toby?"

"Yeah, Josh will be there---Sam—everyone—we can all be together again---like old times. You, me, Bethany—a family together."

"I can't CJ."

"Why?" She looked at him strangely.

"Cause I'm not really here." CJ looked at him with odd eyes as he walked closer to her. He didn't speak until their faces where just about touching. "But, then again this is your dream……. you can do anything you want."

* * *

"Ah!" CJ shot up from her seat, sending the briefing notes from her chest to the floor of her bedroom. She took her hand to her head as she realized her surroundings. She had fallen asleep reading.

Earlier, back from her date with Tommy at the Oval, her face beaming with a smile, she couldn't sleep. She had sat herself down with a few briefing notes, with the thought and taste of his kiss on her lips, thinking of the words she spoke to Leo that afternoon in her old office, never expecting to wake up with another man in her thoughts and in the pit of her stomach.


	23. Still Charleston, SC: January

On The Road with Danny Concannon: Charleston, South Carolina

_"Old Habits"_

_Episode: _Faith Based In. / Opposition Research

_

* * *

_

_I thought I shook myself free  
You see I bounce back quicker than most  
But I'm half delirious, It's too mysterious  
You walk through my walls like a ghost  
And I take everyday at a time  
I'm as proud as a Lion in his Lair  
Now there's no denying it, a note to crying it  
You're all tangled up in my head _

Old habits die hard  
Old soldiers just fade away  
Old habits die hard  
Harder than November rain  
Old habits die hard  
Old soldiers just fade away  
Old habits die hard  
Hard enough to feel the pain

--**Old Habits Die Hard**

**Mick Jagger**

* * *

THAT NIGHT, AFTER SANTOS ANNOUNCED

Danny sat in yet another airport terminal, waiting for yet another out bound flight. It was like déjà vu all over again. And so was the position he was in now. Sitting there, bent over, staring down again at the Dr. Abbey Jacobs card he held between his two thumbs. He took the card and put it back in his wallet. Danny was so deep in thought and never expected to hear the voice of one of his oldest friends.

"Danny?" Josh Lyman asked, unsure if he was really seeing his friend in front of him. Danny looked up and saw Josh, unsure if he was seeing the man who was standing in front of him, one hand holding a backpack over his left shoulder. Both men looked worse for wear, but Danny seemed the most worn.

"Josh?" Danny spoke with a question.

"How, ya doin' man?" Josh greeted Danny where he stood. The two shared a quick man hug, the kind with the pat on the back.

"You here on a lay-over? Saw ya on TV this morning. Your boy looked good?"

"Yeah, thanks." Josh looked around. "Listen, I'm not here on a lay-over." Danny's face turned from a smile to a half smile.

"Really?"

"Yeah, I came to see you? I got a flight back out in a half hour."

"I see."

"You wanna take a walk?" Josh asked.

"Sure." Danny spoke with an assurance.

The two men walked through the empty terminal, each carrying their luggage over their shoulders. It was a late night for most, but an early night to the two men.

"So, you left, huh?" Danny asked

"We're off the record here, right?" Josh asked.

"About you being gone, I think…" Danny joked with his friend.

"No, you know what I mean." Josh said in all seriousness.

"Yeah, we're off the record." Danny assured his friend.

"Yeah, I left." Josh spoke with a joke in his eye, but his words were serious. "Danny, I want you to come with me." Josh stopped in his tracks and so did Danny. "Come to New Hampshire."

"I'll be in New Hampshire in a few weeks, Josh."

"You know what I mean." Josh gestured wildly. "I'm offering you an exclusive. Come follow my guy—cover the guy from the start who's gonna make it all the way---like you did for Bartlet—like we did for Bartlet. I'm offering you an assignment of a lifetime. Follow a candidate from the ground up---all the way to the top."

"I don't do that Josh."

"You did that with Bartlet."

"When he was the candidate. Your guy's not the candidate."

"Yet."

"Yeah, yet, and until that happens—if that happens." He saw Josh's face grimace." He's just another one of the yahoos gunning for the democratic nomination---" Josh's face turned to the side and Danny followed with his own head. "And that's how I gotta cover it—"

"You think my candidate's a yahoo." Josh started walking again as he remarked sarcastically.

"I think they're all yahoos"

"Well, that's true." Josh sighed, almost biting his upper lip, his hands in his pockets.

"You think we got a shot?"

"You think you got a shot." Danny's eyes glittered.

"We're gonna win this thing." Josh paused and then got all keyed up again. "Come oooonnn. Come with me. Let's do this together. It's just more fun with friends. Sam's got his thing, CJ and Toby they're still holding on by their finger nails hoping to change a few things before the tide rolls in and washes them away for good. I'm talking about looking at the future. Looking at making the next eight years better and not just trying to cram some good stuff before the buzzer sounds. This country…this country I love is just on the thread of goin' to hell in a hand basket and I think someone's got to be thinkin'…and I mean really thinkin' about year nine. I mean who's really doin' that?"

"That's were you come in."

"Yeah…" Josh signed and looked away. "Yeah, you're right."

"Besides my beat's politics, I don't do public relations." Danny paused and the two men looked at each other. Josh smirked.

"What?"

"I find that statement a bit odd?"

"Odd?"

"Yeah."

"What do you find odd about it?"

"I find that statement of yours---I think it's Odd?"

"You find it odd?"

"I do."

"What do you find odd."

"What?"

"You know what I find odd?" Josh's eyes filled with giddiness. "I find it odd why a reporter who claims that politics is his beat hasn't been in Washington for well over a year now. I find it odd."

"You find it odd?"

"I find it odd you're not jumping at this chance."

"And I find it odd you don't have a middle name?

"Wait, what?……Not everyone has middle names..what?--"

"Yes, they do."

"No, they don't—listen—"

"Yes, they do."

"What's your middle name?" Josh demanded in his tone.

"I'm not tellin' you!?" They were both beginning to sound like school kids.

"Oh come on—what is it? What is it, Lesley?"

"It's not Lesley."

"I bet it is."

"It's not!"

"It is, isn't it?"

"Hey, John Wayne's real name was Lesley."

"It's your name, isn't it?" He laughed his boyish laugh. "Oh..I soo got you.."

"No, it's not."

"Yeah, it is."

"Whatever." The two looked off and any laughter the two had subsided.

"So, you're not coming with me."

"No, Josh."

"He's the real thing, Josh."

"I don't doubt it." He smiled at Josh.

"You could come help me elect the first Latino president of the United States….don't tell me that's not front page news--Help me elect the next President of the United States."

"I don't help elect people Josh—that's what you do."

"No—that's what we do. " He pointed to himself and to Danny. "Together. We're the checks and balances. The same thing that they do with that lever, you and I do with words—that help Americans make up their mind on who to pull that lever for."

"Well, Actually, if there is a lever at all-- there's really only one 'cause its those little—"

"Yeah, yeah..okay I get it.." Josh leaned in closer. "It's the same thing you do with that pen. Don't let me do it alone. "

"Sometimes we have to go at it alone."

"I know." He was serious.

"I only write the truth, Josh."

"That's all I'm askin'." He paused. "At least come and see what he can do."

"I'll be at the primaries—."

"I mean now."

"I don't know, Josh.

"Why not? Just come up to New Hampshire and see—you don't like it, you go home, end of story." Danny looked around not answering.

"What, you think you'll find the answer other there somewhere?" He took Danny's eyes. "How about this. My guy does good numbers—my guy gets the nomination—which he will—you come aboard." He paused. "How about them apples?"

"Ahhh…..Been there done that, Josh."

"What are you afraid of? You afraid of finding another her?"

"It's not about her, Josh—It's not."

"Sorry, that was a low blow." Josh took a step away. "So, we have deal."

"Josh!" He stressed.

"Santos gets the nomination—you're our go-to guy. If you don't like 'um—your call, you can go. You do—you're with us—on the bus—pen in hand."

"I don't know—that's a long time away. I mean…who knows..." Danny started his sly joking smile. "Maybe I'll go back to the White House after the election."

"And what? Cover a lame duck president, Danny—you're never there for that---I mean the minute the first guy announced—you're always gone, I don't think I saw you in the White House till even a few months after the first Inauguration…"

"Josh…"

"I know I shouldn't have—before—but I mean seriously---You thinkin' of going back for her?" There was a long pause. Danny walked away from Josh "She won't even consider it until it's all over."

"I know." Danny signed.

"You talk to her recently?" Josh asked. Danny turned to Josh.

"No, I'm goin' on a non CJ diet." Danny tried to joke.

"Really?" He paused. "You getting any help with that?" Josh was half kidding and half meaning what he said.

"Naww, I'm goin' cold turkey." Danny tried to sound funny, but Josh saw through it.

"You still think of her, don't you?"

"You still think of Donna?"

"We're not talkin' about Donna---we're talkin' about you and CJ."

"Okay." Danny didn't really seem to believe it.

"No, really we're not."

"Okay."

"So, I guess I was your last spy."

"Spy?"

"I don't think she's got anyone else around her, you know. That's why you're bummed?" He paused. "It's always about getting under their skin for us, isn't it

"Yeah.." Danny trailed off softly. "I'll still find a way."

"How's that?"

"That's 'cause I got hope, mi compadre"

"Yeah…" Josh smiled at the reference.

"Good work, Josh."

"Thanks…" He paused. "There's still no way I can…"

"Go, Josh. Go to New Hampshire."

"What if I guess your name?" Josh was all excited again.

"My name?"

"Yeah, yeah…Your middle name. Come on—how 'bout this. I guess your middle name---you agree to cover my candidate."

"Like Rumplestiltskin?"

"Yeah, I'll make you the Rumplestiltskin of politics."

"You think I can turn straw into gold, huh?"

"Naw…you just got a good way of showing people which one's the gold and which one's the straw." Josh paused. "When you're not keepin' us in check."

"That's how I keep ya in check."

"Yeah." Josh looked at his watch. "I got to get going." "When my guy gets in I'll call you."

"I'll see ya in Iowa?"

"Yeah."

"Okay."

The two shook hands. Josh walked away and turned back one last time.

"It's about the future, Danny."

"I know."

"Someone's got to be thinkin' about the next year—and the one after that."

"I know Josh, stop tryin' to convince yourself. You—me, we're not the ones you need to convince."

"See, I knew you didn't think my guy was a yahoo."

"Go to New Hampshire, Josh."

"I'm just sayin' it's about the future." He grinned and let his arms out wide.

"You have no idea how much I understand that statement." Danny yelled back.

"You take care, there, Danny." Josh grinned. "You look like crap." Josh smirked and raised his eyebrows.

Danny watched Josh walk away and turn back one more time.

"You liked the speech?" Josh laughed it off, already knowing the answer.

"You got hope, huh?"

"Yeah, I got hope."

"That was a rhetorical question, Josh."

"How's that?"

"'Cause you got a bad poker face."

Josh smiled and lifted his hand up to show a sign of goodbye. Danny lifted his hand and nodded his head. Josh nodded his head, bit his lower lip, held onto his pack and went on with it alone.

As he watched Josh walk off toward his terminal Danny heard Santos's words in his head.

"Hope is real. Hope is what gives us the courage to take on our greatest challenge, to move forward together, but hope is not up for debate."

* * *

Carol walked into CJ's office as CJ finished a request to Margaret.

"Hey, Carol." CJ smiled as she stood up.

"We're still getting questions at the gaggle."

"I don't care."

"Annabeth wants to know if you want to do an interview with Capital Beat about…"

"Ahh no…"

"Yeah." Carol smiled and wrote a note down in her notepad. "I didn't think so." Carole looked up. "Oh, and Danny Concannon left a message."

"He left me message?"

"Yeah?"

"In the Press Office."

"What, has he been livin' under a rock?" Margaret joked in her typical tone.

"Well…" CJ put her hand out for the message "What is it?"

"I have explicit instructions from Danny that I should read it to you myself."

"I'm sorry?"

"Out loud. He wanted me to read you the message…out loud."

"Okay…." CJ waited for the answer, but Carol looked unsure. "Carol."

"Sorry….I just don't know how…I mean without you getting…"

"Just read the damn message."

"Okay." Carol looked down and then looked up, ready to speak. "Danny wants to know, if you won't date him -- if you'd consider dating his sister." Carol smiled and Margaret tried not to laugh.

"It's not funny."

"It's a little bit funny." Carol insisted.

"No, it's not." CJ demanded.

"It's funny." Margaret entered her two cents into the conversation. CJ shot her a look. "Or not funny."

"Give me that." CJ took the pink message paper, slammed it on her desk, took a pen, and starting writing furiously. "Margaret, I want you to call Danny Concannon and give him a message." She finished her writing and turned toward Margaret shoving the paper into Margaret's hands. Open-mouthed and confused, Margaret looked at CJ and then at the paper.

"I can't say that." Margaret looked down at the paper. "Is that a T?" She asked showing CJ the paper.

"That's an I." CJ couldn't understand how it could be anything else.

"Ohhh, noo, I definitely can't say that."

"Fine." CJ took hold of the paper. "Never mind."

"We'll just go." Margaret grabbed Carol and they exited the office leaving the door closed behind them. "So, he called you?" Margaret asked secretly.

"Old habits die hard." Carol beamed with joy.

"AHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!" was heard from CJ's office and a loud crash followed.

"I've never seen anyone get under her skin like that? Not even the Joint Chiefs." Margaret remarked toward the door.

"It's like I said." Carol's eyes glowed as she eyed the door with one eye and slapped the pink message against her left palm. "Old habits die hard." She started to walk away with her eyes aglow. "Old habits die hard."

_We haven't spoken in months  
You see I've been counting the days  
I dream of such humanities, such insanities  
I'm lost like a kid and I'm late  
But I've never taken your coats  
Haven't no block on my phone  
I act like an addict, I just got to have it  
I can never just leave it alone_

_Old habits die hard  
Old soldiers just fade away  
Old habits die hard  
Harder than November rain  
Old habits die hard  
Old soldiers just fade away  
Old habits die hard  
Hard enough to feel the pain_

* * *

Danny looked up at the large airport board as slowly all the green on-time signs cascaded into the words "delayed" in red, like dominos piling on top of each other.

_And I can't give you up  
Can't leave you alone  
And it's so hard, so hard  
And hard enough to feel the pain_

_Old habits die hard_

_--**Old Habits Die Hard**_

**_Mick Jagger_**


	24. Clarksville, TN: January

**On The Road With Danny Concannon:** Clarksville, TN

"_Further Into the Darkness….."_

**Episode**_: Opposition Research_

* * *

That may be all I need. In darkness she is all I see….

But things just get so crazy living life gets hard to do  
And I would gladly hit the road, get up and go if I knew  
That someday it would bring me back to you  
In darkness she is all I see….

**Maroon 5 ****Sunday Morning**

* * *

The coldness is so bitter it has a sound. A sound that even through a hooded sweatshirt, a wool hat, and a fur-lined hood attached to a fur-lined coat, it sounds deadly and it's hard on the eardrums. Looking down makes it easier to walk forward, for then you don't know how far you have to go. Looking back is just the same, you just walk as fast as you can, which is not fast at all as the wind and snow makes you as light as a feather and as stiff as a board, but this is no kid's game. In darkness she is all you see.

* * *

"We're getting more questions in the gaggle about Josh?" Carol leaned on one foot and held her notebook in her right hand. She already knew the answer to the question, but she still had to run it by CJ. CJ spoke and did her best multi-tasking on the paper work on her desk. She slammed the Washington Post down on her desk and was preoccupied by the front page even though she had been through the whole paper in the car. 

"Direct them back to the statement-- and if they're not happy with that—direct them to the Santos for President office." CJ took a sip of her coffee and set it back on her desk.

"But, they're askin'…"

"Direct them to the statement…." CJ looked up from her desk and saw Carol's face. "Direct them to the statement," she said as if to say that was all they could do.

"Okayyy." Carol started to walk away.

* * *

Snow packing under boots makes a very distinct sound -- creepier and eerier as the snow crunches under your feet and the sleet breaks the barrier between your socks and the lining of your boots. With not that far to go, moving back wouldn't make any sense when you've gone so far. Moving on is the only option. Moving away into tunnel vision feels like your only hope.

* * *

"Carol?" CJ threw her glasses on the desk. 

"Yeah…" Carol finished her note and inched back toward CJ.

"Did you find anything strange about the Post today?" She gripped her glasses in her right hand.

"No." Carol looked up bewildered as if to say, why would I? CJ paused before speaking.

"_Danny's_ not in it."

* * *

You can't have her, so what's the point, you're at the mercy of the storm, the mercy of her whim. The snow sounds like the scuffing of shoes on the marble floors of the capital building, or is that your imagination? It sounds like the fall leaves beneath your feet when a new President is in question. Still you move on, far away, forgetting is the key, but you can never forget. When you don't want to think about the future and you can't think about the past, only going forward is the key, going forward until the future becomes your present and the sky opens up and the sun shines down, until then you can only run away and try to leave it behind.

"Danny doesn't always have a story.."

"He's not in New Hampshire?" She asked as a serious question.

"I don't know…Brock's up there I know, left yesterday…?"

"Yeah, and Morgan's too, I saw—"

"It doesn't mean he's not up there?"

* * *

Danny Concannon flipped back the hood of his parka and looked at his surroundings, the last thing he wanted was to be stuck in a blizzard. He wanted to be in New Hampshire. As he was flipping his hood back up, he noticed a man out of the corner of his eye.

* * *

"I just…" CJ looked off. "I don't know—I just….it just seemed strange—not seeing his byline….I…." She paused. "Could you check on that for me?" CJ couldn't explain the feeling she had been feeling, all she knew was it all could be explained, but that didn't mean it had an explanation. 

"I can call his editor--see the last time he checked in…."

"Yeah, could you do that for me?" CJ asked in her most professional yet concerned way.

"No, problem."

"Thanks." She smiled bittersweetly and Carol smiled back.

"I'm sure he's fine."

* * *

Snow, and lots of it penetrated the bitter darkness. Looking more like the movie snow cascading into the night sky like five hundred small tornados, it was like living inside one of those snow globes you buy in tourist traps and airport gift shops. The wind whistled loudly, keying in with the flakes as they twirled around the snow covered ground. 

"We can't fly in this kind of weather!" The man yelled to Danny, over the snow, with one hand on the small plane and leaning in toward Danny.

"I understand that. But what are we lookin' at?" Danny yelled over not only the snow, but his gortex hood.

"A day—maybe two—" He took a breath.

"I was supposed to be in New Hampshire—three days ago!" Danny yelled to the man.

"This kind of weather is nothing to joke about!" He took another breath. "Even if this thing clears up—I have ice on the wings."

"I thought you said you'd fly in any weather?"

"I said I'd fly in weather the airlines won't fly in—I don't fly with no visibility—I can't see…I can't fly--that's a problem."

"Yeah, well I was supposed to be in New Hampshire _yesterday_, so that's a problem."

"Well, we're just gonna have to wait."

"I don't have that kind of time."

"I'm sorry!?" The man yelled over the snow.

"I don't have that kind of time!" Danny yelled to be heard over the wind.

"Time?!" A gust of wind came in hard and the man held onto his own hood. "Why you in such a hurry?"

"I have a deadline!"

"You the only reporter they got?" He joked.

"In a way. But no." Danny paused for a moment reluctant to really say why. " I kinda need to prove something to myself."

"I'm sorry!"

"I kind of need to prove something to myself!" Danny finally felt foolish for the yelling, but it was the only way to be heard. "I just need to get there…. ---it's my job---and I don't like other people doin' my job 'cause I can't get there." Danny was determined for more than one reason.

"Well, my guess is we won't be able to be airborne until at least tomorrow night which wouldn't put you in New Hampshire until Tuesday."

"That's too late---" Danny walked backwards and took a moment. "That's too late—for me." The man jumped off the plane's step and walked away from Danny.

"Well, that's the best I can do—you wait for a commercial airline—you won't get outta here until after that—if this wind keeps up and my guess is it will—'cause you know mother nature—she's like a woman--"

"Curvy and all legs?" Danny joked. The man turned and looked at him. "It was a joke...I just…"

"Unpredictable. The weather is unpredictable like--" He yelled over the snow.

"A woman I got that."

"Don't worry, I won't charge you 'till we get in the air." He yelled over to a man coming out of the garage. "Take her in—we're grounded!"

"How much for a change of plans?"

"I'm sorry?" He turned half his head toward Danny as he walked.

"A change of plans? How much to take me Iowa?"

"Iowa?"

"Iowa."

"Where in Iowa?"

"Anywhere, you can drop me." Danny laughed it off.

"First you want to go to New Hampshire and now you want me to take you to Iowa?" The man shook as they closed in closer to the cabin office and the small lights that hung high on wooded spikes. "You really have to make up your mind."

"I need to be in Iowa in three weeks—by the time you can get me to New Hampshire I'll miss my window—so I figure I by-pass New Hampshire all together and get a head start on Iowa—" They reached the porch of the office and the man opened the door before looking back at Danny. "How much to get me to Iowa?"

"Well…" The man let his hood fall behind him. "We'd have to refuel…but I can get you there—as long as you don't mind stopping and starting—I've never really flown that far—with a client—done it myself three or four times."

"So how much?"

"If you're willing." He paused and got a light in his eye. "Two hundred more…in cash…"

"Done." He paused. "When can you get me in the air?"

"Depends how bad you want to get there?" he smirked.

"As soon as possible."

"You wanna get there in a body bag I can fly you out tonight." He smirked and pulled out a cigar. "Otherwise I say you stay put.' He lit a match and lit his cigar and walked toward the edge of the porch.

"Okay, fine." Danny pulled out his wallet and reached his hand into the fold where he kept his business cards, but pulled out a folded yellow newspaper clipping. Danny knew what it was instantly without even having to open it.

"What's that?" The man asked as Danny opened the paper and looked at the cover story of CJ and her first day on the job as Chief of Staff.

"Oh, just something I forgot I had." Danny folded it up and placed it in his left coat pocket. "I was going to give you my card." Danny reached back into the fold and pulled out his business card. "I'll be at the Red Roof Inn. You call me—when you're ready to fly." He handed the man his card. "What are the odds I could rent a car around here?"

"To get to Iowa?"

"Yeah."

"Don't know if anyone would rent you a car in this weather."

"So, I'm pretty much stuck here, aren't I?"

"You could say that." He paused and opened the door to the cabin. "Of course, if you just wait, I can get you there in quicker time." They walked into the cabin together. "It's your choice?"

Danny followed the man into the cabin. Danny took off his gloves and set them down on the counter as the man walked behind it. "My choice, huh?" Danny noticed the scanner behind the counter on shelving.

"That a eight eight H?" Danny asked, lifting his head up and pointing to the device in front of him.

"Yeah…" the man answered, unsure why Danny was asking.

"I got one of my own---you got an antenna on the roof or---"

"Roof."

"Nice." Danny nodded his head and there was an awkward pause between the two men.  
"Listen…" Danny leaned in. "How much extra—you let me stay here—in your office—I don't care—I don't sleep much anyway—that way when you're ready to fly—we get out faster."

"You're really anxious to get outta here, Danny?" He leaned in. "I can call you Danny, right?"

"No, problem, but you already did."

"True."

"Listen, nothing against your town or this area of the world, but I need to get outta here and I don't mean here physically, just here. I have plans, I got things to get done and I hate being behind and already I'm behind. I don't have time anymore to stand still—I got to get on outta here and onto the next stop or I'll be playing catch up for the next five weeks—maybe more—I'm in the news business and there ain't no prize for comin' in second. I've been travelin' for about three weeks now and already my plane's been delayed, I missed my transfer, the train I was on stalled, the bus I was on had a flat and now the snow of all snows is taking me off schedule. Again, no offense against your establishment and your town, but I gotta get outta here."

"Ever think that God, or time or whatever just don't want you to go wherever it is you're going."

"I think it's just bad planning."

"I guess the words blizzard warning don't mean anything to you?"

"Not to my editor and a deadline."

"I'd say you just got yourself a bad string of luck."

"I don't believe in luck."

"I like your attitude. You aim to win."

"I always win."

"I knew I liked you from the moment I saw ya."

"Thanks." He paused.

"You got moxie, I like that—determination."

The door flew open and the young man from before came in.

"Blizzard warning's off---the storm took a veer to the left." He took a breath as if he'd been running. Snow drifted in from the outside.

"I'm game if you are?

Danny turned to the man with only one answer.

The man walked fast with his own determination putting back on his baseball cap as he walked.

"What about the ice on the wings?" Danny asked running after him for a moment to keep up.

"We'll use hairdryers." The man walked off and Danny paused for a moment unsure what he was about to get into.

"Ah….yeah."

"Come on!" The man yelled looking around. "We may not have a lot of time to catch the pause in the storm."

Danny took a few steps toward the plain while the man yelled something to one of his employees next to the door of the plane. Danny took his hands out of his pockets as he just about reached the steps of the small plane, causing the newspaper article he had placed in his pocket to fall to the ground. A huge wind gusted, sending the paper away from Danny. He reached out his hand, but lost the paper in the darkness. Danny reached his body toward the paper.

"Let it go." The man yelled, signing something on a clipboard. The boy with the clipboard ran away. "We got a deadline of our own, Danny. Just let it go. You'll never find it in the snowdrift." Danny didn't move. "Come on, Danny, we have to get going."

Danny knew he had to go. He pulled up his hood and walked toward the plane. Danny climbed into the small plane and the man closed the door.

"You wanna go back?" The man asked as Danny set himself into his seat.

"I'm sorry?" Danny didn't quite hear him over the engine.

"Go back? You having second thoughts? You don't have to do this?"

"No, I can't go back." Danny could see his breath as he paused on the line. The heat wasn't on yet and he brought his hands to his mouth. The engine started and Danny looked deep in thought.

* * *

"Yeah….yeah.." CJ nodded her head to Carol in her office, deep in thought "Just check on that for me would you?" She tried to pretend it wouldn't matter. 

"Yeah.." Carol walked off.

"And Carol!" CJ yelled and Carol turned back around as she reached the door.

"Just between us." Carol said in a sweet whisper.

"Thank you." CJ said in a tried voice and went back to his work.

* * *

Danny knew he'd had to go. He pulled up his hood and walked toward the plane. Danny climbed into the small plane and the man closed the door.

"You wanna go back?" The man asked as Danny set himself into his seat.

"I'm sorry?" Danny didn't quite hear him over the engine.

"Go back? You having second thoughts? You don't have to do this?"

"No, I can't go back." Danny could see his breath as he paused on the line. The heat wasn't on yet and he brought his hands do his mouth. The engine started and Danny looked deep in thought.

* * *

"He might not even be covering the Primaries this year." Carol paused. "I'm sure he's fine." She nodded her head. "I'll let you know."

"How likely is that, Carol?" CJ asked.

"That he's not covering the primaries?" Carol saw she was caught. "Not very." Carol knew Danny almost as well as she knew CJ. "But, where else could he be?"

"True." But CJ didn't seem so convinced.

* * *

Danny sat in the back seat rubbing his hands together, waiting for the heat to come on, but it didn't seem to. The noise of the plane was loud, so loud Danny wasn't even sure he could hear himself think. Suddenly the plane jerked short on the runway and a loud sound was heard. Danny had that feeling in the pit of his stomach that he had every time something seemed to be going well. This was usually right before the rug was about to be pulled out from under him. Danny gave the man eyes and waited for an answer.

"Okay." The man leaned back in his chair, but didn't look at Danny. Danny looked up at the man's back, arching his body for warmth. "I have good news and bad news."

"Okay?"

"Good news is looks like we got good visibility and on the radio Stu says we got a good five days before the next storms coming in." He took a breath.

"Bad news?"

"Bad news?"

"Yeah."

"Bad news is that sound you just heard."

"Yeah."

"That was the propeller falling off."

"The propeller?" Danny couldn't believe what he heard.

"Yeah."

"Okay." Danny paused unsure whether to laugh or yell to the heavens. "I don't know much about planes, but I'd say that's kind of an important element?"

"Pretty much."

Danny buried his head in his lap. He looked up in his fiercest determination.

"How much for your car?"

_To Be Continued..._


	25. Kings, IL :January

_**On The Road With Danny Concannon:** Outside Kings, IL_

"_Time Delineation"_

_**Episode**: 365 Days_

* * *

I'm lost without your light  
So I drive, I don't know why  
But I drive, from exit to exit

Someday I won't be lost  
Someday I won't miss you  
Someday I'll understand  
But for now you're taking over me

I've lost my direction  
Where do I turn?

**"Exit To Exit" Ryan Carabra**

**

* * *

**

9:57 PM

* * *

_These are the times that try men's souls… The harder the conflict the more glorious the triumph. What we obtain too cheap, we esteem too lightly – Tis dearness only that gives every thing its value._

**Thomas Paine, The Crisis (December 19, 1776)**

* * *

All Danny could see was white. Nothing but whiteness and the occasional flecks of blackness from the night sky, and then there was the occasional white light of the oncoming cars, making things more difficult as they passed by the car. It was like driving in a wind tunnel, an encircled white darkness, a black hole of sorts, thank god he wasn't claustrophobic - not yet. It wasn't about using your eyes anymore. He'd left that sense miles back. This drive had to be all about trust. He could only drive and trust the road was ahead of him. Trust that the path was clear and trust not to look back.

Danny was tired, but determined, he didn't want to stop, he was already behind schedule by two days and when it came to the primaries, being behind by two hours was bad let alone two days. There could be no more stopping for Danny now. He'd already missed New Hampshire, he'd make up New Hampshire closer to the start of voting, but he wasn't about to miss another story. Still Danny, ever so often, found himself debating in his mind if he should just pull off the side of the road, before he got himself killed. But as long as Danny could see even a shred of the road, he'd keep on. Stopping was never an option for Danny.

It had been three weeks since Danny had seen CJ's face in a paper, months since he had seen her face on television - how strange that was - and not much less than that that he had last heard her voice. Danny's cold turkey actions were beginning to take its toll as he tried to drive farther and farther away from CJ in his mind's eye. Her face may have faded from his thoughts like an old picture, yet somehow it only made her image haunt him even more.

Danny adjusted the radio for a weather report.

"…Pundits are giving positive approval to President Bartlet's State of the Union last night—his last before the end of his second and _last term_ which ends just one year from today. In other news, the Ohio Valley is being crushed with a massive snowstorm. Record breaking snowfall has been reported in Missouri, Arkansas, Kentucky, Illinois, Indiana, and Ohio. The storm even surprised Tennessee with low temperatures and rapid snowstorms. The unpredictable weather seems to be debunking all predictions by completely changing its direction and now entering the Ohio Valley area. Good news is Tennessee is officially out of the woods and back to sunny, clear weather.."

"Now you tell me." Danny said dryly, cursing himself for not having patience lately, he should have just waited out the storm in Tennessee. Everything seems on the edge of his skin lately.

"And all air-travel resumed this afternoon."

"You had to rub it in." Danny joked to the radio as he made a turn very carefully.

"….officials are asking for people stay off the roads and travel outside for emergencies only. The storm is expected to go on through the night again with no sign of stopping—" Danny switched off the radio. The snow didn't look like it was letting up from his end either.

"What are you doin' Concannon?" Danny spoke to himself as he leaned forward, trying to get more sight of his surroundings. "This is stupiddddd," he muttered under his breath. "No, I'm fine, I'm fine." He leaned back and calmed himself down. "Piece of cake." Just then Danny heard a loud honking sound and saw the huge light of what could only be a large semi truck coming his way. "Whoa!" Danny quickly maneuvered his hands around the wheel, turning himself off to the side of the road. The sound of kicked up snow and rubber seared through the car as Danny came to a complete stop.

The lights of the truck sped past the car and quickly sped away, leaving Danny in darkness. Danny took a breath followed by another, trying to calm himself. He leaned in and put his head on the driver's wheel. It had been a tough couple of months.

"That's it." Danny looked to his left and checked for signs of another car. "Next place I see," Danny pulled back onto the road, "I'm stopping." Within minutes Danny saw a small sign "INN AND BAR NEXT EXIT." His eyes focused on the word Bar and he laughed as he turned into the dirt and snow path. "You picked it, not me," he joked to the fates.

Danny pulled the car up to _The Thomas Paine Inn_ _and Bar_ noticing two satellite trucks right away. It would seem he wasn't the only journalist stranded.

* * *

Danny walked into the lobby, causing a chime to ring from above as he entered. He looked around and undid his scarf from his neck, and stomped the snow off his boots. A large, short woman behind the counter took his attention.

"We don't have any more rooms left." She said as Danny walked up to the counter.

"Actually, I don't need a room." Danny took his gloves off and held them with one hand.

"Well, we don't have any. All full."

"Yeah….well..." Danny tried not to get upset or laugh "I just need a place to sit out the storm. I saw you have a bar…"

"You can't stay here. No rooms. You can go to the bar?"

"Ahh, yeah….where would that bar be?" Danny really needed that bar.

"You don't sleep?" Her voice was stern while she folded her arms and leaned on one foot.

"I gotta get back on the road as soon as this clears in the morning."

"You need sleep to drive." She said looking at the luggage under Danny's eyes.

"I'll be fine." He leaned one of his elbows on the counter.

"Well, we don't have any rooms." She said stoically.

"Yeah, I think I heard that. The bar?" She gave him a look. "I won't drive until the morning—I swear." He paused. "I just need a drink . . . now." He waited for an answer, but got none. "Just one… or two… Yeah…" Danny was just so tired.

"Bar's in the building next door. The sign fell off."

"Okay." Danny started to leave.

"Which means you need to go outside. Ya can't enter through here."

Danny turned to the woman and opened his mouth as if he was going to comment, but decided not to make the woman mad. "Yeah." He gestured with the gloves he had in his right hand. "I got that, thanks."

Danny walked into the bar taking in the noise and people. In the background a faint folksy Shawn Colvin song played on the jukebox.

_Another round of blues. Several miles ago. I set down my angel shoes. On a lost highway  
For a better view. Now in my mind's eye. All roads lead to you….._

Danny ran his hand over his face and took a breath. The warmth inside hadn't made Danny look any better, he was still worse for ware. He placed his gloves in his pocket and blew on his hands to warm them.

"What can I get ya?" The bartender asked Danny placing a coaster in front of him as he stood in what looked like a fake historic, but still not that new, bar. The walls and pretty much everything else had a brownish color to them. It had everything but the obligatory moose's head on the wall for ambience.

"Guinness." Danny shook the snow from his coat. He took his notebook and pen out of his pocket and checked some notes before flipping it closed onto the top of the bar. Danny picked up the paper coaster in front of him, looking at the name of the bar which was printed all over it. He felt the urge to flip it over. Danny looked deep in thought and suddenly for no reason found himself writing three numbers on the back of the coaster in front of him: 365.

"You want me to start ya a tab?" The bartender asked placing the drink glass over the numbers on Danny's napkin, covering them from view.

"Nah—I'm good." Danny clicked his pen closed and put it in his pocket. The bartender started to walk away, but Danny caught his attention. "Hey, you hear when this storm's gonna clear up?"

"I heard two days."

"Two days." Danny tried to hold in his mad laughter. "Yeah… great." Danny ran his hands around the glass.

"Who knows it could be safe for drivin' tomorrow. These storms are never predictable. Maybe be clear by the morning."

"I'm hoping." He took a breath. "How long you think it'd take me from here to get to Iowa?"

"Iowa. From here?"

"Yeah."

"I'd say maybe three days. If you don't stop."

"Three days, great." Danny leaned down on his arms. "I must have been a cockroach in another life."

"These are the times that try men's souls." Danny heard a voice and looked up finishing the quote.

"The harder the conflict the more glorious the triumph." Danny turned his head to the left to see someone he recognized, Gray hair and full beard, but it was him: Del Graham

"Del?"

"Danny Concannon." Del laughed and put out his hand. The two shook hands. "Look what the cat dragged in," he said.

"What are you doing here?" Danny was agog.

"I'd ask you the same question. Long way from Washington."

"Long way from Arizona."

"Iowa?" Del asked as he lit the end of his cigar. "Me too."

"Yeah. Damn snow…But, you're the last person I thought I'd see here. " Danny leaned his arm on the side of the bar.

"You, know…" Del took his drink and walked closer to Danny, setting it down next to him and ashed his cigar in the ash try in front of him. Danny could see he was wearing a Hawaii type shirt under his parka. "I always like to stop by this whole monkey circus. It's more fun at the beginning. After California it's like a going home with a drunk girl at Mardi Gra." He paused and took a puff off his cigar. "Predictable." Personally I always thought they should just let them all loose in the woods—get a twelve gauge, who ever comes out still breathin' win's the nomination. "

"Presidential Roulette." Danny smirked, knowing his old friend so well. "You still packin'?" Danny asked.

"Yeah." Del reached into his side pocket and fumbled around for a while until he pulled out a cigar and handed it to Danny. As Danny pulled the wrapper off the cigar the sound of a lighter was heard sliding over the bar. Danny cupped the lighter around the end of the cigar and then within seconds had flipped the lighter closed and slid it back to Del, who stopped it with his own hand. "Hey, so how do you know that quote?"

"How do you know the quote?" He grinned at him.

"I use it in my classes." Danny rubbed the cigar between his fingers and stared at it.

"You teach classes?" Del lifted the cigar out of his mouth.

"Lectures—I'm beginning to. I did one class for a few weeks."

"And I thought that week I was an editor was the worse sell out in _this_ place." He leaned back and lifted his drink.

"Hey, if it weren't for those five days, I'd never would have met you."

"Yeah, and I'd have five days of my life back. Come on, Danny. You learn nothin' from me? I'm supposed to be your damn mentor aren't I?" He took a drink.

"Something has to help pay the bills. Politics' don't pay as well as it used to. Nothing pays as well as it used to." Danny grumbled and took a drink.

"Well, I always say politics ain't worth a dime."

"You use that as your slogan when you ran for sheriff, did ya?" Danny took a drink.

"Well…..now I mean.."

"Then what are you doin' here?" Danny pressed him.

"I write politics. Fiction or not. I'm stuck on this stuff."

"Oh..yeah.." Danny humored him.

"I told ya. I'm here to see a dogfight. Anythin' else ain't worth my ink. "

"You workin' on another book?" Danny ashed his cigar on the edge of the ashtray.

"Might be." He rubbed his fingers around the cigar. "There's always something I can fabricate from good old' non fiction friction." He took a puff and leaned back. "Odd's are mine'd be better then any of the crap they write about on the national page." He took a puff. "Course all those yahoos want outta me now is drugs books—I hate to tell them I gave up drugs about the time I stopped eating carbs."

"It's really funny—you know that quote." Danny looked ahead and took a drink. "Real funny—.

"You look like crap, you know that."

"You look worse." He smacked it back to him.

"I'm old, I'm supposed to look like crap." He chomped on his cigar.

"You're only twelve years older than me!"

"Take it from me, I'm old"

"You're not old. If you're old, I'm old."

"You're not old, kid."

"Funny, 'cause I feel old." He shook his head.

"You really wanna know why I know that quote, huh?" He eyed Danny and leaned in.

"I just find it strange—it is one of my favorite quotes…. "

"How I know it and just happen to repeat it to you?" He paused. "At this moment in time."

"Yeah..."

There was a pause as Del leaned in closer and smiled.

"You wanna know why I know the quote, huh?"

"Yeah…"

Del paused again before speaking.

"It's hanging behind you, Danny." Del pointed with his cigar to the plaque behind Danny's head. Danny turned his bar chair and saw the plaque. "We're sitting in the Thomas Paine Inn."

"Oh... yeah.." Danny felt stupid. He lifted his drink off the coaster, revealing to Del the numbers he'd written.

"Three sixty five, huh?"

"Yeah." Danny took a drink. "Just a number I got in my head. I've been writing it on things lately. Napkins, coasters, crossword puzzles. Just a number I can't get outta my head…"

"Three sixty five." He bemused almost to the heavens. "Three hundred and sixty five days. One calendar year. A delineation of time…" He paused and looked at his cigar. "What's got time on your mind, Dan?"

"No reason." Danny took a drink. "It's just a number."

"Yeah…" He didn't seem to believe Danny. He looked at his worn and tired face, his thin body and face, and Del could see something was going on. "Time is never just a number." He looked Danny's over. "Speaking of time. What happened to you? You look like crap."

"Road does that to you."

"Road does that to you."

"I don't know, Del….." Danny didn't look at him, as his melancholy mood took over his tongue. "I think it all just changes you. It has to for a time. Bein' on the road. I've been on the road for so long I don't know what dry land looks like anymore. It's like some tunnel vision bridge tunnel….away from everything just drifting with out of contact." He paused and lifted his drink. "It's like being in a black hole." He took a huge gulp from his beer glass and finished it off with a puff from the cigar. "I feel like I'm in a black hole.' He laughed at himself.

"There's no time in a black hole. No delineation of time. No movement. You can't go forwards and you can't go back. It's just darkness. Nothing, but darkness. No air, no breath. No nothin'. You may feel like time is passing, but nothing. It's a……well it's a black hole." Del wanted to be sure Danny really meant what he said.

"I feel like I'm in a black hole." Danny's voice cracked, his head was now leaning forward onto his hands.

The days were finally catching up with Danny. Del couldn't see his face, but he knew the words meant a lot to Danny. Danny took a breath and blew off his emotions and lifted his head. Danny took a drink.

"I don't know, Del." Danny kept on talking as if Del wasn't even there. He just needed to talk. " I don't know. I used to be this happy-go-lucky guy. And I know that's still me, but I feel less and less that guy each day. And more like a person I don't know if I like—I don't even know if I understand anymore…I use to look at people—see the way they treated each other and I just didn't get it. No matter what I went through I just thought you needed to treat people the way you want to be treated. To a point. You mess with me you mess with my friends-you get it. But lately…lately… I'm doing more of things I don't like. More of things I would have never done—six months ago—two years ago. I see myself doin'it and can't stop myself. It's like I'm over my body just watching…like my body is driving the car, but my mind is outside watching the car just drive off course—drive into the distance. I'm not myself all the time. I snap at people in a way I never did before, I just don't have the patience for things anymore. I curse, I can't sleep and I just feel angry for no reason. No reason at all. And I know it's not age 'cause I see it in kids younger than me. I saw it years ago. I figured I was just a different temperment- cut from a different cloth. But I think I get it now. I get it. It just took me longer. All those years I saw people not caring—people bein' flippant toward what's right-the meanness in the world—that anger I feel inside of me—the anger I feel inside of me now. It was….It was…. it just took me this long to get it…it took me this long to get my heart broke. I really have my heart broken. See that was it. It took me too long- And for the first time I think I get it. And my life was never perfect. I'm not saying I never had troubles, but I've always been a strong guy, I've soldiered on and I'll keep doing it.—no matter what, I won't let anything stop me, but sometimes things just push you down and you finally you can't take it anymore. The world's just full of broken hearts trying to make the everyone else feel just as broken as they do. I get it now-" Danny started to choke up again. "I don't want to be that. "

"I think you need some sleep, Danny."

"I can't sleep." He held his emotions back in.

"You can't sleep, or you won't sleep? Staying up—trying to get from one place to another-fighting a deadline. We do what we have to—but lack of sleep can make you crazy—lack of sleep can make all your feelings inside just multiply. Depression, lust, hurt, yearning—not acting like yourself."

"It's not fake. I feel this way."

"I don't doubt you do."

"It's real—it feels real. And sure, I'm tired, but I have things to do and the more I work—the more I don't have to think of what time it is, or the day of the month, or how many miles and how many hours I have to go-"

"Or time of the year."

"Yeah."

"What's the numbers, Danny?"

"Huh?"

"The numbers. I don't think you felt like opening up to me special…I haven't seen you in four years and you just opened up to me like a steamed clam in Red Lobster..so _what's _with the numbers, Danny?" Danny didn't answer. "Sometimes people just need to talk Danny, I know what that's like. The road is lonely I get it.,. I get it. And personally it's the reporter in me that really needs to know—otherwise I could…"

"It's kind of an anniversary."

"Anniversary?"

"Three hundred and sixty five days from today."

"To today."

"To today."

"Yeah."

"You're lamenting over an anniversary that hasn't happened yet?"

"In a sense…yes." Danny laughed. "Maybe I am just sleep deprived."

"Yeah, you need sleep, Danny boy." He leaned in toward the bar and both men looked off in thought."This about a woman?"

"Yeah." Danny lifted his glass.

"Yeah..." Del said with a breath and both men took a simultaneous drink. "Women can do that." Del took a puff of his cigar and let it out slowly. "My guess is you're not still with this woman?"

"You could say that…"

"You have some kind of understanding…?" Del tried to get an answer, but Danny was all of a suddenly silent again. "Okay, listen…I'm not one of those guys who you can sit and talk to….be a shoulder….usually that guy's you…I was never good at being, givin' advice…if that's what you're askin' – you need me to be a real ear…..I'm sorry, I'm not. You know me, I'm one of those guys who at least cares…you're my pal….you're a good guy.. …not many good guys left in this world….I always count you in as one of those….but man, I don't know…I'm better with dialogue than I am listening to monologues."

"No…no…" Danny hit Del on the shoulder. "Don't worry…I'll figure this one out myself."

Del looked into Danny's eyes."I still say you look like crap."

"I look like a reporter." He put the cigar in his mouth. "An old reporter." He smirked

"What exactly happened between you and this gal? I feel like you're not telling me something…" Danny leaned back and started laughing. "Again I'm lookin' for some dirt—that's all." Del joked.

"What happened between me and her?" Danny leaned toward his drink and then looked off into the darkness, taking the cigar out of his mouth. He pictured CJ in his head, the only picture of CJ he had, it was fading like the newspaper clipping once held in his wallet, but it was there. He rolled his fingers around the cigar. "What happened between us?" Danny spoke in a daze. "Sometimes I just don't know." He paused as the bartender came by and refilled Del's drink. Danny put his hand out when the bartender approached his glass. "I'll have a scotch." He looked over at Del, being nostalgic. "I once kissed her next to a fish." Danny put his cigar in his mouth.

"You did what now with a fish?" The bartender heard as he rested Danny's drink next to him. Danny looked at the bartender, but before he could answer, Del interupted his train of thought.

"That such a good idea?" He motioned toward the drink.

"I think it's a great idea." Danny downed half the drink like it was shot. "Ahhh." He took a breath. "Doesn't look like we'll be out of here until the mornin'." He finished the rest of the drink. "Takes more than this to get me drunk anyway." He laughed.

"I wasn't talkin' about drivin." The two men locked eyes.

"Hey, Del." The bartender leaned in.

"The bartender knows you." Danny laughed.

"I always introduce myself to the bartender." He joked while the side of his mouth chomped on the cigar. Danny laughed back with him. "Yeah, Sam..?" Del leaned in toward the bartender.

"I'm sorry to do this…"

"No…noo. What's goin' on?" Del ashed his cigar and held it between his fingers. Sam leaned in again, as did Danny toward the conversation, as he could tell he should be privy to it.

"We're not usually like this-but with the storm we got a lot customers in here we don't usually have, so I'm gonna have to ask you to either put the cigar out or go outside."

Danny and Del looked at each other and spoke together with out a thought.

"Outside."

* * *

Danny and Del had been sitting on the porch for who knew how long. Perhaps it was the small amounts of alcohol fermenting in Danny's system and the large amounts in Del's, but neither felt cold sitting there, drinking, smoking and watching the snow fall down.

"This is a good cigar." Danny said as he stared at the cigar.

"Cubans, my friend." Del spoke holding the cigar in his mouth as he lit the end. "See, this is what makes the time worth passin'." He took a breath and leaned back on the wicker couch.

"Yeah." Danny sighed.

Del stood and walked forward letting out smoke as he went. He leaned against one of the wood pillars and looked back at Danny. "I never thought about time much when I was younger—hell even when I was your age…" He paused for a moment. "I guess maybe that was just when I first started to see I couldn't do everything anymore. I couldn't walk up as many stairs, couldn't push myself as much as I thought—no matter how much I wanted to. " Danny looked at him. "I don't mean you…I really do mean me…but take it from me, your body can sometimes tell you things your brain never will."

"I think I'm good." Danny took a drink.

"But I think I've made my piece with time. Without time where are we? Wine won't age, time has to go on. Nothing in life can be savored without time. Even when it seems to inch like a snail it's always worth the wait. Time delineation, my friend. That's what the world's all about. Everything is just a delineation of time. Waiting is always worth the wait—cause if you can get through to the end…wow that apple tastes so much better, the beer tastes so much better, it all tastes so much better." He paused and took a smoke. "Time just passes. Passes by in an instant, and when it doesn't it's torture, but it's all worth it. You just have to own up to it. You have to know how she's treating you… you let time walk all over you-you go against her will-you may not get to the other end of it. I know that the hard way. I raged against her, I ignored her signs. Don't be that way—don't rage against her- she'll throw you to the way side." He took a sigh. "It's all just a Ddelineation of time. Demarcation, definition-it's all just time." He took a drink.

"How much you had there to drink, Del?" Danny leaned on his arm and held his cigar away from his face.

"Yeah… I don't know I lost track somewhere around fourteen." He took a drink. Danny took a puff off the cigar.

"Don't worry 'bout me, Del. I've been in the tall grass before…I'll find my way out. I just need to keep going forward… I'll sweat my way through it. It's just this cold weather… once I get outta this…I'll be good."

"If you say so." He took a drink. "I say we have a toast." He walked toward Danny. Danny stood. "To good beer and loose woman."

"Ahh…To the election cycle."

"And long legged woman." He grinned

"Here, here." The two men clinked glasses.

"It's finally getting too cold for me. I'm goin' inside to see who I can annoy for fun." Del took a step toward the door.

"With the cigar?" Danny motioned toward him. Del look at him, his eyes a blaze.

"How you think I'm gonna annoy 'um." He put the cigar in his mouth. Danny walked over to the wood pillar Del had been leaning against and looked out into the black sky filled with a rain of snow.

"You comin'?" He asked when he noticed Danny wasn't coming

"I'll be right there."

"Suit yourself." And Del was gone. Danny looked at the snow some more and wondered how something so beautiful could be so deadly. .

Danny took a breath and ashed out his cigar. He finished what was his third drink for the night, a rarity for Danny, but he knew very soon he'd be back out on the road.

Soon Danny set himself back down in his previous seat with a sigh. He watched the snowfall, but wasn't thinking of snow. And like a soft song in the distance, Danny found his eyes slowly dropping as the snow sent his eyes closed. He opened them again to see the snow and then closed, opened, then closed. Fluttering between awake and sleep Danny tried to fight it, but the sleepiness took him over.

* * *

The last thing Danny remembered was closing his eyes, but when he opened them again he was no longer outside, as his eyes slowly started to notice the inside of the lobby.

"Come on, Danny, we're clear to go." Del walked passed him.

"Ahh..yeah..yeah.." Danny said groggy and stood up. He felt awake, but something felt weird. He had felt this way on and off, but something seemed odd to him. Danny hadn't drunk enough to really make him drunk the night before, yet he felt as if he had a hangover. He had finally gotten some sleep and he still felt groggy.

"You comin', Danny?" Del asked by the door.

"Yeah…I'll be right there."

Splash. Danny stood with his face over the sink in the small bathroom for one, splashing what was the coldest water Danny could get onto his skin. He breathed through his noise as the cold water shocked his skin, but not his brain. Danny took another breath and grabbed a towel and dried his face. He leaned his hands on the side of the sink and took a moment to get himself together. He had to get himself together. He looked up and looked at himself in the mirror. He did look thinner, which at his age was a good thing, but he looked tired, he looked worn and he saw a man he wasn't yet familiar with. Danny ran his hand over his face and beard and took another breath. Time sure was leaving a mark on his face. Suddenly Danny's image in the mirror started to fade in and out. Danny didn't get it at first as his eyes began blurring again and his body lost its balance and he fell backward, almost hitting the corner of the wall, but Danny regained his control. It really took him by surprise and Danny stood there unsure whether to be scared or not concerned at all by the moment. He heard a knock on the door and a yelling of something Danny couldn't hear.

"I'll be right out!"

Danny took another breath and felt he was okay, but his body didn't show it.

* * *

Danny walked onto the porch and leaned against the post, taking his time. He watched as the string of reporters who had stayed the night engulfed the parking lot, jumping into their cars and vans. There were about ten counting, Danny, but the small parking lot made it looked like even more.

Danny made his way to his car. The sun was just about to rise and when he shut the door it was like he was still in the night before, trapped in the silent coldness of his car. The door slam reverberated through the cabin. Danny sat for a moment, his breath standing in the air like steam, before disappearing into the thin air. He started the car. He heard a knock on the door and Danny lowered the window to see Del looking quite cold as he leaned his head low toward the window.

"In case I don't see ya, man. I wanted to wish you luck."

"Thanks." Danny nodded his head. "Send me a copy of your book when it comes out."

"I told ya I'm back to reportin'." He leaned in and rested his hand on Danny's shoulder for a moment. "It was nice to see ya, Danny. I'll see ya soon."

"Yeah." He nodded his head and while Del walked away, Danny raised his window.

Still Danny rested his hands on the wheel, but he didn't move.

He was just tired. Travel was trying on a man and traveling in the snow was even worse. The black hole, the tunnel Danny felt it was in, away from the outside world was weight on him. Still Danny held onto the wheel, he was late, but Danny wasn't out of the game. He'd been slowed, but he was even more determined to catch up. He took a breath and turned his head to see out the back window and backed his way out of his space.

Doors were heard slamming and cars backing up in the snow. One by one the cars and vans all made they're way out of the parking lot, from far above it must have looked like a caravan, soon disappearing into different lanes of traffic and different directions, on the way to the next story.


	26. Outside Cedar Rapids, IA: Feb

**On the Road with Danny Concannon:** Outside Cedar Rapids, IA

_"Cycle"_

**Episode**: King Corn

* * *

The snow was bad, again. Danny seemed to go from one storm to another. He felt as if the weather was stalking him as the pressure of the dark clouds figuratively and literally beat down on him. The luggage under his eyes could have helped a small family travel through customs, but he kept on driving. Danny was determined. Danny had his desire to go forward no matter what.

Breathing heavily, unaware of exactly what time it was, Danny finally drove off onto the side of the road.

"Damn!" Danny spoke with vigor under his breath. He leaned his head against his hands on the steering wheel and took another moment before lifting his disgruntled head. "Damn." Danny fumbled through the contents of his side seat, to find his cell phone, while the snow almost trampled down on the car. He had no other choice, but to stay still until he was able to drive again. He dialed the phone and sighed as he waited for the person on the other end to pick up.

"Hey, Maisy, it's Danny. Listen, I'm stuck in another storm here, I don't think…" He trailed off. "They're gonna have to send someone else—I can't get there."

"Danny, they already sent someone…" Maisy tried to say it delicately. "Danny?" She asked in the silence. "Danny—they already sent someone—Danny?" There was another pause.

"No.. No.." He said in his groggy voice. "I heard." He lowered his head. "I gotta go." Danny threw the phone onto the seat next to him, leaned back in his seat and raised his hand to his forehead. Within a moment, Danny smashed his hand against the center of his steering wheel in a fit of anger. The snow continued to fall, the wind continued to sound, as Danny sat in his dark car, stuck out in the middle of nowhere, out in the cold.

Josh excused himself from the table. Not that it mattered, for Vinick's team didn't seem so talkative. It may have looked from the outside that the gruff exterior of the three was the old Democratic and Republican rivalry but it was really only one thing: lack of sleep. The same cycle would be repeated by all of them the next day and the next day and the next one after that until someone fell over—and that wasn't all figurative. Barely able to keep his eyes open himself, Josh found a place off to the side and dialed his cell phone.

"Hey." Josh said in a fatigued voice. Danny answered on the other end, almost mirroring Josh's vocal pattern. "Where are you? You in Iowa yet?"

"No, how'd you know—" Danny asked looking at the snow from inside his car and the side of the road.

"Word travels fast—listen I have a story for ya."

"I'm stuck here on the side of the road here—I can't see a thing—hold on, let me get my notebook..." Danny perked up and dashed for his pen and pencil from his coat.

"Can you still post?" Josh paced a view steps.

"Yeah, I got my lap top." Danny leaned his shoulder on the phone ready to write. "What's the tip?" Danny asked a little skeptical.

"Republican front runner meets with only one Democratic hopeful—"

"Santos?"

"Yeah."

"Santos and Vinick are having a sit-down?"

"I'm lookin' right at it."

"This wouldn't have anything to do with the fact that you're snowed in, too?"

"You can call me a high-official in the Santos Campaign- confirmed the two did meet, but not what they discussed because it was a private conversation—eye witness saw them together, etc.—they discussed education, ethical—"

"You're telling me you're my corroborating source? Danny asked, feeling pretty much being taken advantage of, as a man walked behind Josh.

"Wait—hold on—" Josh took hold of the man by the arm almost swinging himself around. "You see those two men over there?" he said to the man.

"Yeah?"

"Who are they?"

"Ahh—" The man squinted. "That's Arnold Vinick and…."

"And…"

"I don't think I know that guy."

"Look harder," Josh demanded and the man squinted and looked again.

"Oh…yeah…I saw that guy do a speech today… ahh… what's his name…ahhh." Josh wasn't too happy. "Santos? Mike Santos."

"No.. No. look _closer,_ close, but…." Josh was frustrated as he tried to lead the man on.

"Matt! Matt Santos."

"Thank you." Josh let all the wind out of himself with the thank you. He was pretty tried. "Now say that into the phone." The man looked confused as Josh brought the phone to the man's ear.

"Ahhh, Arnold Vinick and…" Josh encouraged him along. "Matt Santos."

"Are?"

"Over there." He questioned still unsure what he was being asked.

"And your name?"

"Kevin Walters." He told Josh as he lifted from the phone.

"Into the phone."

"Oh." He leaned into the phone. "Kevin Walters."

"Thanks." The man walked away. Josh got back on the phone. "There's your 2nd source." Josh went on with his description. "They met in a friendly….ahh….bi-partison manner…" Josh was going off the cuff.

"You got art on this?" Danny asked.

"Pictures? No." Josh looked around.

"Josh…" Danny paused. "This is gonna be page six at the most," he grumbled.

"You owe me."

"I do not owe you—if anything you owe me—all those-"

"You got another story sitting out in the snow?"

There was a pause and Danny grumbled. "Top source in the Santos campaign or no dice."

"Deal."

"You know everyone's gonna know it's you."

"I know." There was a pause. "Where you headed next?"

"If this thing clears up I'm gonna try to get to the debate tomorrow. Luck doesn't seem to be on my side here. I'd love to get an interview on this Turkey thing-maybe do some human interest stuff on the Louisiana mudslide."

"You gonna stop by New Hampshire?"

"Depends. Like I said-seems like I've got some bad luck lately—maybe I need to change my direction—just give up on the primaries all together. Maybe I'm getting' too old for this." Danny laughed a painful laugh.

"Ha." Josh laughed. "That'll be the day."

"I gotta go write this. You think I can reach Vinick's team for a comment?"

Josh looked over at the group sitting ahead of him.

"Yeah, I think you can." Josh took a step. "See ya in New Hampshire, Danny." And Josh hung up.

Danny turned the heater up and took out his laptop. He looked out the window, still with no clearing in the snow, he could see himself waiting out the storm that had followed him all the way from Tennessee, maybe even Michigan.

He picked up his cell phone, hit one button, and held the phone to his ear and shoulder as he started to set up his laptop for connection.

"Hey, Maisy—it's me. I need you to get me the Chief of Staff for Alan Vinick." He paused. "Yeah, I'll hold on." Danny started typing furiously. He could hardly keep his eyes open feeling as if the snow outside was literally pounding on his soul.

_Two hearts fading, like a flower  
And All this waiting for the power  
For some answer to this fire  
Sinking slowly, waters higher  
Umm desire, desire_

CJ stood in her office, just thinking, without an answer, to the question of the missing Danny. She thought about trying to find something out herself, but she stayed motionless, with only the thought of moving on, with life, her job and her thoughts. That was all she could do.

_With no secrets, no obsession  
This time I am speeding with no direction  
Without a reason, what is this fire?  
Burning slowly, my one and only  
Umm desire, desire, desire, desire_

Danny typed away at his story with two fingers like he always did. The wind outside was racing furiously. He could have turned around so many times. He could have changed his path and finally found a direction. Instead all he thought of was speeding on with his work, his journey and his life. There was only looking forward and no looking back. The eye was on the prize and it was time for history to be forged no matter what victims it laid to the wayside. It was just another cycle. Another election cycle, another news cycle, and another human cycle that we all repeat.

_You know me, you know my way  
Just cant show me, but God I'm praying  
That you find me, and that you see me,  
And that you run and never tire  
Umm desire, desire, desire, desire_

* * *

Thursday 6:35 am

CJ stood caught up in her own world, so much so she didn't even see Carol walk into her office.

"He resurfaced." Carol slapped down the Washington Post folded over to page six. CJ jumped with the sound and the motion in front of her. CJ focused on the headline and Danny's name. "Guess I didn't have to call his editor after all."

"You didn't call his editor?"

"I was waiting on a callback." She looked at CJ strangely. "Do I need to still call him? He's back."

"No. No. Thank you, Carol."

She thanked Carol, but the revelation still didn't make her feel right and she didn't know why. The article had Josh written all over it. It was the only way Danny would have such a small story. But where had he been all this time? It was like seeing someone in the far back of a cornfield. They were finally in view, but only barely and very small, making one think they might not even be there in the first place.

"Let's see if it lasts." CJ said to herself. The article was very small, she thought.

_And that you run and never tire  
Umm desire, desire, desire, desire_

_Umm desire, desire, desire, desire_

**-Desire Ryan Adams**

**From The episode King Corn**


	27. NY, NJ, CT: Feb

**On The Road With Danny Concannon** New York, New Jersey, Connecticut

_"Variations On The Word Sleep"_

**Episode**: The Wake Up Call

* * *

I would like to watch you sleeping,

which may not happen.

I would like to watch you,

sleeping. I would like to sleep

with you, to enter

your sleep as its smooth dark wave

Slides over my head

**-Margaret Atwood** "Variations on The Word Sleep"

* * *

CJ stood in her kitchen dressed in work clothes with a barely-used apron around her waist. She hummed, feeling relaxed, while she lightly cupped a glass of white wine in her left hand. She brought the glass to her mouth and then savored the taste before setting it down on the counter. She was also savoring actually preparing a real meal for a change and not throwing down take out with Kate or Toby as usual. She felt she was finally able to breathe, finally able to relax. It was always the small things that kept the mind going and the body agile. 

He walked into the small kitchen to find her standing next to the stove cutting tomatoes and popping the sections into her mouth with great joy.

"I didn't know you cooked?" He said as she stood next to a boiling kettle, a tomato wedge jetting into her cheek from the inside.

Her eyes popped open with glee as she tried to speak and swallow the contents.

"I don't." She moved her fingers to the next slice of tomato, which she cut, into fours. 'I'm not cooking." She said fingering the piece in her long and slender fingers. "This is eating. There's a difference." She slid the tomato wedge into her month. He walked up to her and ran his hands around her waist. She smiled at the feeling and he rested his head on her shoulder..

CJ looked at him from the corner of her eye and smiled from the same corner of her mouth. She turned toward him and rested her back against the counter top. He leaned forward and she popped a tomato wedge into his mouth.

"Good?" She said as she turned back toward the vegetables.

"Yeahhhh." He said inflecting up and still in mid-chew.

"Really…" She joked back and rested her long arms around his neck and leaned in for a kiss. Their lips locked as if they were one and she felt that warm feeling she hadn't felt in a long time- a connection on so many levels. She leaned into his body and he into hers. She felt as if he had lifted her off the ground, they were so pushed into each other. Just when she didn't think she could fall any closer without being inappropriate in front of the baby asparagus, she felt her back hit the counter top and her body arch backwards.

"Oww." CJ hit her head against the cabinets.

"Ohhh, no. I'm sorry." Danny laughed as he reached up and put his hand on her head. CJ couldn't do anything but laugh herself. "You okay?" Danny lifted her off the counter top.

"Yeah." She laughed. "Yeah." She looked into his eyes. "Welcome home." CJ leaned in and kissed him soft and slow. Danny couldn't help but fall into her charms, smelling her smell on her neck and feeling her feel the bristle of his beard on her face. CJ pulled away.

"Let me finish this." CJ said softly.

"Okay." He said sweetly, not liking the situation, but liking being taken care of by the woman he loved. There was a little space between them, but they still remained close looking into each other's eyes and not wanting to leave. Unable to be apart, they slowly started to come together again. Suddenly CJ's beeper went off, shocking the two. Danny and CJ both looked at CJ's beeper on her waist and suddenly CJ was back in her bedroom almost jumping out of her skin to the ring of her telephone. Last thing she remembered was closing her eyes at 12:15; now it was 3:30. This time she'd only slept a little over two hours but like always it felt like minutes. Maybe sleep was overrated. She reached for the phone.

* * *

4:55 am

Danny grabbed the phone off of its carrel, and brought it toward his head, under his pillow, and to his ear.

"Yeah." He said in his groggy, fatigued voice.

"This is your 4:55 wake-up call Mr. Concannon." The woman's voice came through the line.

"Thank you." Danny grumbled and stretched his arm out to find the carrel. He waved his arm around, unwilling to lift his head from the pillow until he finally felt and heard the phone hit its base.

After a few more moments, Danny finally lifted the pillow off his face and turned his body and eyes toward the ceiling, another day, another few hours of sleep. He should have taken the turn of events over the last few weeks as a wake-up call that he needed to take a rest, but Danny's stubbornness shined through. He was more determined than ever to continue ahead with his journey. Danny took a breath and set his feet on the ground with a thump.

6:30 am

Crack! Maisy set months worth of laundry to the ground in the Laundromat. It was more than she could carry and it was a miracle she had gotten from her car to the door.

"Hey, Happy Valentine's Day, Maisy." A man behind the counter of the twenty-four hour Laundromat yelled to Maisy as if she knew him. "You're here kinda early?"

"Yeah." She took a breath, winded from carrying her load. "It's the only time I have to fit it in." She walked up to the counter and laid a five-dollar bill on counter. "Can I have five dollars worth?"

"Sure." He set a roll of quarters on the counter as Maisy looked at the display of her phone. No messages. Maisy yawned; she wasn't the only one in need of sleep.

* * *

7:30 am

Danny held onto a coffee cup. He wore sunglasses to hide his weary eyes and sleepless skin. He reached for the car door of his car with the other hand. Just a pit stop on the way to New Hampshire; the only stop he planned to make all day. He'd checked the weather report, made sure to go home and get his own baby of a car this time, and was feeling pretty beaten as he dragged along to his next destination. Shrugging off the last few weeks to a bad coincidence, he told himself there was no such thing as bad luck. Still, the fog he couldn't shake lingered.

"Are you sleeping, Danny?" He heard the voice of the psychologist in his head. On his way through New York City, Danny had stopped by. "From the look of you I'd say no." She paused. "Are you sleeping Danny? She looked at him with eyes that knew.

"I'm sleeping enough—when I can."

"The inability to sleep can be a sign of depression, Danny."

"Are you sayin' I'm depressed?" He laughed it off, still not leaving the doorframe of her dark office.

"Do you think you're depressed, Danny?"

Danny shook the memory, and kept on going

Danny was about to get into his car when he heard his phone beep. He leaned down and put his coffee cup in his car before reaching for his phone and answering it, still outside the car. It was a text message from Maisy. He opened the phone and read it: _just making sure you got your wake up call_. Danny smiled and threw his phone into the passenger side of his car.

The fatigue should have been a wake up call; his body was trying to tell him something. The ebb and flow of sadness over his brain like a haze; it should have been a wake-up call, his heart was trying to tell him something. But still he carried on. He carried on—carried on with the direction, with the thought, that at the end of the tunnel was some peace. Looking back was never an option. He had to get over her, he had to get on with his life, and he had to show to himself he could do his job. Danny got into the car and started the engine and set his wheels turning.

* * *

8:05 pm

Maisy watched the washing machine turn around in spirals like a wheel on a bike or a car on the road. She reached into her pocket and sent two quarters into another machine. Her eyes caught a guy who was looking at her. Always shy around boys in this way, Maisy looked away, red and flushed; she didn't know what to do when she was in the situation, not that she minded giving others advice on such situations.

"Ted, can I have a water?" She put two dollars on the counter. Maisy looked over toward the boy who was folding his laundry. Ted saw the look and smiled as he handed Maisy her drink. Maisy looked away and took out her phone again, only this time she dialed. "Hey, Danny, it's Maisy. Just making sure you're on the road—I know you wanted me to be sure you were awake by now."

"Here's your change, Maisy." Ted set two quarters on the counter. They rolled around before landing flat in front of Maisy. They were both commemorative coins - Iowa and New Hampshire.

"Thanks, Ted." She said grabbing them without looking at them. "Just call me when you get to New Hampshire. I'll be in the office by ten." She closed her phone and set it on top of a washer. She sent the Iowa quarter into the machine with a clang and was about to insert the other when she noticed the New Hampshire logo and smiled. Maisy wondered where Danny was and hoped it was on his way or already in New Hampshire for both their sakes. She decided to keep the quarter as her lucky charm, and set it on top of the dryer, putting another quarter into the machine with a clang.

* * *

9:15 am

Danny slid his last quarter into the phone of the gas station. He didn't look so happy. He waited for the phone to ring and leaned against the top of the phone.

"I didn't think anyone these days didn't have a cell phone." The machine spoke as he ran a greasy rag over his hands.

"It's charging." He smiled politely and nodded his head. He returned his attention to the phone, impatiently hitting his fingers on the top of it. "Come on, come on." But no one answered. Danny slammed the phone down. He walked out of the shadow of the garage and onto the concrete, past a few of the pumps.

"How's it look?" Danny scratched the back of his neck and looked at his car, suspended above the ground.

"Not good." He heard a voice from under the car boom out and echo. Danny looked down and a man rolled out from under the car.

"How long?"

"An hour, tops." The man stood up and patted Danny on the shoulder. "Don't worry."

Danny took a sigh and looked at his watch.

* * *

11:15 am

Danny leaned into his car and looked at his phone. It looked charged enough for at least one phone call. He looked over at the two mechanics talking off in the distance.

"Hey, guys—what we lookin' at?"

"Don't worry, Mr. Concannon, we got it covered. You'll be on the road in an hour." And he went back to talking to the second mechanic.

"Yeah…" Danny looked down as he raised the phone to his ear. Things were not going as well as planned. His eyes felt heavy, but Danny had no time to rest.

Maisy leaned forward in her seat halfway through John Hoynes' book, poking her fingers into a tub of popcorn on her desk. Her phone rang and she reached for it, still immersed in her book.

"Danny Concannon's office." She said as if she wasn't even paying attention.

"Hey, Maisy." Danny's voice came over the phone.

"Hey—I tried to call you."

"My phone was charging—listen."

"You there yet?"

"No."

"Not yet." She whined. "What happened this time?"

"My car broke down between New York and New Jersey."

"Wow, you really are in hell."

"Thanks. Thanks for that."

"I told you not to drive."

"Maisy…"

"I said something's going on with you…."

"I'm not cursed, Maisy."

"If you say so."

"Listen, can you see if you can get me a fight outta Newark. Looks like I won't be getting outta here anytime soon."

"It's your fan belt, isn't it? You should really get a Geo."

"Maisy."

"I'll try Danny, but we're really gettin' real close to the primary—it's hard to get a flight in or out of New Hampshire."

"Well, I don't need to get out, do I, Maisy."

"Funny."

"Just do it, Maz. I'm about 30 minutes away, so get the nearest time that I can get a cab over there."

"I have an idea. How about you take a nap and I get you a flight out in the morning."

"How 'bout you stop this terrible impersonation of my mother."

"No matter how many times I hear that joke—it's still not funny."

"Keep me posted." He hung up the phone.

* * *

11: 45 am

Danny couldn't take it anymore and he sat himself down on a bench in the lobby. He slumped in his seat and threw his coat next to him. His whole body hurt. Danny leaned back and looked at the clock on the wall behind the register and noticed the time. He'd been there for three hours. His eyes started to flutter and he tried his hardest to keep them open. Again he heard the memory of the psychologist in his head.

"Lack of sleep, Danny, can play games with your head."

"I'm fine, really."

"Lack of sleep can make you feel agitated, lonely, it all gets heightened."

"I think I heard that somewhere before, but I'm fine."

"If you say so."

"I do," he demanded.

"Okay," she said, not believing him.

Danny opened his eyes and was jolted back to the gas station office. He tried not to, but his eyes grew heavy and he closed his eyes again.

* * *

1:40 pm

Danny opened his eyes slowly and saw the clock. He felt groggy and still sleep-deprived. He'd never fallen asleep so fast and his eyes felt heavy again. Danny's phone rang and he reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out his phone.

"Yeah…"

"Still no luck. I'm gonna try few airports in Connecticut."

He pinched his brow.

"Danny, get some sleep." Maisy urged him.

"Yeah..yeah.." He said not really paying attention to her. "Keep me posted."

"Mr. Concannon." One the mechanics yelled from the doorway. "I think we just about got it."

Danny rose up slowly and went for the door.

Maisy set the phone down and pushed her copy of _Full Disclosure_ to the side, reaching her hand toward the mouse of her computer.

"Hey, Maisy." Maisy heard a voice and looked up to see a something thrown her way. "Here."

She grabbed on to the object and opened her hands to see a small red-covered chocolate heart.

"Happy Valentine's Day."

"Thanks." She smiled looking at him and then back at the heart in her palm. "Courtesy of the White House Communications Department." The man walked away and Maisy placed the heart next to her computer for later. She continued fiddling with her mouse and with her free hand she picked up the phone.

"Yeah, hi. I'm calling from the Washington Post. How much to charter one of your planes?"

* * *

5pm

"No, Maisy—not another charter plane." Danny sped down the highway in his newly restored car. "So far in the last two days, I've missed a train and a bus, and had the car I was driving break down. Given my track record lately with small planes, trains and automobiles—the only way I'll get in the air is with a major airline, with fall back seats, and a bar cart." Danny felt the phone slip from his shoulder as he tried to talk and drive at the same time. He still hadn't found time to get one of those hands free devices, nor did he have the urge to get one. "Keep trying, Maisy - no, no stand by right now. I don't want to waste time sitting in an airport and not even get there." Danny shut the phone and threw it to the seat beside him. He looked forward at the traffic in front of him. Hopefully it wouldn't last long.

* * *

6pm

* * *

Danny drove down the dark highway and tried not to think of CJ. Music from the radio filled his journey, giving his travels a soundtrack as he rode past a canvas of white winter snow and cold air with Tori Amos singing in the foreground. 

_  
Snow can wait  
I forgot my mittens  
Wipe my nose, get my new boots on  
I get a little warm in my heart  
When I think of winter  
I put my hand in my father's glove  
I run off  
Where the drifts get deeper  
Sleeping Beauty trips me with a frown  
I hear a voice:  
"You must learn to stand up  
For yourself  
'Cause I can't always be around"_

He was definitely going through something. Whether it was CJ withdrawal or the road, all Danny could think of was to keep going and let the time pass. Keep driving, keep running away, keep running on fumes until he could get her out of his system.

CJ sat at her desk and heard Abbey and the President fight beyond the walls. She tried to block it out, but it was hard. It just made her feel awkward. Again she thought of where Danny was, which made her feel more awkward, so she went back to all she had: her work.

_He says when you gonna make up your mind  
When you gonna love you as much as I do  
When you gonna make up your mind  
'Cause things are gonna change so fast  
All the white horses are still in bed  
I tell you that I'll always want you near  
You say that things change, my dear_

Back in his car, Danny kept on motoring on.

"Why are you here, Danny?" He heard his therapist's voice in his head.

"I'm on my way to New Hampshire.," he said lingering in her doorway.

"I see that, Danny, but I don't hear from you since December and before that on and off. I don't have time for someone who isn't serious about their therapy."

"I am. I am. I'm just busy, that's all. I am committed to this."

"When you have time?"

"Yeah." He paused "It's an election season."

"I thought you said it's always an election season."

"Ahh." He smiled. "You got me there."

There was a pause.

"I am serious, Abby, but I can't just stop my life for this-I have a job to do, I have bills to pay."

"Okay, fine. Then come in—we'll have a session right now."

"I told you I just by to say hello. I can't now."

"Fine. Hi." She circled her desk. "Now, I have real work to do, so..."

"Hey..."

Danny was caught again, on the road trying to stay focused as he turned into an easy pass lane toward the toll booth, but his thoughts kept focusing on CJ, as the lyrics penetrated his subconscious.

_When you gonna make up your mind  
When you gonna love you as much as I do  
When you gonna make up your mind  
'Cause things are gonna change so fast  
All the white horses are still in bed  
I tell you that I'll always want you near  
You say that things change, my dear_

Tears started to stream down Danny's face and he didn't know why, but it was happening. He kept on driving and held it in, wiping the stripes of water from his cheeks. He tried to push CJ out of his mind like he had been doing for months, but it was always hard, this time he was brought back to a few nights before, when he had stopped by Abby's office and back to where his brain had left the memory of their conversation.

"You said you stopped by to say hello, Danny." Abby walked up to me. "So, hello. Goodbye. Which is it, Danny? Either you want to really try therapy, or you don't. Coem in if we're going to do this—otherwise—I think you need to find another doctor." She walked away.

"I'd stay if I could—I'm on my way—"

"In or out, Danny. Ever since you got here you haven't set one foot in this room. Either you're in or you're not. " There was a pause as they stared each other down.

"I…" Danny turned his head to the side. "I really gotta go. I have to meet someone and then I gotta get back on the road."

"Okay." Abby turned toward her work and Danny wanted to say something. He knew all she was doing was playing bad cop to help him, but he could see she was hurt for not being able to help him. Danny felt he didn't need her help.

"Yeah…okay." Danny lifted his bag and turned toward the hallway.

"By the way." Danny turned his head to Abby's voice. She spoke as she organized papers on her desk. "That loss of conscience you had in the bathroom in Illinois."

"I didn't lose consciousness, my eyes just…."

"That loss of consciousness you had was a wake-up call, Danny. It was your brain sending a wake-up call to your body." She paused and looked Danny in the eye. "And if you don't take care of yourself, it's going to get worse." She tried to pretend she didn't care, but she always cared about others, she just had to always be neutral. Danny didn't say anything. "You call me when you're serious about your mental health, Danny."

"I have a system."

"Well, your system's not working Danny." She paused.

Danny shook the memory from his mind and kept on driving

…………_..winter melts  
Flowers competing for the sun  
Years go by and I'm here still waiting  
Withering where some snowman was  
Mirror mirror where's the crystal palace  
But I only can see myself  
shaking around the truth who I am._

He lifted his hand and stretched out the fatigue, and then placed his hand back on the wheel. He drove on and tried to ignore the fact that his right hand started to shake. He placed his right hand on his left to stop the shaking and it subsided. There was no time for stopping, there was no time for sleep.

_  
When you gonna make up your mind  
When you gonna love you as much as I do  
When you gonna make up your mind  
Cause things are gonna change so fast  
All the white houses have gone ahead  
I tell you that I'll always want you near  
You say that things change my dear  
Never change  
All the white horses…_

**Winter Tori Amos**

Danny kept on driving. That was all he knew how to do at the moment. That was all he could do as his car pressed on toward his destiny.


	28. Dover, NH: Feb

**On The Road With Danny Concannon '04-'05**: Dover, New Hampshire

_Primary Blue_

**Episode:** Freedonia

* * *

_**Prime** vt **primed**; **priming**: 1: to lay a preparatory coating. 2. to put in working condition 3: to instruct beforehand._

_**Primar**y adj: first in order of development__

* * *

_

_"The Edge... There is no honest way to explain it because the only people who really know where it is are the ones who have gone over. The others the living are those who pushed their control as far as they felt they could handle it, and then pulled back, or slowed down, or did whatever they had to when it came time to choose between Now and Later.__  
__But the edge is still Out there. Or maybe it's in._"

Hunter S. Thompson '65

* * *

Debate Day

Danny pulled into the New Hampshire town; the radio sound tracking his way through the circus that had already started without him. He slowly rolled his car forward as he saw the sights of news people milling about with business at hand. It was mayhem at its worst, but it gave Danny an extra glow of excitement almost nothing else could.

Danny couldn't even remember how much sleep he'd gotten in the last days it bad been that long since he had gotten enough to really remember, but all he could think about was staying on the road and getting to his destination. He had to prove to himself he could to it, he could get there this time, no matter what how close to the edge he got.

Being on the road is always a hard thing. It can feel like being a bear out in the wilderness, alone, without any other bears. No wonder Danny had felt the pangs of depression lately. But now he had found his people again. Like Americans abroad missing their own language, Danny was happy to see any reporter, no matter who they were, as long as they spoke his language. He was home. Danny drove past all the sights trying to ignore the fatigue in his hands and in his body. The sleep deprivation in eyes and his mind weighed on him, they had been for months now, but he was slowly slipping down that hill as he forged on toward his work. The edge was near.

His heat pounded like he had a hang over, but he hadn't had a drop to drink since he left Iowa. Still Danny felt he had to keep going.

As he passed people wearing badges, camera equipment to their sides, he saw the images of news trucks with large white satellites off in the distance like a range of mountains with very tall trees. Only days before, this street had been sleepy and silent, but now at every storefront people hawked their goods pins and memorabilia. Newspapers were sold from every street corner. It was a political amusement park of sorts for all to see. Danny showed his press pass to a cop and made his way toward a grassy area. He passed the large, red, white and blue CNN van that read, "America's Headquarters", and found a spot to settle.

Nothing had really started yet for the day, and since Danny didn't have to deal with prime time hours or camera time, he ducked into a convenience store to find some subsistence to keep his brain cells going. He had been so late he didn't even want to stop for food, but now he seemed right on time—with time to kill.

Danny leaned down and set his hands around a box of Pop-Tartsthe large one. He turned the box around in his palms, moving it back and forth as he checked out the label. His brain was pounding over whether to buy the treat; or not to buy the treat. As Danny got older his metabolism of yore had slowly left him, and that along with doctors' notes and age restraints had begun pushing him toward thoughts of a healthier life. He finally decided to go with the non-frosted smaller box of Pop-Tarts compromise is always the key, in politics as in life. Maybe food would keep the fatigue and restlessness at bay.

Next, Danny slid his hand over the ice cooler doors and ran his fingers to a bottle of Coca Cola. His hand lingered for a moment as he decided what to do. This was not the right choice, and he changed his mind and next slid his hand toward the Diet Cola, but after a moment figured that still wasn't the right choice, as thoughts of his mother's words, "Nutra-Sweet causes cancer" swept his mind. Danny paused for another moment before lifting his hand above the soda and opting for a large bottle of water, then shutting the door behind him. Just about to escape the world of modern convenience food, Danny backtracked and took one small bottle of soda from the refrigerator, shutting the door and rubbing the hum of the cold from his ears. What could it hurt, and besides he needed something to keep him awake. It was his own form of bipartisanship behavior.

Danny dumped the contents of his arms on the checkout counter with a smile. Without speaking, he raised his hand up as if to say one moment, and lowered his head to the candy rack below. He lifted his finger in the air along the stacks of candy as if he was looking for something in particular. Finally, he pulled from the frame a packet of peppermint gum, throwing it on the counter above.

"Is that it sir?" The young man asked.

"Ahh.." Danny thought for a moment and looked away as his eyes caught a small display of impulse Pepperidge Farm items and a rack of travel sized versions of goldfish crackers. Danny smiled at the nice memory – as well at the fact that he was actually going to buy them and took a bag off the hanging rank with a pull, throwing it with a soft toss onto the counter.

"Yeah, that's it." And Danny took out his wallet. The register started to sound with his items. Danny noticed his face in the reflection of a cigarette sign on the cash register, he almost didn't recognize himself. He took a breath. Even that seemed to hurt.

* * *

With his purchases complete, Danny walked out of the store, rummaging through the bag for the Tylenol he'd purchased tossing two into his month without water. Almost dropping the bag Danny next went for the food. He was just about to tear open the small bag of goldfish crackers when he was stopped by the sound of a voice. It was a voice of someone he was sure it couldn't be. A voice he was sure only sounded like someone from long ago. A voice he figured just couldn't be her until he laid his eyes on her.

There she was, Antonia "Toni" Scalisi, standing arguing with another man, like a true New Yorker, over a parking space. Danny was pretty surprised for it had been a long time since he had seen her, but it was she for sure. Almost a decade older since he last saw her and now reaching into her forties, she suddenly stood before him again. Just as tall as she ever was, with just as much fire as she ever had. Although the attraction of long ago had subsided for him, he did wonder if he had a thing for passionate tall woman.

Toni was a woman no person could forget in his life. Tall and pretty, thin as a rail, her slender fingers could do wonders with a camera shutter. She gestured with her hands like a true Italian, even though looks-wise only her Irish genes had penetrated to the surface. Her long strawberry blond hair was always held up in a large braid almost the length of her back. Even with the tight braid, little strains and flecks of hair always seemed to fall into her face when the wind blew or otherwise. She had the gusto and passion of any man and wasn't afraid to show it. There was still something about her that just made you laugh, if you knew her, at her actions. This was indeed, after all these years, a good person to run into.

Finally the man she was arguing with gave up and walked away and, like usual, Toni continued yelling after him, but now in Italian. Danny approached, watching the man walk back to his car as Toni discovered his presence.

"Hey, Danny Concannon." She said with a taunting voice, her body dressed in jeans, a long sleeved T-shirt topped with an off-white flack vest filled with film, two cameras on her right arm, a camera case, a light meter, and a backpack to boot.

"Toni." Danny smiled. "Hey." He put his arms out and a sly smiling Toni walked up to him giving him a hug.

"Look at you—you look terrible." She joked, but part of it was the truth. Danny was thinner then he had been in years, but for all the wrong reasons. "Wasn't sure you were gonna even show? The guys from AP had a bet with Fox news." Danny grumbled a laugh.

"Well, late to the party…"

"Misses all the cake." She smirked

"Man, what's it been like"

"Almost ten years…?"

"Still with the Times." He said as a statement for he wasn't asking.

"You follow my work?" She said simply with a smile of approval.

"Of course." He put his hands in his pockets. "So why are you here? You don't cover this kind of stuff anymore?"

She pulled her camera out and snapped a few shots of Danny, who tried to get away from the flash. Toni gave him a come-on look out of the corner of her mouth.

"Got a little sick of the real jungle so I thought I'd take a try at the fake one." She said with fun sarcasm, holding her camera to her waist and keeping a distance between them now.

"Really?"

"Plus I blew out my knee—in Qumaracts up every once in while—I think I should be good running after a few 60 year old men, thoughplus you know after a while you get tired of being shot at all the time."

"All that true?" Danny smirked and put his hands in his pockets.

"The gunfire part." She paused. "The knee?" She paused and Danny gave her a skeptical look. "Walked into a coffee table." She joked. "But I turned that coffee table into a nice shelf, it's above my mantel now." Danny laughed.

"I didn't think you'd be the one to take "wedding photos"I think that was your words."

"I said that once. There's beauty in the face of humanity." She clicked her camera again and Danny moved his head. "Hey. Why do you do that?"

"What?"

"Don't do that." She took his eyes. "Don't hide."

"I'm not hiding. Come on, let's get some coffee." Danny waved with his hand and she followed.

"Okay." She smiled and Danny walked ahead. "Hey Danny." Danny took turned his head and Toni snapped a picture. "Got ya." And she walked off like a giddy child.

Danny and Toni walked away from the local coffee spot, already overrun with people, after Danny had deposited his snacks and such in his car. It was cold and the warm drink made their breath blend with the steam from the cup. The place was bustling with activity as they past people while they walked.

* * *

"You should come work in DC." Danny asked as they walked.

"Listen, DC Post. I have my own town." She loved to pester. "You always think you answer is the right answer, don't you?"

"Hey, we shared it for a time….

"Yes, and it was a long time—I don't follow reporters around anymore—I have my own beat. Plus been thinkin' of going freelance anyway." She took a gulp of her coffee.

"You should."

"Yeah, damn right I should." She joked, but really meant it.

"And I'm a reporter by the way of course I always think my answer is the right one."

"Stubborn."

"Hey."

"Whatever."

"So what we got—" Danny looked at his watch. "An hour before anything really gets underway—what's the good place to eat here now—?" Danny looked around.

"Well, we could go to the local diner, but that's been taken over by CNN." Danny nodded as he saw she was going on another tangent.

"There's the local watering hole—"

"Is that a euphemism or the name of the place?"

"Both."

"I see." Danny took a gulp of his drink.

"The thing of course about the local watering hole is _Hardball_ is broadcasting from there today—"

"Ohhh." Danny knew that wasn't the best idea.

"Yes, so that's out. The microbrewery down the street is closing its doors for Fox News—but I think we can grab a Danish from Starbucks before Google and the Today Show take it over. " She smiled at Danny and took a drink of her coffee.

"Any of that true?"

"I'm sorry to say about 99 percent of it." She smiled. "Ohh—muffins!" A vender distracted Toni with what looked like free muffins grabbing one as he passed. "Look CNN." She said showing Danny the imposed CNN letters on the muffin. Danny just looked her. "What? You wanted one?" She said using her free arm to take a piece of blueberry from her upper lip. "I would have gotten you one…but I only have one hand." She showed him her hands occupied with the coffee in one and the muffin in the other.

They walked for a stretch as Toni took a bite of her muffin and at first she didn't notice that they stopped she lost Danny's attention.

Toni's eyes darted to catch Danny stopping to check out a television set in a window. It was showing a White House press conference. Still shocked to see anyone, but CJ at the podium Danny was caught for a moment; almost stalled. It was all too stranger than fiction to think of. Not just because it wasn't CJ, and not just because if was Toby or the new one Annabeth. He no longer had the chance to see CJ everyday and it had affected him. Danny wasn't even sure how much yet.

Toni smiled and walked up to Danny. "Danny?"

"Yeah." Danny turned his head toward Toni and they started walking again. They walked in silence for a moment as Toni smiled slyly and threw the remains of her CNN muffin into the trash. Danny shot ahead a few steps off in his own world. Toni ran a few steps to catch up with him, taking a final look back toward the storefront of televisions and then back to Danny.

"So, is it true?" She asked licking her final finger of muffin residue.

"Is what true?" He took a sip of his coffee and felt the heat from the cup in his palms.

"You've been late to post 'cause you trying to get over some girl?" Her eyes glowed with a sisterly taunting. Danny looked at Toni not knowing what to say. "Come on, it's me?"

"I really don't have to answer that—."

"Oh, I think you just did." She laughed. Danny didn't find the humor. "

"I think we need to get you someone." A blond woman passed. "How about her?" She looked back at the woman and then at Danny. "Nayy—not your type."

"I don't have a type." He said trying to avoid the topic.

"You have a type."

"I don't have a type." He retorted to no tort what so ever. Toni ignored him and took Danny's wrist

"What time is it?" She looked at his watch. "Ohhgot a photo op." She let go of his arm. "Where you stayin'?"

"Sheraton."

"Me too." She ran off. "See ya tonight." She yelled as she ran. Danny smirked and turned off to his left to cross the street. "Danny!" Toni yelled back and Danny turned toward her to get a photoflash in his face. Danny didn't look too happy as the flash echoed into his retinas.

She emerged from behind the lens, smiling, and ran off devilishly.

"Bye Danny Concannon." She laughed and ran off for good.

Danny watched her walk away and he felt the fatigue setting in again. No time for that he had to move pass it. His body hurt.

* * *

"Well look again—Daniel Concannon, Washington Post—I know it's there." Danny adjusted his overnight bag on his shoulder and set down his laptop carry-on next to his feet with a small thud. The man behind the hotel front desk looked just as annoyed as Danny did.

"I'm sorry, sir—oh, wait, I see—the room was for yesterday—"

"Yes, I was stuck on the road I—" Danny was frustrated and his patients was worn.

"What's going on?" Toni approached and leaned on the corner with her elbow. "What happen to your leg?"

"They lost my reservation." He gritted his teeth at the older man behind the counter.

"It was for yesterday, sir."

"And there's nothing else?" Danny asked as if he had already asked before.

"Mr. Concannon, every reporter in the country is staying —the whole town is booked—

"Yeah, Yeah—I know."

"May I suggest Connecticut—or Vermont?" Danny held it all in, so as not to attack the man, and spoke in a fake niceness.

"Thank you." He said with gritted teeth. The man walked away. "For nothin'." Danny didn't want to stay another night sleeping in his car.

"You need a room? Stay with me—I don't mind." She leaned her back against the edge of the front desk and placed a roll of film in the front pocket of her jacket.

"You sure?"

"I'll be developing film most of night—I don't mind."

"Okay." Danny said after a moment.

Later that night Danny walked into the bar and was taken over by the sounds and the loudness of the crowd. It had been a long time since he'd been at camp. For that was just what these things felt like: Summer camp in the winter. And now that all the action was over, everyone could relax.

Danny looked up toward the bar filled with familiar faces, all hooting and the hollering, to see another familiar face: Toni dancing on the top of the bar dressed in just her jeans and a tank top that said the words NYPD on it. Danny smiled, almost embarrassed for his friend and at the fun she was having. Danny approached the bar.

"Hey there, Danny Concannon." She yelled to him below.

"What are you doing!" Danny yelled through the crowd.

"Having fun! You should try it!"

"I have fun."

"You use to—look at you—your different—what's up with you—you been no fun since you got here. Live some life Danny—don't be such a stick in the mud."

"What have you been drinking?" He leaned into the bar and yelled so she could hear.

"Whoaa!" She yelled and the crowd yelled back. "Nothing!" She yelled to Danny." I don't do that anymore. Can't someone have fun with out drinking?"

Danny turned to the bartender, "How much has she had?"

"About three diet cokes." The bartender spoke and walked away.

"See!" She stuck her tongue out at him. "Shouldn't you be at the debate site, you shouldn't leave the seven dwarfs?"

"I ran into Dubin outside—he said you needed some help in here."

"I'm fine." A man from the bar lifted his hand to grab Toni and she pulled away.

"Hey, watch it!" she yelled.

"Hey, what are you doin?" Danny grabbed the guy's wrist with great force.

"Listen buddy, I'm havin' a good time." The man, who Danny didn't recognize, responded back and broke from Danny's grip.

"I can handle this Danny!" She shot to Danny in her sugar high.

"I think she doesn't want to be touched." Danny said defending his friend. "He shouldn't just grab you like that, Toni."

"Well, then why is she dancing on the table?" The man got in Danny's face.

"Hey! I can do what I want here!" Toni yelled. "And it's a bar, Jackass! I'm dancing on a bar! Not a tabletop! It's a bar! Jeez!"

The man didn't seem too happy about Toni calling him a jackass.

"Take it off!" Someone yelled from the back.

"Hey—" Toni said offended while trying to discover the owner of the comment.

"That's it." Danny grabbed her arm and flung her over his shoulder. Always a protective friend, Danny took Toni out of the bar. Toni just laughed, grabbing her camera off the stool as she passed.

* * *

Toni stopped the dripping of the water into the bathroom sink as her half developed pictures swam around in the amber light.

Danny sat at his computer typing away. Behind him Toni appeared dressed in a long red Japanese robe from her travels. Her hair, out of the braid, fell down her back and shoulders. She looked like another woman almost' feminine and soft. Danny typed, working on his article, but all his thoughts were of CJ. Danny made himself focus back on his work.

"You done?" Toni asked from the bathroom door.

"Almost? You?" He continued typing with his back to her.

"Yeah—just aboutthey came out great—you should see." She motioned toward the bathroom door with her large hairbrush.

"Sure. In a minute." Danny looked at his notes and back at the computer screen.

"Why aren't you at that thing." She motioned toward the TV with her brush.

"No room at the Inn."

"I get the reference I don't get the reason."

"I got here too late." He paused for a moment from the keys "When they moved the venue they lost space. No room at the Inn. I got here to late." He stared typing again." Nothing I don't see from here. I can get more done anyway, no distractions." Danny tried to hold in his frustration, but he wasn't doing such a great job.

"Thanks by the way." Toni spoke softly.

"For what?" Danny didn't look at her as listened to the debate on TV and typed at the same time.

"In the bar, I know I didn't act like it—but you know me and sugar and caffeine." She joked. "You always were good at that?"

"What?"

Danny continued typing as he heard Toni throw her brush on the bed with a clank.

"Being a good man." She spoke softly. He heard footsteps and soon felt Toni's body against his back, her hair along his face and beard. She started to kiss his neck and run her fingers down the collar of his shirt.

"Toni." Danny pulled away, turning his body as he took her wrist, stopping her from starting to unbutton his shirt.

"It's not like we haven't done it before." She cocked her head down at him.

"I know—" He looked at her confused.

"Are you seeing someone?"

"No, I—" He paused frustrated to get an answer out he agreed with. "I mean I….I just don't….I'm not with anyone—I just don't…right now." He let go of her wrist and looked away.

"Sounds like there's someone else to me, Danny—what's wrong?" She was concerned for her friend as he turned and she looked into his eyes.

"My…..my heart's with someone else. It wouldn't be you. " His eyes filled with emotion.

"I'm not talking about romance and love here, Danny." She said with hard sarcasm. "You know me better than that. " She paused. "I just don't feel like being alone tonight. Let's have fun. Nothing more. I'm not like that, Danny. And I know you and I can really have some fun—like old times." Danny didn't answer.

"I just…." Danny looked away again feeling like a child.

"Aren't you lonely on the road there, Kerouac?" she said, knowing the life of the road herself. All travelers, like Toni, get lonely.

Danny looked at her and his eyes filled with emotion again. It was the first time he had really let himself think about it.

"Yes." He said through suppressed emotion. Danny was lonely for only one woman; CJ.

"Then come on—I know you're Mr. Romance and flowers, but that's just not me. I'm too old for that crap… " She motioned toward the bed and Danny didn't move. "I'm talkin' about two mature adults—Nothing more—nothing less?"

"I'm just…" He couldn't say it and Toni knew when to stop.

"Okay…" She backed off. "Okay." She kissed him on the hand and then squeezed it as she started to walk away. Danny squeezed back. Toni slowly slipped her hand from Danny's grip till she seemed to disappear from him.

Danny wanted to say he was sorry, but didn't know what to say sorry for.

He continued typing and saw in the shadow of his screen, Toni's figure getting dressed behind him. Danny coughed and looked away trying not to notice and adjusted his screen from her image. His heart was so trained by now all he could think of was CJ again. The image of a beautiful woman who was asking for him, wanting him, and like always, all he could think of was CJ; and how much he wanted her in his room tonight. Her hair and her smile, her figure, and the way her skin felt against his.

He looked down at the picture on the front page of the Post: President Bartlet with CJ Cregg standing behind him. Danny's passion and despair turned to anger at himself. Anger at himself for loving CJ so much and anger and despair that she may not love him back. He was lonely and loneliness is the most dangerous and painful plight of man.

His body and mind ached from lack of sleep making his emotions and anxiety heighten. Danny had finally reached his edge.

Having been absent from the touch of a woman, he cried in his heart for CJ and it was breaking him apart. And much like a future Press Secretary and a soon-to-be Vice President years before, Danny too needed someone to mask his loneliness with, someone to help him feel something other than his sadness. He needed a void filled.

Danny pushed aside the paper and stood up making a beeline to Toni. She sat on the bed brushing her hair and was startled as Danny took her attention and kissed her hard. His hand swept her hair away from her face and their eyes saw each other. They tumbled onto the bed, but while Toni saw Danny, Danny only saw CJ. They fell to the bed not able to strip fast enough, Toni quicker than Danny since she was 90 percent there already, but Danny was watching CJ, not her. And when they made love he was making love to CJ. Always CJ.

_What ravages of spirit  
conjured this temptuous rage  
created you a monster  
broken by the rules of love  
and fate has lead you through it  
you do what you have to do  
and fate has led you through it  
you do what you have to do ..._

_**Do What I have to do—Sarah Mclachlan**_

It wasn't the first time Danny had been with a woman casually, but it was the first time he'd imagined CJ. And after it was all over he couldn't find a way to make the guilt leave him. But after all, this was all Toni and Danny ever had and it was a mature relationship if a relationship was what they could even call it. They were friends, ex-colleagues and were now filling the void, as all travelers' need and want. The closeness of a human being: a primal need; a primary need. Only for Danny it was much more. It was always much more.

Danny had tried dating on and off from the cajoling of others. He had even tried his hands at a relationship with a co-worker, but he still never pictured CJ in his head. He had tried a relationship, but in the end it was just a try, for eventually he began to realize that although he never saw CJ in his bed, she was in fact always the third person in all his relationships. With that realization he ended the brief affair for her sake, he told himself. It was only fair to the girl. Still, it wasn't like what he had with Toni. Toni knew what she was getting into.

_And I have the sense to recognize that  
I don't know how to let you go  
every moment marked  
with apparitions of your soul  
I'm ever swiftly moving  
trying to escape this desire  
the yearning to be near you  
I do what I have to do  
the yearning to be near you  
I do what I have to do  
but I have the sense to recognize.._

Later that night Toni stood in the bathroom, her makeshift darkroom, pining her photos to a clothesline above the bathtub already filled with pictures waiting to be developed. A red light shined all over the room making Danny, Toni, and the whole room look a sharp shade of crimson.

Danny ran his arms around Toni's waist, as she gave no reaction. She reached up and clipped the photo in her hand and returned her attention to another photo in the tub. He ran his hands over her breasts and she gave no reaction as Danny felt CJ. He kissed her shoulder and kissed CJ. Wading in the water, developing close to its final product was a picture of CJ. Danny never saw the picture. But when he closed his eyes he saw CJ.

T_hat I don't know how  
to let you go  
I don't know how  
to let you go _

a glowing ember  
burning hot  
burning slow  
deep within I'm shaken by the violence  
of existing for only you

Danny stood at the edge of the bed in his undershirt and sweats. He looked behind him to see Toni lying peacefully on the other side of the bed. She looked still and beautiful, but she wasn't CJ. Danny took a step up and walked toward the window, setting the drapes aside. He looked out the window at the sun beginning to rise. He still felt lonely. Perhaps more lonely than he had before. Sometimes you have to hit rock bottom to get yourself up again.

"Hey?" CJ called from the bed behind him.

"Hey." Danny said peacefully.

"Come back to bed." She beckoned without moving her head from the mattress.

Danny just looked at her not saying anything. He knew she wasn't there. He knew it was a just a dream and he knew he couldn't do this anymore.

Danny sat himself in the chair next to the window. He didn't know if he could bear the pain for another year. It would be twelve more months until he could even have some type of answer from CJ. Would he make it? He didn't know, but he either had to get CJ out of his mind or really wait for her. He only wanted one answer.

Danny took a walk into the bathroom and hit the red light, looking at Toni's pictures hanging on the clothesline. His eyes caught a picture of himself from the day before and he fixated on it, looking closer and closer until the picture was blurry. He just couldn't believe that was he looking back at himself. That worn man in the picture couldn't be him – how could that be him? Something in him had to change.

_I know I can't be with you  
I do what I have to do  
I know I can't be with you  
I do what I have to do  
and I have sense to recognize but  
I don't know how to let you go  
I don't know how to let you go  
I don't know how to let you go_

Danny and Toni made their goodbyes the next morning. Toni checked out of the hotel. Danny talked with his editor and then Toni met him by his car. She said she had something for him.

"I got this for you." She handed him a large manila envelope.

"What is it?" He took it and looked at it.

"You'll see." He started to open it. "No—open it in the car—It's a goodbye present."

"I'll see ya soon, Toni."

"No, you won't." She said knowing how much traveling they each did.

"True. Probably not." He felt bad saying it but he knew she was right.

"And I hope things work out with that girl of yours."

"There's no girl." He protested.

"Woman then?"

"There's no woman."

"There's always a woman." She said slyly. "Isn't that the great thing about being on the road?"

"What's that?"

"About the road—the great thing is—that after all that—at the end—there's someone at the end of it when you get home." Toni seemed almost angelic for the first time he knew her.

"I suppose." He said believing it and yet not.

"Have patience, Danny Concannon." She smiled and her eyes glowed. "Have patience." She paused again and walked closer to him. "After all, you are very good at what you do. Always have been."

"A good reporter?"

"Oh yeah, that too." She adjusted his collar and started to walk away.

"So, what's in the envelope?" He questioned again as she left him.

"You talk in your sleep, Concannon," She said before turning back again.

"Wait, what?" He tried to say as she turned around one last time and smiled.

"Have fun, Danny." She said with her back to him and a wave of her hand.

"Hey!" He yelled after her. "What do you mean by that."

"Oh, don't worry you just gave away a few government secrets, I think Mrs. Fields' chocolate cookie recipe, and the combination to your gym locker." She started to walk backwards. "Nothing big."

"Toni."

"Got to go Danny Concannon—and so do you." She stopped for a moment and Danny started to open the envelope.

"No, in the car." Danny stopped his action. "Open it in the car. When I'm gone."

"Is all that true?"

"Is all what true?"

"I don't talk in my sleep….?"

"Open the envelope." She sad softly. Danny gave her a question mark look. "I know what you're going through." She said in a softest whisper her face serious for only a second before it reverted back to his hard shell. "Good, luck on your journey." And she walked off.

"Toni!" He yelled after her.

"Just, open the envelope." She yelled back not looking at him. "In the car!" she yelled one more time before turning back around again. "Bye, bye, Danny Concannon of the Washington Post." She said with a smile. "And it has been a pleasure—a great pleasure." She laughed and then she was gone.

Danny stepped back into his car and back to the open road. He set his bag next to him and opened the envelope.

Danny pulled out the picture and shook his head looking at if for a moment and throwing it on the seat next to him. He started the car, the music blared, a Bob Dylan song, and he drove off with CJ's picture sitting beside him.

The phone rang in Danny's ear.

"I'd like to speak to Dr. Abbey Jacob's please." Danny paused as he left New Hampshire behind him.

"Danny?" he heard her voice in the phone.

"I'm ready now." Danny voice was on the brink of losing it all. He held it in. "I'm really ready to take this seriously." He paused. "I need help. I need some kind of help with this."

"Okay." She paused. "Let's begin."


	29. NY State of Mind & Denvor, CO: March

_On The Road With Danny Concannon:_ NY State Of Mind & Denver, CO

"_In a Matter Of Minutes."_

**Episode: **_Drought Conditions_

* * *

_I drink good coffee every morning_  
_ comes from a place that's far away_  
_ And when I'm done I feel like talking_  
_ Without you here there is less to say_

**I Just Don't Think I'll Ever Get Over You**

**By Colin Hay**

* * *

Danny poured himself a coffee in his own kitchen for a change, but it was not for long, his carry-on and laptop waited at the door. He thought back to just a few weeks before in his doctor's sessions.

"So you think you're delusional?" Abby asked Danny.

"No, I know I'm not delusional, I know what I'm seeing—I'm not delusional."

"But you fantasize about her - this other woman- well this woman, since you don't seem to have any other woman—in your life now I mean."

"Yes."

"That's normal Danny, all people"

"I know—it's just…consuming me, that's all."

"And you feel guilty about this woman?"

"Yes." Danny said softly and conflicted.

"The woman you.. substituted."

"I suppose . . ." Danny spoke with gritted teeth. "...you can call...it that."

"You said it was casual, Danny, and she knew it - you weren't taking advantage of her." Danny didn't say any thing. "You feel like you cheated on this woman...on CJ."

"Can we not all her CJ here?"

"I'm sorry?"

"I'd just feel better if we called her Claudia…the woman, this woman, I don't care. Just not here. Not here."

"I told you, Danny, you're not betraying her trust here—you're not—"

"I know, I know. It'd just make me feel better. Make me feel out of it." He paused. "Humor me."

"Okay." She gave him a look. "Claudia—you feel like you've cheated on her…on Claudia - yet from what you've told me she's been in relationships of a much more intimate and exclusive nature. You've made no vow, you have no understanding Danny - just a feeling - just an unspoken bond. You can decide not to do it again—you can take this action and try to change things in your life but you can't look back in regret." She paused. "You have the right to be a hot blooded American male." She paused "Danny, it's your turn."

There was another long pause and Abby seemed to be getting irritated with Danny. "Danny." She called, but he wouldn't look at her. "Danny. Danny! Look at me." Danny looked toward her. "What we need to work on is you. You, now. You can't physically get someone out of your head like an operation—you can move forward with steps like giving up smoking and the next thing you know you don't crave a cigarette anymore you don't have nicotine fits—some place inside of you—you still want a cigarette or a drink…but it won't be as painful if won't be in your forefront. You'll be able to live it. Be able to function with it. And maybe just maybe it will seem like you've forgotten her."

"I don't want to forget her."

"It's your turn, Danny."

"Where would we, I mean for me to forget?" He gritted his teeth.

"You don't have to forget, Danny, you just need to heal." She paused.

"What—where…where would we start?" He paused. "If I wanted this - if we went through with this—not that sayin'…this is what -where would we start?"

"We're gonna work on your being able to think about her and still be able to sleep. We need to work on you being able to confront and not run away—to not feel like you want to jump out of your skin. No matter what I do I can't make you forget her. We're just gonna make you able to move forward, okay, Danny?" Danny didn't respond.

"Okay."

"Start from the beginning."

Danny stood in his empty hotel room remembering his session the day before with his doctor. The small desk light illuminated the room making the light low and centered in one area of the room. His suitcase was opened on the bed, but nothing had been unpacked yet, except his laptop, Danny paced. Another session with Abby popped into his head.

* * *

_I don't want you thinking I'm unhappy  
What is closer to the truth  
That if I lived till I was 102  
I just don't think I'll ever get over you_

* * *

"You think you're getting better?" Abby asked looking at her notes before looking up at Danny sitting on the couch.

"Yeah, I do," he said surprised at himself. "It's not perfect. It's not all the time. It's not in long stretches ya know. But I'm enjoying the little things again. You know. I don't know…?"

"The climate's changing?"

"It's just warm enough to snow." He smiled.

"I'm sorry?"

"Inside joke."

* * *

_I'm no longer moved to drink strong whisky  
'Cause I shook the hand of time and I knew  
That if I lived till I could no longer climb my stairs  
I just don't think I'll ever get over you_

* * *

"You going back on the road, Danny?"

"I never left?"

"Maybe you need a rest."

"I'm fine. I'm getting to fine. I can't stop my life—day by day."

* * *

_Your face it dances and it haunts me  
Your laughter's still ringing in my ears  
I still find pieces of your presence here  
Even after all these years_

* * *

"Danny?" Abby asked. "Danny?"

Danny turned from the window.

"Yeah."

"You sleeping?"

Danny walked away from the window and sat down on the couch. He set his hands on the back of his head and his head between his legs.

"Danny?"

"Yeah?" Danny looked up.

"I said, are you sleeping?"

"Is this keeping me up? No."

"But are you sleeping."

"I've gone days without sleep for a story, wrote the thing,got a Pulitzer on less sleep than this."

"You didn't answer my question?"

"You should be a reporter, you're good at this."

"It is my job."

"Yeah, well same here."

" Asking questions?"

"Yeah."

"Well, I ask more than questions." There was a pause. "I thought you were here to heal, Danny."

"I am. And this last week, I see it—I'm feeling better. I get my actions now, that's half the battle."

"You can't just be better in a few weeks—in a matter of minutes. Danny—it's not as easy as that—"

"I know, I know—I just mean - I just mean I'm aware of my actions now."

"You may be aware of your actions, Danny, but being in denial isn't just about your brain—it's about your body. You can't just work with me for a couple of weeks and expect to be better over night—we both have to work at this. You need to slow down, Danny." She paused. "All the weight of the last year is still weighing on you, Danny, and if you don't stop running yourself into the ground—you're not twenty-two anymore, Danny. Your body can't handle what it used to."

Danny stood from the couch and began to pace. There was a long awkward pause. Abby leaned back in her chair.

"You think I shouldn't go to Arizona?'

"No, Danny, I don't think you should."

Danny looked at her long and hard.

"Well, that's not really your decision to make."

"No, Danny." Abby and Danny caught eyes. "No, it isn't."

* * *

_I've been thinking  
About you and me  
Maybe I was just  
Seeing what I wanted to see_

**Shawn Colvin "In a Matter of Minutes**

* * *

Danny splashed water on his face and walked back into the bedroom of the motel room. He patted his face with a face towel and then threw it back into the bathroom behind him. He looked over at the clock on the dresser and it wasn't as late as he felt. It was pretty late, and with jet lag and so forth all Danny wanted to do was sleep, but he couldn't. With a deadline and with all the coffee inside of him it wasn't like he could fall asleep. It wouldn't have mattered anyway, for in a few hours he had to be on a plane to Arizona for the primaries. This time he'd get there early and with plenty of time. He felt weary and his whole body seemed fatigued, as he paced around the room. His brain was going a mile a minute, but his body seemed to stay just as still and lethargic. His brain was going so fast on only a few hours of sleep Danny wasn't sure if his thoughts were even real as all his emotions, anxieties and emotions, all heightened to the level he thought maybe he was going crazy. Maybe all the stress in his life had finally gotten to him. The room seemed so gray, or was that the color scheme? It was hard to tell. Danny rolled the suspenders off his shoulders and let them fall around his waist. He shook his head and raised his hand to his forehead. He'd take another aspirin, but that hadn't seemed to work the first time. It all seems to happen in a matter of minutes.

_You can call me crazy  
But you know this time I swore  
That I wouldn't run  
But I can't do that anymore_

* * *

CJ found a time to excuse herself from the party and leaned up against a wall in a small hallway near the kitchen. She had a moment to herself while the President talked to Cliff Cally. She took out her cell phone and a Post-it from her purse and began dialing the number on the piece of paper. When it began to ring, she brought the phone to her ear.

_I can't find a way to stay  
And I can't see my way to go  
But I can't give up without a fight._

"Yes, hi—is this the Sheraton? Yes, hello. Did you have a Danny Concannon staying with you—well, this would have been a few days ago yes, no I don't need any personal information, I….yes, yes I understand that. I just needed to know when he checked in, that's all. No, I. . . . Fine. Fine. Can you tell me when he checked out? Yes, yes…" She leaned back getting frustrated. "I need to get Mr. Concannon an important message—yes I'll hold."

* * *

"Yeah, Maisy you can forward the information to the hotel in Arizona. I'll be there tomorrow." Danny brought his head to his hand as he felt the room start to move out from under him. He blinked his eyes and he was gone, but he remembered that feeling. The pit of his stomach felt different and suddenly his head felt heavy. The floor seemed a million miles away as the room looked as if he needed glasses. It was blurry and he took a step trying to regain his balance.

"Danny?" Maisy's voice could be heard on the other side of the phone, but didn't answer, or couldn't. Danny's head felt heavy and he could hardly mutter Maisy's name as his body felt like a led balloon on a roller coaster. Something was wrong. It only took a matter of minutes, but something was wrong. He tried to pull himself up, but nothing could stop his body from crashing.

_I can pack myself up in a matter of minutes,  
Leave you all far behind  
All of my old world and all the things in it are hard to find  
If they ever were mine_

* * *

"He never checked in? But he…yes, noo. Thank you." CJ hung up the phone and brought it to her chest. Something didn't seem right.

* * *

_You've been trying  
And I know it's been hard  
And I'm afraid of  
All this blood in my heart_

Danny's body felt limp as he lost his legs and the ground came closer and closer.

_If there's one thing certain  
It's there ain't nothing for sure  
And I want to run  
But I can't do that anymore_

* * *

CJ took a step and her stomach jerked, causing her phone to fall to the ground.

* * *

Danny's phone fell out of his hand and hit the ground before he did. He lay motionless as his eyelids slowly fell no matter how much he fought it until he was barely conscious.

_I can't meet you half way  
And I can't have it my way  
And I can't give up without a fight_

_I can pack myself up in a matter of minutes,  
Leave you all far behind  
And all of my old world and all the things in it are hard to find  
All of my old world and all the things in it are hard to find  
Like they ever were mine_

"Danny? Danny?" He could hear Maisy's voice, but there was nothing he could do about it.

"Danny? Danny?" He heard the voice, the female voice say again. "Danny, can you hear me?" The female voice asked again. He couldn't make out the voice. "Was it CJ?" he thought for a moment as it faded in and out. "Danny, can you hear me?"

_I could count the good times we had  
On one hand  
All the rest was  
A sort of means to the end_

_Well not it's done  
And I can never  
Go back to where I was before  
And I wanna run..._

Danny's groggy voice spurted as he opened his eyes to see a large bright light. He heard the sound of wheels and noises and people. "Where am I?" he muttered.

"Danny, you're at the hospital. You passed out. Now I need you to stay with me if you can." Danny could feel himself being carried down the hallway on a guerny, but he still was unable to fully absorb his surroundings. "Listen to my voice, Danny." The doctor spoke at a breakneck speed. "You're okay, for now—you just need to answer some of my questions, okay? Are you a diabetic, Danny?"

"He doesn't have an arm bracelet." He heard a young man's voice say, but Danny still couldn't see all that was going on. His eyes didn't want to stay open.

"Danny?" The doctor asked again and Danny shook his head no. Danny went in and out of consciousness, only hearing bits of what the people where saying. He felt his eyes being opened and a light shone in them. Slowly he drifted back out of consciousness.

_I can get myself clean in a matter of minutes  
And get it wrong every time  
All of my whole world and all the things in it are hard to, hard to find  
Everything change in a matter of minutes  
And nothing was saved in time  
All of my old world and all the things in it are hard to find  
But they never  
never  
never  
were mine_

**Shawn Colvin "In a Matter of Minutes**

_To be continued…._


	30. Denvor, CO: March

**On The Road With Danny Concannon:**

_Climate Changes_

**Episode:** A Good Day

* * *

The first thing Danny heard was the television. What the sound was he wasn't sure, he just heard something -- something that was waking him up and he could see through his eyes lids that the room was brightly lit and that it must be dark outside. He opened his eyes to be sure and he was indeed right. He grumbled and saw the figure of someone, but heard a voice before he could get a visual confirmation of the person.

"Well, it looks like someone's finally awake."

"Awake?" he said in a groggy blur.

"I'll go get the doctor." The voice trailed off.

"How long was I out?" Danny's eyes adjusted to the light.

"Look who's finally awake." A woman who seemed to be the doctor appeared at the doorway and walked in toward Danny's chart at the end of the bed.

"Finally?"

"You've been sleeping for twenty-four hours—we weren't sure you were gonna wake-up."

"I was in..?"

"A coma? No.…sorry. I have to keep telling myself not to make those kind of jokes in a hospital. It was a joke, by the way. Sorry." She circled toward Danny and took his wrist and took his heart rate.

"What happened?"

"From what the paramedics told me you were in your hotel room and you passed out."

"How?"

"How did you pass out? I think you might have to tell me. But I think it was the lack of sleep, food, and total lack of all fluids—not including Guinness."

"I'm more of a whiskey and corona kinda of a guy." He joked. The doctor made a note on her sheet. "It was a joke."

"This isn't." She looked down from him from under glasses. "Your health isn't a joke." She smiled. "Not unless your health happens to be crossing the road to get to the other side."

"You're funny, you should do stand up." He said still in his groggy state. Danny winced as a penlight was thrown in his eyes. "I do three nights a week next to the Caesar salad bar." She motioned with her hand for him to look her way "Open your eyes." Danny moved his head toward her and she checked out his pupils. "See..." She said when she was done. "Didn't hurt at all." Next she took her stethoscope and placed it on his chest and next his back while she had him take in a few deep breathes. The doctor said nothing and there was a long silence as she left Danny's side and made more notes.

"So…" Danny grumbled. "How am I doing?"

"How are you feeling?"

"Okay…..a little groggy…a little disorientated as to where I am." He looked around.

"You'll be fine."

"That's your diagnosis."

"EKG was normal—no sign of head injury—if you don't count the fact that the only life sustaining thing you remembered to ingest into your body was oxygen. We started you on an IV drip."

"In laymen's terms."

"You're not having a very good day, Mr. Concannon." Danny noticed his arm. "You needed fluids.

"I needed to be in California by tomorrow."

"Looks to me your day just got worse, Mr. Concannon."

"Danny, please"

"You're suffering from exhaustion, Mr. Concannon. I wouldn't be traveling anytime soon. When's the last time you had a good night's sleep?"

"Counting just now?" he said, still feeling groggy. "I don't remember."

"Not surprising." She placed his chart on the edge of his bed. "Nothing to worry about, but, I'm going to recommend you stay over night for observation and if all's good you're free to go in the morning."

"I guess I won't get you to call me Danny, huh? Mr. Concannon sounds like my dad."

"Danny." She smiled. "I'll call you whatever you want, if you promise when you get out of here to get some sleep and take it easy."

"If I take it easy, I get out in time for Florida."

"You mean California."

"Yeah, that too."

"We'll see." She walked toward the door.

"I know your work, by the way." She paused. "You do good work. I understand why you're so anxious to get back out there. Truthfully, I can't really keep them from releasing you tomorrow. At most, I can keep you a few more days if I—I don't know -- find a problem with your EKG."

"You just said it was fine."

"Funny, how you're not a doctor, isn't it." She smirked and paused. "It's nice having an advantage, right?" She smiled at him. "Get some sleep. I may have to send a nurse in every few minutes to take some blood and so forth."

"So, really I'm not going to get any more sleep, am I?"

"I told you you were having a bad day." She smiled. "I'll be sure the nurse checks your room last." She looked back at Danny one more time. "Do you want me to call anyone for you? Let someone know where you are? Anyone I should call for you?"

Danny paused for a moment, his eyes still heavy, in some sort of state of sleepiness and restfulness. For the first time in a long time he felt helpless as to the direction of his own life.

"No." He said softly. "There's no one to call."

"Okay." She said with a half sweet smile for him.

Danny laid his head back down on the pillow. For the first time, Danny couldn't move forward, he couldn't move back, he had to stay still. The room was quiet and dark. It felt cold without the temperature dropping and it felt lonely without the room actually missing anything. He felt stuck. Now what was he suppose to do.

Danny ran his hand over his face and turned his head toward the bedside table, noticing his cell phone sitting on the top of table. Danny suddenly started laughing at himself -- something he was able to do more of lately. He let the laugh die out and he looked straight up at the ceiling, alone in his bed, alone in his room.

Suddenly Danny heard his phone vibrate and turned his head to see the light on the display shining in his face. He grumbled and moved his body toward the phone, looking directly at the display and the name on it. He paused for a moment, unsure if he should answer it, but the hesitation didn't take a moment more as he took the phone to his ear.

"CJ?" Danny asked with a small smirk on his face, still unsure if he was in a dream or if he was awake.

"Are you alright?"

"Am I alright?"

"Are you alright?"

"I got that." He grumbled. "Did Maisy call you?"

"Maisy?"

"My assistant?"

"Oh…No, no." She paused. "Did I wake you?"

"Wake me…ahhh." Danny looked around for what to say.

"You sound groggy?" She paused. "Did I wake you?"

"Wake me?" He paused, realizing she had no idea what was going on. "Let's just say I've had enough sleep for a long time."

"Where are you?"

"Where am I? Is the White House keeping tabs on reporters now?"

"No--"

"If so I'd like a nick name that doesn't involve fowl of any sort--."

"No, I was just—you hadn't posted in a while."

"I posted last week."

"But before that—and you weren't showing up at the usual places."

"Usual places?"

"Usual places." She paused briefly. "Where are you?"

"That's for me to know and you to find out—or is that the other way around." He mumbled.

"Danny?"

"What, I can't be funny anymore? I'm funny. You crack jokes in your job."

"Are we all of sudden talking in riddles?"

"I can tell you're perplexed by me. It's something found often in women---once they get to know me."

"You're just having a gay old time there aren't you."

"A time yes. I wouldn't call it a gay old time or there'd be no reason for our banter, here."

"Yes, well." She smiled.

"You're smiling I can tell."

"Really." She smiled.

"You're doing it again."

"I just got concerned Danny, but I can see---"

"No need, really---"

"You haven't been covering the primaries like you usually do and---"

"Thank you."

"What?"

"Thank you," he said softly.

"Oh---yeah---I just…. You're welcome."

"Don't worry about me, CJ. I'm fine." He said sweetly. "Really, don't be concerned."

"Something just didn't….you're fine?"

"Yes."

"What happened? The work get the better of you?"

"I'm sorry."

"Getting a little too long in the tooth."

"Long in the tooth?"

"Too high in the saddle."

"I got what you meant---but I don't think that one is what you're going for."

"It's not?"

"Take my word for it."

"I guess you're right."

"The answer is…." Danny paused.

"Danny? What answer?"

"You're question?"

"Which one."

"All of them."

"Well, that's great?" She paused very confused. "But you didn't give me anything that would be described as an answer."

"No?"

"Yeah, you just………….paused."

"What was the question?" Danny ran his hand over his face.

"What's going on with you?"

"Sorry, I got jet-lag, you know how I get when I'm tired."

"Prolific." CJ smiled. So did Danny.

"Funny, very funny."

"I try."

"So, are you gonna tell me?"

"Tell you what?"

CJ began to laugh, "My question."

"Which was again?"

"Are we going to keep going in circles like this?"

"Perhaps. . . . . CJ, I don't have to give a reason why I'm not covering all the primaries---there are other stories out there I may be working on."

"Other stories?"

"Sure."

"In an election year?"

"It's been known to happen."

"I think you'd rather eat nails."

"I'm told I need the Iron."

"Danny."

"Yeah."

"It's been a long time since we talked." CJ became serious.

"Yes, it has."

All of a sudden there was some kind of noise in the background.

"Danny,"

"Yeah…"

"Listen," she said softly. "I have to get going."

"Yeah."

"Danny." She urged so he wouldn't get off the phone. "I have to get going now, but I was hoping---I mean I know—I know I may be the last person you want to talk to—I mean.. What do I mean?" She paused. "I just understand if you need to be away from me right now---I understand this---the lack of…. but if it's okay—maybe at a better time—I can call you again?"

There was a short pause.

"Yes," he said.

"Josh says the campaign is hard, like staying up for forty-eight hours a day, working toward that finish line can make…."

"Livin' on adrenaline and caffeine..." He said with nostalgia.

"I think sometimes I can't even remember what it's like."

"Days go from good to bad in a matter of seconds."

"So really my life hasn't changed."

"How've things been for you Danny?"

"You have your good days and your bad days."

"What's it like today?"

"Today?" He paused. "Today was a good day."

"You going to Flordia?"

"Depends on how this story goes." He paused. "No hints."

"Good-bye, Danny." She smiled and closed her phone.

"Good night, CJ." He said softly after she was gone.

He leaned back and fell back asleep as he mumbled a few words.

"Yeah…this is a good day."


	31. Not California & Not Flordia: March

**On The Road With Danny Concannon:** Not in California & Not in Florida.

Fear & Loathing Near the Campaign Trail '05

**Episode**: La Palaba & Ninety Miles Away

* * *

_Oh, take your time, don't live too fast  
Troubles will come and they will pass  
Go find a woman and you'll find love  
And don't forget, son, there is someone up above_

_And be a simple kind of man  
Oh, be something you love and understand  
Baby, be a simple kind of man  
Oh, won't you do this for me, son, if you can_

**—Simple Man Lynyrd Skynrd**

* * *

Danny stood at the small train stop in the middle of nowhere, in the middle of his life and in the middle of being in his own world. He felt calm for the first time, tired, but calm. For the first time in a long time, for the first time in his life, Danny wasn't rushing to get anywhere. He wasn't rushing to the next stop, moving forward toward the next story or pushing himself toward the brink; Danny was just going along for the ride.

The train pulled into the stop. The sound of the train breaks cut through the just about sunset sky. Danny stood in front of the door as the conductor stepped off one of the Amtrak steps and yelled something about the stop Danny didn't quite hear. Danny looked down at his wrist and noticed he was wearing his hospital armband. He took out his key ring and with a slip of his pocketknife cut the band.

Danny stepped onto the train just as it lifted its breaks and started in an easterly direction.

* * *

Danny sat down in a seat near the window. He would only be on the train for a day before he changed to another train and got a cabin car. Danny watched the outdoors roll past like a massage for his eyes. He hadn't been on a train since one of his trips to Europe last year, but the doctor in the hospital had asked him:

"Find a way to travel back home that relaxes you. Do something that takes your mind off work."

Danny watched the window filled with yellows and pale greens as they whizzed past faster and faster until it looked more like a Seurat painting done by Van Gogh and it slowly rocked him to sleep.

* * *

Danny slowly felt his body waking up and that taste in his mouth was a familiar one. He opened his eyes for a moment forgetting where he was as he soon figured out what had awoke him was the vibrating of his phone from the inside his pocket. Danny looked at the display and answered it with a grumble.

"Yeah."

"So, I'm watching _All The President's Men_?" sang Maisy's voice over the receiver.

"I'm sorry?"

"I'm watching the movie _All The President's Men_—the movie."

"You're calling me 'cause you're watching All The President's men?" He ran his hand over his face and beard as he slowly woke up.

"Did I wake you?"

"Yes." He stressed in his nasal tones. "Cause it's not like I need it."

"Sorry—so anyway, I'm watching the movie—I really like it."

'That's great." Danny's voice was still groggy.

"So, let me get this straight---Robert Redford is playing Mr. Woodward—"

"Yeah."

"And Dustin Hoffman is playing Mr. Bernstein."

"Yeah."

"It's a good movie."

"Is that why you called?"

"No, I wanted to see how you were doing?"

"I'm fine Maisy—stop asking."

"Marshall put that new guy on California. He still says you can do Florida if you want?"

"Yeah, we talked. I got it covered."

"You going to Florida?"

"We'll see."

"So where are you?

"I'm on my way home."

"What do I tell people?"

"You tell them I'm not in—that's it."

"Danny."

"Maisy."

"Fine. Looks like I have nothing to do."

"Bye, Maisy."

Danny tried to go back to sleep, by leaning his head against the window when he felt his phone again. Danny looked at the display and answered the phone, knowing full well who it was.

"Yesss." He said with a laugh in his voice.

"So Robert Redford was Mr. Woodward?

"Yeah"

"And Dustin Hoffman was Mr. Bernstein?"

"Didn't it say?"

"So who would be you in the movie?

"There's goin' to be a movie?"

"There's always a movie."

"I see, I always---"

"I think I like that girl from the Gilmore girls---you watch the Gilmore Girls?"

"Unlike you, I have no time for television."

"Or Sandra Oh although not age appropriate or Marsha Gay Harden."

"Marsha Gay Harden—she doesn't even look like you?"

"But I like Marsha Gay Harden—So who do you think for you? Come on?"

"I really don't know."

"For CJ I was thinking—

"CJ's in this movie?"

"If it involves you she's always around—"

Danny nodded his sleepy head as if to say "Well, can't get around that."

"---kind of like she's the star and you're the guest star—whenever you're around she is---and not the other way around."

"Maisy---"

"So right now my choices are Sigourney Weaver and Joan Allen, 'cause of the height thing."

"I got that."

"Have you seen _The Upside of Anger_, Joan Allen is so good. It's making me lean more toward her. For you I'm really stuck---maybe Redford---but he'd have to dye his hair, Or ohhh—ohh that guy from that show—Anthony Lapaglia. His American accents are amazing. I really bet he could do you so well."

"Maisy, do you have any free time to work for me?"

"If I had more to do, entertainment wouldn't be such a main part of my life. Ohh speaking of entertaining facts, I read somewhere that Utah is the best place to go to die—isn't that the funniest thing to print in the paper?"

"Maisy, Maisy." He tried to get her attention and she finally stopped.

"Yeah?"

"Can you do me a favor?"

"Sure?"

Danny cleared his throat before speaking.

"Go to Utah." Danny hung up his phone and laughed at himself, but before Danny could even put the phone back in his bag, it rang again.

"Maisy, please." He laughed.

"I just want to be sure you're okay."

"You're calling to see if I'm okay?"

"Yes."

"Again?"

"Yes. I just---"

"Okay ---the fact that I collapsed from exhaustion, which by the way is lack of sleep, _and _your cure for that is to keep calling me and keeping me from sleeping---"

"Ohh, ohh sorry. Sorry. I'm going. Sorry." She hung up and Danny couldn't help but laugh. The phone rang again and Danny reached for the phone and looked at the display. He chose not to answer it and turned his phone on silent. The screen display lit as it blinked and silently "rang."

* * *

Two weeks before

Danny's phone sat on his night stand as he stood before his hospital bed buttoning his shirt and getting himself ready to finally leave the hospital. The light on his phone flashed and Danny happened to catch it out of the corner of his eye.

"Hey." Danny answered and held the phone between his ear and his shoulder as he buttoned the cuff on his sleeves.

"You in California?" CJ sounded as if she was doing something else at the same time.

"Ohh…" Danny looked over at the television behind him and the primaries coverage.  
"Yeah…taking some down time what's up?"

"Nothing….I just..."

"Checking up on me."

"Noooo. I just. There's a rumor…..were you in the hospital?"

"Me….no." Danny finished his other cuff and was now free to take the phone from his ear. "Who told you that?"

"I don't know…I just heard it somewhere…"

"On the grapevine?" Danny took his over night bag and threw it on his shoulder.

"Something like that."

"I didn't see you in the Post today."

"You are keeping tabs on me."

"I just…"

"I'm touched… I am." He took his jacket and placed it over his arm.

"I said I'd call…"

"And here you did." Danny said goodbye to one of the nurses and walked out of the room.

"You make this so difficult."

"I didn't ask you to call me—I didn't ask you to ask me what I'm writing about—which I think is really the true reason for your call—and has nothing to do with my scintillating conversation skills. I've said it once and I'll say it again—I have marvelous conversational skills."

"Danny." Danny heard his name.

"Hold on." Danny said into the phone and placed his hand over the receiver. "Yeah." He spoke to a woman behind him.

"I just need you to sign some papers." The nurse said in a sweet voice.

"Yeah sure." Danny placed his phone on the corner and smiled at the woman behind the counter. She smiled back while Danny quickly looked over the papers and signed his name to the bottom. "Here ya go." He handed them back. "Thanks."

"I still get off in an hour if you want to reconsider that drink—"

"You know if this was another life I might. But thank you. Really. You do an old man's ego good."

"I don't think you're old." She leaned in and whispered. Danny smiled and raised his eyebrows, grabbed the phone and waved goodbye. He was feeling good.

"You can't keep me on hold." CJ said as Danny returned to the phone.

"Sorry, I had to sign out."

"Sign out?"

"Ahhh..." Danny looked around as if he was looking for an answer. "Of the hotel—I had to sign out of the hotel."

"You're leaving?"

"Santos won."

"That's a story."

"Yes, it is." He said smiling.

"Danny?" There was a small silence as Danny walked out the doors of the hospital into the cool outside air. "Danny?"

"Yeah." Danny set his bag on the ground and looked around for his cab.

"I just figured you'd be shadowing Josh on this one—" She said with a questioning laugh.

"Let's just say I have more important things on my mind." Danny stared at his train ticket.

* * *

Back in the present, Danny walked into the train terminal and dropped his bag next to him with a huff. Maybe this trip wasn't as relaxing as he thought. Not a moment later Danny saw the next trains settle in, or maybe had he just closed his eyes for a moment. He looked at his phone to see what the time was. Funny thing was he saw what time it was, but realized he had no idea what time it had been before, therefore having no inkling as to the passage of time. Maybe this meant he was really relaxing. Danny reached his hand, with his phone, into his pocket, when the phone started to ring and he pulled the phone back toward his eyes. She was calling again. Danny stood up as the train going in the opposite direction grated on the tracks and rang its bell. It reminded him of where he had been only a week or so ago.

* * *

A WEEK AND A HALF AGO

Danny sat himself down in his own little cabin on the train. He was on his final leg toward home. He took off his sunglasses and took a look out the window, watching the sun hit the greens and yellows of the grass and houses outside the window. His phone rang and Danny smiled as he picked it up.

"We have to stop meeting like this." Danny joked while he squinted to see a little more out the window before throwing his glasses back over his eyes.

"You're not in the Post today, I looked."

"Today, tomorrow—whatever." He threw himself back-first onto the seat.

"You said you were still posting."

"I'm taking a rest."

"A rest?"

"A rest—leaving things up to the young folks."

"You're not old... if you're old I'm….."

"See, you see that---that right there….I'm not gonna touch it—not with a ten foot pole."

"Anything else?"

"Ahh… you called me."

"Right, right."

"Why are you _calling_ me?"

"You're bugging me."

"I am not." He laughed.

"You are and I'm calling you to tell you to stop bugging me."

"Okay?" Danny let out a small laugh and ran his hand over his beard. "You're calling me to tell me to stop bugging you—on the phone I assume—but you're the one calling me?"

"Yes, well, yes….." She paused. "I just thought…..never mind."

"I thought this was us reconnecting—"

"Yeahhhh." She whined.

"With you and me I guess it's not so easy…" He let out a breath.

"I don't want us to lose touch, I don't."

"But, you don't have time for me."

"You have to make everything so harsh."

"But, you don't have time."

"No. No. I don't." She let out. "I want to. I just."

"You're the one calling me."

"I can't sleep."

"You can't sleep?"

"Yeah…"

"You're calling me."

"It would seem so."

"Another conundrum."

"Ohhh, someone's been studying big words."

"Well, you know. I try to learn at least one new word a week."

"Yeah…. I saw in last week's edition you actually used the word 'forage' in a sentence."

"You caught me on a good day." He paused. "Yesterday I actually used 'conjecture' in a sentence. It was a good day—prime really. I'm thinking of trying to see if I can use 'harmonious' tomorrow, maybe shoot for an adverb or two—play a good game a mad-libs, see if I can constructively use a homonym and a simile in a single sentence. I've got a few ideas in the hopper."

"I see you've learned a lot ---_whom ever_ did you learn this from."

"Ahhh, nice…I see I'm not the only one's who's learned something… but if you think I learned a lot 'cause I know what an adverb is—you must not be using those masters degrees to the best of your ability."

"Well, it wasn't such good school."

"Yeah, that Berkley. I wouldn't send my kids there, but then again it ain't no Notre Dame." Danny laughed and soon Danny noticed CJ had become quiet all of a sudden. "CJ?"

"Danny?"

"Yeah."

"You ever really think about it?"

"About what?"

"Kids."

She paused and Danny didn't know what to say. He was taken off guard. His mouth stayed open for a few moments.

"Do you think about having kids? I mean in general. Not with anyone partic----I was just wondering. I mean fitting kids into lives like ours—people like us."

"Ahh, sure. You're asking me if I want kids…..yeah."

"But do you think about----I mean, time—it's going on and…"

"You're asking me if I want kids?" Danny seemed a little hesitant, afraid of where this could go. He leaned back in his seat into the half shadows of his cabin.

CJ was about to abort the mission, not knowing where the conversation had started to veer, when Danny spoke up.

"Yes," he said softly and with a sense of history behind his words. "I'd like kids, sure." He seemed very calm. "But I'd rather find a woman to love—a woman to love me, first." He paused again. "I'd like that. And work from there."

"You'd let the moment pass you by---waiting for something…"

"Listen, CJ." He leaned forward. "I just wanna be a decent guy. That's all I want. I wanna do right ---by my estimation and if _not_ by someone else's, so be it. I go by my own consciousness- my own rules and I hope for the best. I wanna be there for my friends when they need me—I wanna do what's right and do right by the people I care about. Even if I have to walk that line to do it. A decent life, CJ. That's all I want. I wanna do my job, tell the facts, and not have a guilty conscious doin' it. And so far I have that. If that means a family, great—but I've learned something lately." He paused and took a breath. "Life doesn't let you make plans and you can't make it let you make them. You have to live your life to the best of your ability—by your own set of rules and hope for the best. I can't make promises, but I keep my word. So yeah. I'd like a family, I'd like kids, but if I just live my love –my life—live my life with a sense of purpose to it. Not just do things to do them. I…I… I" He paused. "I'm fine with just love. And the rest can follow." He paused. "Do you get what I mean?"

"Yeah, yeah, I do. . . Can I call you again?" She asked.

"I thought you didn't have time to talk to me."

"When I have time."

"I don't know, maybe you're right. This shouldn't become a habit."

"It won't."

FOUR DAYS AGO

"What are you afraid of?" CJ asked, throwing the conversation back to him after an hour of keeping the volley. Danny sat on his hotel bed looking up at the ceiling.

"I'm afraid of fear." Danny answered without a hesitation.

"Fear? You're afraid of fear?"

"Fear—fear of hitting the wall---not being able to do my job—fear of fear."

"Fear and loathing on the campaign trail, huh?"

"It's not just for politicians anymore . . . What do you fear?" Danny asked.

"Everything and nothing."

"That's not an answer."

"I don't."

"I told. Now your turn." He waited for her answer. "It's only fair."

"Its time you've learned life isn't fair."

"Yeah, I think I've heard that somewhere."

"Haven't we had this discussion, before?"

"Maybe?" He said in his joking tones. "Humor me. I don't remember."

"Which is it?"

"I open my heart and you--"

"My father." She interrupted him.

"Oh, CJ, I'm sorry. I …:"

"No, no, it's okay." She paused. "I fear losing my father and strange enough I don't fear losing him the most—isn't that terrible?" She took a breath. He's been gone for so long now, I fear losing myself, isn't that crazy? And then I feel guilty for feeling that, but I do. I fear completely losing all contact with who I was and who I am—like it'd be the last thread that severs me from….well you know--my past I guess. And still, even though he hasn't been himself in a long time I fear-- fear losing him. I fear being alone, I fear being with others sometimes. I fear losing a friend or someone close to me, or someone close to someone else, I fear making a mistake that affects people's lives. I fear making a mistake in public. I fear my fear will be seen in public. I fear crying in public. I fear being considered weak because I'm a woman in a man's world. I fear I'll be seen as a woman in a man's world and I fear being seen as a man in a man's world and not a woman in my own. I…I…I… fear letting down my friends, I fear letting down the President and the country. I fear not finding love, not walking a straight line. And then I take a breath, wonder if I got enough sleep and I go to work." She took a pause. "You don't have fear, you're not human, Danny." She took a gulp. "Fear is want—fear is wanting to succeed. That's what I think. It's what keeps me curious and keeps me going forward. I'm okay with fear." She ran her hand through her hair and away from her face as she sat in her own chair in her own living room, looking out her own window. "I fear everything and nothing."

"You take a deep breath?"

"And remember I'm human." She said wistfully.

"Yeah."

"I fear everything and I fear nothing."

"See, you wanna help so much. You can't save the world, CJ. No matter how hard you try. You're so strong, I wish you'd just believe it all the time.

"I do." She paused. "But if you were in that room you'd feel it to." She paused. "You'd feel that fear. It doesn't make me a weaker person. It's just there."

"I'm not saying."

"I know you're not."

"Good."

"We can change the world, Danny."

"We can try." He smiled.

"I guess that's why we're so alike."

Danny's face turned from his smile and he felt a lump in his throat.

"I don't think we should do this anymore." Danny's voice cracked.

"What? Free therapy?" CJ laughed.

"Calling me."

"Oh."

"Not as much."

"Sure."

"I just…I have to get going."

"Of course."

"Just not as much."

"Of course. We can't make this a habit. Because…"

"I have to go, CJ."

"Yeah."

And they both hung up their respective phones. Danny laid on the bed looking up at nothing and CJ looked out her window onto the last Washington snowfall.

PRESENT 

Danny sat at the small diner at a small table by the window. One more train ride and he'd be home, he was content to stop and have a nice cup of coffee and a slice of pie while he waited to be carried to his next destination. He made sure not to look at any notes he had in his pocket or organize his next story in his head, which meant all he seemed to do his entire trip was play out his last few weeks of calls with CJ and how it pained him to speak to her and pained him not to talk to her. She was doing it to him again and he had to find a way to find a safety zone between them. He felt half-way there, but he had to keep going on toward a healthier sky.

Danny took a fork full of apple pie when his phone rang. He looked down at the display and his face changed. She was calling again. Trying to avoid her calls for his entire second leg of his trip, he looked away from the display and tried to finish his pie. The phone kept ringing and Danny set his eyes again on the display. She'd just keep calling back and maybe this time it was important. She was calling for a reason. He made up all excuses as to why he should pick up the phone. Danny promised himself this would be the last time and then he picked up the phone.

"Hello, CJ." Danny spoke with a smile.

Danny knew he was just as much to blame for this as CJ was, but old habits die hard and he couldn't help himself.

_Boy, don't you worry, you'll find yourself  
Follow your heart and nothing else  
And you can do this, oh baby, if you try  
All that I want for you, my son, is to be satisfied_

_And be a simple kind of man  
Oh, be something you love and understand  
Baby, be a simple kind of man  
Oh, won't you do this for me, son, if you can_

—Simple Man Lynyrd Skynrd


	32. DC:MAY

On The Road With Danny Concannon '04-'05: DC

_"Tell It Like It Is."_

_

* * *

_

**MAY**

**

* * *

**

CJ dropped her bag in the doorway, slowly letting it drag as she made her way down her hallway and into her bedroom. She knew she was beat, but with only six hours to actually sleep she knew this was a night she needed to get right to sleep. That meant some assistance in taking the edge off, so her hand reached directly for the bottle of sleeping pills she kept in the nightstand drawer. She sat on the edge of her bed and opened the drawer, when she heard her phone ring. She thought a moment about not answering it, before remembering a phone call to her actually could be for a national security situation.

"Hello," said the voice.

"Hello, Daniel." CJ threw herself backwards onto her bed.

"Did you call me?"

"Recently?"

"The last time?"

"No, I don't think so?" She was confused. "Did I?"

"No, not really." Danny laughed. "How are you?"

"Ahh." She let out a breath. "I briefed the president on a duck today."

"A duck?"

"A duck."

"Is this a punch line?"

"It should be, but no."

"What are you doing?"

"I just got home." She lifted her torso off the bed and slowly tried to take her suit jacket off while still talking on the phone. She finally had to drop the bottle in her hand to get the rest of her arm out. It was quite a laborious and difficult task for CJ. "Then I'm taking a sleeping pill." She stood up slowly and kicked off her shoes. "And in about two minutes I hope to be unconscious." She walked aimlessly through her apartment dropping off her jewelry on her desk. "You?"

"I'm on stand-by." His voice raised at the end of the sentence.

"Are you ever coming back?"

"What if I did?"

"I'm sorry?" CJ stopped in her tracks.

"If I was back. Would you really want to see me?"

"Of course, Danny?" She seemed surprised by the question.

"I just thought…"

"I know. I know." She sat in a chair at the end of her bed. "Well, we need to change that. I mean…" She paused. "Next time you're in town, Danny. You should stop by."

"Thank you."

"What?"

"I just needed you to say that."

"I should go."

"Okay." Danny hung up his phone.

CJ closed her phone and turned on the radio, playing music soft and slow. She took a water bottle from her purse and grabbed the bottle of pills off her bed. With two motions she took two sleeping pills out of the bottle and downed them with one gulp of water. CJ hadn't even changed or taken her contacts out, but she was too exhausted to even think and she felt herself in slow motion fall backwards onto her bed. She didn't even have to think about what she would dream of that night. Her phone calls with Danny had only brought him more and more into her dreams on a regular basis. She just wondered if the dreams would be good or bad. That was something she had no control over. Either she'd feel him in her arms, his hands on her body, his lips on her neck, or it would be a dream of a completely different kind. She could feel her eyes slowly fall closed and flutter, as a smile steamed from her face and Danny's voice echoed in her ears.

CJ heard her phone ring and her sleepy hand reached for it.

"Hello," she said in a dreamy voice.

"Remember when you said if I was ever in the area, I should stop by."

"Yeah." There was a knock at the door. "Hold on."

CJ found herself almost floating toward the door, as she found herself more and more awake and aware, but not fully. She had left her phone behind her on the bed and she soon found her hand on the doorknob opening it to the outside hallway.

"Danny," she said in shock, as he stood draped in her doorway. For some reason she had a flashback, just for a moment, to when he came to her office to tell her about Sam and the hooker. Maybe because he was standing there the same way he had, his jacket over his shoulder, looking cocky and secure. _That's what this was; she thought to herself, she was dreaming memories this time._ His bag sat at his feet as they looked into each other's eyes. The radio played softly in the background:

If you want something to play with  
Go and find yourself a toy  
Baby, my time is too expensive  
And I'm not a little boy

"Hey," he said.

"Hey," CJ said back in her sleepy haze. She leaned her head against the door and looked into his eyes.

"You said if I was in town…"

"Yes…but…"

"I'm in town just for the night so—" He looked into CJ's eyes and saw the look he gave her. "Hi," he said.

"Hi," CJ said with a lazy sleepy lift. She leaned her head against the doorframe of the door and secured her hands to it.

"Hi." He gave her the same back.

"I just took a pill."

"Oh…I thought you were kidding."

"Noooo." She was in her own world.

"Our track record isn't so good."

"Noo." She said in her sleepy disappointment.

"I guess I'll….."

"Hi," she said with a smile.

"Hi," Danny said back with half a grin. She was pretty funny.

"You're back?"

"I am."

_If you are serious  
Don't play with my heart, it makes me furious  
But if you want me to love you  
Then, baby, I will, girl, you know I will_

CJ leaned her head closer and their faces were just about touching. Danny tried his hardest not to move an inch closer and not kiss her. The held-back feeling was written all over his face. They were close, closer than they had been in a long, long time.

"CJ?" Danny didn't know what to make of her.

The next thing Danny knew CJ reached in and kissed him hard, so hard they both had to breath through their nosed. It was a kiss that seemed more meaningful for both of them than the thousands of imagined kisses they had each raked in over the last seven years since they had really kissed.

Danny leaned in for another kiss, he couldn't help himself, causing CJ to fall backwards into her apartment, causing Danny to catch the edge of her lip as they fell. Danny slammed the door behind him as CJ held his face in her hands and Danny leaned in again for another kiss. They continued to walk backwards, entangled together as if they were one unit, connected, and with the same agenda.

CJ helped Danny pull off his coat below his shoulders as they kissed. Danny helped the rest of the way with his coat, almost tossing it to the ground with one tug if not for the final pause as the coat didn't want to break free from his hand.

Danny pulled back for air, but it seemed CJ wouldn't have that, she pushed herself with full gusto at Danny, speeding her hands around his shoulder, as they made their way through the living room. They came up for air just as CJ hit one of her chairs in the living room, nearing killing herself and taking Danny with her, but nothing seemed to distract them as they made a bee line for CJ's bedroom; all the time Danny following CJ's lead.

CJ slammed her back against the wall next to her bedroom and pulled Danny closer. They kissed and he made his way down to her neck running his lips and the fine fibers of the bristle of his beard against the skin. It sent CJ's head back and she ran her hands and fingers into Danny's back. CJ rolled her body off the wall toward the door. Danny

Stopped, realizing where they were. CJ pulled on his tie. Danny took her hands to her face and kissed her again with such passion it would set the entire White House on fire. He paused, but CJ let up, taking the final step.

Tell it like it is  
Don't be ashamed to let your conscience be your guide  
But I-I-I-I-I know deep down inside of me  
I believe you love me, forget your foolish pride.

"Are you sure?" Danny asked nestled an inch from her face and lips. CJ looked at Danny with a look she hadn't given him all night; concern. One foot in two different camps Danny knew what the next answer would be. Again he would be thrown out into the cold, but how nice it had been to be so close to the fire again. CJ looked as if she was about to speak, but instead of speaking with words, she spoke with actions and planted her lips hard on Danny.

Life is too short to have sorrow  
You may be here today and gone tomorrow  
You might as well get what you want  
So go on and live, baby, go on and live

Sounds of their voices, bodies, and breath were the only conversation they had as they entered the bedroom and hit the bed; the bed springs sprung on the impact of their weight. Danny pulled off his tie as CJ's back hit the bed and she lifted her lips from the back of his neck. CJ inched back onto the bed and Danny, as he had all night, followed her lead.

She was a vision as their actions almost played in slow motion; slow being an optimum word with them, yet fast and furious with fervor. It was if they were beating the clock and the clock would soon strike twelve and they would each turn into a pumpkin. CJ kissed Danny and he lifted up letting out a breath before going in again for her neck and exploring the area.

"CJ?" he said with baited breath muffled by her skin. "I have to tell you something." She didn't answer. "CJ." Danny lifted up and looked at CJ's body lying under him. "CJ?" he questioned as he noticed CJ was fast asleep. The sleeping pill had finally kicked in. "CJ?" Danny demanded this time trying to walk her. "No…No.. CJ….CJ." He shook her shoulders and she grumbled. "CJ…wake up sweetheart…come one…don't…" But nothing seemed to work. Danny leaned his back against the bed's headboard, next to CJ, and ran his head against it. "Ahhh."

Danny ran his hand over the side of his head and leaned his head back against the wood, contemplating, to himself, how something always seemed to get in the way. And soon Danny started to laugh at himself and his predicament. He tried to hold it in for a moment, but it spurted out. He looked over at CJ and then straight ahead and again ran his head back against the wood panel of the bed. And he laughed. It was all he could do.

Tell it like it is  
I'm nothin' to play with, go and find yourself a toy  
But I-I-I-I-I  
Tell it like it is  
My time is too expensive  
And I'm not your little boy.

**---Aaron Neville Tell It Like It Is**

**  
**CJ woke up at 4am on the dot. Her body didn't even seem to need an alarm clock anymore. She raised her head in that one moment of pure nothingness before she remembered all the details of her life and surroundings. Then it all came flooding back as she sat up in bed and gripped the sheets she was under. She looked down at the sheets, at her clothes, that she was indeed wearing, and the empty spot next to her on the bed. She took a breath. It had all been a dream.

"Thank god," she whispered to herself. Not that she was glad Danny hadn't been there, but that she hadn't complicated it again, made it murkier and so she couldn't go there; not yet. It also made her sad. Sad he wasn't there in the morning. Confused and concerned that dreaming of Danny would become a common occurrence. She didn't need any complication in her life; she had enough. And when Danny was around he only brought her trouble. Of course, maybe it was just the kind of trouble she needed.

CJ took a breath through her nose, pulled the sheets to the side and moved her feet to the floor. She needed coffee.

Still in a haze she walked unevenly through her living room and into the kitchen. She crossed the threshold and ran her hand through her hair with a yawn.

"Hey." Danny spoke in his own sleepy and nasal voice not even taking his eyes off the breakfast of cornflakes and milk.

"Hey." CJ droned, making her way to the coffee. "Ahh!" It only took her one more step for her brain to get it. She spun around when she yelled, turning her body and her voice to a state of panic. "Danny turned his head, his hand still holding onto the spoon in his cereal, as she screamed. "What are you doing—we didn't—please don't tell me…" She was walking backwards and waving her hands.

"CJ." Danny stood and put out his hands to calm her.

"I mean—last night we didn't—we couldn't—" CJ walked as she spoke until: bang. She hit her head on a set of hanging pots and fell to the ground.

"CJ!" Danny yelled. He rushed to her and knelt down next to her head.

"We didn't do anything—please tell me we... I mean we didn't…." She carried on like a crazy woman.

"CJ." She interrupted him. "CJ…listen to me." She stopped speaking. "Calm down—nothing happened—you feel asleep."

"I feel sleep?" she whined.

"You feel asleep." Danny groaned.

"Aww." CJ took her hand to her head.

"Don't move..." He stood. "I'll get ice." Danny crossed to the refrigerator. "Don't move." After a moment he came back to CJ with a dishtowel filled with ice.

"That doesn't have a caffeine kick to it, does it?"

"No." His eyes smiled at her. Danny lowered the dishtowel onto her head. CJ winced as she felt the coldness on her forward and felt the warmness in her hand as Danny took her arm and placed it on the towel to hold it in place. Their eyes connected for a moment. "Aspirin?"

"In the bathroom cabinet."

"Okay." Danny stood with a grunt and walked out of the kitchen.

"I told you not to move." Danny reprimanded her as he ran to her side from the doorway. CJ had propped herself up against her kitchen cabinet.

"I'm fine." She assured him with her own sense of sass. Danny squatted next to her and CJ put her hand out. Danny handed her two pills and stepped over her to get her a glass of water from the tap. He leaned down to the right of her now while she set the makeshift ice pack on her lap. She smiled at him and took the water and then the pills. They looked into each other's eyes for moment. "So nothing happened…I mean we didn't…I mean even….we didn't kiss….not that I dreamed anything like that or anything, 'cause I…I mean we have had some history with that and I…nothing—nothing happened…"

"Yes." Danny set her hair away from her forehead. "I came to your door and you fell asleep. I helped you to bed and I slept on the couch." CJ looked relieved. "Nothing happened…that's it."

"Oh."

"Looks like you won't get a bump." He ran her hair away from her face again." They looked into each other's eyes and felt that spark they always had. "I should go."

"Oh." CJ and Danny stood.

"No… no... I'll find my way out…you need your coffee."

"Yeah." She tried to laugh, but it didn't come out quite right. Danny took his jacket off the back of the chair and put it on.

"Will you be in Washington anytime…"

"No." He snapped off the end of her sentence. "I don't know. I have some things to do before I'm ready for that."

"Oh. Okay."

"I'll see you soon, CJ."

"Yeah." She said bittersweetly. Danny smiled the same way and put his carry-on over his shoulder and his coat over his arm. Danny moved out of CJ's living room and into the hallway. He stopped for a moment and noticed his own reflection in the mirror, staring at himself for a moment. Danny took a breath and then noticed something. He leaned his head and neck to the left and reached his hand to the back part of his neck, wiping CJ's lipstick from his skin. He rubbed the area until it was gone. Then he opened the door and was on his way.

_You know if you break my heart I'll go_

_but I'll be back a__gain,_

_'cause I told you once before goodbye, but I came back again._

_I love you so oh I'm the one who wants you, yes, __I'm the one_

_Who wants you, oh ho, oh ho, oh_

_You could find better things to do, than to break my_

_Heart again, this time I will try to show that I'm not trying to pretend._

_I thought that you would realize that if I ran away from you that you would want_

_Me too, but I've got a big surprise, oh ho, oh ho, oh_

_You could find better things to do, than to break my_

_Heart again, this time I will try to show that I'm not trying to pretend._

_I wanna go but I hate to leave you, you know I hate to leave you_

_,oh ho,_

_Oh ho, oh_

_You, if you break my heart I'll go, but I'll be back again._

**Beatles -_ I'll Be Back_ **

(Lennon/McCartney)


	33. The District?: MAY

**On The Road With Danny Concannon**: DC

_"The Red Herring"_

* * *

The snow on the ground was that of a snow only a few days old. It looked as if it had just snowed, but there was not a fleck in the air. It was cold and listless, if air can be listless, as the President's entourage followed him down the snow covered old railroad road. CJ gave an eye and nod to Toby and she stood still, falling back while the tour made its way further forward. Annabeth looked back for a moment noticing CJ had fallen back, but continued her way forward with the group. She tried not to look back again, but she found it strange.

CJ had a serious look on her face. She peered her eyes to the left to see Danny standing next to one of the towers. He nodded his head in a "hey." CJ had a bad feeling in the pit of her stomach. Danny wore a large heavy snow jacket and he held his hands together, one of which held his pen, and the other his notebook. She knew it was time to talk. He knew it was time to talk. That was why he asked for her time and she had asked him to meet her here.

CJ lowered her head and walked toward Danny. They took each other's gaze as she reached Danny and the doorframe.

"In here." CJ spoke with sternness. Danny let her walk in front of him, taking a look to one side before finding her.

CJ walked up the stairs first and took sight of the large open area, a window without glass. She took a breath and found herself in the small corner next to the window. Danny could see her mood and he tried not to give her that look he always gave which told CJ he knew what was going on in her head. He pretended there wasn't enough tension in the air to cut with a sharp knife.

Danny coughed and stood next to the open window, which due to the length and size of space of the area put a square of sky between then. CJ leaned against the opposite corner, between the window and the wall, and adjusted her coat under her.

"Okay, I'm here." CJ said still adjusting her coat before looking up at Danny with a flip of her hair.

"We couldn't meet in your office?"

"This is when I have the time, Danny. You said you needed to talk to me. I'm here. What's going on?"

"I didn't want it to be this way, CJ."

"Hey, it's not my fault you got Eileen pregnant."

"Have you been Googling me?"

CJ didn't laugh or give any sort of reaction.

"Listen, that's not why I'm here." Danny got to the point. He opened his mouth and didn't know what or how to say it. It just came out.

"I didn't want to—I mean not like this."

'Danny, just say it. You –me. That isn't gonna happen. Not now, not ever. I've moved on. You've moved on. Congratulations. Mazel tov. If you want closure, you have it. Now I have a job to do."

"Why do you have to make this so difficult? You always need to make it so difficult. I'm sorry you resent me. I'm sorry you resent me because we met at the wrong time at the wrong place—you don't think I resent that?. I did. I got over it. I had my time. I got over it. I just want us to be adults about this. Can't we…..ahhh….That's all I ask. You, me. We go back to the way it was eight years ago—"

"You can never go back eight years."

Danny took a breath, "Yeah." They looked at each other for a long time. "But, like I said. That's not why I'm here. It's like I said on the phone."

"Why are you here?"

"I have it."

"Have what?"

"A list." Danny took a long folded piece of paper from his breast pocket and held it up to show her. "And I think you know what I'm talking about--I wanted to come to you first…"

"I'm not the press sec—"

"I wanted to come to you first—because of our relationship." He paused. "Because of our history. I felt I needed to. Out 'a courtesy." He paused. It was obvious this was very hard for Danny. "It's a list—a list of events—times and places of things used to bribe John Hoynes into not putting certain things in his book."

"I still don't--"

"Cause it came from your office, CJ---from the communications office when you were the Press secretary--" CJ reached for the paper and Danny pulled it away. They exchanged looks.

"I'm smart enough to know you made more than one copy." CJ demanded. Danny agreed with his eyes and reached his arm forward to let CJ grab the paper.

"I have proof that you, yourself brought this paper to the John Hoynes after the New York Times magazine article was published. I don't know who wrote it, but I can pretty much guess it was put together by Josh, Toby, you and Leo--"

"Danny—"

"I have the proof. "

"That's all you have?" CJ seemed to be panicked in her own controlled way.

"I have it, CJ."

"No... no..." She paused trying to regain herself. Danny only saw her anger. "This is it—this is all you're writing---a story about the White House threatening the Vice President not to reveal certain things in his book. This is the only story you're chasing."

"Yeah?"

"Nothing else?"

"No? Why?"

"You need to bring this to Toby or Annabeth." She handed it back.

"I don't know Annabeth, I know you. I'm bringing it to you—"

"You'll get a comment from them."

"I'm not looking for a comment." He stressed.

"You don't bring these things to me anymore—you bring them To—"

"I really don't have to bring it to anyone—I'm bringing it to you as a favor—as a favor…."

"Because of our history?"

"Yes," he stressed again under baited breath.

"Okay." She paused. "Give me some time."

"I've been down that road before. I need an answer." Danny put the paper back in his pocket.

"I need time—I need to talk with some people…I need some time." She looked into his eyes.

"I'm not holding on to this story to just have it get trampled on---"

"Oh, yeah and look how badly that turned out for you last time. That second Pulitzer not make such a great paper weight then?"

"CJ!" He took a breath.

"What?"

"Don't do this." His eyes seemed to almost have a held back emotion to them. Danny was hurt.

"What?"

"Don't do this. Don't make me angry right now. Or else I'm gonna go back to my laptop and write a story both of us will live to regret. I don't wanna do that, you don't want me to do that and…."

"What?"

"Nothing---I lost my train of thought."

"You lost your train of thought?"

"Or more like I'm a little tired right now and I think I was just about to…reveal something I just don't. This is ridiculous." He turned around for a moment to regain his thoughts. "I'm gonna write this story no matter what happens. I'm gonna do the research and I'm gonna write the story. Even if it has to do with you. I have to, CJ. This is my job. So why don't you help me make it as painless as possible."

"You want an exclusive?" She asked calmly.

"Hey, if it ends up---"

"Have you done any preliminary research on this?"

"You want—"

CJ have him a look.

"I've talked to a few people—I won't say—"

"And you have more."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah, you would wouldn't you?" She paused. You always get the story." She said listlessly. Her train of thought seemed to go off and Danny could see it.

"CJ?"

"My office---after hours—you'll get your exclusive—just be in my office."

"Okay." Danny said like he always did. At her command.

After Danny left, CJ made her way out of the tower just as the end of the group was making their way back. She took a deep breath and rejoined the back end of group.

"What was that about?" Toby asked CJ.

"He has the paper." She leaned in and said in an almost-whisper.

"I'm sorry?"

"The paper we made up for Hoynes." They continued walking.

"How did he get ahold of that?"

"How did he get ahold of Mandy's memo seven years ago."

"Alone it proves nothing, we're fine."

"He has proof I brought it over to his office."

"It's nothing." Toby tried to brush it off.

"This is Danny. He'll keep looking and he'll find something. One thing will lead to another." She paused. "This is how it'll start." She almost said to herself. She stopped in the cold and the group kept on walking. Toby stopped with her.

"How far has Brock got?"

"Not far—he doesn't know what he has." He looked in CJ's eyes. "Pretty close. He knows there were more women—he's close. This article won't help." She saw Toby thinking. "What?" Nothing from Toby. "What?"

"What did you tell Danny?"

"I told him to meet me in my office tonight." Toby just stared her, and CJ got it. "No."

"We beat it to the punch."

"No, not Danny—"

"CJ."

"Not Danny, anyone, but Danny."

"Why?" Toby took her off to the side.

"Because.

"And what, let Brock tell your story for you?" He paused "You need someone!" He lowered his voice. Toby felt bad and he looked down for a moment. "You let it out first—you tell your story from your point of view—we won't need to spin it and you know it. You need someone who knows you—who'll tell your story. He has it, CJ. If he doesn't he'll have it sooner or later. We need to leak it."

CJ took a moment and slowly and silently she agreed.

* * *

"So what do you fear, CJ?" the psychologist asked. "Are you still afraid it'd come out?"

"No, I'm not in the book."

"We've covered this in many different ways in this session, CJ. But this dream is different from the others. How long has it been since you had the others?"

"I'd say since Christmas. Not since a little before Christmas."

"But, you're still afraid it will come out. You need to get this out of your head, CJ. You didn't do anything wrong. This regret you feel can't be eating you up inside."

"No, I'm not afraid of that. I mean I am, but not like I was. He calls them out—I'll be there." She stared to wring her hands. "I'm just afraid he'll find out." She turned toward her doctor. "They found that woman so easily. They could find me. And if they do, I'll have to own up to it like everything else in my life."

"You're still afraid the cards will come tumbling down?" CJ turned away and looked out the window. "What do you think the dream means?" There was a small silence as CJ was caught off in an image for a moment.

"I'm afraid he'll find it. I'm just afraid he'll be the one to find it."

Danny got back to his office very late at night. No time to stop at home, he was closer to his office than his apartment and it always made the most sense, in a multi-tasking way, to stop off at the office. He turned on a desk light, dropped his bag, and made his way to his safe and turned the combination. Inside the safe sat one small, red zip disk.

Danny slipped the disk into his computer and sat back in his chair, not at all relaxed, as the white light of the screen shown on him. He leaned on his fist and watched the bars on the screen slowly move from left to right as it displayed the words: _File Claudia Jean loading_.

"I'm afraid he'll be the one to find it." CJ repeated.


	34. Still in DC: May & June

**On The Road With Danny Concannon (2005):** DC

"_**Fallaces sunt rerum species**"_ _(The appearances of things are deceptive)_

**EPISODE:** In God We Trust

**Notes**: Who do you trust?

* * *

_Now if I hurt you, forgive me  
Try not to lose faith in me  
You know I would never hurt you intentionally  
What will I do tomorrow  
Without your love I would surely lose my way  
And rush headlong into nowhere  
On a ghost highway_

_**-Lay Down My Live Carole King**_

* * *

Danny opened the door to his apartment dropping his keys next to the door. They made a clanging sound as they hit a small bowl of change on the table. The room was dark and Danny walked around looking for a light.

He flicked on the light next to the doorway in his living room, but nothing happened. Still in shadows, Danny found a small light next to his couch and fell back onto the leather lining with a heavy sigh. The light hit the side of his face and he went through his mail, which had been waiting for him. Maisy usually picked up his bills and so forth when she could, but there were a few things of importance, along with the junk mail, waiting for Danny.

Danny found a small padded envelope that took his attention. He walked to his desk to get a letter opener. After he was done opening the letter, as he was walking between the couch and the desk, Danny stopped cold at what he found. Tears filled his eyes and he took deep breaths to keep in the emotions. He shook his head and looked down. He expelled another breath trying not to let it all get to him. Danny took in a final breath and this one brought in his old strength. He looked like he was off for a moment, as if he was making a long awaited decision.

Danny picked up the phone. As it rang, he rifled through the bottom drawer of his desk. The sounds of hitting wood and sliding papers were heard.

"Yes, I'd like to book a flight."

Danny pulled his hand out of the drawer and slammed his passport on top of his desk with a crack.

"Yes, I'll hold."

* * *

FOUR MONTHS LATER

* * *

**JUNE**

Maisy walked toward her office from the elevator, looking over a few folders in her hands, and trying to walk forward. It was finally summer and her usual long sleeves and pants were now replaced with a nice blouse and a tasteful, yet still small shirt. Maisy was getting more mature as the months and years passed, not fully, but she was coming a long way. She still wore her purple glasses for originality, and they seemed to fit her violet short-sleeved blouse. Her heels clicked on the floor and then they suddenly stopped at the sight of what she saw, and she wasn't too happy at it: Men carrying Danny's belongings out of his office.

"Hey, hey Stop this—" Her heels clicked on the linoleum, making her Washington Post pass swing around her neck. "What's going on—Stop that—STOP that. Give me that." She grabbed a box from one of the men.

"Hold it—hold it—keep going." Danny's editor instructed the group to keep going. "Maisy."

"What is this? How can you do this? How can you just fire him—after all the years-" She poked him in the chest. But due to her height and size it didn't do much good.

"Maisy he's not being fired-this was never Danny's office in the first place—he wants this office he should have taken that editor job I offered him six years ago—till then-no soup for him." He walked away from her.

"Seinfeld reference, huh? I'm sorry is it 1993 again?"

"Don't get on my bad side." He stopped for a moment and then kept on going.

"I'm not getting on your bad side—I'm getting on the side of your old school pop culture reference."

"Keep the packing up—" He hollered to the group packing up Danny's things. "You should help." He motioned to Maisy with a grunt.

"This isn't fair—this is _Danny's_ office. Has been every since _I've _been here."

"Reporters don't get offices-offices are for editors—plus he's never here—his office is supposed to be at the White House."

"But where would I be?"

"_Take_ a cubical!"

"As if?" She scoffed.

"Hey, I did this as a favor for Danny as one of our top reporters—I've got a new city editor—so Danny's out and Dori's in."

"Dori like the fish?"

"No! As in Dorothy"

"Oh, as in clicks her heels together?"

"Hey, that was a old pop culture reference?"

"Yes, but its a _classic_ - like wine—they need more than ten years before they go from so last year – and extremely passé - to pure camp and astute comedy."

"Yeah, I'll take note of that. Does Danny get your humor?

"He revels in it."

"Yeah-so everything out—do with it what you like 'till we find a place for it." Danny's editor walked away leaving Maisy alone beyond him.

"So, no more cable?" Maisy almost pouted deflated.

"No more cable." He turned and walked away.

"Wait—" Maisy ran after him. He didn't look so happy to not be getting away from her. "So you're telling me an editor's office has been empty for four years now—and your just replacing the job now."

"Things get slow around here."

"Yeah, kinda like the government."

"Its called 'bureaucracy'—welcome to DC—Get used to it." He walked off and Maisy continued to yell at him.

"Yeah, well- I'll remember that the next time I have to fill out one of those suggestion flyers-this is so definitely getting a check so far to the left-so far to the left it's gonna be off the page—_non satisfactory_. And I'll remember—eyes like a cat—memory like a horse my friend." Maisy turned her head to find a woman carrying out Danny's basketball hoop. "Hey, hey. Put that down." She noticed another box. "Be careful with that." She grabbed a Pulitzer out of a box. "Be careful with this—do you know what you're doing here?"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa!" Danny ran up and stopped what was going on. "Hold the horses. What's going on, here?"

"You're back?" Maisy was taken aback.

"I'm back." He said plainly.

"They're kicking you out of your office."

"Maisy," he stressed.

"This is ridiculous—well I'm getting to the bottom of this." She looked over at Danny and his editor who had joined back with the two of them. As she walked off, she shouted, "You'll see."

They watched her walk off and Danny started to laugh. He held himself in and smiled.

"You gonna tell her I'm just getting a smaller office." Danny spoke with a half grin.

"Later. This is more fun. We got a find some way of amusing ourselves in the down time."

"Welcome back, Danny." He put out his hand.

"Good to be back." They shook hands and departed.

"Maisy!" Danny yelled causing her to turn around as the elevator in front of her opened. Danny motioned her forward with his index finger.

"What?" She said almost mouthing the words. Danny motioned her again. With a cross look on her face Maisy clip-clopped her backless frontless mules over to Danny. "What?"

"Look over there." He whispered to her and pointed behind her. "What do you see?" Danny pointed toward a group of people carrying boxes into an office.

"Ahh, I see people carrying boxes into an office." She paused.

"Closer." He leaned in.

"I see people caring boxes of _your_ things into another office." She said deflated and burrying her face in her left palm.

"It's okay." He patted her on the shoulder. "I know it just means you care." Danny adjusted his side bag and walked ahead of Maisy.

"It's not funny!" Danny heard Maisy yell behind him. A small laughed was heard. "Hey. I heard that."

"Hey, Dwight, looks like you just lost a fan." Danny laughed.

Danny turned a corner by a desk, toward his new office, hearing the sounds of Maisy run after him.

"How was the trip?" She took his bag from him. "I didn't think you'd be back until the conventions started?"

"How many times do I have to tell you it wasn't a _trip _it was a vacation." Danny walked into his new office.

"Vacation, trip, fiesta, whatever. How was your time away from work? _Oh, how I long to know what that is_." She remarked sarcastically. Maisy set Danny's bag on a chair next to the door. The office was filled with boxes and objects just left in places of disarray.

"I wouldn't call it time away from work, Maz." Danny walked over toward his new desk and looked into one the boxes. "Hey, I was looking for this!" Danny pulled a large red book out of the box. "Thank god, I thought I lost it somewhere between Belgium and Milan."

"How was it?" She leaned against the doorframe as Danny set the book on the bookshelf to his right. He continued talking while setting up his office.

"It was amazing. I mean really, I never felt so relaxed in my life—going from town to town—no agenda, no deadline. I mean I've been through Europe a million times, but I can't explain it. This was different. It really gave me a chance to clear my head. I mean I expected to stay maybe a month, I never take a vacation for more than a few weeks, but I think I just needed it ya know? I needed some perspective on it." Danny smiled from ear to ear. He seemed joyful and playful as he continued unpacking the small contents of the boxes in his new office. Maisy looked at him intently. After a moment Danny looked over at her noticing not just her silence, but also her look. "What?"

"What's with you—you're—something is different-you're acting . . .."

"Normal."

"Normal."

"Normal?"

"As Normal as a forty somethin' bulldog reporter, 'cause-"

"Don't call me that." He gave her a stern stair and focused back on his unpacking.

"Forty something?" Maisy folded her arms. Danny took a few odds and ends from a box and stuffed them in a drawer. Maisy looked at him with a crooked face.

"You're not leaving me are you?" She was still looking for an answer.

"Wild horses my friend." He smirked. There was a small pause as a sly smile crept to Maisy's face.

"So she called?" Maisy's voice cranked up a happy notch.

"Go to work." Danny went for another box under his desk.

"I've decided you need to be an action figure—you know with pose-able arms and Ku Fu grip.

"What?" Danny lifted his head above the desk and set the box in his hand on top.

"Got your attention." She leaned against the other side of the desk toward Danny.

"Help unpack."

"Well, you wouldn't call **her**.

"Why? I mean…nevermind." Danny continued his unpacking. Maisy did not, making herself comfortable on the top of a small filling cabinet.

"You wouldn't, so she _must _have called you. I have to say I'm happy. All that doom and gloom was really getting on my nerves"

"I'm sorry?"

"And you were cranky."

"I wasn't cranky!"

"You were cranky."

"No, I wasn't."

"You were." Danny dropped the empty box now in his hand under the desk.

"Was not."

"This is just gonna get us going in circles."

"You can't believe the majestic…..ness….of Europe put me in a happy mood."

"No."

"Change the subject." Danny began to set up his laptop.

"That Cliff Calley is a dream boat."

"He's a Republican. By the way." Danny looked around and noticed he had no chair.

"You're a party spoiler. You spoil the party." Maisy frowned as Danny walked past Maisy into the hallway.

"I need a chair. Anyone have an extra chair?" No one responded. Danny turned back toward Maisy. "Yes, and same back at ya.." Danny started a bee-line for his old office while Maisy caught up to him.

"See I have a crush."

"I'm sorry?" He almost got whiplash looking back at her from behind him

"Not on you. I'm lonely, but not that lonely."

"Thank you." Danny grumbled.

"I have a crush."

"You said that."

"I have a crush on the Deputy Chief of Staff. guy"

"Josh?"

"No, on the _current_ Deputy Chief of Staff. I mean sure. Josh's cute. Okay very cute, but he's not the Deputy Chief of Staff anymore."

"True." Danny found his old chair and took it by the hand toward his office. Maisy continued to follow.

"But come to think of it. That job has some pretty cute jobholders. Placement cards, really. Maybe Place _meat _cards. All the Deputies Chiefs of Staff. Can that be pluralized?"

"You just did."

"Well, call me Shakespeare."

Danny entered his office with his chair.

"I still think she called you."

"Think what ya want." Danny sat down in front of his laptop.

"How can you work in this mess?"

"I don't know how to work otherwise." He joked still looking at his screen as the laptop powered up.

"She's been calling for you."

"I was on vacation."

"She called your cell, you left it in the office."

"Very on purpose."

"I figured she must have been pretty desperate to call here for you."

"She called _here_ for me?" Danny's head peaked up.

"Yeah and on the main line even. Personal of course, no pomp and circumstances and "please hold for the Chief of Staff to the President of the United States."

"No." Danny muttered to himself. "She wouldn't go that far. No need for proof lying around anywhere."

"Danny?" Danny didn't respond.

"Change the subject. I'm a new man." Danny pretended not to care.

"Ooooookay." Maisy thought for a moment. "Should I book your flight to Philly. I assume you already took care of the hotel plans—cause I'm pretty sure it's all booked up. Right, Danny? Come on. Please tell me-"

"I'm not going to Philly." Danny didn't look at her.

"You're not going to the Republican convention?" Danny stood up and walked toward her and the door frame.

"I'm not going to any of the conventions."

"What?"

"I got other plans."

"Which are what?"

"Maz, you wanna run across the street get me a bagel and a coffee." He walked back to his desk.

"But, I…"

"Get yourself something, okay." Danny handed her a ten from his wallet. Maisy walked over to Danny and took it begrudgingly.

"Okay?" She stilled seemed bewildered. Maisy walked out of the office and Danny watched her walk away. He then walked back toward his laptop and took a red disk from pocket and set it in the laptop.

"I got more important things to figure out, Maz." Danny said to himself and began typing.

* * *

PROBLEM A

* * *

Danny sat in front of Abby, his therapist, in shadow and a small shaft of light coming in through the blinds.

"What if you had something—something you found-something that concerns a friend? Would you print it? Or would you bury it."

"I'm not a reporter. Maybe you need to ask a reporter that question?"

"I'm asking you?"

"And I'm asking you right back?"

"What happens when you get too tied in with the subject you're writing about? Happens all the time."

"I thought I was the one who put out the hypotheticals."

"She warned me it would happen and I didn't listen. I dug this hole?"

"Who warned you, Danny?" She leaned in.

"So what happens- what happens when you play with fire and you finally get burned, you've been singed before, but this _ain't _nothing compared to a little heads up."

"I'm not a reporter, Danny. I don't know. This sounds like Journalism 101 to me. But I guess I depends if it's a story the public really needs to know. I'm sure you make those kind of decisions everyday."

"Meaning is it a real story?"

"Yeah."

"What if this story is a real story. It's the contents that prove the creditability of the story and printing it could bring out something—something on someone you care about, something big, something you might not even forgive yourself. But if you don't print it, you'd be withholding on a story—burying something—and you don't know if you could forgive yourself for that." He paused. "This is the hardest decision I've ever had to make."

"Share it with me, Danny?" But Danny didn't answer.

"See, it's my own fault. She warned me this would happen and I walked right into the monster's mouth. I kept going, I pulled us in. I did this. I didn't listen. And now I'm stuck here. So many questions and so many answers."

"Danny is this about CJ?" There was no answer. "You don't answer me I'm only gonna assume this is about CJ. Either way you're pretty much screwed so I'd answer the question."

Danny didn't say anything; he just sat there in silence. Abby noticed a small rounded plastic tube object in Danny's right hand. "Danny, what's that?"

"This?" Danny held up the object. "This thing. " He paused and looked it over as the smooth plastic road against his skin. "Pretty nifty, huh? I picked up this device at Radio Shack. Lets you download about three CDs worth of information. Not that I have that much on data on here. Sometimes a small amount of information can do a lot of damage."

"Damage is a deceptive word, there, Danny. Maybe if we talked about-"

"You'd never know what I had in here, by the look of it, by the weight of it. It's a way to keep it close, keep it here in the palm of my hand." He paused a short beat. "Until I decide what I'm gonna do with it."

"Do with it?"

"I owe her."

"Danny."

"I do."

"This is that big?"

"Yes." He paused and looked at her. "You ever do something you were ashamed of?"

"Sure, we all have regrets, Danny. It's normal."

"Would you want that splashed all over the front page of a newspaper?"

"Well, no-"

"You married?"

"I live with someone, but I don't like to—"

"What if he had the power—what if he had the power for the world to know about it and the world not to know about it."

"I'd imagine he'd be in a hard place."

"Imagine being him."

"Danny, what did you do? What did you find?"

"Let's just say…" Danny looked directly at her. "I dug too deep. And now I'm sorry."

* * *

PROBLEM B

* * *

Danny sat in his chair, in the darkness of an office in the middle of the day, pondering. He slid a coin back and forth between his hands and fingers, making the coin appear and disappear. Back and forth, sliding between his fingers, appear and disappearing, appearing and disappearing, as if it was keeping his mind going.

"Danny!" Maisy yelled as she approached his doorway.

"Yeah?" Danny didn't look up. He went back to his typing.

"There's a such a place called Foggy Bottom?"

"Yeah."

"Really?"

"Yeah."

"And it's in DC?"

"Ah huh, why?"

"I saw it on a T-Shirt"

"Okay?"

"What's in a place like Foggy Bottom?"

"The State Department." Danny hit return and took a bite of his sandwich.

"How appropriate." She leaned against a filing cabinet. Danny stood and was now in clear view of Maisy. "Oh, my dear sweet lord, what have you done?" She rose in shock and looked at Danny's cleanly shaven face.

"I'm growing it back." He assured her with a sense in his voice that he knew it had been a bad idea. He walked into his office and Maisy followed.

"What were you thinking?" She looked at him, agog.

"I'm growing it back!"

"Were you drunk?"

"I'm growing it back!—Listen…." He ran his hand over his face and it felt weird. "I was trying something different, I was looking for a change."

"And what have we learned?"

"Change is bad." Danny picked up the phone and hit a line "Yeah, hey. Kevin, can you connect me to editorials, please-yeah, I'll hold." He finally got the last of his coat off.

"Hey, Maz," Richard walked in with a few folders and a tag around his neck. "When Danny gets in can you tell him Bradley's taken a walk thru and Marshall would like it if he'd take a stop in."

"Ahh, yeah, hey." Danny lifted his arm as he rested the phone on his other shoulder while at the same time looking for a pencil or pen.

"Ahh, yeah?" Richard looked at Danny and then back at Maisy. "So, will you tell him for me when he gets in."

"I'm over here."

"So, just make sure he gets it."

"I'm right here!" Danny said with an exasperated face and hand gestures.

"Oh, man." Richard looked harder. "Wow! I totally didn't recognize you there, Dan."

"He doesn't like to be called Dan." She whispered toward Richard.

"Wow, man!" The kid was pretty floored. "I don't think I've ever seen you without your—they didn't find Jimmy Hoffa under there?"

Maisy held her hand over her mouth to cover the laugher, which came out as a burst. She turned her head. Danny didn't look pleased. "Yeah. So I'll be going," she said.

"No, Kevin, I'm still here." Danny got back on the phone. "Yeah, thanks. Hey, you got a column on this guy Jeffries going in today, yeah I'll hold."

"So, is it true." Cythnia, dead-pan as usual, walked in without a facial expression. Danny had his back to the girls and, as he stayed on hold, he turned toward Maisy and Cynthia, giving them a full view of his face.

"Sweet, Jesus on the cross." Cythnia muttered.

"It was a rash decision, it was late, I took to much Dramamine, it just happened." Danny seemed sick of explaining himself.

"Sounds like my prom night." Again with little expression.

"Whoa….Way too much information." Danny was really shocked.

"It was a joke. I actually spent my prom night alone with a tub of pop-corn and watching an uninterrupted marathon of the Mary Tyler Moore Show."

"Now, I just feel worse."

"See, the joke was better." She turned to Maisy. "Sometimes the fantasy is better than reality."

"Not always." Danny grumbled back.

"Looks like someone hasn't had their breakfast this morning…." And Cynthia walked out of the office.

"Maisy, shut the door."

"Oh, and miss the fun of seeing the entire Washington Post Staff prance on in and out of this place…" Danny gave her a look and she laughed. "I'll close the door." She walked and closed the door.

"Hey, you got time to transcribe some notes for me?"

"Ohh, real work." She said dripping with sarcasm.

"They're in my bag." Danny motioned his head toward the left, never stopping his typing. The clicks filled the air like an old Teletype machine. "Front pocket." The sound of the fax was heard from the outer office, causing Danny's head to lift from the screen.

"The fax." Danny stood up.

"No, no. I'll get it." Maisy who had made it to Danny's bag already doubled back. Danny waved her off and took a short jog out the door.

"Front pocket." He exited the office.

"You never let me really do anything!" She yelled as Danny ripped the fax off the machine. "Why'd you hire me in the first place?" Danny appeared by the door reading over the fax.

"I use you when needed." Danny looked up. "I hired you to be my assistant. You assist me, with stories, with research—oh and copying over and transcribing my notes." He motioned his hand toward his bag. "I'm not a child, I don't like other people doing things I have time to do myself." He walked back toward Maisy's desk reading over the fax. The phone rang. "I got it!" Danny yelled. Maisy squatted down next to Danny's bag and started her hands through the back sections of Danny's bag. The phone kept ringing.

"The back pocket!" Maisy yelled.

"Yeah, front pocket!" Danny yelled as he picked up the phone.

"What?" Maisy yelled.

Danny put his hand on the receiver. "I said yeah!" Danny lifted his hand off and back to his conversation. "Yeah, no I'm here." Danny sat on the edge of the desk.

"Okay, back pocket, no—" She lifted to another pocket on the outside of the bag. "Back pocket." She continued to talk to herself. "Back pocket." She lifted her hand in and pulled out a stack of uneven handwritten and typewritten pages, some wrinkled, some coffee stained, they didn't look like what Maisy was looking for. It looked more like papers used to discover buried treasure. "Humm." Maisy looked at the pages in front of her and decided to get to work.

* * *

"What about that book you were writing?" Abby asked Danny who now had at least a few weeks of beard on his face.

"What book?'

"The novel, novella—the one you started at the cabin."

"That—that's nothing. Something I did to pass the time."

"But, you did go back to it at one point?" There was silence. Abby knew it was true. Much like a lawyer she never asked a question she didn't already know the answer to. "Maybe it's time you went back to it, Danny?" There was silence again. "Isn't that why you took your trip, Danny?" She paused again. "Isn't that why you're on this trip Danny? For closure?" Danny didn't look at her.

"Danny." Abby stood up and walked to Danny. She sat on the table in front of him.

Danny was taken aback. He moved as if he was going to get up, it was almost a flinch of sorts.

"Danny look at me?" She motioned for him not to leave, as if to say, if he did she would have just grabbed his arms and made him stay. "I don't know what you're talkin' about. Maybe that's okay. Maybe this is something you need to work out on your own. I have a good idea, but maybe this is just the crossroads you need to put this all behind you. You can lie to Maisy and you can lie to CJ, but you can't lie to me. I don't know what prompted you to just pick up and go off to Europe. I don't condone the idea of you just running away like that, it's just a pattern you'll never get out of-but honestly it has brought a positive change in you. I really believe you're committed to your health and your progress, but you have this last hurdle and I don't know how to help you unless you help yourself. You still have to find _some way_ of not living in the past anymore. Progress can be a deceptive thing, Danny, but you have—you have come a long way. You've come to terms with a lot of things, but you need to do something—physically, or emotionally, to leave this—to leave things in the past and focus on the _now_—not the future or the past, just now. We always heal and at first it doesn't seem like it, but we will, over time it all heals away—but sometimes we need to take the first step ourselves. 'Cause until you recognize-"

"Are you sayin' I should finish the book?"

"Danny, I'm saying you should do something," she said firmly and stood up. "I don't mean to be harsh, but there comes a point when I can no longer help you, Danny. There comes a point when you need to help yourself." Danny sat there and said nothing, but his face looked like it was running a mile a minute. "Ahh, Danny." She looked at him. "You've been in such a good mood since you've been back. I've noticed it." She paused. "You said your co-workers even noticed it." She sat on the edge of her desk and looked down toward Danny across the room. "Something you discovered in Europe put you in this state Danny, I can see it. What did you figure out? It's okay to admit it. You're hesitating to take that next step." Danny looked up at her. "Finish the thought. Danny."

Later that night Danny walked into his office. His day was through and the only light in the office was a small one on the desk next to his laptop. His bag laid in the couch somewhat behind the desk. He walked in slowly, with his hands in his pockets. As he passed his laptop he slid his hands over the side as if he was going to close it shut, but stopped. He turned around his desk and laid his fingers slowly on the mouse pad as if he didn't care. He found his fingers moving toward a file called Story.

Danny stood in front of the screen and just stared. He sat down for a moment deep in thought and then closed the laptop shut. Danny leaned over toward his bag, and lifted his hand through it as if he was looking for something. He checked the front pocket and then the back pocket, not seeing what he was looking for. He stood and walked toward the middle of the room before shaking his head and walking back to the desk. He checked the pockets again and found not what he was looking for, but the notes Maisy was supposed to type up for him.

"Maisy!" He yelled for her as he raised himself off the ground. "Did you not copy over those notes and transcribe those tapes I needed or did you just put them back in my bag…" He moved toward the door and found a strange-looking Maisy standing in front of him. He wasn't sure if she looked tired, upset, or had the sniffles. "Hey, I'm not mad." He laughed it off. He noticed Maisy was hugging a stack of papers to her chest.

"No, it's not….it's this." She released her hands to show Danny's crumbled pieces of paper.

"Where did you get those?" Danny's voice changed to concern

"Your bag." She motioned with a rolled-up tissue. "At first I thought-"

He grabbed the papers and looked at them for a moment.

"-they were the notes you wanted me to…"

"You had no right to read this. This is private." Danny turned and recoiled back to his desk.

"I didn't know you were working on another novel."

"I'm not." He opened his bottom drawer and threw the papers in.

"I just assumed they were your notes…"

"This is a work of fiction, you really think these are my notes from the Hayes interview…"

"I wasn't sure at first-"

"Then you should have stopped reading, Maisy…"

"I couldn't. It was so good. You're gonna publish it right?"

"I don't know. No. No. It's a lark."

"You have to finish it. I'm dying to know what happens to the couple in the story… Can't you tell me, can't you just tell me what happens."

"I haven't finished it yet." He made excuses for her to stop. "Get back to work Maisy." He tried to make himself busy.

"Come on, Danny, you always know what's gonna happen in your stories…."

"This isn't one of my stories, this is fiction…"

"You always map out what you're gonna write—"

"No," he snapped. "I'm not-I haven't finished it yet-just leave me alone about it, okay!"

"But, Danny—"

"Maisy! Stop!"

"Okay, okay. I'm sorry." She didn't understand why Danny was so upset. He wouldn't take her gaze as he sat himself back down at his desk. There was an awkward moment of silence. Danny turned his chair out the window.

Maisy began to fidget, unsure what she should do next.

"Okay, I guess if there's isn't anything else I can do for you, I'll go home."

"Night."

Maisy walked toward the door, but Danny's voice stopped her.

"There is something you can do for me." Danny looked out the window. All Maisy could see in the dark was his shadow. He was just a voice.

"Yeah, Danny?"

"I need you to call the White House for me. Ask for Margaret. I need an appointment with the Chief of Staff."

"Danny!"

"Don't judge it. Don't ask about it, just do it."

"They're gonna wanna know what it's about." No answer from Danny. "It'll be hard to get a time with the Chief of Staff with out a reason."

"I'll take care of that."

"With out a reason I don't know if I can—it takes a while for me to get you an appointment with the Chief of Staff, Danny."

"I know." He stressed.

"Why don't you just call her-"

"This is something I need to say in person."

"I still-"

"This is the only way."

"Okay." She nodded her head. She was very perplexed. Maisy started for the door, her head lowered, feeling un-easy and she didn't know why. She heard the faint sound of typing as she walked out. "Danny?" She turned and looked at him with her head cocked. "What are you going to do?" She asked with more behind the question than the words would imply.

"I'm gonna finish what I started." He didn't take her eye as he continued typing. Maisy walked out of Danny's office and closed the door behind her, something she almost never did. She picked up her phone. Inside the room, Danny paused from his typing for a moment. He lifted his right hand off the keys and reached into his left jacket pocket. Danny lifted his hand up and placed the small plastic tube from his pocket on the table next to him. He let his hand linger on it for a moment, then went back to his typing.

"I'm gonna finish what I started, CJ," he said to himself.

**"Devils & Dust" **

I got my finger on the trigger  
But I don't know who to trust  
When I look into your eyes  
There's just devils and dust  
We're a long, long way from home, Bobbie  
Home's a long, long way from us  
I feel a dirty wind blowing  
Devils and dust

I got God on my side  
And I'm just trying to survive  
What if what you do to survive  
Kills the things you love  
Fear's a powerful thing, baby  
It can turn your heart black you can trust  
It'll take your God filled soul  
And fill it with devils and dust

Well I dreamed of you last night  
In a field of blood and stone  
The blood began to dry  
The smell began to rise  
Well I dreamed of you last night, Bobbie  
In a field of mud and bone  
Your blood began to dry  
And the smell began to rise

We've got God on our side  
We're just trying to survive  
What if what you do to survive  
Kills the things you love  
Fear's a powerful thing, baby  
It'll turn your heart black you can trust  
It'll take your God filled soul  
Fill it with devils and dust  
It'll take your God filled soul  
Fill it with devils and dust

Now every woman and every man  
They wanna take a righteous stand  
Find the love that God wills  
And the faith that He commands  
I've got my finger on the trigger  
And tonight faith just ain't enough  
When I look inside my heart  
There's just devils and dust

Well I've got God on my side  
And I'm just trying to survive  
What if what you do to survive

Kills the things you love  
Fear's a dangerous thing  
It can turn your heart black you can trust  
It'll take your God filled soul  
Fill it with devils and dust  
Yeah it'll take your God filled soul  
Fill it with devils and dust

**Bruce Springsteen**-


	35. Still in DC: June & July

On The Road With Danny Concannon: DC

_The Center Cannot Hold_

**Episode**: Things Fall Apart

* * *

**William Butler Yeats: "The Second Coming" (1921)**

Turning and turning in the widening gyre (1)  
The falcon cannot hear the falconer;  
**Things fall apart; the center cannot hold;  
Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world,  
The blood-dimmed tide is loosed, and everywhere  
The ceremony of innocence is drowned;  
The best lack all conviction, while the worst  
Are full of passionate intensity.  
**  
**Surely some revelation is at hand;  
**Surely the Second Coming (2) is at hand;  
The Second Coming! Hardly are those words out  
When a vast image out of Spiritus Mundi (3)  
Troubles my sight: somewhere in sands of the desert  
A shape with lion body and the head of a man,  
A gaze blank and pitiless as the sun,  
Is moving its slow thighs, while all about it  
Reel shadows of the indignant desert birds.  
The darkness drops again; but now I know  
That twenty centuries (4)  
of stony sleep  
Were vexed to nightmare by a rocking cradle,  
And what rough beast, its hour come round at last  
Slouches towards Bethlehem to be born?

* * *

LATE JUNE

* * *

It was late June, but it was hot. As hot as Washington ever got this time of year and not just because of the weather. The newsroom was buzzing for more reasons then the weather and The Washington Post was once again the most popular and most famous newspaper in the country.

Maisy sat on Danny's file cabinet as he typed away. She held the newspaper in front of her reading out load, as Danny's typing became her soundtrack.

"Reporters live by the law of the jungle," said Tom Rosenstiel, director of the nonprofit Project for Excellence in Journalism. "You have your word, and the words have to mean something literally. Your credibility with all the future sources you might deal with, and the credibility of your organization, depends on people understanding that. The Post looks better today because Woodward and Bernstein allowed themselves to be scooped." Maisy pulled the paper away from her face and too a sip off her soda and a bite from her sandwich.

"You're reading me someone else's article _because_?"

"It's just _so_ amazing."

"I read the article." Danny seemed very uninterested. He stood up and walked over to his printer next to Maisy and the door.

"I can't believe you don't think this is amazing. They found Deep Throat. This is like a who shot Kennedy, where's Jimmy Hoffa kinda a thing."

"He _wasn't_ found. He was never missing-he just _revealed_ himself.."

"I can't believe this isn't exciting for you. This is amazing journalism history.

"Not, really." Danny smiled taking the pages from the printer. "Journalism history happen thirty three years ago. This is a scoop."

"True." She paused.

"It's a complicated story—you gotta look at all the factors-"

"What ya got there?"

"Nothing." He walked back to his desk.

"I was just-"

"Don't Maisy."

"What?" She dropped off the filing cabinet.

"Stop asking Maisy." Danny set the pages next to his lab top and sat back down.

"Asking, what?"

"The same thing you've been asking me for the last month and ever day in between."

"I'm just dying to know what happened."

"Maisy."

"Just a small taste. I gotta know."

"Stop asking."

"Okay." She paused. "Sorry."

"It's okay." He looked up at her. "How about lunch tomorrow we finish talking about Watergate."

"Really?"

"Sure."

"Ohh, I'd love that." She got excited. "I wanna know everything you know. Did I tell you I saw Woodward and Bradlee in the elevator!" She got all giddy.

"Yes." Danny smiled.

"Again I have to reiterate, your so much more enjoyable to be around lately. I like the new you. Well, the old you—new you."

"Yeah, well figuring some things out can help a guys personality." He set some pages into two piles on his desk and looked them over. Maisy started for the door.

"Oh." Maisy turned back around. "Speaking of figuring things out-still no word from Margaret on that appointment."

"Huh?" Danny looked up not having been in the same conversation as Maisy."

"Margaret—CJ"s secretary. You had me call her and make you the earliest appointment, but with out any _rhythm or reason_ to the appointment- she can't fit you in until after the conventions. So I told her to call me if there's an opening. And I haven't heard anything."

"Oh, yeah…"

"I don't think I'm gonna need that anymore."

"What?"

"I think I'm good."

"Your good? You acted like you had something important to say to her."

"Yeah." He paused. "I think I figured it out." He paused again. "I'm staying away."

"Okay."

Maisy walked toward the door. A phone was heard ringing and Danny and Maisy both went toward there person to check it if it was them.

"I left my phone in my jacket." Danny motioned toward his jacket hanging on the back of the door. "Hand it to me, would ya?"

"Yeah." Maisy reached into the pocket and took the phone. "Danny?" She asked as it rang. "It's CJ?"

"What?"

"It's CJ." She showed him the display.

"Here." Danny put out his hand.

"You sure?"

"Yeah."

"I thought you said you needed to stay away." Maybe your right, maybe this isn't such a good idea."

"If anything Maisy, she's my friend. That's what I need this to me. I can't make this such a big deal." He paused. "Give me the phone."

"I thought you were moving on—not that I think you should-but as your friend—I guess it's working for you."

"Phone."

Maisy handed over the phone and it stopped ringing. Danny lowered his hand.

"Sorry."

"No, No." He paused. "It's okay. It wasn't meant-if it's important she'll call back. That's how it should be."

Danny's office line rang. Maisy and Danny looked at the blinking, ringing light on his phone. He motioned his head toward Maisy. Maisy picked up Danny's phone and picked the bottom.

"Hello, Danny Concannon's office?" She paused and listened. "Yes, he's here. Who may I say is calling?" She put her hand over the receiver and took it away from her ear. "I'm not sure, but I think its CJ." Danny put his hand out for the phone.

"Yeah." Danny spoke with directness. "Yeah." He walked away from Maisy behind his desk and listened. "Are you-yeah yeah….No I…I… can't do that—I have a deadline…." He paused. "Yeah, I'll be here working most of the night." There was a short pause. "Okay." Danny walked back over to the receiver and hung up. Maisy looked at Danny with the largest question mark on her face. "Can you stay late?"

"Yeah, why?"

"We're getting a visitor." Danny walked toward the doorframe.

"Who?" Maisy turned to ask him.

"CJ." Danny ran his hand over the doorframe with a half smile, half from. He shrugged his shoulders and hit the doorframe before exiting into the outer office.

* * *

It was late, very late and Maisy and Danny sat in his office as if trying to find something to do, but really not getting the job done very well. They were waiting.

"Why don't you go home, Maisy." Danny stood up and garbed his jacket. Maisy stood. " "She's not coming." He smiled sheepishly and put his jacket on. "We can close up shop for the night."

"Okay." Maisy said with a sad grin. She stood. " "When did she say she'd come by."

"After work." Danny laughed. "Which is not a word at the…" He stopped as he heard the elevator ding and small-heeled footsteps fall on the manolemm floor and through the empty bullpen. It was an unmistaken sound.

Danny coughed while Maisy put her hands through his hair to put it in place. Maisy put her fingers in the water glass on the desk next to her Danny and with in a moment had flicked off the extra water and ran her hands once last time through Danny's hair. Danny gave her a strange look and he tried to walk away.

"Wait." She made him stop, but Danny didn't as Maisy reached out and adjusted his jacket collar.

"Hey." CJ spoke at the door.

"Hey." Danny looked at her. "Hey, Hey."

"I'll be…I'll be…out here." Maisy made herself out of the office.

"Hey."

"Hey." The door slammed and it made CJ jump.

"Hi." CJ nodded her head and walked pass Danny who followed her with his eyes.

"Hi."

CJ plopped herself down on Danny's couch and looked off into the distance. She looked preoccupied and drained. Danny still wasn't sure what his purpose in the seam of it all was.

"Can I get your something?"

"No, I'm good." She said with a lazy tilt to her voice as she lightly used her slender flingers to move a small piece of hair away from her face. She was in half shadow and half no as the blinds reflected on her face. Danny waited for more of an answer, but got none.

"Are you here for a reason?" Danny said with sweetness, putting his hands in his pocket not really knowing what to say.

"I wanted to talk." CJ moved her shifted her body and vision toward Danny, leaning forward and resting her wrists on her knees.

"This isn't something, we could talk about on the phone?" He asked with all concern and seriousness.

"No. I just needed to talk to someone…." She said with her own seriousness, but then took another note of what had just been said. "What? You don't want to talk to me in person?" She finally faced him.

"No, no. I just meant—you hardly have time in your schedule to talk to me on the phone—let alone stop by my office."

"What are you my mother….I meant that fugitively by the way." She ran her hand over her forehead and turned her head back toward the window "I shouldn't have come – this was a mistake."

There was a small pause. Followed by another one, before Danny felt the urge to speak.

"Isn't this usually followed by you walking out of my office."

"You have a very comfy couch."

"I'm sorry." He smiled slyly.

"You couch is comfortable. I like your couch."

"You like my couch."

"Yes, I like your couch."

"I could gift wrap it for you, if you really want."

"I can't move." CJ lowered her head and slide her slender fingers over her forehead. Danny walked over to the couch and sat down next to her. "I sat down here with all the ability and gumption to leave this place, but I'm just too tried to move. This not usually being the case—I'm told I have the energy of a jumping bean—one from guantlamala."

"What's wrong, CJ?"

"I'm so tried." She looked at Danny will almost tear filled eyes.

"Yeah, that happens. You know if you really want this couch gift wrap."

"I just needed to talk to someone…"

"I'm here." He said in a sweet whisper. She looked into his blue eyes.

"Would you sacrifice yourself for someone- someone you didn't know-even if it meant letting down the people you care about—the people who you trust—even if you knew it was wrong and you had to do it."

"Yes." He said slowly and with out hesitaion.

"You just such a moral guy, there aren't ya?."

"I am. That's why you love me."

"Yes—and no to that question."

"I meant that figuratively.'

"I get ya." She nodded looking into his eyes. "But, I do think-I do think." She ran her hands around his shoulder and placed them around her neck. "There are always people—friends-individuals in your lives that mean something to you—that are something beyond family—something beyond friendship and lovers and acquaintances-and if things were different." She paused. "I just mean-in your heart—you can care for people in the way you care for another human being—for a lover—without there being love—in the origins of the word. And if they had met in a different time—or a different place-maybe things would be different….in that sense."

"What's troubling you CJ."

"Many things." She leaned in. "Many, many things my friend." She leaned in. "So, many it could make your head twirl." She leaned in further and her lips brushed Danny for a kiss and she pressed hard, pressed so hard, Danny had to kiss her back. CJ pulled back breathless. "I should go." She said softly and stood. Danny lowered his head before looking back at her.

"You know I'm about this close to getting over you and then you come in here you're your long legs, and your scuffy face."

"I have a scuffy face?"

"No, no. You don't."

CJ looked around as if something came to her mind.

"You know there are just so many times you can say "breaks over" before there aren't any breaks….because it's over." She leaned her hand on the doorknob.

"You know how I seem to have that knack of translating CJ speak into actual words that make sense." He paused. "This one I don't get, quite yet.

"Do you have an aspirin?".

"Yeah."

"Could I have one?' She half wined.

"Sure." Danny took a bottle out of his pocket.

"You have a bottle of aspirin in your pocket?"

"I work at The Post."

"I thought you working at The Post was what gave me a headache."

She took a moment to try and open the bottle. She used small amount of pressure, and a large amount of pressure, making her face try not to wince with much force. She took a breath finally giving up and handed it to Danny who opened it with one turn.

"It's the child proof cap that's all." Danny smiled. "It is." CJ downed the two pills in her hand.

"No, water."

"It's a talent I've perfected."

"One of many."

"Saves time."

"Yes.." She half smiled. "Yes, it does." She shifted a piece of lint off Danny's shoulder.

"Why are you here CJ?"

"I like talking to you." She took a beat. "Sometimes you're the only one I feel I can talk to."

"And others."

"The only one I can't." She seemed scared by that.

"If you here for why I think you're here I—"

"It's not."

"Oh.."

"I came here because I needed someone to talk to—someone who didn't care who I was or what I did." She paused. "See, I came here with the idea to…" She paused. "I was going to." She paused. "But I can't."

"Do you have something to tell me, CJ?"

"No." She looked at him blankly.

Danny laughed and shook her head. "I don't believe you."

"Suit yourself." She looked down for a moment. Danny just laughed at her for a moment.

"Okay."

"You had to be you didn't you?" She sprung up. " All you—nothing, but you and I had to be me. I had to get the greatest job in the world working with some of the greatest people I've ever known and you had to be that guy—that guy who called us on everything, Rocker, Mandy's Memo, Qumar—but the scary thing was if you weren't that guy and I wasn't this girl. I'd never would have met you and never would have seen what an amazing man you are Danny. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. I just wanted you to know that." She smiled into his eyes.

"Thank you." He took her hand.

"Now, is the time when your suppose to—can't a man be gallant anymore, a woman can sometimes have a very sensitive ego—throwing it back ever once in a while instead of buying us a beer—might do us some good."

Danny smiled and looked into too her focus.

"If you saw yourself from inside my eyes you wouldn't be so sensitive." CJ smiled and went for the door. She opened the door, but paused before closing it for a moment. She turned her head and found herself face to face with Danny.

"I..I.." She looked down. "If you tell anyone this—or if you bring it up in my presence, I'll deny it, but…" She looked into his eyes. There was a knock at the door.

"Yes." Danny grinded his teeth.

"I'm so sorry, Danny, but Rothchild's been asking for you—he needs your copy now." Maizy dangled awkwardly in the doorway.

"At two A.M." Danny gritted his teeth.

"He's still here." She shrugged her shoulders. "I didn't know."

CJ lowered her head and walked toward Danny's desk. Maisy opened the door.

"It's okay." CJ lifted herself from Danny's desk and folded a pink memo note in half. "I have to get going." CJ walked toward the door and stopped next to Danny. "I'll see you at the convention."

"No, I'm not going this year."

"Oh…" CJ didn't know what to say. She took eyes with Maisy and felt very exposed. "Okay, then…"

"CJ?" Danny leaned in. "Are you sure you don't want to finish this…." CJ stopped Danny by leaning forward and taking Danny's hand. She leaned back from Danny's ear having not said anything. She smiled. "I'll see you soon, Danny." She took a step. "Thank you." She paused. "More then you know." She turned around and lowered her head. In a flash she was gone. Danny took the note he know found nestled in his palm. He opened the note and read CJ's small print.

"We're both lucky I didn't tell you."

Danny watched CJ walk away.

_I see you, but you don't see me  
Like a ghost of the future, hovering dark and dreamy  
You fade in and out of the mist  
Do you even exist, except in my wishful thinking_

Danny crumbled the paper in his hand and stood in his spot for a moment. After another moment he took a set of matches from his pocket. He opened the flap, with a penciled phone number on the flap, struck a match and with one hand set the paper on fire, in a calm calculated way as if he had done it before. Danny dropped the cindered paper into the trash underneath him and with his free hand took the glass of water off his desk and dosed the fire. It was done. He looked at the waste paper basket, as an idea seemed to spring from his mind.

_I reach for you, but I can't touch you  
I feel you just beyond a star  
Do you know how much you are all I ever wanted  
Is it too much too soon_

"Maisy." Danny walked slowly toward the door and rested his hand on the doorway.

"I'm sorry, Danny, he was asking why you were here, I had to-"

"No, it's okay."

"Tell him it's not ready."

"Okay." She stood up from her chair.

"Go home, Maisy." Danny shut the door.

_Am I foolishly dreaming  
Just baying at the moon  
Playing impossible visions like an elementary tune  
How I wish that I could realize my heart  
But it's only wishful thinking on my part_

* * *

Danny sat in the corner of his office, his fingers sore from typing as the hum of his laser printer underscored him in the background.

Outside Maisy walked into an empty office walking quickly as the floor looked like a ghost town in the early light. She stopped straight in her tracks as she saw Danny slowly, looking claim and peaceful, or perhaps just sleepy, walking out of his office.

"What are you doing here?"

"It's my office?"

"It's Sunday?" She noticed Danny was wearing the same clothes as when she left him that Friday night and his beard looked a little shaggy. "Have you been here all weekend?" Danny said nothing as he took a mug of coffee off Maisy's desk. Maisy looked at him strangely and noticed the sound of the printer. "You have something for me to post?"

Danny turned at the door in mid sip, "No." He said lifting up and looking at her calming. "No. I don't."

"Okay?" She seemed confused. "I guess if you don't need me, I'll see you Monday."

"Maisy." He yelled as he turned from the doorway. "You can do me a favor. On Monday morning, as soon as ya get in, I need you to call Margaret in the Chief of Staff's office, and you tell her I need the next opening that fills up in her schedule." Danny walked back into his office, almost in a trance, as he drank his coffee and the pages kept printing out of the printer one by one; page 341, page 342, 343, 344 and it seemed to never stop.

_I reach for you, but I can't touch you  
I feel you just beyond a star  
Do you know how much you are all I ever wanted  
Is it too much too soon_

Danny put on his favorite brown suit. He made sure his beard was trimmed and his tie was straight.

_Am I foolishly dreaming  
Just baying at the moon  
Playing impossible visions like an elementary tune  
How I wish that I could realize my heart  
But it's only wishful thinking on my part_

_Wishful Thinking—Carole King_

* * *

Danny sat in Margaret's office, fixing his tie and waiting, he had been waiting for a while, but he was use to that. In a moment's flash CJ came around the corner. It was almost strange seeing her in her own environment, it was like it was the first time he really saw her in years. It was if all there other meetings had been a dream and this was real. Under the hot flue sent lights this world seemed like the real one and the most easy to fall back into. Danny followed behind CJ as Margaret tried to let her know he was present by following behind Danny.

"Hey, CJ." Danny spoke as they crossed past Margaret's desk.

"I don't have time for you now, Danny." CJ handed a folder off to an aide who quickly disappeared. "Danny?" CJ stopped cold in her doorway.

"Hey." He smiled sheepishly.

"What are you doing here?"

"I have an appointment." Danny smiled in his professional way.

"He has an appointment." Margaret pocked her head between them.

"I thought I had an appointment-" CJ entered his office.

"Canceled." Margaret walked in toward CJ who was now behind her desk.

Danny walked in trying not to be in the way. Danny stood by the door looking around at the digs around him and trying to seem out of the way. He had waited this long he could wait a little longer. CJ eyed Danny and opened her mouth as if she wanted to speak, before looking over at Margaret.

"Oh." Margaret jumped a beat. "I'll be outside." Margaret left the office and shut the door.

"It's nice what you've done with the place."

"Danny, listen-you didn't have to come over here—I mean your more then aloud." She walked toward him. "What I did last week—I wasn't thinking—I hadn't slept—I needed someone to-I had a lot on my mind—"

"CJ."

"And I'm sure things I said—or didn't say—may have implied things—but you need to know—I wasn't in my right mind—"

"CJ."

"You should just disregard everything I said-you really don't have to be here—now…. in my office-so you can go."

"I see." He smiled. "Are you done?"

"Ahh..yeah?" She stood next to her desk now.

"That's not why I'm here—really." He paused. "I'm not here about your visit, but it did prompt me to come here—indirectly." He seemed calm. "I'm here for another reason." He walked closer. "I won't take much of your time, I just wanted to have a talk."

"Okay?" She was confused almost scared.

"Don't be scared, it won't hurt."

"Are here about a story?"

"No, this is personal." He nodded his head.

"I see" The blood almost seemed to train from her cheeks. Danny took a step forward, his hands held in front of him. She reached her hand to set it on a chair and missed for a moment."What is it then?" She pasted the back of her desk. She took a breath. Danny looked at her and nothing was said. CJ looked at Danny and shrugged her shoulders and furrowed her brow. "Why are you here Danny?"

"I came to take back my fish."

"What?"

"The fish?"

"You can't do that?" She said defensively.

"I can if I want, It's my fish."

"No, no. no! You can't take the fish. You gave me the fish and I've had this fish for eight."

"Seven."

"Yes, seven years and I don't think—"

"CJ. CJ CJ!' He laughed. "I was kidding."

"What?"

"I'm not taking the fish." He laughed.

"You're not." She felt foolish.

"No, I was kidding."

"Oh."

"But I did come here for a reason."

"You've said." She paused and leaned in to whisper. "There are other places we could do this."

"I'm sorry are there microphones around here." He looked around the office while humoring her at the same time."

"No, I just-"

"And..No, No." He said with his nocelatent directness. "We have to do this here." He walked forward. "I have to do this here." He paused and took a breath. "See…I knew if I started this somewhere else you'd just make some reason to…..walk away—hang up the phone, change the subject—I need your time—uninterrupted. I can't having you finding someway for us _not_ to have this conversation. I need to have this conversation, CJ-and you don't have to say anything—or really do anything-."

"Are you asking me to just lie there, Danny?" She smirked a laugh.. Danny didn't laugh like he always did.

"I only have about twenty five minutes left on my time soo…."

"Oh….sorry." CJ was taken aback by Danny's sense of purpose. She took a breath and sat. "I didn't-I mean…" She looked around awkwardly to sit. She sat down.

"You don't have to sit."

"I feel like sitting." She turned to look at him.

"This isn't really a sitting conversation."

"Somehow I feel it will be." She said almost to herself adjusting herself in the chair.

"It's just that I pictured you standing—-."

"I'll stand." She stood. "I'll stand."

"No, no you can sit-."

"Okay I'll sit." She paused. "Mind if I sit over on the couch?" CJ walked toward her coach as Danny nodded his head and CJ sat.

"Just bear with me—this is something hard for me so say."

"Okay." She said with a question to it.

"Do you mind if I start out with a story."

"A story, Danny?" She looked at her watch.

"I feel like I need to lead up to this."

"Okay?"

"If any thing bad happens I'm sure they're buzz you." He took a breath.

"Danny, do you want a drink of water?"

"No, no. I'm fine."

"You look pail?"

"I'm good." He looked at his watch. "We only have twenty minutes going here, CJ."

"Sorry, Sorry."

"Okay." He paused. "Here it goes." He paused. "And bare with me here. I guess the best place to start." He paused. "See I had this friend of mine—well, my best friend growing up—Dan." CJ started to laugh and held her hand over her mouth. "What?"

"Dan and Danny?"

"Yes, Dan and Danny—"

"Was this some a type of club?"

"CJ?"

"I'm just wondering if I can join?" She giggled. "No, sorry, you were telling a story." She crossed her long legs and leaned back.

"Yeah-so my friend and I…we were best friends-grew up together—played ball together—even went off to school together. But things happened. He stayed in Lancing married his high-school sweetheart-had a family did…."

"Everything you didn't."

"Yeah." He paused. "Everything I didn't"

"I had a friend like _Min_dy McCoy-"

"Huh?"

She's now a Meter maid—back in Ohio. I found her making out with my boyfriend in the backseat of her car in tenth grade."

"Mindy the Meter maid…"

".hummm…yeah….that's karma for ya."

"What? Danny your not going with this were I think your going with this?"

"CJ, please.."

" You want a family-" She stood. "You want what he has—well go out and get it. No one's stopping you. I'm not stopping you if that's were your going with us."

"CJ—"

"-I on the other hand have other things I want to do—and as happy I'm sure Mindy is…."

"CJ just let me-wait-As a meter maid?"

"Well for this argument let's say she's happy with her choice in life-as I am with mine."

"That's not what I'm saying, sit down CJ."

"You said I didn't need to sit for this."

"I'm talkin'—I just asking you to calm down—"

"Are you sayin' I'm the reason you don't have a family—don't lay this on me—not now—not now—I have too much to deal with—"

"I'm not saying that, I'm just sayin'- I'm sayin don't take things for grantic. I'm saying It made me see I can't take all that for grantic. That's what I'm doing. That's what I realized. That's what he taught me—that's what it took me a year to figure out. A year to find out what I needed to go on with my own life and be happy." He paused and CJ saw the confiction in his yes. "That's what was holding me back—making me feel stuck. Making me so conflicted and hurt. And now-and now I'm finally at peace about it-I'm okay. And yeah I blamed you for it—okay in my head at some time I did and I'm sorry—you may not have known it—but I'm sorry. I'm not sayin' I don't have those things because of you. I'm sayin I don't have those things because of me. Much like _Mindy_ ….I like what I do. In fact I love what I do. And not matter how much I regret it I've never given that up for anyone."

"No." She paused. "No, you wouldn't."

"I'm sorry about that," he said softly. "It seemed like the best decision at the time." CJ looked like her eyes were about to well up.

"I don't have time for this." She broke Danny's gaze and walked toward her desk. "I don't need you coming in here and rehashing all of this for no reason. I'm sorry you need to have this conversation, Danny. I don't. Not now. You need to stop doing this" She didn't look at him.

"I'm sayin' I'm not gonna bother you anymore, CJ. That's why I'm here. I'm not gonna Come around anymore Call you- bother you.."

"This meeting is over with…" CJ picked up the phone. "I have important things I need to do-"

"That's why I came here, CJ.".

"Margaret, can you get me the ambassador on the line-tell him I can finish up our conversation from this morning-"

"I'm over you."

CJ's month opened.

"He's what?" Margaret's voice could be heard over the line.

CJ hung up the phone.

"I'm sorry?" She looked pale.

"I won't be bothering you anymore, CJ." He paused. "That's all I needed to say."

"Danny." She laughed with a question mark. "Is this a joke—did Toby put you up to this." She laughed and took a breath.

"I felt it was the healthy thing to do. It's just something I needed to do. I'll go now."

"Are you seeing a therapist?"

"A friend."

"Your therapist is your friend."

"A college friend-well I guess that was about a year ago—now I'm seeing a friend of a friend."

"I think the point is you saw a therapist." CJ laughed.

"Thanks, CJ—thanks very much." Danny, unhappy, started to walk for the door and opened it.

"No, Danny, No." CJ walked around her desk. "Come back. I'm sorry." Danny held the door and looked back at her. "Close the door." She whispered and rolled her eyes toward the outside hallway.

"I'm sorry I didn't take your feelings into consideration."

"And."

"And I'm sorry I-you opened your heart to me and I—"

"Stepped on it with your three inch heels."

"Okayyy…not the words I was looking for—but ya know I'll take it."

"CJ."

"Danny….."

"I came here for a reason, I'd like to get it out please." Danny paused.

"I see you had a little speech planed."

"CJ," he scolded.

"Sorry."

"See I came here and I was hoping we could be friends—I didn't want to lose touch like I did in the past—too many lost years CJ. I did it with Dan and I don't wanna to do that with you. But I see now that can never happen. " He paused. "Good luck CJ." Danny's voices become moved with emotion. "You have a nice life. I mean that." He started to turn for the door.

"Danny, we can always be friends—just like you and Dan. I'm sure if you just picked up the phone and.."

"I can't, CJ." He looked at her

"Danny."

"I can't…" Danny opened the door.

"Danny, don't say that…"

"Dan died six months ago." He paused. "Have good life CJ—I hope you don't make the same mistakes I did." And Danny walked away.

CJ stood for a moment not going left; not going right.

She was just as frozen as Herminie herself. Margaret walked into the office and saw CJ looking ill and shaken.

"CJ, are you alright?" She waited for an answer and nothing came as an answer to Margaret's question.

"Danny!"

CJ ran after Danny through the crowds of people in the White House. "Danny!" She yelled as she thought she saw him round the corner. She bumped into Charlie not even stopping, as she got free of him. She followed the way she though he had gone and found herself in the communications bullpen.

"CJ?" Annabeth asked. "You look flushed—something wrong?"

"No." She took a gulp.

Toby exited his office. "Toby, did you see Danny come through here?"

"Danny?" CJ started walking again. "Danny's in Thailand, isn't he?."

"No, he was right here, in my office." She took a few more steps and out of the bullpen.

CJ found herself in the lobby of the White House. It was silent. CJ walked past the guard and into the outside. She looked left and she looked right. He was gone.

She walked deflighted back into her the white house. She walked past Toby who didn't say anything; he knew something was wrong, he let her pass.

"You wanna talk about it?" Toby pocked her head her office.

"No." She didn't look at him. "Not particularly."

* * *

Maisy walked into Danny's office holding the phone.

"I'm not here." Danny spoke in the darkness. Danny looked as if he was about to cry.

Maisy lowered her head and walked back to her desk. She could be heard in the background.

"No, he's not available—yes, yes I can take a message."

Danny's phone rang. He looked at the display. He thought for a moment. It rang again. He thought again. A creature of habit Danny answered the phone.

"Yeah."

"You don't just walk out on a woman like that, Danny." CJ spoke softly and sternly.

"I said what I need to say."

"You didn't let me say my side of the story."

"There is no your side of the story, CJ. What I did in your office today was for my benefit. You don't have to—"

"I have the right to finish the conversation."

"And what, have you explain yourself to make me feel better? I took a long time trying to feel better, CJ. I'm looking at the last nine yards here—and I'm finally doing good. You need to leave me alone and I need to leave you alone for a while. It's best."

"Meet me." There was silence. "I'm just asking for that." There was another silence. "Danny?"

"Where?'

"Thank you." She took a breath. "Not at the White House." She paused. "Meet me at ten in the park by the fountain. You know where it is?"

"Yeah."

"I can make an excuse and sneak out tonight."

"Okay."

Danny took a breath and hung up.

* * *

CJ pushed a few braches from the pathway and found a small desolate area near a small bench. She looked around seeing no one and observed how beauftul the water from the fountain looked in the moonlit night. She looked nervous and unsure. She didn't even know what she was going to say. She had two alternate endings inside of her and she didn't know which she would decided to let flow from her month, but deep inside of her she knew the answer.

Danny sat in his car he looked off at the park in the distance.

CJ looked at her watch and stood up looking around.

Danny put his key in the ignition and turned left leaving the park in the background.

I_ waited 'til I saw the sun_

_I don't know why I didn't come_

_I left you by the house of fun_

_I don't know why I didn't come_

_I don't know why I didn't come_

_When I saw the break of day_

_I wished that I could fly away_

_Instead of kneeling in the sand_

_Catching teardrops in my hand_

_My heart is drenched in wine_

_But you'll be on my mind_

_Forever._

CJ Looked at her watch again and up at the moon. It was getting late and she knew it; too late.

_Out across the endless sea_

_I would die in ecstasy_

_But I'll be a bag of bones_

_Driving down the road along_

_My heart is drenched in wine_

_But you'll be on my mind_

_Forever_

CJ, looking a bit in a daze, walked back into her office. She found herself sitting down and sitting in silence for a moment. After a moment she took the remote control and turned on the TV. The republican convention blared back at her. She leaned back in the chair and sense of piece came over her. The best way to describe it was it was a sense of piece in losing. It was all over, she felt. All over. And something knew was about to rise from it's ashes. She didn't know what it was, but she was at a sense of piece in what she felt was the crumbling of her Danny around her. She imagined Danny off content with himself with out her. Everyone one seemed to be moving on, but CJ.

_Something has to make you run_

_I don't know why I didn't come_

_I feel as empty as a drum_

_I don't know why I didn't come_

_I don't know why I didn't come_

_I don't know why I didn't come_

* * *

Danny sat in his office watching the convention, but his eyes and ears were not in the room. He was off somewhere and surprised even to himself not content or at piece in any way.

Danny picked up a patted envelope form his desk. A few months old it was crinkled from having been torn open and held in nap sake for a long drip through Europe. Danny lifted the package and let the contents fall into his palm: his best friend Danny's high school ring. He looked at the ring and held it right in his hand. He through the package onto the desk causing the note that was inside to fall to the outside and onto the desk.

"I give this to you. I have it helps you on your journey. I hope you find peace."

-Love Linda.

The Republicans looked for there second coming, and soon would the democrats, but Danny and CJ had learned their own second coming was at hand and the center could not hold; things fall apart not after too long.

Danny's phone rang. It just kept ringing breaking threw the silence in the room. First it was his cell phone and then the office phone sending a echo into the room from inside and outside the office. Ring. Ring. Ring; and it kept on going on.


	36. Land of Politics: Mid Late July

**On The Road With Danny Concannon:** Land of Politics

_The Last Nine Yards_

**Episode**: 2132 Votes

* * *

"_A little patience, and we shall see the reign of witches pass over, their spells dissolve, and the people, recovering their true sight, restore their government to its true principles."_

Thomas Jefferson

* * *

LATER: _LAST DAY OF THE CONVENTION: JULY_

* * *

Music was the only thing in the dark room

_So, so you think you can tell. Heaven from Hell, Blue skies from pain. Can you tell a green field from a cold steel rail? A smile from a veil? Do you think you can tell?_

Danny sat in a large armchair looking at the screen in front of him with nothing, but the picture going, no sound. The radio played Pink Floyd as his eyes glassed over.

_And did they get you to trade your heroes for ghosts? Hot ashes for trees? Hot air for a cool breeze? Cold comfort for change? And did you exchange. A walk on part in the war  
For a lead role in a cage._

Maisy sauntered into the dark room and stood next to the radio and the doorway. Danny didn't notice a thing.

_How I wish, how I wish you were here. We're just two lost souls, Swimming in a fish bowl, Year after year, Running over the same old grou—."_

Suddenly the music stopped.

"What's it called when you can't get Pink Floyd out of your head?" Danny spoke not even looking at her. He knew who had turned the music off.

"I think it's called hitting the wall." Maisy took a pause "Are you even watching this?" She waited for an answer, but got none. Maisy walked over to the television and saw the screen. "I guess Russell sounds better with the sound off anyway."

Danny grumbled and slowly raised himself from the chair. He gave Maisy his back as he faced the side of his desk, almost touching it. Maisy still stared at the silent scene.

"What is this like the three hundredth time they've rerun this-like we didn't just see it yesterday and the day before that-" She looked over at Danny. "I guess when you're waitin' for something to happen, there's nothing really else to do…." Danny slowly put his jacket on. Maisy eyed Danny's usual carry-on packed and in the corner.

"Except maybe show a bunch a people standing around between speeches, just waitin-You leavin' somewhere?"

"Maybe," he said without giving much away.

"Danny…" she said in a soft voice.

"What's the use stayin' here. This story has its end." Danny turned around. "Russell's got the nomination." Maisy didn't look happy about the comment. "Sorry, did I spoil the ending?"

"You don't know that." She said optimistically.

"Oh, I know that." Danny crossed to his bag.

"I don't agree." She paused. "Without the underdog what's worth rooting for?" She walked toward him. "If it happened once—it can happen again—life and politics have a way of repeating themselves. You said that yourself, Danny."

"More like _History_-I said something like that—which is why I stand by my statement."

"That's not what you meant-"

"That was a long time ago."

"How long?"

"Before I'd seen it all."

"I don't believe you."

"Believe it."

"You of all people I never thought would get jaded."

"You'll understand when you're older," he said sweetly. "It's not jaded, Maisy, I've just lived long enough to know how it goes." He half-smiled as if to say. "Trust me here." Danny turned back to his things.

"Well, I guess at some point we'll know the answer." She waited for an answer from Danny. She walked closer and he still didn't give her notice. "We'll have to just wait and see."

"Yeah, waiting, I know all about that." Danny zipped closed his travel bag.

There was a long pause as Danny got the rest of his things together.

"Listen…." Maisy dragged out the word. "Sooo…." Danny turned to look at her. There was a small pause. "….Am I still fired?" There was a big sound and then silence as the lights started to fade in and out. "No, not the air-conditioner, again."

Danny saw the strips of paper attached to the air-conditioned go up and down and the light start to brown out. It reminded him of something.

"Danny?" Maisy called, but her voice just trailed off in Danny's ear.

* * *

ABOUT A WEEK BEFORE

* * *

The blade of the fan spun so fast it looked like a blur. Carole King's Sweet Season played on the radio as the three fans in Danny's office went full blast. It was one of those terrible Washington, DC summers. Hot, sticky, and dead as it could be during a convention season. The biggest news in town was all over the TV about the leak and the biggest news around the Washington Post office was that they had been scooped, that is it would have been if the air-conditioner hadn't been broke for two days. The sweat dripped off everyone like the water melting off the water glasses, dewy and wet. The only solitude was that moment and a half under the fan as it danced by on its tour around the office. Maisy sat at Danny's desk to be near the fan as she sorted through small index cards, helping Danny find something as he looked through his own stack.

"What am I looking for again?" Maisy asked.

"We'll know when we find it."

"No, you'll know when you find it—I won't—"

"Just keep looking."

"Why do I feel like this is just tedious work to take me away from what you're really working on."

"Ahh humm." Danny wasn't listening.

There was a small pause.

"So, what story is this one for again?"

"I didn't say."

"Oh."

Maisy looked up at the TV.

"So, what's so wrong with this leak? I mean they saved lives right?

"It was classified information."

"Kinda like Watergate?" She got excited.

"Something like that." He took a breath. "Only different—and much worse." Danny made a note on a piece of paper and went back to the cards.

"This could be interesting." She was still looking at the television.

"We'll see."

"Who do you think it is?" She looked back at Danny.

"I have no idea, Maisy—it's not my story."

"I know, I know—but I mean speculation—"

"Not my story, Maisy."

"But you're working on it, right?"

"I'm working on _this,_ Maisy."

"And you'll still not gonna tell me what you said to CJ in her office."

"Stop it, Maisy." He finally looked up from his work.

"I just—"

"What did I tell you—I don't want to discuss it."

"You can at least tell me what happens in the book."

"Maisy."

"I know you finished it—I saw—"

"No, Maisy."

There was a pause and Maisy stood up.

"I'm getting a cold drink, you want one?"

"No, I'm fine." He didn't look up.

"Can I just ask you one question?"

"About?"

"Just the pages I read already—"

"Maisy."

"One question—" Danny looked at her and didn't protest. "I'll take that as a yes."

"Whatever you want?" He went back to his work.

"The girl, her last name in the story, Isis—is that from the Dylan song?"

"What Dylan song?" Danny stood up and walked to a filing cabinet trying to distract himself from Maisy.

"Isis—" She began to speak a few bars. "Isis, oh, Isis, you mystical child. What drives me to you is what drives me insane…ahhhh. I still can remember the way that you smiled. On the fifth day of May in the drizzlin' rain."

"I don't know the song."

"Really?" She didn't seem to believe him, stretching out the word. "I'd think you'd be the Dylan type?"

"Yeah, well I'm not." He wasn't very believable as he tried to find ways to busy himself. He slammed closed the fling cabinet.

"Cause the song's about a guy who leaves the country to get over a girl, well the girl's his ex-wife, but-"

Danny's cell phone rang. Maisy looked at it. Danny ignored it. Maisy reached for it.

"Don't answer it." It finally stopped ringing only to be followed by the ringing of Danny's office phone.

Maisy looked very confused. Danny's eyes said no, but before he could speak Maisy had reached her hand out and answered the phone.

"Danny Concannon's office." She listened at the other end. "I'll see if he's available." She put her hand on the receiver and leaned toward Danny.

"It's Isis." Danny looked at Maisy, confused. She rolled her eyes. "It's CJ," she said with enthusiasm. Danny looked up from her desk with a disapproving look.

"I'm not here."

Maisy took an unhappy breath and got back on the phone begrudgingly. "Oh, yes, he seems to not be here—no, I don't believe he's covering the convention in San Diego…yes, I'm very sure about that….I'm sorry?…..You can leave your name if-." The person hung up and Maisy hung up the phone

"How many times-ahhh, Maisy!" Danny stood up and walked toward the TV. "No, calls from CJ." Maisy didn't know what to make of it. Danny looked over at the TV report on the space shuttle leak. "Hey, Maisy." He stopped her. "Anyone asks- last week, CJ wasn't here to see me."

"You're asking me to lie?"

"She was never here." He lowered his head.

"Okay." She understood and she left Danny alone watching the report. "No more calls," he said under his breath. "Clean slate."

The TV report was like background muzac in the halls of the White House. Margaret could hear it, but she wasn't much paying attention. She quickly took the end of her pencil and rubbed it over Danny's name in CJ's appointment book—where she had penciled him in. She blew the shards left by the action with her lips and brushed it away from the page with the action of her hand. She could hear Toby asking CJ about getting a lawyer and two agents in the foreground in front of her. She closed the book.

* * *

TWO DAYS LATER

* * *

"Its gonna be another hot July day here in the big DC." Maisy watched the television report while sitting at Danny's desk and letting the fan slowly hit her.

"I feel bad for anyone who doesn't have air-conditioning, Todd."

"Who doesn't have air-conditioning?" The male anchor responded. Maisy threw her shoe at the television. The anchors both laughed.

"Maisy." A young man, Richard was his name, spoke to Maisy from the hallway. "Why don't you go home—it's like a sauna in here?"

"I can't leave 'til the boss man tells me to."

"I thought your boss was on the road."

"Not right now."

"I'm doin' a coffee run for the floor, you wanna iced coffee frap?"

"Yeah, with—"

"Extra whip-cream."

"How'd you know?"

"I remember." He smiled and walked off. Maisy smiled. It was sweet and he was kinda cute. She put her feet up on the desk and hit a note pad on the way. Maisy took the note pad and just as she was about to discard it she noticed writing on the pad that had worn through. She looked at the door for a moment and then found herself a pencil and began rubbing it over the notepad. When she was done she had a cryptic writing she didn't know what to make of: 1723 G14

Maisy heard a noise and quickly crumpled the paper into her pocket. Danny entered the office and threw his bag on a chair.

"Maisy?" He had just noticed her.

"I was just using some of your fan power." She stood.

"Ahh… yeah… sure."

"Danny?

"Yeah." He looked up.

"You've been gone all day—what gives?"

"Ah…yeah….Sorry-"

"Danny?"

"Yeah—"

"Can I go home?"

"Yeah, sure."

"You seem distracted?"

"Just figuring out something in my mind."

"A story?"

"What?"

"A story?"

"Of course." Danny walked over to his desk and looked over the paperwork on it. "Everything's always a story," he said under his breath.

"Where were you?"

"Out."

"You wouldn't be out somewhere writing-"

"Maisy stop it—I told you to stop askin' me." His voice was very harsh. Danny took off his jacket to reveal a white taped bandage on his hand.

"Danny, what happed to your hand?" Maisy ran over to him.

"This, nothing—I burned my hand on the stove last night."

"Whatta ya do-toss your hand in the flame?" Maisy said sarcastic observing how large the bandage was.

The phone began to ring.

"Phone." Danny walked away and outside into the office. Maisy ran after him and over to her desk. As Maisy picked up the phone, Danny put out his hand for messages.

"Messages?" Maisy handed Danny a few pink messages.

"Yes, please hold." Danny was halfway to his office door when Maisy stood looking a little pale holding the receiver in her left hand.

"Danny, wait?"

"No calls." Danny turned his head.

"I think this one's important, Danny."

"I'm not here." People were starting to look at them.

Maisy looked around at the packed office out of the corner of her eyes. Danny walked away.

"Danny!" she yelled as much in a whisper as she could.

"Take a message."

"Danny, please?" She motioned for him to come over, away from people's ears.

"I don't feel like talking right, now." He went for the door.

"Danny…"

"I'll call them back."

"Danny!"

"What?"

" I have CJ. Cregg-" She said in her most professional voice.

"Oh, no. No, especially not this call." Danny really had had it with this and the office began to notice.

"Danny?

"We've been through this, Maisy….."

"Danny?" Danny stopped speaking finally. "I have the office of the Chief of Staff. On the phone for you." She motioned with her eyes and spoke through her teeth for the whole world was now watching them. "For the President of the United States."

Danny took a breath through his noise and saw everyone watching him.

"Give it." He took the phone from Maisy and she hit the hold button. She stood and listened next to the phone.

"Ohh yeah—hey Margaret." He paused. "Today? I don't…." He paused and listened. "What kinda a story?" He paused. "I see, I still don't-" Danny took a breath. "Yeah—no, I can be there." He sighed. "What time?…Ahh yeah—thanks." Danny handed Maisy back the phone.

"Danny?"

"Looks like I have a meeting with the Chief of Staff." Danny looked tortured.

"Danny…." Maisy stood, concerned.

"I have a meeting with the Chief of Staff—that's all, Maisy." He paused. "I'm just doing my job." And he walked into his office. Maisy followed. There was a long silence as Danny tried to collect his thoughts and get his head around the idea of having to see CJ again.

"So, I guess now is a bad time to ask if your done with your story."

"What is with you and this damn story!"

"I was kidding."

"No, you're not." He turned to pace. "When people joke that way—there's always truth behind it."

"Okay-" She felt ashamed. "I'm just so fascinated with what's gonna happen - what's so wrong with that? I can't control myself, I'm sorry-"

"It's not anything, Maisy—it's not even good—its just some drivel I put down to paper—it doesn't matter what happens, because it's not real—so why does it matter. None of it is real-" He took her attention. "Don't you see it's not real."

Maisy looked scared for a moment, but she fought back. "It's real to me—that's all that matters. It's real to me and sometimes we all need something to grab our attention—keep us going-you should be flattered I can't control myself. It's that good-"

"You gottta stop it, Maisy." He started to pace.

"Just a taste—I won't show it to anyone, I promise…"

"Stop it, Maisy," he murmured.

"Come on, you've hooked me—what do you want from me?"

"A little patience would be in order, here…. considering the circumstances!" He exploded. "Oh hell, never mind."

"So, the book is about CJ, isn't it?" Her whole face lit up with a smile.

"I've asked you a million times…you ask me about the book…. about CJ—you give me a call from her when I _explicitly_ told you-"

"Hey, whoa….that's not fair—that was the Chief of Staff's office on the phone-it could have been work related-just because you've just finally come to terms with some closure with the Chief of Staff to the un—"

"I….I….don't think this is gonna work out—Maisy." He gave her his back and paced for a moment, looking down at the floor.

"Okay—okay—I didn't know this took precedence over your job—it never did before."

"No, no, Maisy, I don't think _this_ is going to work out." Maisy caught her breath on the slight realization of what Danny was saying. "This, you and me—I don't need this in my life right now-"

"Danny, what are you saying?"

"I don't think I need an assistant anymore." He looked at her and walked toward his desk. "At least one who doesn't listen to what I have to say—" He reached his desk and looked her in the eye. "And who can't stay out of my business when I ask."

"What are you saying, Danny?" She didn't want to believe it.

"Pack up your desk, Maisy—you're fired." Danny took his bag and stormed out of the office. Maisy stood there frozen. She felt hurt and she felt like an idiot at the same time. She leaned her hand into her forehead. The lights flicked on and off, then on and off, and finally the air-conditioner turned on. Maisy took a breath.

* * *

Danny drove up to the White House and had familiar feelings. He showed his ID to the guard and was let in. He saw the largeness of the building and the darkness of the night; it all made him feel ominous. Especially when he was escorted down to the basement of the building and into the dark mess hall.

The chairs were all set on top of the tables and a few shards of light, from above, shown on to them. Danny took a chair off one of the tables and sat himself down, and waited. He waited about ten minutes and then he got restless and stood up, pacing between the wall behind him and the chair. It was the waiting he was getting tired of. With his back now to the door he heard a voice. Danny turned around and ran his hand over his beard.

"Hi." His body was filled with tension he tried not to show.

"Hey." CJ spoke. "I have a plane to catch—I have a car coming…..Margaret may come in here and….ahh… let me know when it gets here—it's a commercial flight so I can't-."

"Sure." Danny tried to be professional. As did CJ. It was awkward.

"Thanks for coming."

"Well, when you're summoned by the Chief of Staff's office…."

"You wouldn't answer my phone calls."

"There was a reason for that."

"Danny….."

"Why am I here, CJ?"

"You just walked out—"

"I said what I need to say."

"Well, I haven't."

"I'm sorry, CJ…. but that really isn't the point."

"I'm sorry?"

"I didn't come to your office for you- I came for me and I think you need to respect my wishes and just let me be. I said what I had to say, now if you'll excuse me." Danny walked toward the door and CJ stood in front of him. "Let me go, CJ."

"You don't just walk away from a person like that. I have a side to this story, ya know?"

"You don't need to do that-"

"Well, I want to."

"You don't."

"I do."

"I say you don't!"

"And I say I do!"

"CJ, I said what I needed to say." Danny felt like a broken record. "Last week, wasn't about you—it was about me—I had something I needed to say-something I needed to do - to get _on _with the next stage of my life." CJ turned around and made a circle with her body. "I can't be coming back here and rehashing things—!"

"I'm not asking you to rehash anything."

"Oh, come on…."

"Hey, the least you could do was answer my phone calls..."

"And what? Listen to you tell my how _sorry_ you are- How it's not me—it's _you. _I don't need that. I don't need you to make me feel better—or better yet I don't need _you_ to use _me_ to make yourself feel better." He paused and finally looked her in the eye with great passion. "Right, now the worst thing I need is you going on and on about how _"We can just be friends."_

"You said that, not me." She folded her arms.

"_Hey_, you know what I mean!"

"Excuse me." Margaret peaked her head in, feeling awkward. Danny turned his back and faced the wall. "CJ, the car is here."

"Ohh, yeah." She turned toward Margaret. "Give us five minutes."

"Okay." Margaret stepped out.

"I think that's my cue to go." Danny walked toward the door.

"You always have to have the last word, don't you?"

"Senator Hugh Scott once said never get into an argument with a priest or a newspaper." He paused. "One gets the last word with God, the other with its readers." Danny ran his hand over his beard and turned around. He looked at the walls and there was a large amount of silence. He took a breath and looked at CJ. CJ looked as worn and drawn as he felt.

"It's nice to know you opened…" Danny gestured toward where Margaret had exited. "…a large amount of _space_ for me."

"It was the only time I had to fit _this_ in."

"So, what is this?" He gestured about. "This." He took a short pause. "Why do _they_ think I'm here?" He pointed skyward.

"They think it's about the leak." She felt guilty about her lie.

"The leak, huh?" Danny took a small laugh. "Do I know anything?"

"No."

"Am I saying anything?"

"No."

"Well, good, I'd hate to think my imaginary self didn't have integrity."

"That'd be hard."

Danny was taken aback by the compliment, but not surprised. He quickly went back to his agenda in the room.

"You gonna have her lie about our meeting last week—"

"No one is going to lie about anything—"

"It looks bad, CJ."

"I don't need to lie." She looked at him sideways. "I know a lot of people in the press—"

"You have a lawyer?"

"I don't need a lawyer."

"You should just be sure."

"I don't need a lawyer, Danny." She paused "What is this? You, Toby-do you think I'm the leak?"

"Do I think you're the leak?" He paused. "Do I think it's something you'd think about doing? Yes. Do I think you did it?" He paused and CJ waited for his response. "No." She took a breath. "No, I don't." He paused as he saw the look of thank you on her face. "Why _am_ I here, CJ?"

"I told you, I wanted to set the record straight…"

"And this couldn't be accomplished in an e-email or a text message."

"Don't be curt."

"I think I can be anyway I damn well please-I'm going through a cathartic thing here-I'm having a life change-I'm getting on with my life and takin' a moment to taste the strawberries before I fall off that branch so either we get down to brass tacks—or I got things to do.." CJ said nothing, but she looked like she was struggling with what to say. He took a breath. "CJ, I don't need you to _apologize _to me. You're off the hook. And if you make me stand here one more minute, I may just say something to you I'll regret. Again, I've said what I need to say—"

"Well, I haven't!" she screamed. It was an outburst CJ seemed to be surprised she had.

"_I_ put myself in this mess." He paused. "And I've dealt with the consequences a hundred times over. This is _my_ deal. I don't know how many more ways I can say this. This is something I need to deal with, not you." He jammed his two middle fingers into his chest. "Like I said -I said what I came to say—I'm done—I'm said my piece. Let me go, CJ. I don't blame you. It's okay. Please respect what I have to say." He saw how his temper was getting the better of him and he lowered his voice and spoke sincerely. "I gotta go."

"Don't go."

"What is it, CJ!" He took two steps in her direction. "Cause unless there is something new you need to tell me—something else you haven't said or gone over…" CJ said nothing. Danny saw something in her eyes, he thought. "Is there anything else you want to tell me, CJ?" She turned away from him and Danny persisted. "CJ!"

"You really need to leave, right now, CJ." Margaret looked pretty freaked to be in the middle of it all.

"No, no." Danny put his hand out to Margaret, but looked at CJ straight. "We're not done here, yet" He growled at her. "Are we, CJ? Do you have anything else to say to me?" She didn't respond. "Is there something else you have to say to me! CJ?"

CJ took a deep breath and lifted her head. She looked Danny in the eye and in her smallest, yet deepest voice she spoke to him straight in the face the way she always had.

"No."

"Okay. Fine." Danny was upset. "Then I guess we're done." He walked toward the door. "I have a plane to catch."

"So do I." CJ lowered her head and exited the mess.

"Margaret can show you out." CJ yelled as they both reached the stairs.

"If you hurry you can still get there on time." Margaret hurried in front of them.

"I think I can find my own way out of here by now." Danny scoffed as they reached the hallway of the White House. They walked arm to arm for a time. CJ looked over at Danny.

"Stop following me."

"I'm not following you—this is how I go out." Danny didn't even look at her. Margaret looked back at them.

"Go out another way."

"This is how I exit." They turned a corner, still in step with each other.

"Stop following me!" CJ stopped.

"I'm not following you." Danny screamed and CJ started walking again.

"You're following me!"

"I am not. I think I'd know—"

"Stop it-go out another way, Daniel." They turned a corner.

"I can go out any way I please."

"This is getting ridiculous!" She stopped in front of the mural room.

"What is?"

"Get in here." CJ opened the door to the mural room.

"No."

"Just get in there."

"Noooo—"

"Why won't people listen to me when I say, "get in there."

"What are you—" CJ ushered Danny into the room. Margaret turned to see what was going on.

"CJ, you don't have—" but the door was slammed just about in her face. There was the sound of yelling and then nothing. Total silence. After a the silence Margaret heard the door open and she jumped out of the way just in time to find a beaten looking CJ walking face down, as she hurried down the hall way. Margaret took one look at the door and then at CJ and followed CJ out. The sound of women's shoes could be heard through out the place.

After another moment the door opened slowly again. Danny Concannon slowly walked out, looking as if he had just been hit in the head with a frying pan. Danny had finally gotten his answer, but was he sorry he did. He held the large door with one hand and let it go. He took a step and then found the back of his head resting against the door behind him. Danny took a breath.

_Come away with me in the night  
Come away with me  
And I will write you a song_

Danny never felt so small in that hallway and for some reason never so alone.

_Come away with me on a bus_

CJ looked at herself in the mirror before being pulled away by Margaret. Her bags were placed in the trunk of the car.

_Come away where they can't tempt us  
With their lies._

Danny took a step and walked out of the White House. Behind him Kate talked with a few agents and parted. She saw Annabeth and asked where Toby was. Danny never turned around; his back was always to them. He left it all behind him.

_I want to walk with you  
On a cloudy day  
In fields where the yellow grass grows knee-high  
So won't you try to come._

_Come away with me and we'll kiss  
On a mountaintop  
Come away with me  
And I'll never stop loving you_

Across town, Danny finished packing his bags and zipped the last of his belongings. Two bags and a laptop-he was pretty much set to go. He took a cab and found himself waiting, in his office, watching the convention and waiting out his departure.

_And I want to wake up with the rain  
Falling on a tin roof  
While I'm safe there in your arms  
So all I ask is for you  
To come away with me in the night  
Come away with me._

Kate walked into Toby's office to tell him something he didn't want to hear. Across town Danny set his fingers across a row of dominos he had set next to each other. Kate closed Toby's door with a silent slam and Danny let the dominos fall to the ground.

"Are you even watching this?" She waited for an answer, but got none. Maisy walked over to the television and saw the screen. "I guess Russell sounds better with the sound off anyway."

Danny grumbled and slowly raised himself from the chair. He gave Maisy his back as he faced the side of his desk, almost touching it. Maisy still stared at the silent scene.

"What is this like the three hundredth time they've rerun this-like we didn't just see it yesterday and the day before that-" She looked over at Danny. "I guess when you're waitin' for something to happen, there's nothing really else to do…." Danny slowly put his jacket on. Maisy eyed Danny's usual carry-on packed and in the corner.

"Except maybe show a bunch a people standing around between speeches, just waitin-You leavin' somewhere?"

"Maybe." He said without giving much away.

"Danny…" She said in a soft voice.

"What'sthe use stayin' here. This story has its end." Danny turned around. "Russell's got the nomination." Maisy didn't look happy about the comment. "Sorry, did I spoil the ending?"

"You don't know that." She said optimistically.

"Oh, I know that." Danny crossed to his bag.

"I don't agree." She paused. "Without the underdog what's worth rooting for?" She walked toward him. "If it happened once—it can happen again—life and politics have a way of repeating themselves. You said that yourself Danny."

"More like _History_-I said something like that—which is why I stand by my statement."

"That's not what you meant-"

"That was a long time ago."

"How long?"

"Before I'd seen it all."

"I don't believe you."

"Believe it."

"You of all people I never thought would get jaded."

"You'll understand when you're older." He said sweetly. "It's not jaded, Maisy, I've just lived long enough to know how it goes." He half smiled as if to say, "Trust me here." Danny turned back to his things.

"Well, I guess at some point we'll know the answer." She waited for an answer from Danny. She walked closer and he still didn't give her notice. "We'll have to just wait and see."

"Yeah, waiting, I know all about that." Danny zipped closed his travel bag.

There was a long pause as Danny got the rest of his things together.

"Listen…." Maisy dragged out the word. "Sooo…." Danny turned to look at her. There was a small pause. "….Am I still fired?" There was a big sound and then silence as the lights started to fade in and out. "No, not the air-conditioner, again."

Danny saw the strips of paper attached to the air-conditioned go up and down and the light start to brown out. It reminded him of something.

"Danny?" Maisy called, but her voice just trained off into Danny's ear.

"It's just leveling off." He waited a moment and the air returned. Maisy gave a sigh of relief. Danny returned to his papers behind him. He needed to finish his last bits of packing.

"So…." Maisy didn't know how to say it.

"No, Maisy." He turned to her. "You're not fired."

"Oh…thank god." She took a sigh of relief. Danny turned to face her.

"I'm sorry about that."

"I understand."

"You should take it as a compliment I wanted to read it so badly."

"It wasn't that." He said sweetly.

"I know." She said softly. They smiled.

"Thank you." It meant a lot to Danny.

"You really going?"

"It's an election season." Danny looked at his watch.

"Danny-"

"Hey, Maisy—how 'bout I make it up to you and I let you read some of my…..story." He smiled.

"You're kidding!" She got so excited.

"No, go out get us some cool caffeine drink across the street—come back and I'll have it for you."

"Oh, my god, thank you so much-you won't regret it!" She turned for the door. "Let me get my purse." She could be heard outside the door. "I'm so excited! I'll be right back!" Danny heard the elevator ding and close. Danny walked over to his bag and finished setting the papers into his carry on. He lifted his carry on over one shoulder and his lap top bag over the other. Danny took a breath and walked out of his office. He leaned over Maisy's desk and wrote something on a Post-It and set it on her computer screen. Danny adjusted his strap on his shoulder and walked out. The note said. "Maisy I'm sorry."

* * *

Maisy returned, excited about the future, but knew she had been duped when she found the Post-It on computer screen. She already had the inkling, when she returned to an empty office. She's been had. Maisy's shoulders dropped and she threw herself into her desk chair. She spun around and looked up at the television just in time to see Santos and Leo McGarry on the podium. "Oh, my god." She smiled. "See, you can be wrong sometimes, Danny—I wish you'd see that." She wished she knew where he was. The phone rang.

"Hello, Danny Concannon's office. Yes yes….I'm watching this-this is amazing-what did I miss when I was out getting-" Her other line flashed. "No, no. Looks like I'm stuck here alone for a few years—" It kept blinking. "Hold on, Mac, I got another call." She pushed the button. "Hello, Danny Concannon's office."

"Yes, hello, may I speak with Mr. Concannon please," said the male voice.

"I'm sorry he's not here—may I take a message." Maisy looked around for the remote to make the TV louder.

"Yes, this is American Airlines." Maisy perked up in her chair. She dropped the remote.

"American Airlines. Ahhh-" She scrambled for a Post-It and tried to remember all of Danny's advice on getting information out of a person. "This is Mr. Conconnan's assistant—is this about his flight out tonight?" She squished her eyes and raised her hands hoping it was the right question.

"Yes, it is." The voice said.

Maisy did a silent "yes!" "Ahhh-yes, is there a problem?"

"Mr. Conconnon purchased his ticket online and I'm afraid there was a mistake in departure time and we just wanted to inform our customers—I'm afraid this was the only number we could find in our files for him."

"Ohh—yes, I do all of Mr. Concannon's flight arrangements—I can relay him the message."

"The flight will actually be leaving an hour later at two a.m. and not one a.m."

"Yes, great I'll let him know-" She looked at the clock, it said midnight. "You're cutting it close, aren't you?" She really wasn't talking to him.

"Umm—yes, we are sorry we just wanted to inform our customers personally and apologize for the mistake. It's our new customer service-"

"Yeah, yes, of course-And that was his flight to Munich?"

"No, Chicago?"

"Yes, yes, of course Chicago …" It all hit her. "Of course, Chicago…" She trailed off and then back to the call. "I make so may plans for him I forget when he's coming or going." She wrote Chicago on her note pad. "National?"

"Dulles?"

"Yeah, of course." Maisy finished her writing and pulled the sheet off the notepad with a tear.

"We would again like to apologize-"

"Yeah, yeah." Maisy stood.

"And we are sorry for—" And Maisy hung up on him. She had already grabbed her coat and bag and was out the door.

* * *

Maisy ran down the terminal. It would almost be time for boarding and she could catch him before he left. She got to a fork in the path and saw a large board. She looked up at and to her horror found two flights to Chicago. Maisy began to almost freak out. She put her hands in her pocket and found a piece of paper. She pulled it from her pocket to discover it was the same piece of paper she had gotten from Danny's office; with the rubbed off numbers. Maisy looked at the numbers and something seemed to click. She looked at the board, and looked at the numbers, she looked at the board and at the numbers.

"It's the gate number!" She yelled and pushed her way past people. It was just a couple of steps to the terminal, she looked around and around, and around, and around, and then….

"Danny!" She saw him.

Danny turned around.

"Danny! Danny!" She ran over to him.

"Maisy!" He set down one of his bags. "What are you doing here?"

"Your flight was changed…" She said, out of breath.

"I know—I figured that out when I was here-you didn't have to come all the way down here, to tell me."

"Danny." She took a breath.

"I know. I know. I lied…I—I'm sorry—but-"

"No, Danny, I understand."

"You do?"

"It's private. What you wrote was private?"

"Thank you."

"Is that why you came down?"

"Did you see the TV?" She smiled.

"Yes." He smirked.

"I told you." She smiled.

"You did."

"You have hope, Danny Concanonn." She leaned in.

"I do." He smiled sheepishly. "I gotta go." He took his bag up.

"Danny!"

"Yeah." He turned. "Come on, I don't have to read it, but at least tell me what's gonna happen at the end of the story."

"At the end of the story?"

"Yeah, please—what's gonna happen at the end of the story?"

Danny looked down at the bandage on his hand. He remembered back to two days before:

He stood in front of a large out door garbage bin; it was dark, fire shot out of the bin like a campfire. Danny held his novel in his hands. He looked at the cover and with one toss threw it into the fire. He watched it burn and cinder.

In the airport, Danny looked up, past Maisy, holding onto his bandaged hand, and for a moment, he thought he saw CJ. Was it really her or was he just seeing her? He thought back to a few hours before, in the White House.

"Get in here." CJ opened the door to the mural room.

"No."

"Just get in there."

"I don't have to go—"

"Why won't people listen to me when I say 'get in there.'"

"What are you—" CJ ushered Danny into the room. Margaret turned to see what was going on.

Danny was pushed into the room first giving CJ his back.

"What is going on here, CJ?" He turned to find CJ's back against the door holding it closed.

"Wait for me." She said softly. Danny opened his mouth and nothing came out. They locked eyes. "Wait for me." Danny opened his mouth and CJ was gone. He took a step and stopped, knowing he couldn't walk after her.

"Danny?" Maisy asked back at the airport.

"What happens at the end of the story?" Danny asked.

"Yeah?" she smiled.

"I don't know." Danny smiled. "I haven't written it yet." And Danny smiled, for he was at peace.

Danny turned his back to Maisy. She didn't know what to make of it as Danny walked away. In his mind he saw himself do one last thing to the fire, he threw in the disk he had been holding onto for a year. He watched as the plastic burned and melted into nothing. For many reasons at different times, Danny was at peace.

* * *

_Carry on my wayward son  
There'll be peace when you are done  
Lay your weary head to rest  
Don't you cry no more._

**-Kansas**

* * *

END OF SEASON SIX

* * *

Please review. I like to know what u think of each chapter (if you can) and the whole series. Thank you for all your support

MS.M

* * *

"


	37. Promo Season 7

On The Road With Danny Concannon: O5'06

Season Seven

The Finale Season

Coming Summer 2006


End file.
